The Three C's

[bluidkiti]

I can live for two months on a good compliment.
-- Mark Twain

Newcomer

At a meeting I shared about a loss I've gone through, and the response was amazing. People expressed sympathy and understanding, and a number of them shared experiences of their own that were similar to mine. It surprised me. I'd told the same story at a different meeting, and people there didn't say a thing to me. I had left feeling like there was something wrong with me. I can't figure out what I did differently this time, maybe there was something about the way I shared.

Sponsor

My hunch is that the difference in response to your sharing from different groups of people had to do with things over which you had no control. There are many possible explanations for people's responses to us; we needn't assume we're responsible for what they do or don't do.

There's an old slogan (nicknamed "The Three C's") that says, "I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it." For me, it's a helpful one to remember, especially when people in my life are active in an addiction or are on a "dry high." It's useful in situations with non-addicts, too. Most human beings behave as they do for reasons that have little to do with us.

We're entitled to support and response from other human beings. When I find myself in a group where I experience a warm, engaged response from others, I make a point of returning. Support and validation from others quenches one of my deepest thirsts. But we can't rely on others to give us a sense of self-esteem. That comes from within, it grows as we do the work of recovery.

Today, I go where I find food for my spirit.

[MajestyJo]

Love the last line. The three Cs helped me, I didn't cause it, I can't control it,and I can't cure it.

I thought my life main role in life was to be a fixer upper and solve the problems for others. If they would just listen to me, they would be all right. Yeah right! (Grin)

If I have to control it, it is already out of control. Control is an illusion, mostly all made up in my own mind.

I can't cure it. I don't have the power. I am powerless over people, places, and things, and that means me too, if I don't turn my day over to my Higher Power, who empowers me to do what I need to live in today, clean and sober.

I couldn't fix me, why would I think I could fix others? Why did I want to fix others? Probably because I hoped to find my own answers. If I looked at others and focused on them, then I didn't have to look at me.