Glaringly Apparent!

[MajestyJo]

In early recovery I use to call my sponsor and say, "I need to talk about Step 6 because my defects of character were glaringly apparent in today.

Since no one seems to read this column too often, I am going to change the format and talk about my day and the defects that made themselves known to me rather than to try to fit them into a category.

Hope you will share with me.

Originally posted on another site in 2008

My response:

my partner of the day were playing bridge. There was an opponent who played against us and after they left the table my partner said, "I get really overwhelmed and intimidated when I play against him. My catty mouth said, "The only thing intimidating about him is his big gut." I said, "He is aggressive and abtrusive." He said, "That is a good word for him." Needless to say we took his inventory. The oponent and his partner came in second sitting east/west and my partner and I came in second sitting north/west.

We agreed that we didn't like playing with people who were condescending, aggressive, lacked a sense of humour and were mental abusive. We deserved to respect ourselves and not allow someone to brow beat us and the game is meant for fun and is something to enjoy.

We are going to play again as partners next Saturday. We played the week before and that was the first time in about a year when he was a novice. He is still learning and we had a few miscommunications but on the whole we play well together. The director says, "If you want to find a good partner, be one."

When we were leaving one of the players who thinks he is the best was outside smoking. My thoughts were "At least we beat him!" Then realized what I said, and knew it wasn't right. I apologized to God and asked for help in not thinking that way. He is who he is and I can't change him. I just need to choose not to be like him. He is a good mirror in what not to be.

As a partner, I need to do some teaching but the best is to let him learn by trial and error and when criticism is necessary do it in a kind and loving way. I made an error in my bid and we missed a slam the very first hand. We talked to the director and she said "There is no such bid." Well there was because I made it, but it wasn't under Standard American Rules. When I made my bid I was trying to say to my partner bid 3 No Trump or 5 diamonds, and he took it as a weak bid and passed. We could have made 6 no trump. I was surprised we came in 2nd. Again, as they say, "I was judging me by my intentions, but people were looking at my actions and they were wrong. I should have just bid 1 diamond over my partners 1 club because it is a forcing bid. He opened the bidding with 12-14 points and I was sitting looking at 19 points and I got greedy and aggressive.

I was also finding it to be ironic that my partner's name is Barry. That was my second husband's name. I found myself grateful that I could play with him, before if your name was Barry I wouldn't have had anything to do with you. I know it isn't the name, but the man and it isn't right to judge all by him. God has put two Barry's into my life to make me realize this and allow me to heal from the abuse of that marriage.

Some may not know bridge, but you just may recognize the feeling and actions behind the situation.

So grateful for the Steps, they make me aware and give me the tools to deal with life on life's terms, one day at a time, I don't have to use.