Sharing

[MajestyJo]

Thursday, February 20, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

Say what you like: say I'm ill,
Say I broke my leg on the stairs,
Say we've had a fire
—T. S. Eliot

Think of the trouble of excuses and lies. They force us to make ourselves sick, live with a whole broken leg, start some sort of slow burn. When we tell someone we're not at home, we have to hide in that place. When we invent a long line of lies, we have to memorize each one. It's easiest just to come clean, use plain and simple words, and speak true. When accusers spear us with their stares, we can disarm them by looking them right in the eye.

Not only do lies deceive others, they keep us hidden from ourselves, and make our real reasons for the choices we've made seem unworthy, if we feel we can't express them. Better that we be truthful, even if a little pain results. Truth keeps communication lines open. Then, when someone really wants to know what's on our minds, we can simply open our hearts.

Is anything too terrible to tell to a friend?

This reminds me of a day when I had 3 years sober, and don't even remember the issue at hand, but called my sponsor, and a few close friends and all I got was answering machines. I felt like I just had to talk to someone, and it was in between meetings, so I made the decision to pick up my phone book. I started at the back and worked my way through and finally got someone in the "R"s and it was a guy named Ross. I said, "I hope you have time, I need to talk and you are it. This same guy told me once, after I called myself stupid, "Jo you may be a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. This guy started a group across the street from where I lived at the time, and if it was still in operation today, it would be next door, it was in the mall next door to me, in the same building as my pharmacy. I wouldn't have to go outside to go to the meeting.

I know that I need to share and not keep things to myself. Because of my pain, I don't get out to meetings very often, and I can't sit and talk for any length of time, so I am glad that my fingers can do my talking here on the site.

[MajestyJo]

The process works no matter what your drug of choice is. A drug is anything outside of yourself that becomes your 'god' for the day, you take the drug, and the drug takes you.

The Al-Anon program will work for anyone who approaches it with an open mind. We cannot expect miracles overnight; it took years to create the situation in which we find ourselves today.

I will keep myself receptive and listen. I will not be quick to judge and say: "Yes, but my case is so different." The details may differ, but basically my story is the same as that of all those who live with the problem of alcoholism.

I must cling to this one thought: Al-Anon can change my life-if I give it a chance.

Today's Reminder
If I take to myself each day even one small new idea, heard at a meeting or read in Al-Anon literature, I will make progress. Things may not work out as I want them to, but as my point of view changes, what I thought I wanted changes, too. My ultimate contentment does not depend on having things work out my way.

"We may think we can change the things around us according to our desires, but when a solution does come, we find it was our desires that had changed."

One Day At A Time

This reminds me that I didn't get this way overnight and that recovery is not a quick fix, it is an ongoing process.

The person that came into recovery is no more, the person who was, before recovery is no more, the person who is today, hopefully will progress to someone who is no more and goes on to be a new 'light' being, a Child of God, walking in His Light.

This was posted in 2005. Another example that this is a one day at a time program, it is still working in 2014.

[MajestyJo]

Today's Reading from Night Light is about fathers.

Some of us remember our fathers with joy, some with sorrow and pain. We may feel cheated out of our relationship with him.

A wonderful relationship with our fathers is a gift, but many of us have not delighted in this gift. For those of us who have had difficult relationships with our dads the reading suggests that we look back and remember the good things about him. Keeping it in a positive frame of mind. And to remember that he was doing the best he could at the time.

A father who waits, worries, counsels and is concerned is a gift.

Do you remember your dad ? And what was that relationship like?

This was posted on another site in 2004 in response to the reading above:

My father always seemed very easy going and after I was I was in recovery I had a dream which portrayed him as a violent man. I could not understand this because he only spanked me once.

He ruled by silence. It was the law, "Daddy is home..."

I don't remember having a conversation with my father until I was 26 years old. I am not saying I didn't, because most of my life is blanked out. He said, "You use to be such a quiet young thing, now you are making up for lost time!" I became his drinking buddy when I wasn't out partying with someone else. I could always be sure that when I got home, there would be 'more' at home.

When I got married the second time I asked him if he wanted us to move out and find our own place or stay with him. He said, "Stay!" He kicked us out at 11 p.m. at night, we came home from the Legion and he was drunk and told us to get out. I woke my son up, and called a friend and we stayed there for two weeks until we found our own place. He was a bachelor and enjoyed someone else doing the cooking, but I know he was glad of his own space when we left.

I called my father on the Monday to see if he would come and join us for Christmas dinner. He was seen going into the liquor store on Tuesday. He was found by my husband and his brother who arrived at the same time on the Friday and he had been dead for three days. His heart medication was al over the floor and the dresser. The temperature was over 80 deg. He had lost the will to die when his girlfriend of ten years was killed in a car accident. He drank himself to death. I had a resentment for many years that he didn't care when my mother passed away, and that he had more feeling for this woman who he knew before my mother passed away.

What an insidious disease this is! It takes everything, body, mind and spirit not only of those with it but those who are around it. I took it on as my own, I firmly believe we are products of our environment. My sisters don't drink, but they knew that if they did, they would drink alcoholically.

His birthday was December 3rd, and it took many years before the hurt healed. He died just before Christmas and we tried to make it good for the grand kids, but it left very deep scars on us all.

[MajestyJo]

My son is in a big depression and I haven't been too far behind him. The only difference is that he is using and I am not.

The sad thing is that I allowed him to use me today and didn't say no, and I didn't set a strong enough boundary; and I am not feeling too good about it at the moment. I am hurting, not only for myself; but for him. He wants to run, leave town, even though he knows that where ever he goes, he has to go along and his thoughts will follow him.