Today's Thought - September

[bluidkiti]

September 15

"We admitted we were powerless..."

Accepting that we cannot control other people's drinking is a huge step. We want what is best for them, don't we? Can't they see that? What we didn't understand before finding this program was that each individual is on a unique journey. What appears to us the best course to follow may not provide the lessons another person is here to learn.

And it may be dawning on us that one of our key lessons is how to give up trying to control someone else. Sometimes we believe we can control others because our goading or shaming gets them to give in and go along with our demands. However, we're really not in control. We are still powerless over them, and any time they want to make that clear, they will.

Accepting our powerlessness isn't a hopeless feeling at all, once we understand it. It offers us profound relief from the burden of responsibility for another person's life. In time this freedom will make us joyful.

Being in charge of only me today makes my day seem so much easier.

[bluidkiti]

September 16

Lying is done with words, and also with silence.

~Adrienne Rich

Most of us are fundamentally honest people who would not deliberately tell an untruth. But there are circumstances when we may fear to say all that we need to. In relationships, for example, we may allow confusion, discomfort, or resentment to build in ourselves or in a partner because of something we have left unsaid. We may assume that our feelings and wishes are known - or think that they somehow ought to be - when we haven’t spoken them aloud.

Whatever the context of a particular relationship - romance, friendship, sponsorship, work - we must never assume that others can read our minds. They cannot, any more than we know what they want, need, or believe if they have not said so. We needn't assume that we will look bad if we reveal our ignorance; in fact, we sometimes must be willing to keep asking questions until we understand a situation.

Today, I have the courage to communicate my needs and wants and to ask questions of others.

Today's reading is from the book Glad Day

[bluidkiti]

September 17

As a matter of fact, prayer is the only real action in the full sense of the word, because prayer is the only thing that changes one's character.

~Emmet Fox

Erica Jong has said that we are spiritual beings who are human. Praying and meditating are ways we take care of our spirit. Prayer and meditation are disciplines suggested by the Eleventh Step of Twelve Step recovery programs: Al-Anon, CoDA, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and others.

Prayer and meditation are not necessarily connected to organized religion. Prayer and meditation are ways to improve our personal relationship with a Higher Power to benefit ourselves, our life, and our growth. Praying is how we connect with God. We don't pray because we have to; we pray because we want to. It is how we link our soul to our Source.

We're learning to take care of our emotions, our mind, and our physical needs. We're learning to change our behaviors. But we're also learning to take care of our spirit, our soul, because that is where all true change begins.

Each time we talk to God, we are transformed. Each time we connect with our Higher Power, we are heard, touched, and changed for the best.

Today, I will practice prayer and meditation. Whether I feel desperate, uneasy, or peaceful, I will make the effort to connect with my Higher Power, at least for a moment today.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*

[bluidkiti]

September 18

God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose. Take which you please - you can never have both.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Denial is sneaky and hard to detect. Like a chameleon, a denied reality tends to change color until it blends right in and seems to fit. Since we don't have to deal with what we don't see, we camouflage some truths that we're afraid will hurt or challenge us.

Some of us deny that anyone else ever lived in a family as dysfunctional as ours, or that our families were dysfunctional at all. Others insist only their siblings were affected, or only themselves. We may tell ourselves we're deliberating when we're really procrastinating. The varieties of self-deception are almost limitless.

Our talent for denial is an important reason for making friends in the program. We need people we can trust enough to tell us the truth - loving people who will say what needs to be said, even if it's uncomfortable at first to hear.

I recognize my need for honest feedback. I'm less afraid of openness than I used to be.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

[bluidkiti]

September 19

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

~Step Two of Alcoholics Anonymous

The Second Step pushes us to start believing in something other than ourselves. After facing that we are powerless in Step One, we feel vulnerable. What we do with our vulnerability is very important.

Hope is a power greater than us. We see others healing in the groups we attend, so we start to believe in a healing power. The power of the group is greater than us.

As we start to believe in hope, in our group, and in ourselves, we are slowly restored to sanity. When we were using alcohol and drugs, we knew our thinking and behavior were not balanced and sane, but we gave in because we had no hope. Now we have hope because we see that recovery creates a healthy life of sanity.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, I see you in the smiles and serenity of people in recovery. Please restore me to sanity.
Today's Action

Today I will make a list of the ways my active addiction made my thoughts and actions insane and off-balanced.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me: More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple*

[bluidkiti]

September 20

Faith is the subtle chain which binds us to the infinite.

~Elizabeth Oakes Smith

Surrendering ourselves to a Higher Power is a big step. As addicts, trust has not been one of our strong points. On top of that, Step Three says we surrender to the "care" of God. Feeling cared for - nurtured, trusted, listened to - may not feel familiar either. The idea of a Higher Power who actually cares for us can seem pretty foreign.

A starting place can be the idea of simply making a decision. When we do that, we will be shown the way to turn our will and life over to the care of God. Building a relationship with our Higher Power is like building any other relationship; it takes time, honesty, and faith. God doesn't require perfect faith, only our willingness. If we do our part, God will do the rest.

Faith is knowing that which is beyond knowledge and seeing that which is beyond sight.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart

[bluidkiti]

September 21

Resentments

Nothing on earth consumes a man more completely as the passion of resentment.

~Friedrich Nietzsche

Resentments are among the greatest roadblocks along the route we travel toward a more rewarding way of life. We recognize resentments for what they are: real or imagined grievances against some people, places, and things. They give us an excuse to brood and plan revenge. Resentments come to all of us at different times. We are only hurting ourselves by holding on to them. It is a waste of time that could be spent enjoying the more positive aspects of our lives.

Our program can teach us how to respond with love, understanding, and compassion to the people, places, and things that displease us. We learn not to fight the windmills of resentment.

Today I'll remember, resentment doesn't hurt others; it only hurts me. Time wasted in getting even can never be used in getting ahead.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It: A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations*

[bluidkiti]

September 22

The world has more depth in autumn. So, it seems, does my soul.

~Jane Nakken

The earth prepares to rest when autumn comes. Trees shed their leaves, flowers drop their blooms, grass grows more slowly. This can be likened to our own periods of quiet contemplation when we outgrow old ideas and prepare for new direction in our life.

It's good that we have resting periods. We can't know where or how far we want to go if we haven't taken time to measure how far we have come. The fall of the year is a good time to do another Fourth Step inventory.

What's the point of repeated inventories? Sponsors tell us that growth is never ending and that we can direct it best if we clearly know where we are right now. The only certain way of knowing that is through careful assessment of who we are today. Let's stop and rest and contemplate our journey. Then let's plan for the next leg.

My quiet times will inspire my journey today. I will be prepared for a new direction if that feels right.

Today's reading is from the book A Woman's Spirit: More meditations for Women*

[bluidkiti]

September 23

Why, then the world's mine oyster, which I with sword will open.

~William Shakespeare

We had little doubt, as youngsters, that the world was our oyster, and we were going to make of it what we chose. But somewhere along the line, that oyster got tougher to open. It was our world, all right, but we failed somehow to become a part of it. Many of us felt (still feel at times) that we were on the outside looking in, estranged from our world and its inhabitants.

This feeling changes as we use the tools of our program. We find that being able to help one another with our feelings of estrangement is a gift of our Higher Power. Understanding each other's fears, we can offer comfort. We use the swords of love and friendship to pry the halves of the shell apart - and then the world is indeed our oyster. For we've found, thanks to the fulfillment of the promises of our program, that we have unlimited potential. We are all God's children, all loved, all included.

I want no one to feel like a stranger in my world.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery*

[bluidkiti]

September 24

To ease another's heartache is to forget one's own.

~Abraham Lincoln

Sometimes, in our self-centeredness, we fall into a pit of self-pity. Most of us have enough pain and heartache to feed a lifetime of self-pity if we choose to. We all have had serious losses, stressful jobs, difficult family relationships, bad breaks, and unfair dealings with others. When we start to sink into excessive self-absorption and resentment or wallow in endless negativity, we may not even recognize what we are doing. The best way to climb out of this pit is to reach out to help others who have real needs.

We can volunteer at a school to help children learn to read, or visit people in nursing homes, or help clean up a riverbank, or help a disabled person buy groceries. When we focus too much on ourselves, we become narrow and negative, but when we bring help or relief to our community, we become connected, and we have a purpose and a mission that expands our world.

Today, I will reach out to others with a helpful hand.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

[willbe275]

It's a blessing to be a blessing to others.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 25

AA Thought for the Day

All alcoholics have personality problems. They drink to escape from life, to counteract feelings of loneliness or inferiority, or because of some emotional conflict within them that means they cannot adjust themselves to life. Alcoholics cannot stop drinking unless they find a way to solve their personality problems. That's why going on the wagon doesn't solve anything. That's why taking the pledge usually doesn't work. Was my personality problem ever solved by going on the wagon or taking the pledge?
Meditation for the Day

God illuminates your life with the warmth of His spirit. You must open up like a flower to this divine illumination. Loosen your hold on earth, its cares, and its worries. Unclasp your hold on material things, relax your grip, and the tide of peace and serenity will flow in. Relinquish every material thing and receive it back again from God. Do not hold on to earth's treasures so firmly that your hands are too occupied to clasp God's hands as He holds them out to you in love.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be open to receive God's blessing. I pray that I may be willing to relinquish my hold on material things and receive them back from God.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day: A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life*

[bluidkiti]

September 26

If I have freedom in my life,
And in my soul am free,
Angels alone that soar above
Enjoy such liberty.

~Richard Lovelace

When a cow decides to stop nursing her calf, she isn't rejecting it. She knows it's time for the calf to be on its own. Although the calf might feel rejected and puzzled at first, it soon adapts to its new independence and freedom.

When we feel rejected, it's useful to remember that whatever has caused us to feel this way might have nothing to do with us. It might be a reflection of what's happening with someone else, or just the end of a natural stage in life, as with the calf.

When we understand that others' actions toward us come from their own feelings, and that we don't cause their feelings any more than they control ours, we can free ourselves from a little bit of fear and self-hate. We can see what seems to be rejection as an open door, with our freedom on the other side.

What rejections have set me free?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families*

[bluidkiti]

September 27

Sanity is madness put to good use.

~George Santayana

In Step Two we come to believe a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. In a way, as we work Step Two, we're praying that our madness can be put to good use. This is just what happens. Addiction was wrecking our life. But it's also our addiction that forced us into a new way of life.

As long as we remember what our madness was like, we can put it to good use. When we feel like giving up, let's remember our madness. It will help us go on. When we see someone suffering from the illness of addiction, let's remember our own days of madness. It will help us be there for that person. It's also good to remember that our madness is only a pill or a drink away.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, I believe You can put my madness to good use. In my humility, help me turn this madness into compassion and empowerment for others.
Action for the Day

I'll list a couple ways my Higher Power and I have changed my madness into sanity.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal*

[bluidkiti]

September 28

Every time I close the door on Reality, it comes in through the window.

~Ashleigh Brilliant

In the past, many of us closed the door on the reality of our abuse of ourselves or others. We gave explanations, but our words more often hid the truth than revealed it. The chaos in our lives was reality coming in the window. Many men have come into this program priding themselves on their honesty, but they were not aware of how dishonest they were with themselves.

Honesty is a pillar of spiritual awakening. There is no growth without it, and it begins with ourselves. We do not define the truth. We accept it; we surrender to it. The truth may not feel good; it can even be painful. This is the pain of birth - the rebirth of a real man. And the promise of this day is the reward of having our integrity and the peace of self-acceptance.

Today, I will surrender to the truth. I will accept the reality that presses for attention in my life.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*