Wisdom For Today - January

[bluidkiti]

January 1

Wisdom for Today
Life is filled with lots of firsts. One thing I have learned in recovery is that my life cannot afford a first drink, pill or fix. I had my first drink already, and I don't want to go back. I don't think I really got to this point in my recovery until after I completed my Fifth Step. As difficult as it was to share my history with another human being, there was something almost magical about getting everything out in the open. It was very freeing. It was almost like the chains of bondage had been opened, and I could finally move on with my life. I didn't want to go back to the beginning anymore. I just wanted to move ahead.
I had reached a point in recovery where I could really accept the fact that I had a disease. I could see that because of my disease, I had behaved in ways I wished I had not. I could see all the mistakes and how I had wronged so many including myself. It was not a pretty picture. In spite of the ugliness that was behind me, I had reached a point where I could forgive myself. I could accept that much of what happened occurred as a consequence of my disease. I could look at myself in the mirror and believe that I was okay and that my Higher Power would help me put my life back together again. Have I forgiven myself?
Meditations for the Heart
I really had no idea what love was all about until I got into recovery. I know I had experienced love from others, but I didn't know how to give love to anyone. In recovery I began to look at others in the program as my brothers and sisters. We are all children of the same heavenly Father. I had to learn to think differently and to begin to reach out to others in a caring manner. I let go of my judgments, criticism and resentments. I didn't participate in gossip about others. Instead I worked on being patient and understanding. I began to develop a true compassion for others and worked at being helpful when I could. I found that when I did these things, I was actually helping myself. Have I begun the repair work of rebuilding my life?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have granted me a new freedom and a chance at rebuilding my life. Let me this day do the work necessary to put the pieces of my life back together again. I have no idea what my life may look like when I have finished the repair work I need to do, but I am willing to trust that You will lead me to that which is good. Help me this day to be compassionate and caring towards others, and let me always be patient.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 2

Wisdom for Today
Step Five is like standing at the crossroads between our old way of living and the opportunity to begin living a new life. I remember when I first came into the program. I thought my life started all over again when I admitted my powerlessness and unmanageability. In some ways it did, but I continued to live my life without change except for abstinence from mood-altering chemicals. In completing Step Five, I now had an opportunity to make significant changes in my life as well as begin the repair work I needed to do.
Completing Steps One through Five is a lot like taking out an insurance policy on recovery. While it is not a guarantee, these Steps certainly act as a strong insurance policy against relapse. If we are painstaking about this phase of our program, we will not wish to return. The remaining Steps are how we continue to pay our insurance premium. I really did not expect to get to a point where I no longer desired to get wasted or high. Now I can't imagine not paying my insurance premiums. Have I experienced the freedom that an honest Step Five brings?
Meditations for the Heart
Insurance brings a sense of security. It is not a false sense of security, because tragedy can strike; but there is a comfort in knowing that your recovery is protected. This is the security I felt when I accepted the gift of forgiveness that God offers. This is the sense of security I felt when I knew I was accepted by others in the program and when I could truly accept myself. Insurance does protect, but it does not mean that relapse can no longer occur. Indeed, if this were all that was needed, then there would only be Five Steps in the program. The founders of the Twelve Step program knew that there was more needed in order to stay clean and sober. In fact, they established seven more Steps. Am I resting on Step Five and not doing the repair work that is needed?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have provided me and thousands like me the Steps needed to escape from the bondage of addiction. For this I am grateful. Walk with me this day as I continue my journey in recovery. Let me experience the security that the program offers. Keep me motivated to experience the promises of the Twelve Steps.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 3

Wisdom for Today
There is a song that goes, "You can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want; but if you try sometime, you just might find you get what you need." This has certainly been the case for me in the program. In fact, I have come to accept that I have little or no control over the outcome. I am only responsible for the effort. When I look back at my drinking and my drug use, I rarely if ever got what I wanted. Sure, maybe in the beginning, I got high like I wanted; but it didn't take long for me to start chasing that ever-elusive high.
In recovery, however, I find that I get out of the program what I put into it. And if I put faith in a Higher Power into my program, I am amazed at how often I get what I need. Yes, I don't always get what I want; but I do get what I need. When I am faced with my own weakness, I am given strength and patience. When I am faced with fear, I am given courage. When I am faced with truth, I am given choices for positive change. Am I putting what I need to into the program?
Meditations for the Heart
One of the things I needed most in early recovery were friends, friends who would be willing to be honest with me and who genuinely cared for me. I knew how to make using buddies, but had no real idea how to make friends. If I was going to get what I needed, I had to become willing to put some effort into it. I had to become friendly, if I was going to make friends. This meant that I would have to talk to others in the program and begin to show a genuine interest in their life. I would need to strive to be helpful to those who were near me. I needed to search for something in every person I met that I could like. I had to stop looking at how others were different than I was and start looking for similarities. I had to stop making judgments about others. I needed to work on accepting them for who they were. I found that when I started to treat others with respect, I began to respect myself more. I found that when I cared enough to be honest with others, I could be more honest with myself. Am I putting effort into getting what I need?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have given me this day all I need and continue to provide for my needs. Grant me strength to reach out to others and to put effort into getting what I need. Help me this day to see things in a new light and to take advantage of the opportunities for growth that You give to me. Help me to seek out Your will for me this day.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 4

Wisdom for Today
There are days, and then there are days. This was a tough lesson to learn in early recovery. I would go for days and even weeks where life seemed to be heading in a good direction, then WHAM! – a bad day would hit me in the face. Sometimes it would be cravings or urges to drink or use that seemed to come out of nowhere. Other times it would be because I got into a fight with my spouse. Sometimes grief would just seem to creep into my day and slowly surround me. It really didn't matter what the reason was; I was suddenly in the middle of a struggle.
It was during these times that my character defects would like to come out and play. It was like trouble invited more trouble to the party. It was hard not to get back into my old behavior and use my old, unhealthy coping skills. This is when I would remember the words my sponsor gave to me, "Remember to breathe." He was referring to his conversations with me about only paying attention to things that could affect my breathing, in other words, things that could kill me. I knew that going back to my old ways of thinking, feeling and behaving would lead me back to using. I knew this could affect my breathing. So on bad days I would remember to breath and go back to the basics of recovery. Believe me it was not perfect, but I am still breathing today. Do I know what to do when I am having a bad day?
Meditations for the Heart
Going back to the basics for me means using the slogans, prayer, meetings, phone calls and anything that works. On bad days I get knocked off center, so I go to a pace that can help me get centered again. I close my eyes and take several deep breaths. I calm down and quietly go through the steps one at a time. I use what I need to use – admitting powerlessness and unmanageability, believing that God can restore sanity, turning it over, whatever it takes. I ask for help, and I reach out to others. I have seen this process work for me again and again. It doesn't change what is going on in my life, but it changes how I am looking at it. It changes me. So, I remember to breathe. What will I do to get myself back on track when I need to?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I have come to realize that not every day is meant to be filled with sunshine. Help me to weather the storms in my life and use the tools that work. Sometimes when I grow fearful, it is like I stop breathing. Help me always to remember to breathe in Your Spirit and seek Your strength. Guide me this day, and lead me to the people I need in my life.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 5

Wisdom for Today
“We will not regret the past, nor will we shut the door on it.” This is the new freedom that Step Five provides. Completing Step Five allows you to stop regretting the past and at the same time still be able to look at it without disgust. This is not to say that I don’t wish that many things I did while drinking and using drugs could have been avoided. But I can’t undo the past; I can only work to repair the damage. I can only work to pay my recovery insurance premiums so that I do not relapse. Each time I attend a meeting and each time I spend in quiet meditation or prayer, I am making a payment on my
insurance – a policy I do not want to let lapse.
The founders of the program did two things that were absolutely brilliant, some say divinely inspired. First they wrote down the steps of recovery that they found worked. The next inspired thing they did was to number these steps. This shows me that once I have taken a good look at myself and shared this openly in Step Five, if I am to change, the change must begin with me. And so this is where the repair work was to begin. I was to make myself ready to have God do His work on me. This was to be the first of many premium payments I would need to make to insure my recovery. Am I willing to make all the necessary recovery insurance payments?
Meditations for the Heart
As I walked through the steps, I began to recognize that God was walking with me on this journey. In all my personal relationships, I began to see evidence of God working in my life to improve it. Over and over again I would see God guide and direct me. I was given opportunities for change. I was given strength, and I was given courage. I found myself doing things that I did not know I was capable of doing. Today I am convinced that each of the changes I have gone through on this journey have occurred only because God was leading me on this path. Seeing this evidence has only worked to strengthen my faith that my Higher Power is indeed caring for me. Do I believe that God is looking out for me and helping me along the way?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

You have guided me this far, and I now trust that You will continue to lead me to a better way of living my life. You have enabled one change after another in my life and in who I am. Let me continue to follow Your direction for my life.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 6

Wisdom for Today
Quiet satisfaction is the best way to describe what I felt after completing my Fifth Step. There was this deep sense of calmness in my heart, knowing that God and another person both had listened to my disclosure, and neither had rejected me. I also did not want to reject myself. I still did not like everything that I had talked about, but now it seemed less overwhelming. I had finished talking and was told by the recovering pastor that now that I had done my Fifth Step that it was time to be quiet and listen for God's response. We said a prayer together, and then I left his office and went and sat in the church for a while.
I sat there quietly and wondered about what God would have me do. It was as if the whole nature of my prayers had changed. I had spent months asking God for help and asking for guidance. I spent time asking for strength just to make it one hour at a time. Now, for the first time, sitting in the dark church, I was asking what God wanted me to do. I wasn't asking for something, I was asking how I could serve God. Not only was there an inner quietness, but also there was a satisfaction in knowing that I no longer needed to be self-centered. I could now begin to make changes in my life – in who I was – and became ready to do the needed repair work to put my life back in one piece. Have I begun to pray about what I can do for God?
Meditation for the Heart
From this point on, the path I was walking did not seem so difficult. There was a gentle rise as I walked forward. I had a sense that wonderful discoveries could now be made. My vision was clearer, and I now had something I had only glimpsed previously. I could see my hand in God's hand as I walked along this pathway to recovery. I could now see the power I had been given and how I had been kept safe throughout my life. I could now see that God had always been there with me, even in my addiction, and how He had protected me from too great harm. I could also see clearly that I needed to continue my journey through the steps and that I would learn new things every day. Has my sense of hope become stronger?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I know that there will still be times when I need to call on You for strength. I know that You will satisfy my every need. Today let me serve You and do Your will. Let me reach out to others and share what I have been taught.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 7

Wisdom for Today
There are a lot of little things that go into making recovery what it is, but all those little things add up over time. I'm not sure I could even begin to describe all the little things that go into it. I have just come to accept that when all it is added up, life is good. This is not to say that there are no more problems, just better ones, or at least better ways to cope with the problems that come up in life. I have been fortunate enough to put together a good deal of time under my belt, but it has all been done one day at a time.
One of the more important little things is to find gratitude in recovery. I know for certain that gratitude was not present early in my recovery process. Yes, I was glad I had stopped drinking and using, but I was not happy right away. In fact, I was pretty miserable for a while. I'm not even sure when gratitude first came into the picture, but I know it was solidified when I completed Step Five. I became grateful for the inner calm and the quiet satisfaction I felt. I became grateful for the ability to forgive myself. I became grateful for the forgiveness I felt from my Higher Power. Have I begun to see the little things add up?
Meditations for the Heart
I came to a fork in the road of recovery when I completed Step Five. One path led nowhere because it was the path on which I see too many addicts and alcoholics stop. Too many times I have seen individuals finish Step Five and skip the repair work, jumping ahead to Step Ten, or even Twelve. This path seems to go nowhere because it just goes in circles. I know, because I walked on this path for a time. The other path leads on to Step Six, a process of preparation and letting go. I thought that the path that went nowhere would allow me some time to rest, but I found going in circles was not easy. I knew the other path would not be easy either, but at least it led somewhere. If I was going to hang onto that sense of gratitude, then the choice was simple. It was time to move on. Am I ready to move forward in my recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You never said this road would be easy, but the directions You provide are simple enough. Today I will be glad for the journey. I will seek out the things in my life for which I can be grateful, and I will acknowledge the gifts that I receive from You. Help me to make good and healthy choices today.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 8

Wisdom for Today
One thing that completing my Fifth Step helped me with was in becoming humble. There was no more room for grandiosity or arrogance. There was no way to stand before my Higher Power and admit my wrongs with an arrogant heart. There was no way to stand before another person and tell my story and what I had done with my life and to the people I hurt and remain grandiose. Sharing my life history openly and honestly could only be done from a place of humility. At first glance, this does not exactly sound like a good thing.
But in retrospect, I personally believe that this was perhaps the best thing that could have happened to me. In this place of humility, I first discovered my inner most self. Even more importantly, I first discovered God, as I understand Him. What I mean is that I really moved from a place of simple faith that perhaps God could help me to a place where I had a personal relationship with God. My conversation with God and the other person listening to my Fifth Step was indeed a turning point. I became humble and really owned that I could not run the show. It was not just my drinking and using drugs, but I understood that I could not run my life. I could not change myself. I now had real help. Have I developed a humble heart?
Meditations for the Heart
Out of the ashes of selfishness I crawled, and I slowly learned how to sit up. I then learned to stand up. When I put my hand into God's hand, I learned to walk. In the Fifth Step it was as if I could step into a shower and wash off all the ashes of my life. Yesterday was over, and I could not change what had happened. I could only ask my Higher Power to forgive me and honestly and humbly try to follow His will for me. Today is here; and it provides me with a new start, a chance at renewal. I must start each day I am given in this place of a humble heart, and in complete faith and trust in God I will walk forward. I have learned that I cannot yet run, but my steps today are much better than crawling through the ashes of my life. Do I start my day with complete trust and faith that God will lead my way?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today I pray that I can do Your will and that I will work to make the world a better place to live in. Help me to bring goodness into all that I do, and let me give back what I have been given.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 9

Wisdom for Today
Transformation seems to be a common occurrence in the program. It is not what I read in a book or even what I heard someone say at a meeting that convinced me that the program works. What really convinced me was seeing what happened in my own life and what I saw happen in the lives of others. I mean, after all, here I was a drunk and a drug addict. I could not stop on my own, but now I was alcohol and drug free. As I saw new people come into the program, I watched the same thing happen to them, if they were willing to go to the necessary lengths.

But it was not just abstinence that convinced me; it was how my life was changed. There was a real level of pathology in my thinking, emotional responses and behaviors. My beliefs were all screwed up. Working my way through the Steps, I became a useful person in society. I saw myself make changes in my thinking, emotional responses and behaviors. I saw myself change my belief system. I saw these things occur in my life and in the lives of others. Transformation does indeed happen in the Twelve Step program. Seeing is believing. Have I seen change in my life and in the lives of those who surround me?
Meditations for the Heart
Am I willing to do the next right thing? It is easy to pay lip service to this question and say “yes,” but it is much harder to actually do this day in and day out. Over time I have become convinced that the only way to accomplish this is to have a strong spiritual foundation. This means believing in a divine principle, that God is in charge. I need to be willing to let my Higher Power run the show and trust that He has the knowledge and the love to lead me in the right direction. The other factor involved in this divine principle is the willingness to actually accept and follow this guidance. Most of the time it is easy to know what my Higher Power would want me to do. The hard part is then doing it. Obedience is not always easy; but I have found that when I do follow God’s directions, I am less likely to get lost. In the long run this divine principle is the easier, softer way. Do I seek after this divine principle in all that I do?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Sometimes it is not easy to follow Your directions. I find there are things that come up in my life, and I do not want to seek You out for guidance. Yet, time and time again, I see that following You is the easier, softer way in the long run. When I get stubborn or foolish, guide me back to this path. Keep me on the path of truth.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 10

Wisdom for Today
Over time I have watched one newcomer after another walk in through the doors of the program. Many of these individuals have tried desperately to control their use of alcohol or drugs and failed. Many have tried to quit on their own and failed. Still others have been in one treatment program after another and failed. Yet, those that completely give themselves to this simple program find a way to get clean and sober. This fact in and of itself is amazing.
But what really astound me are the remarkable changes I see these individuals go through. Each of them, just like myself, had severe problems with their personality. There were clearly major problems with my thinking, emotional responses, behavior and beliefs. My disease process had corrupted my personality. Through working the Steps, I have watched myself change, and I have watched one newcomer after another change. If you need proof that the Steps work, just hang around and watch what happens to people in the program who really work the Steps. This evidence not only convinces me that "it works if you work it," but it also shows me that there is a Higher Power at work in our lives. What has happened to others and me is not luck, but it is the grace of God. Am I convinced that a Higher Power can help me change my personality?
Meditations for the Heart
Learning to cooperate with God is not always easy. Sometimes I am convinced that I am my own worst enemy – particularly when it comes to my character defects. It just seems that I really like some of them too much. So how do you give up something that you like? Not an easy task! When I looked closely at my defects of character and personality flaws, I could see how these things were just as destructive as my drinking and using. I knew if I was ever going to change these aspects of who I was and how I behaved, I would need to cooperate with God. This cooperation begins with openly seeking and acknowledging the presence of a Higher Power in our lives. As I became more conscious of the presence of God in my life, it was not hard to find direction for the needed changes. But cooperation means more than just acknowledging God's presence; it also means surrender. Over and over I have surrendered to my Higher Power. The problem is that some of those character defects I take back. I let go, but then I take them back. Over time though I have found that I take these defects back less and less often. I just don't need them anymore. Have I become ready to have God remove my defects?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Over time You have convinced me that the program does work. More importantly, You have convinced me that You work for me and for others in the program. Today I know my faith is stronger because of what You have done for me in my life. Help me to stay on the course and continue to work each of the Steps as I walk through this life. Help me to develop and attitude of cooperation with You.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 11

Wisdom for Today
There was no doubt that I could not stop drinking and using drugs on my own. The same was true with my defects of character. My personality flaws were resistant to change. Even when I realized and accepted that these defects were just as destructive to me as my drinking and using, I continued to think, behave and emotionally respond to life in ways that hurt those around me or myself. Even when I tried to change, I continued to come back to my old behavior. My big mistake was thinking that I could change these things on my own.
In Step Six it clearly stated that God was the one who was to remove these defects of character, yet I persisted in trying to do this on my own. I guess, that in my stubborn way, I had to learn again that I was powerless. As my attempts to change myself repeatedly failed, I began to see that I could not rid myself of these defects of character. I began to understand my need for God’s help. I began to talk with my Higher Power and admit that I was not perfect. In these prayers I began to see that God was my only hope. I began to stop asking for perfection and simply told God that I was ready to get better. Slowly over time, my defects of character have either disappeared or diminished to the point of no longer being destructive. What has surprised me is the fact that my personality strengths have grown. I have learned new ways to cope with life. I don’t have to follow the old rules anymore. Do I let the old rules continue to run my life?
Meditations for the Heart
In becoming entirely ready to have God remove these defects, I was reborn of the Spirit. I do not mean that I was literally reborn, but I was given a new chance on how I lived my life. All those old rules that said I had to lie, cheat, be egotistical, fearful, etc. were challenged; and I began to see and live life differently. I began to know a new freedom and was shown new ways to cope with and behave differently in my life. I may never fully understand why I behaved the way that I once did, but I don’t have to. I can simply accept that this new way of living my life is better than the old way I lived. Making myself ready for change was not an easy or pleasant process, but accepting my own humanity and imperfection opened the door to a new life in and with the Spirit. Do I see the miracle of personality change that is possible in the Spirit?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today I can thank You for making me uncomfortable with my old ways of thinking, behaving and emotionally responding to life. You have given me a new chance to live life with new rules. Through Your Spirit I have been given new options and a new attitude. I am grateful for the chance to be better.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 12

Wisdom for Today
Anger and resentment seemed to be constant companions when I first got clean and sober. I don’t really know if I understood what I was so angry about. In working my way through the steps, I began to uncover some of the reasons for my anger and resentments. I really hated the fact that I was an alcoholic and an addict. I resented many of the consequences I had experienced and continued to have even though I was clean and sober. I resented some of the people in my life and how I had been treated. I was angry with myself for allowing some of these things to occur.
Step Six showed me that I needed to let go of these resentments. I read in program books about anger and resentment and how they were poison for the alcoholic/addict. But these things were not something that I could just forget or make go away. I needed to be shown how to rid myself of anger and resentment. My sponsor told me to begin to pray for the people who had wronged me. I talked at length with others in the program about how they rid themselves of their resentments. I learned more about forgiveness. These things did not just magically disappear; but over time, the longer I stayed clean and sober, I found that I no longer needed to hold onto these resentments. Do I still harbor resentments?
Meditations for the Heart
I needed to occupy myself with what God wanted me to do. His tasks for me in my recovery became more important than my own agenda. As I did this, I began to find peace of mind. My heart was no longer in an uproar. But if I was going to occupy myself with doing what God wanted me to do, I had to learn to let go of the things that got in the way. I had to stop trying to be both judge and jury and wanting to punish others who had hurt me. I had to stop convicting myself. I needed to let my Higher Power decide if others should experience punishment for their deeds. After all, this was His job and not mine. When I began to pray for others and began to practice forgiveness, I found that my resentments slipped away and were replaced with peace of mind. My heart was no longer filled with rage. Am I occupying myself with God’s tasks for me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You know my heart and my mind better than I do myself. Search out my heart and mind, and help me to be rid of resentment. Bless those people who have wronged me. Grant me patience and understanding of others and myself. Grant that I may have a forgiving heart. Let me today be concerned only with Your agenda for me.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 13

Wisdom for Today
"Just do it!" was a slogan for a popular athletic shoe company, but I have found it helpful for me in my recovery. You see, recovery is a program that requires action. I had to stop being a couch potato and get up and start doing what I needed to do in recovery. Sometimes things that my sponsor told me or I would hear at a meeting seemed to have little connection to my goals in recovery. For instance, I told my sponsor that I wanted to begin working on my defects of character. I told him that I was having a hard time with grandiosity and arrogance. I asked, "How do I stop acting like a know-it-all when I really don't know anything?"
He responded, "I want you to take a long walk each morning and walk down unfamiliar streets." In my arrogance and confusion I said, "How's that going to help?" He looked at me and said two words, "Into action." I had no idea what he was talking about; all I knew was I had to just do it. So I did. So each morning I would take a long walk down unfamiliar streets. One morning I got lost and wasn't really sure where I was or even how to retrace my steps. I had been too busy trying to figure out how this was going to help me and what my sponsor was really up to. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. "Now what?" I thought. I stood there for a while not knowing what to do. Eventually, I had to ring a doorbell and ask for help. My trying to figure everything out on my own got me lost. Do I ask for help when I need it?
Meditations for the Heart
Later that week, I talked with my sponsor again. I told him about what had happened, and he said, "And what did you learn?" I had to admit I wasn't sure and jokingly said, "How to get lost." That's when he asked, "And how did that happen?" I sat quiet for a while and began to see that my trying to figure everything out actually gotten me lost. He said, "That's right, arrogance is blind." Still to this day I recall this discussion. I learned a lot that day. It wasn't up to me to have all the answers, and it wasn't up to me to know all the directions. I am glad I did follow my sponsor's instructions to take a walk, and today I am even glad I got lost. Do I have to have all the answers?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
So often in life I get lost, and I am surprised by my unwillingness to ask for help. I just stand there and do nothing. Again and again I have to surrender and admit that I need help. Thank You for letting me ring Your doorbell, and thank You for giving me instruction and direction in life. I will continue to walk the walk, but I know I need You as my guide. Walk with me today.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 14

Wisdom for Today
One thing that I found important along the way was to remember to thank God. In the selfishness of my addiction, I was so far removed from God that I had no relationship with Him at all. As I got clean and sober, I found myself still struggling with selfishness and self-centeredness. Just because I stopped drinking and using didn't mean that I instantly became grateful. I really had to stop and think about what was happening in my life. When I really stopped long enough to realize that nothing that was happening in my life was by my own doing, I finally started to experience gratitude.
It was not just God that I needed to thank; it was also everyone else who had been helping me. I began to seek out those people who would say something at a meeting that I could relate to and express my appreciation. I made a purpose of thanking my sponsor each time we talked. I began to even thank my family members for the support they offered. Most of all, I spent time each morning asking God for help and each evening thanking Him for another day of sobriety. Am I truly grateful for the gifts I receive in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
In recovery my vision changed. It was not just because my brain came out of the fog; it was because I started to experience a spiritual vision. I could not physically see God, but I could see His actions in my life and in the lives of other addicts and alcoholics. I began to envision myself walking hand-in-hand with my Higher Power on the road to recovery. I envisioned conversations with God along the way. As my spiritual consciousness improved, I began to see life more clearly. I could feel God's presence and His strength. I had been trapped in the prison of addiction; now I could see outside the box. Out there somewhere was my Higher Power, limitless in all of eternity. He was outside of the box, and now I was walking right beside Him. Do I walk with my Higher Power on the path of recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
When I stop and think about all the good things that are happening in my life, I know that all this happens only through Your help. For all the gifts that You have given me along the way, I am grateful. Help me this day to keep my spiritual vision and see outside of the box. Let me walk hand-in-hand with You today.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

January 15

Wisdom for Today
In addressing my defects of character, I had to once again submit myself to the will of my Higher Power. Whether it was Dishonesty, Ego, Fear, Expectations, Carelessness, Trustlessness, or any other Self-centered behavior, I had to turn it over to God. I became willing to let go of my old ways and find out what my Higher Power's plans for me were. My old ways just didn't work any more. I knew they would simply lead me back to the insanity of addiction.
In turning this over to God, I would be given one lesson after another regarding character. I had to start by really learning to care for myself and others. I had been clean and sober for a while before this concept of really learning to care emerged into my consciousness. I had been going through the motions, trying to "fake it 'til I made it." One night I went to a meeting and a good friend of mine was not there. Something was wrong, he was always at my home group meeting. No one had heard anything from him in days. I learned later that night that he had died of an overdose. Once the shock wore off and I had time to talk with my sponsor, I looked back at all the opportunities I had to show my friend that I cared, but didn't. I know that this could not have prevented what had happened, but I also knew that I could not let these kind of opportunities pass me by again. Do I show others in the program that I care?
Meditations for the Heart
It was in the darkest of places that God rescued me from my disease. I know now that God would have crossed mountains or deserts to find me. I know He would have crawled through briar patches, broken glass, and even the fires of hell to reclaim me. I have learned that nothing can separate me from His love and care. I have learned that I need to join my Higher Power in this quest for those that are lost. In reaching out to others and letting them know I care, I have discovered that I am really helping myself. My carelessness disappears when I reach out to others. This does not mean that I am willing to put myself or my recovery at risk, but it does mean that I need to be willing to carry the message and I need to be willing to show others I care. Sometimes, this means offering someone a ride to a meeting or hanging out with someone after a meeting because they need to talk. Sometimes it means being willing to make a phone call and at other times it means helping someone laugh out loud. Am I willing to show others that I care?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today, help me to not focus on myself, but on the needs of others. Let me reach out and show someone that I care. Help me to not worry about being self-conscious and trust that You will guide me in my efforts to show others that I do care. I also want to thank you for finding me in that dark place I was and rescuing me from the insanity of my disease.
Amen