Recovery Thoughts and Questions

[MajestyJo]

Approval Seeking:

This seemed to be my whole reason for being and what tore me apart. I was so fragmented when I got into recovery. I tried to please everyone, and there wasn't enough 'me' to go around. Every time I picked up, whether it was alcohol, pills, or got into a relationship looking for that approval, I lost a piece of me.

I was always going outside of myself for the validation and approval because I could never seem to find it within myself. There was always something lacking and left wanting and a lot of it stemmed from old tapes, not just listening and remembering them, but playing them over and over again.

It was good to find recovery and learn that I could make new ones. It was even better to find that I could press erase instead of rewind and play over the old tapes, ever mindful, that it was me that had the freedom of choice as to whether I pushed the fast forward or replay buttons.

I don't want to look like this any more. I want to be whole and complete within myself.

Again, I was using people, places and things to make me feel better instead of looking to the God of my understanding, and making things right with my God and through my God, finding the goodness within myself.

[MajestyJo]

SLIP - Sobriety Loses It's Priority.

When I thought of the topic, I thought of how we can slip mentally, emotionally, and spiritually before we pick up.

Even those of us in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can slip back into old patterns and behaviors that are not conducive to good recovery. It isn't just about substance abuse and what we pick up to stuff and numb our feelings.

Slip, not something we always do on a banana peel. Something we don't always recognize because it means falling back into things that are familiar and comfortable.

New behaviours, patterns, and habits are not always comfortable and often they means risks and stepping into unchartered waters and into the unknown, so we need to let go of fear and walk in faith. Know that the program will work with us when we take our Higher Power with us and go where we are lead. It is a sad day when my Higher Power has more faith in me, than I have in Him.

[MajestyJo]

Space to explore

"No one can find his work, what he really wants to put all of himself into, when everything he does he is made to do by others. This kind of searching must be done freely or not at all."

-- John Holt

We all need space -- free from demands, deadlines, expectations and judgments -- to explore who we are and what life is all about. Free time, with absolutely no agenda, is rich with potential. How can we grow if we have no space and freedom to dream?

"Deny children -- or anyone else -- the chance to do ‘nothing,’ and we may be denying them the chance to do ‘something’ -- to find and do any work that is truly important to themselves or to someone else."

-- John Holt

It talks about giving others space to do what they need to do and I realized that being a single parent, I am not sure I gave my son that. In later years when he was using, but when he was growing up, I thought I had to be mother and father and I think I was too protective and didn't allow him to do enough things on his own.

I thought was was teaching him life skills and yet looking back, didn't have a lot of knowledge of my own to pass on. All I knew how to pass on to him was how to act when you are using or how you allow others to abuse you and take over your space.

It is also important for me to make my own space in today. To have that safe place for me in which I can go to and take that inward journey. Even when there were others around, I need to have my chair and my table with my things that I needed for me. i.e. A candle, my books (mystery and meditation), my angel, animal, and nature cards, and my crystals.

My space, by invitation only please. Which reminds me that it works both ways.

[MajestyJo]

A focus on you or me?

"Our deepest need is for the joy that comes with loving and being
loved, with knowing we are of genuine use to others."

-- Eknath Easwaran

Are you more self-conscious or other-conscious?

Watch your motives for the day. Are they generally about you (your own desires and needs) or are they about others and their needs? There are no right and wrong answers here.

We must guard, though, that we aren't using service to others as a means to get our own ego needs met. If we are, we would be wise to meet our own needs first so our interactions with others are not primarily self-serving.

"We are able to be of service to those who suffer only to the extent that we have been able to transform fear in our own lives."

-- Robert Sardello

- Higher Awareness

This spoke volumes to me. For many years I focused on service and didn't practice self-care. I didn't know how. Today I try to live
God-Centered which I believe to be me, doing and being the kind of person my God would have me be in today. All I can do is try, by helping you, I help me. Yet I can't give away what I don't have,
and if I don't take the time to fill up, then I am running around on
fumes.

Even in recovery, I can still look outward instead of taking the time to look inward and deal with my own stuff. Recovery isn't a one time deal. Just because I go through the Steps once, doesn't make them a done deal.

If I am focused on what others are doing in my life, I forget that when I do that, I often put my life on hold. I am no longer living, I am existing.

As it says, there is no right or wrong answer. Sometimes the best way to get out of self and me is to help someone else!

[MajestyJo]

"If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles" (Matthew 5:41).

As followers of Christ, we are called to a life of joyful obedience. We are called to love others as we love ourselves. We are called to serve one another without complaint. We are called - not to keep an account of wrongs against us - but to forgive and "go the extra mile," even for those we consider enemies.


An Excerpt from The Second Mile
by Paula Fox

What is the Second Mile?

We often hear the phrase "going the Second Mile" in our modern conversation, but it actually has its roots in first-century Palestine.

During Bible times, the Romans had conquered much of the known world and ruled with an iron hand. By Roman law, a Roman soldier could compel a subject of one of the conquered lands to carry his backpack, or "load," for him one mile, but only one mile. The Israelites resented the oppressive rule of the Roman occupation and would obey the law by going one mile, but not one step more.


The Basic Law

The Hebrew people also followed many religious laws that were based on the Ten Commandments and other instructions the Lord had given them. To these laws, they added many of their own cultural rules and rituals. The most pious religious leaders lived according to the full letter of the law and were highly critical of those who did not. They did exactly what was mandated by law . . . going the First Mile. What they failed to understand was the underlying spirit of the law . . . the Second Mile.

When Jesus spoke to His followers in the Sermon on the Mount, He said to them, "If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles" (Matthew 5:41 NIV). He was using an illustration that was familiar to the people of His time. They were very aware of the Roman law requiring them to go one mile, and they resented it deeply. His suggestion that they should not only obey the law, but go even further and do it cheerfully, must have been met with shock and resistance. The Romans certainly did not deserve it!


The Higher Law

The Second Mile represents a much higher law - the law of kindness, generosity and love. Following the Lord means following His ways, which are much different than our own. He said, "My thoughts and my ways are not like yours. Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, my thoughts and my ways are higher than yours" (Isaiah 55:8-9 CEV).

Going the Second Mile means living above the norm, treating people with kindness and respect regardless of what they deserve. It is not enough to simply do what is required. In order to find joy and victory in our lives, we must give generously of ourselves beyond what is expected of us.

From Inspired Faith

Are you willing to go the second mile?