Obsession

[roverl0616]

Our first obsession is with self, and we all have it. Obsession is part of addiction; this self obsession is referred to as self centeredness. This happens in the early stages of addiction and it becomes very natural to us. Being self centered is painful. Next a feeling that either we lack something, or that we are defective. It feels like everyone else got the book on life that we didn't get, or that we don't think much of ourselves, but we're all that we think about. Lastly, fears are added to this and we have active addiction. I remember when my addiction became active as a child I had broken a thermometer and was afraid to tell anyone, but knew now I was going to die from mercury poison. As I laid there in my bed that night waiting to die, I would meet the four horsemen of addiction for the first time in my life, terror, bewilderment, frustration, and despair. As my addiction progressed I became all too familiar with them. This all happened long before I discovered substances could relieve this pain from the obsession with self.