Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

Purposeful/Aimless

AA gave me purpose when I read the Third and Fifth Traditions. I thought my life was over, had no reason for living as my son was in active addiction and my life had been lived through him for many years. Between AA and Al-Anon, I was able to bring my life back to focusing on me.

I started to play bridge, something I want to get back to now that the holidays are over and I no longer have to go to the lab to get my blood tested. My medication for my blood thinner is balanced and my blood is where it is suppose to be.

Tradition Five says, "Carry the message to others who still suffer." That is why I come to the site and post daily. It gave me a purpose and a reason for living. When I came into recovery, it was stop the world, I want to get off. Now I have purpose in my life, first it was my blogs and now I help others.

[MajestyJo]

Relaxed -or- Defensive + + Secure -or- Insecure

Like the two chips together. That helps to make up for the fact that I didn't post one yesterday. My day started late, and it was everyone's goodnight, while it was my good morning, because I had a long nap that turned into a deep sleep. So I guess you can say I was relaxed.

I don't have to be defensive, I can be myself. In order to do that, I have to be secure within myself. I looked nervous today, because my tremon disorder was bad. I chaired the meeting at my home group today, and I was secure about what I was doing and insecure on the other hand, because when I did it before, I forgot the announcements and the introductions around the room. I wanted to make sure today that I never forgot anything. I am so glad the meeting starts with a moment of silence and the Serenity Prayer.

Love the quote "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
- - Eleanor Roosevelt

This is something that came to mind while sharing with a friend today. I need those personal boundaries.

[MajestyJo]

Grateful/Ungrateful

Over the years, I have been very grateful for my recovery. Grateful for all the gifts that this program offers. Grateful that I benefit from the AA program as well as the Al-Anon one. In truth, I qualify for just about any room you put me in. So grateful that the 12 Steps are a common denominator amongst them all. The substance is but a symptom of my disease, the problem is me.

I am grateful that I can recognize how my disease makes itself known in my life today. It takes many forms, and I am so grateful that my God is big enough to handle them all. We can do what I can't do.

About the only time I am ungrateful is when the sun doesn't shine. I don't get too angry at my God, because I know that the sun is shining on someone else even if it isn't shining on me.

[MajestyJo]

Happy/Sad

Feeling happy in the moment, at least I am not sad, not sure if it extends to happy or not. Certainly, not sure it is a happy-go-lucky kind of day!

I just finished pizza with garlic sauce, so that made me happy. I am watching tennis, and that always makes me tennis.

What makes me more than happy is the waiting to watch the Gaither Gospel Hour, which has just finished recording. There is also Macgyver to look forward to, so no reason to be sad in the moment.

[MajestyJo]

Willing to admit faults/Self-righteous

Well I have lots of them, and I have often shared them. Personally, I think there is nothing worse than a self-righteous sinner. I get taken as one, because of my allergy to smoke, all kinds of smoke, not just cigarette smoke.

Most times for me, it is "Been there done it, wore the t-shirt." Just for today, I choose not to go there in today."

I do have freedom of choice. I have had three sponsors (Al-Anon, services, and AA) say they have never met anyone who has done as much work on themselves as I have. Using was never an option for me, as seeing as I had several issues: alcohol, prescription pills, food, relationships, work, computer, sex, etc. to deal with over the years, it has brought a lot of enlightenment and awareness.

As I said to the guy at the Holistic Center last week, I don't know if I just have a problem with letting go or I am just FULL OF SH*T!

It ended up to be a wonderful spiritual healing session. I just prayed and ask for what I needed and asked that any barriers and blocks be taken away.

Written by me on another site in 2014

Willing to admit faults/Self-righteous

Nothing is more off putting to me than self-righteous people, especially if they are 'sinners' and have done it before and have a holier-than-thou attitude. The only thing worse is condescension.

I am willing admit faults, sometimes too willing and some of it I could keep to myself. Some may think it is too much information, but I know that I am only as sick as my secrets.

Honesty is one of the spiritual principles of the first Step. I think it is needed for the other 11 too.

I know I have trouble with my eating. Before I didn't want to eat, now I seem to want to eat all the time. There has to be a happy medium. I need to make healthy choices, but I am afraid, some do not measure up.

[MajestyJo]

PATIENCE-vs- IMPATIENCE

“Patience can’t be acquired overnight. It is just like
building up a muscle. Every day you need to work on it.”
- - Eknath Easwaran

A couple acronyms that might help by SG:

QTIP: Quit Taking It Personally

THINK: Is it- Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, Kind

Like these and the quote by SG. Patience is still something I need to work on today, which is almost 3 years later. It just goes to show, that the program is one day at a time. I dealt with patience yesterday, and had to bring it out and address it again today, when I got impatient with others.

As they say, it is generally because I am not getting my own way, or that someone dare to disagree with me. LOL! Maybe I need to do a Step 10 on this, but I just know I was right and waiting for the specialist to affirm my belief so I can say,
"I told you so and you didn't listen to me.!"

[MajestyJo]

Responsible/Irresponsible.

My biggest responsibility is making it to this site. Because of my irregular sleep patterns, that can be any time. My morning are not the same as other people's. I am often going to bed when others are getting up. Pain wakes me up and it keeps me from sleeping.

One of the best things about posting is the fact that it helps me to get out of self, and helps me to release the pain. I always feel better after posting.

That is why I started the post, "A Day Can Start Anytime." A day can start any time, so I often have two days in one.