Step Three

[bluidkiti]

AA Step Three

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him"
Practicing Step Three is like the opening of a door which to all appearances is still closed and locked. All we need is a key, and the decision to swing the door open. There is only one key, and it is called willingness. Once unlocked by willingness, the door opens almost of itself, and looking through it, we shall see a pathway beside which is an inscription. It reads: "This is the way to a faith that works." In the first two Steps we were engaged in reflection. We saw that we were powerless over alcohol, but we also perceived that faith of some kind, if only in A.A. itself, is possible to anyone. These conclusions did not require action; they required only acceptance. Like all the remaining Steps, Step Three calls for affirmative action, for it is only by action that we can cut away the self-will which has always blocked the entry of God--or, if you like, a Higher Power--into our lives. Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives. Therefore our problem now becomes just how and by what specific means shall we be able to let Him in? Step Three represents our first attempt to do this. In fact, the effectiveness of the whole A.A. program will rest upon how well and earnestly we have tried to come to "a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." To every worldly and practical-minded beginner, this Step looks hard, even impossible. No matter how much one wishes to try, exactly how can he turn his own will and his own life over to the care of whatever God he thinks there is? Fortunately, we who have tried it, and with equal misgivings, can testify that anyone, anyone at all, can begin to do it. We can further add that a beginning, even the smallest, is all that is needed. Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more. Though self-will may slam it shut again, as it frequently does, it will always respond the moment we again pick up the key of willingness. Maybe this all sounds mysterious and remote, something like Einstein's theory of relativity or a proposition in nuclear physics. It isn't at all. Let's look at how practical it actually is. Every man and woman who has joined A.A. and intends to stick has, without realizing it, made a beginning on Step Three. Isn't it true that in all matters touching upon alcohol, each of them has decided to turn his or her life over to the care, protection, and guidance of Alcoholics Anonymous? Already a willingness has been achieved to cast out one's own will and one's own ideas about the alcohol problem in favor of those suggested by A.A. Any willing newcomer feels sure A.A. is the only safe harbor for the foundering vessel he has become. Now if this is not turning one's will and life over to a newfound Providence, then what is it? But suppose that instinct still cries out, as it certainly will, "Yes, respecting alcohol, I guess I have to be dependent upon A.A., but in all other matters I must still maintain my independence. Nothing is going to turn me into a nonentity. If I keep on turning my life and my will over to the care of Something or Somebody else, what will become of me? I'll look like the hole in the doughnut." This, of course, is the process by which instinct and logic always seek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual development. The trouble is that this kind of thinking takes no real account of the facts. And the facts seem to be these: The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are. Therefore dependence, as A.A. practices it, is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit. Let's examine for a moment this idea of dependence at the level of everyday living. In this area it is startling to discover how dependent we really are, and how unconscious of that dependence. Every modern house has electric wiring carrying power and light to its interior. We are delighted with this dependence; our main hope is that nothing will ever cut off the supply of current. By so accepting our dependence upon this marvel of science, we find ourselves more independent personally. Not only are we more independent, we are even more comfortable and secure. Power flows just where it is needed. Silently and surely, electricity, that strange energy so few people understand, meets our simplest daily needs, and our most desperate ones, too. Ask the polio sufferer confined to an iron lung who depends with complete trust upon a motor to keep the breath of life in him. But the moment our mental or emotional independence is in question, how differently we behave. How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act. Oh yes, we'll weigh the pros and cons of every problem. We'll listen politely to those who would advise us, but all the decisions are to be ours alone. Nobody is going to meddle with our personal independence in such matters. Besides, we think, there is no one we can surely trust. We are certain that our intelligence, backed by willpower, can rightly control our inner lives and guarantee us success in the world we live in. This brave philosophy, wherein each man plays God, sounds good in the speaking, but it still has to meet the acid test: how well does it actually work? One good look in the mirror ought to be answer enough for any alcoholic. Should his own image in the mirror be too awful to contemplate (and it usually is), he might first take a look at the results normal people are getting from self-sufficiency. Everywhere he sees people filled with anger and fear, society breaking up into warring fragments. Each fragment says to the others, "We are right and you are wrong." Every such pressure group, if it is strong enough, self-righteously imposes its will upon the rest. And everywhere the same thing is being done on an individual basis. The sum of all this mighty effort is less peace and less brotherhood than before. The philosophy of self-sufficiency is not paying off. Plainly enough, it is a bone-crushing juggernaut whose final achievement is ruin. Therefore, we who are alcoholics can consider ourselves fortunate indeed. Each of us has had his own near-fatal encounter with the juggernaut of self-will, and has suffered enough under its weight to be willing to look for something better. So it is by circumstance rather than by any virtue that we have been driven to A.A., have admitted defeat, have acquired the rudiments of faith, and now want to make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to a Higher Power. We realize that the word "dependence" is as distasteful to many psychiatrists and psychologists as it is to alcoholics. Like our professional friends, we, too, are aware that there are wrong forms of dependence. We have experienced many of them. No adult man or woman, for example, should be in too much emotional dependence upon a parent. They should have been weaned long before, and if they have not been, they should wake up to the fact. This very form of faulty dependence has caused many a rebellious alcoholic to conclude that dependence of any sort must be intolerably damaging. But dependence upon an A.A. group or upon a Higher Power hasn't produced any baleful results. When World War II broke out, this spiritual principle had its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take discipline, stand up under fire, and endure the monotony and misery of war? Would the kind of dependence they had learned in A.A. carry them through? Well, it did. They had even fewer alcoholic lapses or emotional binges than A.A.'s safe at home did. They were just as capable of endurance and valor as any other soldiers. Whether in Alaska or on the Salerno beachhead, their dependence upon a Higher Power worked. And far from being a weakness, this dependence was their chief source of strength. So how, exactly, can the willing person continue to turn his will and his life over to the Higher Power? He made a beginning, we have seen, when he commenced to rely upon A.A. for the solution of his alcohol problem. By now, though, the chances are that he has become convinced that he has more problems than alcohol, and that some of these refuse to be solved by all the sheer personal determination and courage he can muster. They simply will not budge; they make him desperately unhappy and threaten his newfound sobriety. Our friend is still victimized by remorse and guilt when he thinks of yesterday. Bitterness still overpowers him when he broods upon those he still envies or hates. His financial insecurity worries him sick, and panic takes over when he thinks of all the bridges to safety that alcohol burned behind him. And how shall he ever straighten out that awful jam that cost him the affection of his family and separated him from them? His lone courage and unaided will cannot do it. Surely he must now depend upon Somebody or Something else. At first that "somebody" is likely to be his closest A.A. friend. He relies upon the assurance that his many troubles, now made more acute because he cannot use alcohol to kill the pain, can be solved, too. Of course the sponsor points out that our friend's life is still unmanageable even though he is sober, that after all, only a bare start on A.A.'s program has been made. More sobriety brought about by the admission of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meetings is very good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from permanent sobriety and a contented, useful life. That is just where the remaining Steps of the A.A. program come in. Nothing short of continuous action upon these as a way of life can bring the much-desired result. Then it is explained that other Steps of the A.A. program can be practiced with success only when Step Three is given a determined and persistent trial. This statement may surprise newcomers who have experienced nothing but constant deflation and a growing conviction that human will is of no value whatever. They have become persuaded, and rightly so, that many problems besides alcohol will not yield to a headlong assault powered by the individual alone. But now it appears that there are certain things which only the individual can do. All by himself, and in the light of his own circumstances, he needs to develop the quality of willingness. When he acquires willingness, he is the only one who can make the decision to exert himself. Trying to do this is an act of his own will. All of the Twelve Steps require sustained and personal exertion to conform to their principles and so, we trust, to God's will. It is when we try to make our will conform with God's that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door. Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, it is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."

[bluidkiti]

NA STEP THREE

"We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the God as we understood him."

Our first experiences with any kind of power greater than ourselves may have been in a meeting. We may recall where we were when we suddenly felt that what had happened before in our lives might not apply to us any longer. This might not have been a conscious thought in our minds. We may have only sensed a curiosity and, amazingly, found ourselves able to listen to others in a way that was different for us. Our newly found identities appear to give us strength, when in actuality it only reduces that power that we have been putting into keeping our walls up. As our trust grows and we start to experience God’s care, the inner walls of fear crumble.

This spiritual power starts to flow into all areas of our lives. The inward aspect of the Third Step is visible in the way that we can become humble. We begin to relax many of the defensive mechanisms and efforts that we used to control others that left us tired and without the energy to take care of ourselves. After we realize that our way doesn’t work, we decide to choose another way. Our addiction had smothered our senses so much that we could not care for ourselves in a healthy way. The decision we make here releases the tension that we hoarded in our futile efforts to maintain control.

As we become more familiar with our Higher Power, we begin to realize the magnitude of the Spirit. We move outward to connect with that energy. We can decide to turn our will and life over to the care of our Higher Power yet we are powerless to make God take it. It is the depth of our sincerity and willingness that enables us to accept this. Our decision frees us to fix ourselves, not the rest of the world. Our decision establishes a new direction in our lives.

The Third Step requires a surrendered attitude of spiritual growth if we want to keep the good things coming. Our will is a simple way of stating what we want. Our wants direct our lives and if they are not in alignment with what we need, we have a contradiction to overcome. Turning our will over to the God of our understanding removes the burden of contradiction. We find that some of the things we wanted come more quickly when we let go. Other things cease to be interesting to us, and it is even hard to recall what they were. Having dealt with surrender and a new belief we look outward to turn our life and will over to something far more powerful and loving than ourselves. We entrust ourselves to God’s care. This is a big change from our attitudes of fear and distrust. We become part of the whole. We are putting action to what we learned in the Second Step. We made a decision to trust God’s care of us. We do what is necessary and trust the outcome to God. We are not as powerful as the God of our understanding. We are indeed powerless. In recovery, we grow but not to the point where we can afford to stop praying. We have to maintain, and sometimes renew, our decision to actually let God take care of us. We try to remain open and aware of His guidance through our prayers, meditations and the people in our lives. The decision to trust God’s care releases us from the need to try to control what we have no real control over.

This decision opens the way for new possibilities. Many of us find that the real power of this Step comes with total surrender. When done on a daily basis, our prayers can incorporate this principle. Letting go of our role of authority is a gift that makes us wonder why we ever wanted all that control in the first place! It is a struggle to continue to let go on a daily basis. Whether the simple processes of everyday living or the main courses of developing a career, raising a family, or somehow contributing to the human race, our life is too important to leave to chance. Getting all the help we can, we invite this greater power, which allowed us to admit our addiction, to enter our lives and supply the missing parts. Active addiction eroded or twisted these parts into an unstable state. Making decisions is an action that is a product of recovery. Commitments and their subsequent responsibilities are things that most of us avoided in our addiction. We determine that we deserve the best that life can offer and we believe that the best will come from aligning our will with that of a loving God. Then, we make the choice and turn our spirits toward this task.

We think about and try to imagine the caring that an all-powerful, all-loving God could have for us. It seems that it must be a stepped up version of this ‘free caring’ that we experience with one another. Nurturing someone who is in poor health and needs to recuperate resembles the active caring that we show the members who have become our friends in recovery. While we may relate well to all members, a few can really arouse our affections. Most of us are willing to go to extraordinary lengths for these members. The freedom to find a God of our individual understanding emphasizes our belief that the Twelve Steps will work for us regardless of our personal orientations. Far from feeling as though others only tolerate our beliefs, we are actively encouraged to find a belief that will work for us. This is stressed time and again because so many addicts assume that they are permanently cut-off from achieving a real relationship with God. Somewhere, sometime, each one of us earned the right to experience the bliss that occurs when we make contact with a loving Higher Power. It is more than part of human potential; it is part of what restoration to good health and well being holds for us. Denying ourselves simple happiness is part of our self-destructiveness.

Open-mindedness allows us to learn about things that may seem either unimportant to us or invalid merely because we don’t know about them. As our understanding grows, we can see relationships between things. We may have suspected but never really grasped these relationships in any useful manner before. Getting past our pride and arrogance enough to see the lessons that God brings before us, we are more able to fulfill our potential and many times find the answers that we have sought right in front of us.

It is hard for a human being to envision something that has no beginning or end. Ordinarily, our minds are set up to deal with things that have existence in a measurable sense. Going beyond these boundaries requires quieting the mind and focusing on attainable goals. For the most growth, these goals can be set at least a little beyond our present capabilities. The care of a loving God through this process makes a powerful difference. The worlds that we discover within ourselves by working the Steps have been there all along and part of our minds may have been vaguely aware of it. That may be one explanation of the fact that many of us are so angry. We sense infinity yet we find ourselves preoccupied with our limitations instead of realizing our dreams.

The Steps enable us to sort who we are and what we really want. We learn in Step One that we suffer from a disease that is destructive and forces us to destroy ourselves against our will. In Step Two, we learn that many positive powers are available to us - meetings, sponsors, literature, fellowship, service, etc. With these powers in our lives, we may be in a position to recognize ourselves as distinct from God or the disease. We gain the awareness that we are beings capable of making decisions about to where and how we will focus our time and our energy. With the discovery that we are lovable and really didn’t want to self-destruct all along, we are free to choose and walk toward sanity. This discovery grows when we continue with the Steps. With the acquired knowledge of ourselves and with the confidence contributed by other members, we can continue to make this decision on progressively deeper levels.

How often have we thought that there was something wrong because we expended so much energy with so little results to show for our efforts? Many of us believe that the Steps, in a simplified definition, eliminate the wasted efforts by allowing for the non-injurious removal of parts of our character that no longer work. These parts of ourselves have taken up time and energy for years without producing much that was desirable or useful. Our decision to give ourselves into the care of a loving God opens the doorway to these changes.

Overcoming the limitations of our eyes, ears and mental processes is one way to describe what happens when we decide to let God take care of our lives. We are finally able to tap in directly to a major changing force for good. That force is so loving and gentle with us that most of us only see the changes in retrospect. All the fear of pain that accompanies our personality change seems to be futile in hindsight. It is only human to fall back on our sensory perceptions. Without the preceding two Steps and the close association of others who have been living our way of life for years, it is certain that recovery would be more frightening. It might require more faith and might even be harder. Our progress has been hard won! We have learned to trust the God of our understanding as a practical and proper way to go about seeking and effecting the changes that we need to be happy, prosperous people.

A member shared about his Third Step, "When I did my Third Step, I told my sponsor about all the different books I had read about understanding God’s Will for me. I thought that if I was to turn my will over to the care of God, I must find out what His Will for me was. My sponsor asked me if I was trying to find God. When I said, ‘Yes, he told me not to try to find Him because He wasn’t lost. ‘It’s an inside job,’ he explained. He told me to go into the bathroom, get down on my knees, and ask God to come to me. It was a decision that we made and I went into the bathroom and asked God to take my will and life into His hands and guide me in my recovery."

Recovery involves the ability to manage a certain degree of personal power. By establishing and maintaining a conscious contact with a Higher Power, we can subjugate our ego. This may prevent many of the abuses and personal excesses that we would indulge in if we felt like we were personally powerful. The mind can be a good servant but it makes a poor master. It will feed us wrong ideas about who we are and what is real. By focusing on our Higher Power rather than our personal preferences, we begin to make this transition. We must remain aware of our relationships with people around us or what our Higher Power wants for us. There seems to be a connection between feeling the illusion of personal power and moving towards relapse. As our luck returns, learning to befriend and utilize the spiritual forces awakening within us is what we define as practical spirituality. As we realize the extent to which God has been helping us all along, our capacity for surrender increases.

There is an old program slogan about emotions being ‘ego in motion’. While there may be some truth to this, obviously emotions are part of our response to the things we experience. In many cases, we may not want our emotions to automatically determine our responses, yet we would be unwise not to consider them. Some emotions can be the result of adrenaline, jealousy, fear, guilt, worry, hunger, or other simple phases of the human condition. Others may be complex and spiritual because they may be deep but hard to describe. We survive our emotions and begin to let them function as part of our personal guidance system. Active addiction made this all but impossible. As we begin to explore our new life, we gain the ability to trust our feelings and emotions because they are a functional part of reality.

Surrendering to an all-loving and caring Higher Power becomes easier. If it continues to be difficult, we may wish to review our belief. The Second Step is not a matter of rehashing or re-labeling our old beliefs. It is finding some new way to believe in God that helps us go beyond what we knew before. The same excitement that we felt when we learned that we could really learn to live clean should be present if we are getting the message of this Step. Often decisions have been a problem for us because our way was blocked by a disabling fear. In the Third Step, only the decision is up to us. The consequences and responsibilities of that decision are in the hands of our Higher Power. We have looked at this Step and asked, "If I turn my will and my life over to the care of a Higher Power, how can I be in control?" The truth is that we won’t. We can’t have control because we simply never had control in the first place. We only thought we did. We will have ways forward with a positive Higher Power that we never had with our personal limitations. We decide to free ourselves from the pain of control and the misery of being our own prisoner, locked in by our fears and disbelief.

Pain and awareness of the dead end that we have reached helps create our desire for change. This desire, not the pain, is the basis of recovery. As long as we are looking, listening, and trying we will continuously find ways to grow. When we feel that we have no further need for divine love to support and guide us, we have begun to relapse. This is why our interdependent personal contact in N.A. fellowship is so important. It provides people who can catch us before we go too far. These people cannot keep us clean but they can help us keep the flame of desire burning.

[markala]

I have heard people say they can't turn their lives over to the care of God as they understood them. I have also heard people say they turn it over then take it back. They turn it over again and take it back again.

THE 3RD STEP DOES NOT SAY THAT WE TURN OUR LIFE AND WILL OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM. The exact choice of words of the 3rd step are: "MADE A DECISION to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." (Quoted from page 59 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and page 34 of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions).

So all we have to do in the 3rd step is make a decision. The way we turn it over is by working steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. Steps 10, 11, and 12 are simply maintenance steps.

[MajestyJo]

Thank you for sharing. For me it is a daily decision. I call it the One, Two, Three Waltz. I can't, my God can, just for today, I choose to let Him/Her.