Property Lines - Detachment

[MajestyJo]

The following comes from a handout from the Betty Ford Center. It seemed to breakdown the term detachment to a form that helps us see it more clearly.


Property Lines

A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior
we call detachment, is learning to identify who owns
what.

Then we let each person own and possess his or her
rightful property.

If another person has an addiction, a problem, a
feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their
property, not ours.

If someone is a martyr immersed in negativity,
controlling, or manipulative behavior, that is
their issue, not ours.

If someone has acted and experienced a particular
consequence, both the behavior and the consequence
belong to that person.

If some one is in denial or cannot think clearly on a
particular issue, that confusion belongs to him or her.

If someone has a limited or impaired ability to love
or care, that is his or her property, not ours.

If someone has no approval or nurturing to give
away, that is that person’s property.

People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations,
abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors,
cheating, and tacky behaviors belong to them
as well. Not to us.

People's hopes and dreams are their property.

Their guilt belongs to them too.

Their happiness and misery are also theirs.
So are their beliefs and messages.

If some people don't like themselves, that is their
choice. And other people's choices are their property,
not ours.

What people choose to say and do is their business.

What is our property?

Our property includes our behaviors, problems,
feelings, happiness, misery, choices and messages;
our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts,
our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves.

Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled,
manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our
business.

In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of
ownership. If something isn't ours, we don't have
to take it. IF we take it, we learn to give it back.

We let other people have their property, and we
learn to own and take good care of what's ours.

Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of
what belongs to me, and what doesn't.

If it's not mine, I won't keep it.

I will deal with myself, my issues, and my
responsibilities.

I will take my hands off what is not mine.

-Author Unknown

[MajestyJo]

That is what I am going through with my son, he wants no part of recovery programs, even if 'he' decides he doesn't want to use.

With my son, if I don't detach, there is too much game playing.

The butterfly has always been such a healing symbol for me. Like it goes through the different stages, so do I go through different stages of letting go, acceptance, and with detachment, there is generally grief work for me. The butterfly stands for transformation in Jamie Sams book Animal Medicine.