New with 4 days clean!! Sick but grateful

[oxyfree]

Hi, I'm brand new to this forum and so thankful that I've found it!!!

I am on day 4 home detox off narcotics. I am very sick, but absolutely nothing like night 1 which was a nightmare. My boyfriend barricaded the doors and I got extremely violent withdrawal symptoms, screaming and crying that I was going to die and not make it through. Well guess what, I did having been able to get me through that night has given me so much hope that I can kick this awful habit!!

I have been consuming all my time with phone calls to people in recovery and close friends who can help as well as addictions nurses and detox lines to verify that a home detox is safe. My boyfriend has been a saint!! A solid NA member, he has guarded me for the first few days to prevent a quick relapse and nursed me through the W/D symptoms which were very ugly.

I need all the love and support I can get to get through this first week, and of course, thereafter. I've been to treatment 3 times already (for other substances), and I don't have another relapse or recovery left... the next time could very well be my last I want soooooo badly to be clean.

Housing, my job and my relationship are on the line now. My bf said last relapse I was out. Bless him he let me stay because I was so willing to just quit and not use alternatives.

Any prayers, advice, encouragement, suggestions, wisdom or hope I would truly be grateful for.

Last night I journaled about the first 36 hours and made a huge gratitude list - it helped me see so much; I will keep doing this.

Thank you and I apologize for my lengthy post!!