Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2013

[bluidkiti]

January 7, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Trying to understand God just makes
His job harder."

I can't tell you how much time I've spent trying to figure out who or what God is. I've spent years trying to understand the Catholic God I was raised with, and more years trying to define God from a philosophical perspective, then years denying the whole idea of God by becoming an agnostic and even a part time atheist. It seemed the more I tried to understand God, the further away from Him I got.

Even in early recovery I tried to figure God out - this time through the 'open assignment' of defining a God of my own understanding. You can imagine how that went. I thought about, analyzed and tried once again to understand who or what God was. After a while I grew just as despondent and felt just as far away as before. And that's when I finally surrendered.

Once I gave up trying to understand God and instead looked at the evidence of God's presence in my life, I began to develop a knowing that went beyond understanding. Suddenly I just knew that a force was working miracles in my life, that it was always available to me, and that it would never let me down.

This knowing is what I now call faith, and now I understand why trying to figure God out just makes His job harder...

[bluidkiti]

January 14, 2013

Quote of the Week

"In recovery there are no losers, just slow winners."

I remember being in early recovery and feeling so bad that I just knew it wasn't working. I'd tell my sponsor about it, and I can still hear him saying, "Michael, you're exactly where you should be, and that's exactly what you should be feeling right now." At first I thought he was just handing me a line, but after a while I believed him and learned to trust in the slow progress I was making in recovery.

Years later I'd hear other newcomers complain about how bad they felt and about how terrible of a day they were having. I can still hear the old timers ask them if they had a drink that day. "No," they'd respond. "Then no matter bad you think you're doing, when you lay your head on your pillow tonight you're a winner." It was comforting to hear that back then, and it still is today.

Now that I've been in recovery a while I understand the wisdom in this week's quote. It doesn't matter what you're going through in recovery or how you feel, the fact that you are in recovery, that you have a program, and that you're developing or improving your conscious contact with a power greater than yourself means that you've already won. You may feel like a loser temporarily, but most of the time and in the long run you'll live a life filled with the joys and miracles of recovery.

Over time you, too, will come to see that in recovery there are no losers, just slow winners.

[bluidkiti]

January 21, 2013

Quote of the Week

"If you stay on the train long enough,
the scenery will change."

Whenever I talk to a newcomer, I remember the insanity of early recovery. I used to talk in endless circles about my problems and about the people, places and things responsible for them. I went on and on about how I could never stop drinking, and I was convinced the program wouldn't work for me. I didn't believe it when people told me, "This too shall pass," but I was out of options so I kept showing up hoping they were right...

It took many months of staying sober and working the program, but things did begin to change. I began feeling better physically, my head cleared, and I became open to a new way of living. As I took different actions, I got different results and after a while my life improved. More importantly, I developed the perspective of recovery, and I learned, first hand, that things do change as long as I'm willing to change first.

Today I know that I can only keep changing and keep growing if I stay on the train of recovery. No matter what the scenery looks like today - and sometimes it's not so pretty! - as long as I continue to grow along spiritual lines, I know that it will change and things will get better. This has been my consistent and enduring experience, and I now live by and trust in the knowledge that:

If you stay on the train long enough, the scenery will definitely change.

[bluidkiti]

January 28, 2013

Quote of the Week

"The Power behind me is bigger than the problem in front of me."

Before recovery I faced life alone. It was up to me to manage all of life, to try to arrange things to get what I wanted, and to solve the problems I encountered. This was an exhausting task and at times the mere thought of my current problems, or problems unforeseen, would overwhelm me leaving me depressed and listless. "How can I keep getting up in the morning feeling this way?" was a thought I often had.

In the rooms of recovery, the first great relief I had came from the energy of the collective spirit I felt from all the people who had already recovered. Suddenly, I was no longer alone, and now I, too, had access to solutions and a new way of living and dealing with life. Most important of all, I discovered a Power Greater than myself, and I grew to trust and rely on this Power I now call God.

Today, after years of trying and relying on this Power, I have the confidence that comes from faith because I know that by relying on God's solutions to my life and problems, I am always taken care of. Whenever I remember (the Real Secret) to include or turn to God for life's answers, I am amazed and delighted by how problems melt, situations change, and my life flows like the of river peace I believe God is. Today, the Power behind me is bigger than the problem in front of me.

[bluidkiti]

February 4, 2013

Quote of the Week

"The bottom starting falling out faster than
I could lower my standards."

The last few years of my drinking and using sure were ugly. It had stopped working long before I got sober, but I had failed to realize it. Instead, I obsessively pursued oblivion, and all those things I said I would never do passed by as quickly as do the stories of a building to a man who has just jumped off. Hurtling toward real oblivion, I had lost all self respect, self control, and was about to lose my life.

As I sat in meetings during early recovery, I used to hear people talk about hanging out with their "lower companions." This brought to mind all the 'nowhere' people I had taken to hanging around with, too, and I was disgusted that I had stooped so low. I'll never forget the shock I felt when my sponsor pointed out that I had been their lower companion as well. Boy did that put me in my place.

When I look back on my past, a wave of deep gratitude washes over me. I don't know why I get to be one of the lucky ones, but I do. As I look at my life today, I smile because most people think I'm a pretty OK kind of a guy. And today, not only do I have standards again, but they keep getting higher.
How's that for a true gift of recovery?

[bluidkiti]

February 11, 2013

Quote of the Week

"When you are in fear you should remember to T.R.U.S.T. - Try Really Using Step Three."

When I first heard this quote a great release and calm came over me. It was as if I had let go of all the fear, dread, and self-pity I had been carrying. In an instant I shifted from my will to God's will, and the peace and comfort I felt reminded me, yet again, that it works when I become willing to work it.

There is so much power and wisdom in step three. It first reminds me that the peace and serenity I get from turning my will and life over to God is always just a decision away. I have the choice today of either staying in fear or of surrendering my will to the care of my Higher Power. And though often overlooked, the word "care" makes my decision easy.

After years of working this step, I have come to trust that God's will for me is always better than anything I can think of for myself. While in the grip of self-centered fear it may be sometimes hard to remember this, my experience is that when I really try working the third step my relief and release always comes.

Today my way out of fear is to T.R.U.S.T.

[bluidkiti]

February 18, 2013

Quote of the Week

"It's the first drink that gets you drunk."

For years this saying made no sense to me. It wasn't the first drink, I argued, but rather the seventh or tenth drink that got me drunk. I'd been able to control my drinking for a long time, and with a lot of will power I'd been able to limit my drinking to a few glasses. Towards the end though, I'd inevitably have that sixth or seventh or more drink and end up roaring drunk. If only I could regain control, I thought, and when I entered the program, I secretly hoped I'd learn how.

I remember sharing with my sponsor my desire to once again control and enjoy my drinking. He said, "Heck, when I controlled my drinking, I didn't enjoy it, and when I enjoyed it, I couldn't control it." Boy did that make sense. He then told me that for him one drink was too much and a thousand was never enough because once he started, he could no longer stop. And that's when I began to understand.

Today I know very well that if I began drinking again, even one drink, it would soon enough lead to ten, and I'd be drunk. I don't know when I crossed the line into full blown alcoholism, but I did. I now know there is no going back. The good news is that I no longer fantasize about being able to control it again, because I know that it's the first drink that will get me drunk.

[bluidkiti]

February 25, 2013

Quote of the Week

"The 'why' questions keep us in the problem."

In recovery I have learned that the "why" questions always keep me in the problem. Questions like: "Why did that have to happen?" Or, "Why didn't/couldn't she do this?" Or, "Why does it always have to turn out that way?" Or, "Why can't I catch a break just once?" etc, etc... 'Why' questions not only keep me focused on the problem, but they almost always turn me into a victim as well.

As I work the steps of the program, many wonderful things happen in my life beginning with an awareness of my thinking and self talk. My sponsor taught me about the why questions and encouraged me to look for solutions using who, what, how and where questions instead.

Today when I have a problem or situation I don't like, I ask questions like: "What are three things I can do right now to remedy this?" Or, "Who might have experience with this that I can call for help?" Or, "What lessons are here for me to learn and grow from?" Or, "Where can I get a solution for this?" These are the questions I ask today to help me get out of the problem and into the solution. My question for you is - "Who do you know who might enjoy this quote?" Pass it on!

[bluidkiti]

March 4, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Keep the lesson, but throw away the experience."

Boy this quote gave me a jolt when I first heard it. For years I'd been so wrapped up in the drama of my life, I never stopped to look at what I could have learned from it. Events seemed to descend on me, each like the one before it, but because I wasn't learning the lessons, I didn't know I was destined to keep repeating the experiences.

When I was new in recovery, I used to complain to my sponsor all the time. "And then this happened to me, and she didn't do this, and they told me this..." and on and on. He would listen very patiently then ask, "And what is your part again?" After I'd figure out where I was at fault, I'd find the solution - and that always led to the lesson.

Today I don't have to keep reliving experiences, and I don't have to drag the past into the future either. Because of the 10th Step, each night I can review the experiences of the day, look at my part, and discover and grow from the lesson. It's always there if I'm willing to be honest.

Today, I've learned to keep the lesson but throw away the experience.

[bluidkiti]

March 11, 2013

Quote of the Week

"I may not always know what God's will is, but I ALWAYS know what His will is NOT."

In the beginning of my recovery, I had a hard time figuring out what God's will for me might be. It helped a little when my sponsor explained that turning my "will and my life" over meant my thoughts and my actions, but listening for and understanding what direction He wanted me to take left me confused and frustrated.

As I continued to struggle with this, I heard today's quote and I suddenly had my answer. I have found that when I'm considering many courses of action or trying to make a decision, instead of wondering which one would be in alignment with God's will it's much easier to ask which ones are clearly not His will. If I'm honest and able to put self-seeking aside, the answer is always clear.

It's kind of like when I pull up to a four way stop sign and look around wondering who's turn is next. While I may not know for sure what I do know is that it's not my turn. It's the same thing with figuring out God's will today. Any choice that puts my wants and needs first is not God's will.

Once I've identified those, it's easy to decide which actions or decisions to make.

[bluidkiti]

March 18, 2013

Quote of the Week

"If I don't go to meetings, I don't hear what
God wants me to hear."

Before recovery, I kept a lot of lower companion company. I worked with a bunch of self-serving thieves who wanted the easy way out at the expense of others. My friends were alcoholics or drug addicts who were great to party with but not much help when I needed to move. Eventually I ended up lower than them all and was isolated, angry and out of options.

When I crawled into the rooms, it was suggested that I go to a lot of meetings and start paying attention to what I heard. When one of my old friends said that I was being brainwashed, I brought this up to my sponsor. He told me that from what he had heard from me so far, my brain could use some washing! As much as I didn't want to admit it, he was right, and over the years I've heard exactly what I've needed to hear from someone sharing in a meeting.

I've always been in awe of the wisdom that comes from the rooms. Even today, when I think I know it all, I'm amazed by what can come out of a newcomer's mouth. When I'm feeling scared, or discouraged, or disconnected, I almost always hear just what I need to change my perspective and find a solution. Today, when I'm feeling too busy or too comfortable to go, I remind myself that if I don't keep going to meetings, I won't keep hearing what God wants me to hear.

[bluidkiti]

March 25, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Let us love you until you learn to love yourself."

This is one of my favorite quotes and it meant so much to me in early recovery. When I got to the program the voices in my head were so filled with hatred and self-loathing that it was no wonder I was destroying my life. I remember sitting in meetings feeling so down on myself, and then I'd hear this saying and a dim light of hope would shine in me and I'd think, "If these people are willing to love and accept me, then maybe I'm not the lost cause I think I am."

I heard a speaker once talk about coming into the program with negative, destructive self-esteem. Boy could I identify. He then said that after years of working the steps, and after thousands of meetings, he'd actually been able to claw his way up to low self-esteem! We all laughed at this, but it taught me an important lesson - developing healthy self-esteem is a process that takes work.

Thank God I don't have to do this work alone. People in the rooms are glad to help me and love me while I work and grow and learn to love myself. It's not always easy, and I'm often my own worst critic, but by letting others in, by listening to their perception of me, and by accepting their love, I've indeed learned to have love for myself. And what a precious miracle that is for me today.

[bluidkiti]

April 1, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Without tolerance for another, it's hard to
have empathy for myself"

Tolerant was one of the last words you would have used to describe me before I entered the program. Instead, I was quick to judge you and could always find fault with what you said, or how you're dressed, or what you did. My opinion of myself was so low that I constantly had to rip you down to build myself up. Living this way made me bitter, isolated and resentful.

As I listed my resentments in my fourth step, and more importantly my part, I began to see how much my fear and low self-esteem drove my decisions and actions, hurting both myself and others. But as I listened to others sharing honestly and openly about their struggles and fears, I began to feel a connection, and for the first time an empathy for others.

I once read a description of empathy as being an emotional echo that is sent out to the inner center of another person and that returns with pieces of yourself. And once I began finding pieces of myself in other people's stories, I began to look for the shared humanity in our experiences. And that's when I began to develop tolerance and compassion for others as well as for myself.

Today I understand that without tolerance for another, it's hard to have empathy for myself.

[bluidkiti]

April 8, 2013

Quote of the Week

"When I say NO to you, I'm saying YES to me."

Before recovery, I wasn't very good at setting personal boundaries and when people asked me to do things, I almost always said yes - despite the emotional, physical or financial costs to me. For years I blamed and resented people for taking advantage of me, and it took me a long time in recovery to believe that saying no was not only my right, but my responsibility to myself as well.

It's still hard for me to say no to people, however. Even though I'm much better at it and do it much more frequently, I still feel like I'm letting someone down and often feel guilty for quite a while. When I heard today's quote, I finally understood why.

Saying no to you means that I'm saying yes to myself, and that concept is still foreign to me. Having been raised to disregard my needs and wants, the idea of honoring and respecting them is something that still takes contrary action for me to reinforce. The good news today is that the more I do it the better I feel, and I know that each time I do my self-esteem gets a little stronger.

Today it's a little easier to say no to you because it feels better when I say yes to myself.

[bluidkiti]

April 15, 2013

Quote of the Week

"The only thing worse than my problems
are my solutions to them."

Before recovery, I couldn't understand why my life wasn't getting better despite what I did to fix it. If my boss was a jerk, I'd quit. If my girlfriend wasn't paying attention to me, I'd go out with someone else. If my landlord didn't like it when I was late with the rent, I'd move. No matter what I tried, things only seemed to get worse.

When I began working the program, I told my sponsor all about my problems. He listened for a while and then asked me how good of an employee, boyfriend, and renter I had been. At first I was insulted, but then he told me to carefully write about each problem focusing only on my part. Well....that certainly opened my eyes.

After many thorough inventories, what I've found is that all my problems start with me, and the reason my solutions make them worse is because they are driven by the same selfishness or self-centered fear that caused them to begin with. Today the only solutions that work start by acknowledging where I've been at fault, and end with a sincere desire and offer to make amends.

Today I have solutions that make my life better.