Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2017

[bluidkiti]

January 2

"Are you doing God's work or God's job?"

When I was new to the program, I had a slight control problem. OK, a Big Problem. I was pretty convinced I could manage, manipulate, plan and control people, places and things so I could achieve the outcome that would be best for myself and others. Needless to say, it was an exhausting and frustrating job.

As I began working my program, I began relying more and more on a God of my understanding to help me deal with and cope with feelings, events and situations in my life. The more I did this the more I learned that God's will for me was always better than anything I could have wanted for myself, and the less I tried to control and the more I let go, the better my life got.

My life improved even more when I began applying these principles to other people, places and things. I learned that other people had their own Higher Power, and it wasn't me. I learned that my job was to pray for knowledge of God's will and then to be of service. It was and is God's job to handle the rest. Today whenever I am uncomfortable or stressed I ask myself a simple question, "Am I doing God's work or God’s job?" That usually sets me straight pretty quick.

[bluidkiti]

January 9

Quote of the Week

"If God leads you to it, He will lead you through it."

I came into the program with so much fear. I didn't even know how much fear dominated my life because I used drugs, alcohol, food, sex, people, anything I could to hide from it. As I began to get clean and sober, the fear bubbled up to the surface of my life and quickly manifested itself as anger, rage, irritability, discomfort and depression. I was not a happy camper in early recovery.

What amazed me about the people who would share in meetings was how they were able to walk through real life stuff that I thought would devastate me if I was faced with it. Deaths of those near to them, losing jobs, houses, spouses, illnesses, suffering, pain, etc. "How do they deal with all this and stay sober?" I wondered. "Where do they get the strength to face all this with peace, dignity and courage?

Today I know this courage comes from God. Today my fear has been replaced with faith in my Higher Power and I now know - from watching others and from my own experience of letting God lead me through my own difficulties - that I, too, can face life on life's terms and go through it all with peace, dignity and courage.

Today I know the truth in the saying, "If God leads you to it, He will lead you through it."

[bluidkiti]

January 16

Quote of the Week

"Relationship: Real Exciting Love Affair Turns Insanely Obsessive, Now Sobriety Hangs In Peril."

Someone once said that getting into a relationship in early recovery is like throwing miracle grow on your character defects. The danger comes from not having developed a relationship and reliance on a Higher Power, so the other person quickly becomes one. Because people aren't perfect, this total reliance almost always ends in frustration and hurt feelings.

The other problem comes from our self-obsessive natures. Self-centered in the extreme and new to recovery, we obsessively use the other person to fill the tremendous void we still feel. We soon find, however, that our self-seeking continues to get us nowhere, and before long we stand at the precipice and our nascent sobriety is in danger.

Over time we come to understand the importance of developing and relying on a proper relationship with God. We learn to turn our character defects over to Him, and to give of ourselves unselfishly knowing that our true purpose is to be of service. Once we are on this right footing all our relationships flow smoothly, and we finally experience the peace and serenity we had always sought.

[bluidkiti]

January 23

Quote of the Week

"Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday so live in the now."

When I came into the program, I was so consumed with worry for my future that I couldn't even talk about what I was doing in the present. "But what happens if I lose my house; how about my career? What if I go to jail?" These and other future events where my new obsession once I put the drugs and alcohol down.

When I tried to tell others in the program my concerns, they gave me suggestions that seemed ludicrous at the time. "Help stack the chairs after the meeting", they told me. "Collect the coffee cups and go into the kitchen and help the others clean up", they advised. "Aren't you listening?" I wanted to scream at them. Instead, I washed cups...

It has taken years for me to finally learn the lessons they were trying to teach me, but it's clear now. Today, I have everything I need to be happy, joyous and free. And if I take care of the things in front of me today, then one day at a time my life can and will improve. I now know that today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday, so I now make the most out of living today.

[bluidkiti]

January 30

Quote of the Week

“Reality is always so much kinder than the story I tell myself about it.”

When I was drinking, and my life was unraveling, what was even worse than what was happening was the story I told myself about it. To start with, I thought most people hated me – almost as much as I hated myself – but I found out later they just felt bad for me and wished I would recover. I also thought I had ruined my career and would never be hired again. And as far as ever having a relationship, the story I painted proved that I would be alone forever. At the end of my drinking, the reality of my life seemed quite dark indeed.

When I entered recovery, I brought my dark stories with me. As I laid in bed at night, I was consumed with negative thoughts about the damage I had done, and felt for sure I had done irreparable harm. I constantly obsessed about my health and worried I had cancer or some other horrible disease. I feared my financial wreckage and could feel the IRS and banks closing in. When I shared these stories with my sponsor, he simply told me to look at my feet. “My feet?!” I cried incredulously. He said, “Right here in today’s reality, are you O.K.?” I admitted I was. “Then if you stay in today and out of your head, one day at a time, you will always be fine.”

It wasn’t always easy to stay in today – and I still struggle with it sometimes – but when I do, I find the reality of my life is much different than the stories I tell myself about it. In reality, I have not only everything I need to be happy, joyous and free, but I have more than I could ask for.

Today I have a God of my own understanding that continues to perform miracles in my life. I am surrounded by a caring fellowship that is loving and supportive. Today I have the awareness to know that the reality of my life is much better than any story I can make up about it.

And for this, I am eternally grateful.

[bluidkiti]

February 6

Quote of the Week

"Many of us get to Heaven by backing away from Hell."

At a meeting the other day someone was going on and on about how he hated being an alcoholic. What a curse he kept saying, why couldn't he be like normal people? Someone else then shared about the extreme gratitude she felt being an alcoholic, and she said that if having alcoholism was the only way of finding and establishing a relationship with God, then she would have gladly chosen to be an alcoholic.

This made me think about my own journey and attitude about my disease. In the beginning, I, too, was resentful I had to work a program and attend meetings, and I could never understand when someone identified as a 'grateful alcoholic.' Grateful for what? I'd wonder.

Now that I'm sober a while though, I have come to understand and appreciate what the Big Book means when it says our past becomes our greatest treasure. This has many implications, of course, but one is that if I hadn't been dying, and if alcoholism hadn't driven me to perdition, I may never have reached out for life, for the program and for God. It is indeed true that many of us get to heaven by backing away from hell. Today I know what it means to be a grateful alcoholic.

[bluidkiti]

February 13

Quote of the Week

"We may be powerless, but we're not helpless."

Accepting that I was powerless over people, places and things was a concept I rebelled against on almost every level in the beginning. Before recovery, I labored under the belief that I could not only control others (especially those I loved and cared for), but that it was my duty to do so. Despite the fact that it rarely worked, I stubbornly persisted, frustrating myself and irritating and alienating those I was trying to control - er, I mean help.

When I entered Al-Anon, I was told that the reason I had been unable to influence, help or control another was because I was in fact powerless over other people, places and things. "If that's true, then there is absolutely no hope for this situation!" I thought. Accepting this was contrary to everything I believed and meant complete defeat and sure ruin. What was I to do?

By working my program, I soon learned that surrendering to this powerlessness was actually the gateway to a new freedom. Once the untenable burden of controlling or fixing others was lifted, I was suddenly free to invest my energy where I did have some power and influence - over my own life. And that's when I realized I was no longer helpless to really fix my life and situation.

Today I understand and truly appreciate that I may be powerless, but I'm not helpless.

[bluidkiti]

February 20

Quote of the Week

"A God defined - is a God confined."

Long before recovery, and even many years into it, I had a need to understand who and what God was. I was sure that if I was "good" and acted the way I thought God wanted me to act, then I could control Him, and ultimately I would get what I wanted. I didn't know it then, but what I was trying to do was impose my will on God and make it seem like it was His will.

As you can imagine, this never worked out. The harder I tried to control people, places and things, presuming God's will was in alignment with mine, the more uncontrollable my life became, and the more I began to resent others, myself and God. It took many years for me to truly surrender my will and my life to God, but once I did I discovered a faith that went beyond understanding.

Today my faith confirms that God's will is infinitely better for me and others than I could ever imagine. By constantly affirming, "Thy will, not mine be done," I enjoy the freedom that comes from surrendering to the power and love of God. Today God is no longer confined by my need to define Him, and as a result I get to be a witness to His miracles as they unfold around me.

[bluidkiti]

February 27

Quote of the Week

"I wanted to be famous but God made me anonymous."

I had some pretty big plans when I entered the program. Even though my sponsor told me it wasn't about money, property and prestige, I knew better. I was convinced that, being sober, I would finally write the books and create the products that would get me the recognition and riches I deserved. I even told my sponsor how good of a circuit speaker I would be and asked what I needed to do that. He smiled and suggested that a year of sobriety might be a good start.

As I began working the program, I made some startling revelations. In doing inventories, I found that there was a time when I had a lot of money, property and prestige, but I was still miserable. As I did more work, I discovered that the hole I felt inside could never be filled up with anything outside me, and the more I chased that, the emptier I felt. It was only when I surrendered the character defect of feeling terminally unique that I began to feel better.

One of the truest things I've learned in the program is that I will always feel less than when I compare my insides with someone else's outsides. It has taken years, but I now understand why character building and my spiritual connection must come ahead any outside success if I'm to be happy. And I now appreciate the powerful role anonymity has played in helping me develop these essential qualities.

Today I understand the folly of wanting to be famous, and the wisdom of God’s anonymity.

[bluidkiti]

March 6

Quote of the Week

“The secret to my recovery is no secret.”

When I was new to recovery, staying sober – even one day at a time – was a seemingly impossible task at times. Old triggers lurked around every corner, and feelings descended on me without warning. While I was in a meeting I was O.K., but in between them, while out in my regular life, it was touch and go. When I saw people celebrate a year of sobriety, I wondered with awe how they were able to hang on that long.

As I got past 90 days and the fog cleared a bit, I began to acknowledge that there were people who had seven, fifteen and even twenty years sober and more! This was unfathomable to me. How could they not drink through all those New Year’s Eve’s and weddings, and tragedies? When I asked my sponsor what their secret to long term sobriety was, he told me it was simple – “You don’t drink or use, one day at a time.” I came to find out this was the basis of it, but there was more to the secret…

In over twenty years of recovery now, I’ve learned that in order for me to not take a drink, I’ve had to have a spiritual experience. And the way I did that was by working the Twelve Steps of the program with my sponsor. By doing this, I’ve developed a relationship with a Power Greater than myself, and as a result the man who writes this today is a very different man who crawled into the rooms all those years ago. My secret to recovery is the same as all the others – I still go to meetings, I still work the Steps, and I still don’t drink one day at a time.

As anyone in the program can tell you: the secret to recovery is no secret.

[bluidkiti]

March 13

Quote of the Week

"Sometimes you don't realize all you need is God until all you have is God."

Even after years in recovery and with all my sober experience, I'm still amazed by my tendency to put so many things before God. Many times I'm convinced that the new car, that perfect job, or that relationship will be the answer and that my life will finally improve and I'll be happy.

My stubborn reliance on this myth can be pretty disappointing. I've been reminded in meetings that anything I place above God will be taken from me, and given the nature of life - how all things change - this has often proved true. It's painful when it happens, but the good news is that it always leads me back to God.

The greatest gift I have today, and the one constant source of strength and hope in my life, is my relationship to my Higher Power. My Higher Power has the answers and solutions to the problems I face and has a deeper love and caring for me than I'll ever comprehend. When I'm connected to God, there are no worries, no wants and no needs. When things get stripped away, as they will, and all I'm left with is God, it's then that I remember - all I ever needed is God.

[bluidkiti]

March 20

Quote of the Week

"If God is your co-pilot, change seats."

Before the program, I wouldn't even let God on the plane. I was the pilot and co-pilot of my life and, fueled by self-will and self seeking, I took off and flew through the lives of others like a tornado. My thoughts were all about what I could get, take, or how I could control you to get what I wanted. What seemed strange to me at the time was the harder I tried, the less I got what I needed or wanted.

When I started working my program, the idea of putting God in charge of my life seemed downright irresponsible. Fueled by a hundred forms of self-centered fear, I couldn't fathom giving up control of my life. I was still under the delusion that I controlled not only my thoughts and actions, but the results as well. For me, faith was slow in coming. The key was willingness, and the more I turned over, the better my life got.

Today, one of the biggest gifts I have been given is a life of true freedom as the result of turning my will and life over to the care of my Higher Power. Through proven experience, time and time again, my life and the lives of those around me always flow more smoothly and turn out better when God is the pilot. Plus, it's easier being the co-pilot, I'll tell you. My job now is just to suit up and show up and let God take care of the rest. And He always does.

These days, when my life is getting a little turbulent, I look to see if God is my co-pilot, and if he is, I change seats!

[bluidkiti]

March 27

Quote of the Week

“Those who laugh - last.”

I remember hearing the phrase, "We are not a glum lot" when I was new in recovery - I didn't believe it. I mean, here I was sentenced to attending meetings, prohibited from partying, and forced to believe in God. Things looked pretty glum to me. If it wasn't for the laughter I heard in the rooms, I may not have stuck around.

At first I couldn't understand what they found so funny. People would share embarrassing, demoralizing and even tragic experiences, and the room would burst into laughter. "I don't get it," I said to my sponsor. "Those who can laugh at themselves tend to last," he told me. Boy did I find that to be true.

One of the most valuable lessons I've learned in recovery is not to take myself so seriously. I allow myself to make mistakes today, and if I step on someone's toes I'm quick to make amends. Because of this my life is lighter today, and I find it easy to laugh at myself. This not only makes the journey more enjoyable, but it's what’s made it last so long, too.

Today I know that those who laugh - last.

[bluidkiti]

April 3

Quote of the Week

"Before you do something stupid, wait 24 hours..."

Restraint of pen and tongue was a foreign concept to me before I entered the program. Instead, I was impetuous and acted on feelings of jealousy, fear, anger or hurt pride. Fueled by resentment, it was easy for me to justify my actions and ignore the repercussions and reactions of others. When I got into the rooms I was at odds with most people and alienated even from myself. My life had become unmanageable.

When I began working the steps, I learned to take the focus off what other people were doing to me and look at my own behavior instead. It was hard at first not to stop reacting to the many perceived wrongs I felt people were doing to me, but when I finally learned to put a space between what I felt and how I reacted, my life began to dramatically improve.

Today I've come to rely on the wisdom and the miracles that can happen in between my thoughts and my actions. Time after time, situations will automatically clear themselves up if I only wait, pray on them and turn them over. I am much less likely to become excited or agitated, and I'm much less likely to make things worse if I can just pause before I react.

Today I've learned that before I do something stupid, I should wait at least 24 hours.

[bluidkiti]

April 10

Quote of the Week

“If God had made today perfect, there would be no tomorrow.”

As an alcoholic, I have a lot of black and white thinking. Things are either all right, or they are all wrong – there is very little in between. Before I got sober, this kind of thinking was a big handicap in my life. If I didn’t do something perfectly, then I considered myself a failure that day – and for all the days in the future as well. If something didn’t go right, I just gave up and became resentful. By the end of my drinking, I learned to not even try any more.

When I entered recovery and looked at the Twelve Steps for the first time, I secretly gave myself 30 days to do them. If they didn’t work, then I was going back out. When I finally got a sponsor, he told me we would work a Step a month. “What?!” was my reaction. He asked me how long I had been drinking, and I told him years. He told me I didn’t get to my bottom in 30 days, and that I wouldn’t recover that quickly either. He told me to consider sobriety as “slowbriety.”

As I worked through the Steps, one of the defects of character I discovered I had was perfectionism. As I slowly wrote a fearless and thorough Fourth Step inventory, I realized I hid behind the unrealistic ideal of perfection to escape the messy and difficult work of progress. When my sponsor pointed out that in the program we strive for “progress not perfection,” it released me from my obsession and allowed me to grow, to keep trying, and to value and appreciate the progress I was making. I finally learned that if I failed today, I could learn from it and try again tomorrow.
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I’m glad God didn’t make today perfect, and I’m grateful for all the tomorrows I have.