The Reality of Relapse

[MajestyJo]

The Reality of Relapse

Cunning and baffling as this disease is, the reality of relapse at any time hit home yesterday. After 22 months clean my addict relapsed into oblivion.

Today was his departed father's birthday. So he had gone to the cemetery to pay respects .... at least that is what I was told. He left the house at 7AM. I got a phone call at **8 PM** with his sob story of how he was drunk and that the car broke down. And he was stuck at a closed gas station waiting for roadside assistance.

I was angry , no furious, my blood was boiling with rage. I knew already from my years in the program what I had to do. Get to a meeting, network, talk it out, pray & meditate. The hardest part was consoling my 2 daughters. Making them face the reality of this life long disease and conveying to them that his actions were not their fault.

After several hours had past, and I did what I needed to, to keep my sanity the addict came home. Guessing it was probably 1 or 2 AM. He undressed and slipped into bed. I guess we were both staring at the ceiling in silence. Finally he said he was sorry for all the pain he had caused and finally confessed to what was really going on. No he had not been drinking he went back to his old drug of choice... crack. And no this was not the first relapse. He hasn't been clean since 9/11. Using spoadically , trying to keep it under control.

For me this was the hardest part. How could I be so blind not to see him using again? I did suspect something about a month ago but my own guilt over judging his program got in the way.

It is weird but there is now this sense of calmness, serenity, peace. Ok he messed up and has flaws, but I can accept them. I don't have to condone them. We all have have our own unique individual flaws and we are accepted in spite of them so why should the addict be any different?

Is this the whole truth? I have no idea and using my tools of detachment I really don't care when and how with whom or how much he used. I am just grateful he is home to start another day with a fresh clean slate. Pray for us all.

Received with thank from my friend Arlene