We Do Recover

[MajestyJo]

One More Day

October 29

You may talk on all subjects save one, namely, your maladies.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Casual conversations have an unspoken rule: never, never tell about our pain, our misery, our difficulties. Ironically, the stars of social gatherings are often the ones who have just suffered an accident or injury. We show interest and concern for new and obvious problems; we often ignore ongoing ones. A leg cast has glamor; a wheelchair has none.

We can understand this. Human nature finds adventure in broken bones or neck braces. It also finds reassurance because these injuries are temporary and the victim will be as good as new in a matter of weeks. Many people can’t identify with the permanence of chronic illness, but we can educate them about our social concerns without provoking pity.

My life becomes more balanced when I enjoy social activities as social — not medical — events.

This reminds me of a saying my mom had. "I am sick in bed with my feet hanging out the window." It certainly doesn't make sense, but does bring a smile. In today, I am sure that she had Fibromyalgia the same as I have, although it was diagnosed back then, over 60 years ago. It doesn't always get recognition in today.

[MajestyJo]

One More Day

Rest is not a matter of doing absolutely nothing. Rest is Repair. Daniel W. Josselyn

Every once in a while the burdens of our lives get us down. We just can’t be optimistic all the time. It’s so important to know that we can let go of those burdens for a day or two; in fact, we owe it to ourselves.

Too many of us feel guilty if we succumb to our feelings of sadness, disgust, anger, or exhaustion. Why? Having a medical problem doesn’t make us any more or less exempt from the problems which face everybody else. There will be days when there seems to be no reason to get out of bed. That’s okay. We can take a mental health day by relaxing. We can pamper ourselves every once in a while to rejuvenate the physical and emotional strength needed to face our world.

I can simplify my life by giving myself this day for relaxing.

My sponsor called it a holiday. Shut off the phone, don't answer the door, and eat what you like to eat, do a meditation, and do what you like to do, be it a craft, hobbie, or watching your favorite shows on TV.

[MajestyJo]

Love the thought, "Rest is repair." We often need to take a time out to check on where we are at in our program. Often our program needs tweaking and adjusting in order to grow and change. I can't rest on my laurels. This is a one day at a time program. What I did yesterday, won't keep me sober in today. It gives me hope for a better tomorrow, if I continue to do the do things, in order to recover. Even if something is new and changed in recovery, it doesn't mean it is right for me in today. Life happens, and we change as we travel this recovery road.

[MajestyJo]

Each Day a New Beginning

November 27

Limited expectations yield only limited results. --Susan Laurson Willig

Schoolchildren perform according to the expectations their teachers have of them. Likewise, what we women achieve depends greatly on what we believe about ourselves, and too many of us have too little belief in ourselves. Perhaps we grew up in a negative household or had a non-supportive marriage. But we contributed, too, in our negative self-assessment. The good news is that it no longer needs to control us.

We can boost our own performance by lifting our own expectations, even in the absence of support from others. It may not be easy, but each of us is capable of changing a negative self-image to a positive one. It takes commitment to the program, a serious relationship with our higher power, and the development of positive, healthy relationships with others.

It's true, we can't control other people in our lives. And we can't absolutely control the outcome of any particular situation. But we can control our own attitudes. Interestingly, when we've begun tagging ourselves competent and capable, instead of inadequate, we find that other people and other situations become more to our liking, too.

I will be fair with myself. I can do what I need to do wherever I am today. Only I can hold myself down.

We limited our God by our narrow outlook on life and our tunnel vision.

[MajestyJo]

Each Day a New Beginning

November 13


Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. --Kathleen Casey Theisen

How awesome is our power, personally, to choose our attitudes and our responses to any situation, to every situation. We will feel only how we choose to feel, no matter the circumstance. Happiness is as free an option as sorrow.

Perceiving our challenges as opportunities for positive growth rather than stumbling blocks in our path to success is a choice readily available. What is inevitable--a matter over which we have no choice--is that difficult times, painful experiences will visit us. We can, however, greet them like welcome guests, celebrating their blessings on us and the personal growth they inspire.

No circumstance demands suffering. Every circumstance has a silver lining. In one instance you may choose to feel self-pity; in the next, gladness.

We do not always feel confident about our choices, even when we accept the responsibility for making them. How lucky for us that the program offers a solution! Prayer and meditation, guidance from our higher power, can help us make the right choice every time.

I will relish my freedom to choose, to feel, to act. I and only I can take it away.

Freedom of choice, what a wonderful gift. I can choose to be miserable, sit in my 'stuff' or I can choose to feel grateful for lessons learned and the experiences of recovery. When I turn things over to my HP, He will give me the strength and courage to walk through what ever comes my way. When I am mixed up about my feelings, I can call my sponsor, my spiritual advisor, my clergyman, my fellow fellowship members, and/or family.

[MajestyJo]

Keep It Simple

And to practice these principles in all our affairs. Third part of Step Twelve.

This is a statement about us. We are now people of values. These values reflect our spiritual growth. We know how to help others. We know how to admit our wrongs.

We know how to look at ourselves and change our defects. We know how to live an honest life.

Step Twelve tells us. "Go use these tools for better living. Go be all you can be. Enjoy life and live a life you can be proud of." Step Twelve also tells us about how to have loving relationships. By the time we complete Step Twelve, we make or regain many relationships. The most important one is with our Higher Power. As we grow in the program, we realize all our relationships are spiritual gifts.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, I now have one face instead of many masks. Help me be a person who will stand before You with pride, not shame.

Action for the Day: Today, I'll talk with a friend and talk about my new values. I will talk about how much my life has changed.

The person that was 26 years ago is no more. So grateful for the gifts of recovery. When someone comes to mind, I try to make an effort to connect with them. Sometimes, all I can do is say a prayer for them.

[MajestyJo]

Walk In Dry Places

Fixing things that aren't broken

Self-acceptance.

At the beginning of our AA sobriety, we were reminded that we were not reformers. Yet we sometimes have a tendency to want to "reform" ourselves or others after we've established sobriety.

This can become a practice of "fixing things that aren't broken". We may not realize it, but many things in our lives and personalities were always all right, all along. In believing that we should be changed, we may be taking on the opinions of someone else. There might be no need for change at all.

We also may be trying to please people who disapproved of us. Perhaps we're trying to obtain the affection of a parent who always rejected us. But if we're already on a spiritual path and are living rightly, there's no need for change. We'd be trying to fix something that isn't broken.

I'll accept myself and others as we are today. We are not out to reform anyone, including ourselves.

Accepting ourselves is a long process. I will never forget the woman who told me, "God doesn't make no junk." Whenever I found myself beating myself up, her words would come to mind.

[MajestyJo]

More Language Of Letting Go

You’re not a survivor anymore

Many years ago, I asked a fellow therapist what the one thing was that hallmarked the unhappy state of being many of us have come to label as codependency.

It’s the Karpman Drama Triangle,” he said. “People rescue someone by doing something they don’t want to do, or it’s not their business to do. Then they get angry and persecute the person. Then they walk away, feeling like a victim. Again.”

A light when on in that moment. Like a gerbil on a wheel, I could see myself spinning around this triangle. I was regularly rescuing somebody, then getting angry, and ultimately feeling victimized by it all.

I was creating the pain and the drama in my life.

Over the years, I stopped rescuing alcoholics. Many of us have gotten off that painful wheel. We know we can’t control another person’s chemical dependency, depression, problems, or life. But we may have stepped off that wheel and gotten ourselves into another more subtle drama spin.

A friend recently cleaned our his entire house– closets, garage, drawers. He had to hire a truck to come and take everything away.

“I can’t believe everything I collected and hung onto,” he said. “Most of it was junk that I didn’t want in the first place. I guess that came from being poor and going without for so long. I convinced myself that if it was free or cheap, I’d better grab it and take it home.”

Many of us were survivors at one time. We either genuinely didn’t have a choice or convinced ourselves we didn’t. So we clung to whoever and whatever came along our path.

You may have survived what you went through, but you’re not a survivor anymore. There is no need to desperately cling to whatever comes along. You’re living now. You’re living fully and freely.

Choose what you want.

God, help me give myself permission to walk a path with heart.

This reminds me of the meditation I had a few years back that said, "Your female side is languishing. My masculine side is my survivor side. It was in the forefront and I was out of balance. I had to pray and ask for an attitude adjustment.

Many times I have had to give myself permission to do something, because it was a recovery need, not something that I was using to hide and detach from reality.

[MajestyJo]

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This may appear as a joke, yet in fact, it is too close to the truth.

In today, I don't need to call my sponsor that often. When we do connect, we have a good natter.

In early recovery, my sponsor let me go because I was so sick that because of her own health, she felt like she couldn't be there for me. She later took me back under her wing.

Without a sponsor, I don't think I would have stayed sober in early recovery. She was a lifeline. The top of a long list of people who were there for me. I had a strong network of support. The sad thing is that I have detached from a lot of them, for the most part, it is due to my health, and me not getting out to meetings.

At different times in my recovery, I have had an AA sponsor, a co-sponsor, and a spiritual adviser. Because I needed outside help, I had a NA sponsor and an Al-Anon sponsor. As a result of doing service, I also had a service sponsor, who later became an AA sponsor.

*Remember, it's better to look good than to feel good!
*Why save your ass at the cost of losing your face?

I can remember trying to feel good on the outside because I felt so badly in the inside.

A long-timer once said, "No sense in asking you, you are always feeling good." I thought I had done something wrong. I did feel good. Each day was a gift and my sponsor(s) were a part of that goodness.

Grateful for the sponsor I had over the years.

[MajestyJo]

Journey To The Heart

January 4

Go with What You Know

The commercial on the radio sang to me as I drove across the Southern California desert. “Don’t just go with the flow. Go with what you know.”

Sometimes answers come from outside us. The universe is abundant in its supply of guidance for us. It can’t wait to share its signals, teachings, lessons, and words of wisdom. It is eager to give us guidance if we just watch, wait, and listen. Sometimes this guidance comes from people we know, other times from people we barely know. But even when this help comes from those we are closest to and love most, the answer must resonate with that place deep inside us. It must resonate with our core. It must ring true for us.

Listen to those around you. Listen to the guidance of the universe and all the voices it uses to speak to you. But always trust yourself. Trust your inner voice. Trust what you know, because ultimately your path will bring you back to that place. No matter what you do, if it’s not right for you, you will need to return to your center, your place of peace, and figure out the action that is right.

It’s good to go with the flow. But it’s better to go with what you know– what you know to be true for you. Trusting yourself is the ultimate lesson. It’s where all the guidance leads.

Really like this. Before recovery, I couldn't trust that inner voice, it was generally my disease talking and I was at dis-ease because I didn't know. In recovery, I learned to trust my Higher Self. As my sponsor said, "If you are doubting yourself, you are doubting your Higher Power if you have done Step Three, and made a decision to put your life into the Care of your God.

[MajestyJo]

A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

When we first came to The Program, whether for ourselves or under pressure from others, some of us were all but sickened by the concept of “surrender.” To admit defeat flew in the face of our life-long beliefs. We thought of the immoral rallying cities of Churchill at Dunkirk, of FDR following the attack of Pearl Harbor. And so we secretly vowed at first, that the very idea of surrender was unthinkable. Here I truly come to believe that only through utter defeat am I able to take the first steps toward liberation and strength? Or do I still harbor reservations about the principle of “letting go and letting God…”?

Today I Pray

May I really believe that the complete surrender of my whole being to a Higher Power is the way to serenity. For I can be whole only in Him, who has the power to make me whole. May I do away with of any feelings of wanting to “hold out” and never admit defeat. May I unlearn the old adage which tells me that I must “never give up” and realize that such pridefullness could keep me from recovery.

Today I Will Remember

From Wholly His to Whole

How is that for a punch line. Pray for the willingness to be willing to do what ever it takes to be clean and sober and find sobriety (soundness of mind).

[MajestyJo]

Today, I will go forward with love and gratitude, even if I don't
feel like it.

When you step into love, you step out of fear. It's impossible
to be in both at the same time. Try it. See for yourself.
-------------------------------------------------------

Today, I will let go of my fears about trusting myself. I am
willing to make decisions, no matter what the outcome may be.

The past does not dictate the future. Be willing to make
mistakes, and open to learning from them.
------------------------------------------------------

Prayer, having faith that my God can overcome my fears.

Meditation, listening for the Good Orderly Direction that I need to live clean and sober.

My God doing for me, what I can't do for myself.

[MajestyJo]

Are you ready to explore how to BEFRIEND YOUR EMOTIONS?

Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson have identified 9 BASIC FEARS that they believe shape our personalities. (Source: The Wisdom of the Enneagram)

1. Fear of being bad, corrupt, evil or defective
2. Fear of being unworthy of being loved
3. Fear or being worthless or without inherent value
4. Fear of being without identity or personal significance
5. Fear of being useless, incapable or incompetent
6. Fear of being without support or guidance
7. Fear of being deprived or trapped in pain
8. Fear of being harmed or controlled by others
9. Fear of loss of connection, of fragmentation.

EXERCISE: While we may feel each of these fears at one time or another, one or two of them will influence us more strongly than the others. Which of these 9 fears do you know or suspect to be your basic fear(s)? Write down examples or situations in which you experience these fears.

Once we've identified our basic fear (or a fear of anything), we can begin to move through it. It helps to know that fears always arise from A MISUNDERSTANDING OF WHO WE REALLY ARE. Our soul is fearless because it knows that nothing can threaten our true nature.

And so, when we're fearful, we can use our imagination to invite our soul to be present. When the courage, love and compassion of the soul can sit with our frightened personality, the experience of BRINGING THE HIGHER TO THE LOWER TRANSFORMS THE FEARS.

Both the fear and the love must come together for WHOLENESS. Affirming love while denying the fear will only give the unacknowledged fear more power in our subconscious. To resolve the fear, we must bring it consciously into the presence of a higher, more causal power.

"Every man has a coward and hero in his soul." -- Thomas Carlyle


John and Patrice Robson
www.higherawareness.com

My life was full of fear. It was really awesome to see them drop away and have them disappear, become manageable, and overcome by the trust I had in the program. I saw it working in others, and learn to trust that it could work for me too.

I was immobilized by my fears, isolated my soul until I could find a Power greater than myself to help me overcome them.

[MajestyJo]

Walk In Dry Places

Unexpected Disappointments____Acceptance.

As life unfolds, we sometimes get unexpected disappointments that seem undeserved -- the car breaks down, a business deal goes sour, or a close friend betrays us. As alcoholics, most of us don't handle such things too well. "Why me, Lord?" we often respond.

Our best approach is simply to view life as a mixture of bitter and sweet, knowing that we've been given real mastery over conditions. We cannot always be sure that a disappointment really is as bad as it seems to be, and sometimes it can become a step toward our good. As one alcoholic phrased it, "some of the worst things that have happened turned out to be the best."

It's good to face the day with optimism, with confidence, and even with some excitement about the opportunities ahead. If we're maintaining sober thinking, everything that happens today will be transformed into gains for tomorrow -- all our tomorrows. We're on a spiritual journey that goes far beyond anything we're doing here and now.

I won't expect to be disappointed today, but I'll know that nothing can really upset or disturb me without my permission.

Like this, it is about accepting what is in the moment, even if I don't like it. If I think of all the worst case scenarios, I attract them to me. What I put out is returned to me. If I think negative, I will get negative in return. If I think positive, then positive will be given to me.

Expectations can be real dampers on our parade. We tend to project them onto others as well as onto ourselves. When we or they don't measure up, we feel less than.

Like it says, we are on a Spiritual journey. We travel it one step at a time. Some days we need all 12.

I needed to learn to live the Traditions too.

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning

For all the sadness of closure, there is a new and joyful unfolding in the process of becoming.
—Mary Casey

We must let go of people, places, memories, and move on to new experiences. The doors of the past must be closed before we can enter those that are opening to us today. However, no experience is gone forever. All of our experiences are threaded together, each one contributing to the events that claim our attention now.

Recovery has offered us a chance to be aware of our process of becoming. With each day, each experience, each new understanding, we are advancing along the path of personal growth. Let us remember that each of us has a particular path, like no other. Thus, our experiences are ours alone. We need not envy what comes to someone else.

Life is unfolding for us. The pain of the present may be necessary for the pleasure of tomorrow. We can accept the unfolding. Our inner selves have a goal; experiences of the past must be left in the past; experiences at hand will lead us to our destination today.

I am moving and changing and growing, at the right pace. The process can be trusted. What is right for me will come to me. I will let the joy of becoming warm me.

A good reminder, of that space between something ending and something new beginning, is called the state of being. Either the door hasn't been revealed yet or I haven't complete closed the door on the past and haven't cut off all times to something I need to let go of.

So often the pain we feel is a result of our own making, because we have problems letting go and stepping forward into something new. As I read earlier, I have to take a risk and take the next step forward. My God generally has greater plans than I ever thought possible.