We deny everything. Some things are harder to deny than others, but denial is at the very core of our problem. Part of my denying was that I had no spirit. I had the hardest time denying this. Things would come up or would happen in my life and I'd feel a connection to this part of me that I kept denying I had. This happened over and over, almost as if it was happening on purpose. It was like I was being forced to see that no matter how hard I'd tried to deny it, there was no denying it, I had a spirit. Even at the end of my drinking, when I couldn't feel much, I could still feel that connection. It wouldn't go away. I believe it's from having that connection I was saved from being killed by this disease, and that it had been trying to save me all long, and I also believe that had I succeeded in my denial I wouldn't be here now.