Depression

[MajestyJo]

Depression is part of grieving and something that I don't take a pill for. My depression isn't a chemical imbalance. Doctor's have tried to put me on anti-depressants for my fibromyalgia and all they did for me was put weight on and then I became more depressed. I have seen many girls put on them only to go back out to get thin. Either they were not honest with their doctor or their doctor doesn't understand the disease of addiction.

Every time there is a change, a loss be it a job, a routine, a loved one, or a habit, we go through a grieving process. It isn't something to ignore and hide under a bushel. The program works on it when I apply the 12 Steps. The 12 Steps are applicable to all situations.


Here is a link to some quotes. The one I like the best is:

“Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts” by Penelope Sweet

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_women.htm

Depression is part of grieving and something that I don't take a pill for. My depression isn't a chemical imbalance. Doctor's have tried to put me on anti-depressants for my fibromyalgia and all they did for me was put weight on and then I became more depressed. I have seen many girls put on them only to go back out to get thin. Either they were not honest with their doctor or their doctor doesn't understand the disease of addiction.

Every time there is a change, a loss be it a job, a routine, a loved one, or a habit, we go through a grieving process. It isn't something to ignore and hide under a bushel. The program works on it when I apply the 12 Steps. The 12 Steps are applicable to all situations.

Here is a link to some quotes. The one I like the best is:

“Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts” by Penelope Sweet

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_women.htm

[MajestyJo]

Depression Questionnaire

The following DEPRESSION QUESTIONNAIRE has 16 simple questions that may help identify common symptoms of depression. The results can be a helpful way to discuss your condition with your healthcare provider and actually help him/her diagnose your condition. After answering the questions provided on the following pages, print the completed questionnaire and discuss any concerns with your doctor.

As with any medical illness or condition, only your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional can provide a diagnosis of depression. The following questionnaire is intended to help you discuss symptoms with a qualified healthcare professional. This questionnaire is not intended to serve as a substitute for a diagnosis of depression by a qualified healthcare professional. If you think you may have depression, you should visit your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional as soon as possible.

Complete the questionnaire below and take the results to your doctor.
Choose the items that best describe you over the last 7 days.

Falling Asleep:

I never take longer than 30 minutes to fall asleep.

I take at least 30 minutes to fall asleep, less than half the time.

I take at least 30 minutes to fall asleep, more than half the time.

I take more than 60 minutes to fall asleep, more than half the time.


Sleep During the Night:

I do not wake up at night.

I have a restless, light sleep with a few brief awakenings each night.

I wake up at least once a night, but I go back to sleep easily.

I awaken more than once a night and stay awake for 20 minutes or more, more than half the time.


Waking Up Too Early:

Most of the time, I awaken no more than 30 minutes before I need to get up.

More than half the time I awaken more than 30 minutes before I need to get up.

I almost always awaken at least one hour or so before I need to, but I go back to sleep eventually.

I awaken at least one hour before I need to, and can't go back to sleep.


Sleeping Too Much:

I sleep no longer than 7-8 hours/night, without napping during the day.

I sleep no longer than 10 hours in a 24-hour period including naps.

I sleep no longer than 12 hours in a 24-hour period including naps.

I sleep longer than 12 hours in a 24-hour period including naps.


Feeling Sad:

I do not feel sad.

I feel sad less than half the time.

I feel sad more than half the time.

I feel sad nearly all of the time.


Decreased Appetite:

There is no change in my usual appetite.

I eat somewhat less often or lesser amounts of food than usual.

I eat much less than usual and only with personal effort.

I rarely eat within a 24-hour period, and only with extreme personal effort or when others persuade me to eat.


Increased Appetite:

There is no change from my usual appetite.

I feel a need to eat more frequently than usual.

I regularly eat more often and/or greater amounts of food than usual.

I feel driven to overeat both at mealtime and between meals.


Decreased Weight (Within the Last Two Weeks):

I have not had a change in my weight.

I feel as if I've had a slight weight loss.

I have lost 2 pounds or more.

I have lost 5 pounds or more.


Increased Weight (Within the Last Two Weeks):

I have not had a change in my weight.

I feel as if I've had a slight weight gain.

I have gained 2 pounds or more.

I have gained 5 pounds or more.


Concentration/Decision-Making:

There is no change in my usual capacity to concentrate or make decisions.

I occasionally feel indecisive or find that my attention wanders.

Most of the time, I struggle to focus my attention or to make decisions.

I cannot concentrate well enough to read or cannot make even minor decisions.


View of Myself:

I see myself as equally worthwhile and deserving as other people.

I am more self-blaming than usual.

I largely believe that I cause problems for others.

I think almost constantly about major and minor defects in myself.


Thoughts of Death or Suicide:

I do not think of suicide or death.

I feel that life is empty or wonder if it's worth living.

I think of suicide or death several times a week for several minutes.

I think of suicide or death several times a day in some detail, or I have made specific plans for suicide or have actually tried to take my life.


General Interest:

There is no change from usual in how interested I am in other people or activities.

I notice that I am less interested in people or activities.

I find I have interest in only one or two of my formerly pursued activities.

I have virtually no interest in formerly pursued activities.


Energy Level:

There is no change in my usual level of energy.

I get tired more easily than usual.

I have to make a big effort to start or finish my usual daily activities (for example, shopping, homework, cooking or going to work).

I really cannot carry out most of my usual daily activities because I just don't have the energy.


Feeling Slowed Down:

I think, speak, and move at my usual rate of speed.

I find that my thinking is slowed down or my voice sounds dull or flat.

It takes me several seconds to respond to most questions and I'm sure my thinking is slowed.

I am often unable to respond to questions without extreme effort.


Feeling Restless:

I do not feel restless.

I'm often fidgety, wringing my hands, or need to shift how I am sitting.

I have impulses to move about and am quite restless.

At times, I am unable to stay seated and need to pace around.

A. John Rush, M.D., Quick Inventory of Depressive Symptomatology (Self Report) (QIDS-SR)

Quote:
Depression and sadness are a big part of grieving. Grief doesn't have to be a death of a loved done. We have just lost our best friend, our drug of choice. Every time there is a change in your life you go through grief. Loss of job, routine, home, and kind of change in your schedule and your life. Early recovery is a lot of grief work.
This is something I wrote on Milkman's site.

[MajestyJo]

Quote:
When I saw the title of the post "Where Are You," my immediate thought was "In today!"

Looking at where you where, what it was like and what is it like in today.

The person that was just isn't any more. I don't have thoughts of drinking and try to remember it isn't about the alcohol or the drugs, it is about not picking up people, places and things outside of myself to make me feel better. As I became aware over the years of how much I could still slip back into those old thinking patterns, I realize that I need the program just as much today as I did when I first came into recovery.

I no longer have those cigarettes to stuff a feeling. I no longer can eat sugar and use food to stuff my feelings. I have a problem in this area because the weight loss clinic I went to said to eat several times a day and that seems to feed into my addiction and gave me permission to eat more instead of less. I found it wasn't so much about eating as what I was eating. And as they saying goes, "It isn't want you are eating but what is eating at you." So much of our disease is mental and emotional. We think that because we haven't picked up our drug of choice, we are okay.

Another of my obsessive compulsive disorders was relationships. I haven't had one for about three years. I really don't have a desire to have one, and yet if it happens that is okay because now, I know how to keep it healthy. Before I stayed in sick relationships that were abusive to me which in turn found me back into self-abusive patterns and abusive habits directed at others. I am a firm believer that we are products of our environment.

I was raised in a very strick religious home where alcohol was not even allowed past the door. In my rebellion, I cussed and swore, drank and used people, places and things and spent most of my life trying to prove I wasn't a lady. Even in recovery, I resented the lady when she came out. In today, I don't resent the lady. I am even mistaken for one on occasion.

I love this program. It gave me back myself. My self-esteem, my self-respect, my self-worth, my self-awareness and taught me to learn to take care of myself instead of directing my energies to caring and fixing everyone else. I have to give away what I received in order to maintain my sobriety (soundness of mind) and to do that, I go to Al-Anon meetings, the occasional AA and NA meeting when required, and post here at *** and am a moderator on Circle for Recovery and Recovery Inn. This doesn't leave much time for my own sites. That is why my New Year's Resolution is to maintain them on a regular basis, especially the Yahoo ones.

This program is a day at a time. Today was not one of my better days, but oh so much better than my best day prior to recovery. At the moment, I am going through grief, and it isn't about death, but about loss and change. I have been going through the sadness, have already gone through some of the bargaining, but still have anger, depression and acceptance to go through, probably more than once or twice if I am correct on how the process works.

The nice thing is that it is okay and I don't have to pick up in order to deal with all the emotions. I realized that having my snooze this afternoon was partly my fibromyalgia and sleep disorder but it was also in part, using my bed to process my feelings. I was in pain, laid down with the heat and accepted the fact, if I sleep I sleep, if I don't then I will get up. Before I would have taken pills to make sure I slept and blocked everything out.

Recovery in today is being aware and given freedom of choice as to what I am going to do about it!

My sharing at another site on depression.

[MajestyJo]

Quote:
Takin time out to rejuvinate and put our thoughts in order is a good thing.

I personally found that when I went to a meeting, I always got my answer there. If I went there feeling down, I came away feeling better.

Even my son said to me when I was about five years sober, when I said, "I don't feel like going to a meeting tonight." He said, "Mom, that doesn't make sense. Don't you always feel better after going to a meeting. Why would you want to stay home when you know going there that you will feel better afterward." That from a guy who was in his own disease and has now just decided to get help for himself.

I was feeling bad earlier because I remembered that on Friday night I told a girl about the Monday morning Al-Anon meeting. I didn't wake up early enough to go there although I thought of it on Sunday and didn't set my alarm. That was me not being responsible. Wether she went there or not was not the issue. It was me being there in case she was. Just giving her my phone number and a meeting list was good, but I should have followed it through.

I made the decision while lying down with the heat today to try to get to the noon AA meeting tomorrow and the Al-Anon meetng on Wednesday. With the feelings I have been having, it is important for me not to get into self and although it is good to take care of me, I don't need to go into a pity party and the poor mes and the best way to do that is to go to a meeting.

Even if I don't open my mouth, the energy there and listening to others helps me. Mind you there is seldom a time I go to a meeting and keep my mouth shut!

I have seen people more addicted to exercising than meeting and service. It was one of the reasons my son relapsed last time he tried recovery. He was focusing on the outside instead of dealing with inside issues.

There was a time I did a lot of service, but I had to find balance and take my recovery outside of the rooms and remember it was a 24 hour a day program, not a 2 - 4 hour a day program. It wasn't about just going to meetings, it was about giving back to the community, to myself and my family. It was about applying the principles, the steps and the traditions to my life. It was about changing me, not trying to change the people around me.

I use to have anxiety issues prior to recovery. They all disappeared as I worked the Steps and it was a process, didn't happen over night. I no longer fear thunder storms, I can stand on my balcony and watch one. I no longer fear walking over bridges and grates. I don't have to leave buses or grocery stores becaise I am overwhelmed or there are too many people. I was about five years sober when two women who lived out of town, came up to me after hearing me speak and said, "I can't believe it when I walked in late and saw you up in front of the room speaking. If anyone had asked us when you came into recovery, we would have said that you would never be able to get up in front of a room full of people and share your story, which you did very well by the way. I will never forget those words. They showed me that the program worked. Each of those ladies came in when I did, they were in and out of the program for several years before they found recovery for themselves. I came and I stayed. The one woman spoke at my eleven year anniversary and she had seven years of sobriety.

It has been my experience that if I can't seem to do what I need to do, I pray for the willingness to be willing. It has also been my experience that those who don't go to meetings relapse. I may not have picked up physically, but I have hit emotional and spiritual bottoms and I am so very grateful that they didn't lead me to physically picking up. I have qualified for the label 'dry drunk' when my disability didn't allow me to get out to meetings. I found that for me to retain balance, I needed at least three meetings a week. If it wasn't for the internet, my one meetings a week just don't cut it. There are weeks when I don't get out and I am so grateful for the internet and this site especially, for helping me to maintain my sobriety (soundness of mind).

I can be sober but not have sobriety. It isn't a place I want to be. Acting out in my disease, just not drinking. Often substituting other things like my computer, food, work, shopping, etc. which takes me away from the spiritual aspect of recovery and I am totally into me with no thought of others. It becomes all about the almighty Me, Myself, and I and not about self-care but about what do I want instead of need and what's in it for me and what do I get out of it.

Spritiuality is a change in attitude. Recovery is a journey and not a destination. It is to live my life one day at a time, deal with the past as it makes itself known in today, and not project into the future. When I stay in today, I don't get overwhelmed with emotions, worry, resentments and anger. I can handle things a day at a time, but when I look at a much bigger picture, I get overwhelmed and end up paralyzed by fear. I don't know what to do, so I end up doing nothing.

Isolation is part of my disease not my recovery. Because of my disability, it is something I battle with daily. It not only isolates the body, it isolates the soul and the only way I can combat it is to make sure I get food for the body, mind and spirit. It is about taking my inventory and not looking at others. I am as powerless over my son's disease as I am over my own, yet when I surrender, do the do things that are suggested to me, have faith in my Higher Power, I am empowered to do what I need to do for myself. As the saying goes, "When I remember this, I never had it so good!"

More of my share, we all know I can talk a lot.

[MajestyJo]

There are several types of depression. There is clinical depression, and for that medication is needed. It is not up to us to play doctor with our lives.

Early recovery is a form of grieving, and depression is part of that. The loss of old patterns, behaviours, friends, places, and our best friend, the substance of the moment.

Every time we change, we go through a form of depression, a grieving process. It can be a loss of a job, be it out the door or to another department. A lot of depression when I was diagnosed as being diabetic and could no longer have the foods I loved and my fibromyalgia causes a lot of things, I wish I could forget.

Just the other day, I went to put on some hard boiled eggs to cook. I went to put on a lid, and a voice inside my head says, "You aren't suppose to do that." I went to my son and asked him, "Lid on or off." The pupil becomes the teacher. I go to do things and forget, and is often referred to as the Fibro Fog. I think there is a little bit of senility there too.

I have floaters in my eyes. My doctor says it is normal and nothing can be done about them. Sometimes it is worse than others, and it is hard to accept. It is like I have bugs flying around in my eye ball. Every once in a while, I want to hit out and kill it, but so far I haven't poked my eye out. It is those little things, that can add up and become overbearing.

I get depressed when I can't sleep, but then sleeping is a sure sign of depression. I hid in my bed for years. Isolation is part of my disease, it isolates me from the good as well as the not so good.

Thanks for letting me share.

[MajestyJo]

Depression is a big part of grief. Whenever we have a change in our life which brings about change in our daily routine, our daily living structure, and our long-time habits, we grieve over what was, what might have been, and fear what is to come.

Link to Bill W. view on depression:

What we look like on the outside isn't how we feel inside. Recovery for me was when the reflection matched. I was always trying to make the outside looked good because I felt so bad inside. I was big into earrings and make up and in today, I seldom take the time for either.

Depression is part of grieving and something that I don't take a pill for. My depression isn't a chemical imbalance. Doctor's have tried to put me on anti-depressants for my fibromyalgia and all they did for me was put weight on and then I became more depressed. I have seen many girls put on them only to go back out to get thin. Either they were not honest with their doctor or their doctor doesn't understand the disease of addiction.

Every time there is a change, a loss be it a job, a routine, a loved one, or a habit, we go through a grieving process. It isn't something to ignore and hide under a bushel. The program works on it when I apply the 12 Steps. The 12 Steps are applicable to all situations.

I can identify with a few things (no shower, no getting dressed...no leaving the house...only leaving the bed to eat or go potty), although I think the most I have gone without doing is 3 days. It is a sign for me that I am heading down and I need to turn things over to my Higher Power.

Here is a link to some quotes. The one I like the best is:

“Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts” by Penelope Sweet

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_women.htm

[MajestyJo]

When I feel I just can't face the world and want nothing more than to bury my head under the covers and hide, I know I need an Al-Anon meeting. I may have to push myself out the door, but I always feel better - and saner - wen I break the isolation and reach out for help. I usually feel relief the minute I walk into an Al-Anon room, even if it's a meeting I've never attended before. I find a healing, comforting Power in these rooms, a Power greater than myself. And because my Higher Power speaks through other people, I often hear exactly what I need.

We all go through periods of sadness, lethargy, and grief - that's part of life. But depression can become a habit that perpetuates itself, unless I intercede by acting on my own behalf. Al-Anon cannot solve every problem, and if depression lingers, I ma want to consider seeking professional help. but more often than not, what I need to do is birng my body to an Al-Anon meeting. I know that no matter how I feel when I take an action to get some help, I make myself available to the Higher Power in these rooms.

Today's Reminder - August 11 Courage to Change:

When in doubt, I will go to an Al-Anon meeting and invite my Higher Power to do for me what I cannot do for myself.

"There are times when I have to hurt through a situation and when this happens, the choice is not whether to hurt or not to hurt, but what to do while I am hurting."

...In All Our Affairs

This really spoke to me. I have gone to a meeting with a headache many times and have had it gone often half way through the meeting, or within minutes of walking in the door.

I deposited my cheque today and found myself asking for direction. It brought me home. Why not take things to the Master Healer, Planner, Physician, etc. He/She is all things, so why should I want to stay in my doom and gloom when I know that when I reach out for help, the solution will be there. Even if I am meant to go to a professional, it is okay, I will be directed there. There are more than one type of professional too.



Good Orderly Direction and Divine Orderly Good.