Wisdom For Today - February

[bluidkiti]

February 1

Wisdom for Today
One day I woke up and suddenly realized that I knew how to stay clean and sober. As long as I walked the walk, I knew I could make it. I was no longer worried about whether I could stay that way. But this was only the beginning. As I continued to work the steps, I also found new friends in the program. I wasn’t lonely anymore. I had found a new camaraderie and fellowship. I found new relationships with my family – not all of them, but most of my family. The barriers and walls I had built had been torn down. There was a new happiness in my heart.
I also found that many of my troubles and life's problems had either disappeared or diminished to the point that they no longer bothered me. Even my shortcomings were becoming less problematic. They had not vanished into thin air, but I found that I was behaving differently and no longer relied on my defects of character as a means to cope with life. I found that I was dealing with life differently. I found that I was different. God had done a lot to change my life and me. Am I starting to see the benefits of living the program?
Meditations for the Heart
I used to be filled with alcohol and drugs. Now I am filled with my Higher Power. I carry Him on the inside. He is also all around me and walks with me on this journey called recovery. With God on the inside and on the outside, He can see me as no other can. He knows the inner workings of my heart and mind. He sees what I do and how I behave. He is there and reminds me when I still fall short. He is also there to pick me up when I stumble on the path of life. He has given me new goals in life and has shown me the way. Can I see that my Higher Power’s way is the best way?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Sometimes I get frustrated when other people don’t understand me, but You never frustrate me in this way. You know everything there is to know about me. You know me on the inside and on the outside. You know me even better than I know myself. Help me today to trust Your understanding and to look to You for guidance on this pathway of life. Let me continue to use the program in all that I do today.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 2

Wisdom for Today
There is a real sense of relief when you realize that a Power greater is in charge. When I could finally let go of trying to control everything and let God run the show, I found a new sense of inner peace. It did not take long for me to relax about my ability to stay clean and sober once I truly began to trust and have faith in a Power outside of myself. I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. I needed help.
It was only then that I was able to really open myself and take advantage of all the opportunities in recovery. I found that I was not only gaining a feeling of genuine happiness and inner serenity, but I also found that I was becoming useful. Imagine me – useful! I had been the person walking around feeling like a real loser; and now I was being productive, useful and felt like I mattered. I no longer felt like a piece of junk but realized that I was valued. With God in charge I became somebody of worth. Am I enjoying the benefits of letting go and letting God?
Meditations for the Heart
Much of AA had its early roots in many of the principles found in the Bible. There is a passage in the Bible that says, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God , and all these things will be added unto you.” This principle of seeking a strong spiritual foundation first is at the very crux of what makes one successful in recovery. As long as we continue to rely on ourselves or on material things, we do not find that inner peace. Each of us has our own concept and understanding of who or what God is. But it is the reliance on this Power outside us that makes a real difference in our lives. Letting go of my character defects would not have been possible if I had no one to turn them over to. I needed not to just stop behaving the way I did, but I also had to start behaving differently. I could not do this without the help of my Higher Power. Do I have a strong spiritual foundation?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I know that for me to experience good things in life is not dependent on what I do. I know that I will never be perfect in my spiritual foundation, but Your grace will provide for me a new life. Help me this day to let go and trust that You are in charge. Teach me the changes I need to make so that I may experience all that You offer.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 3

Wisdom for Today
I have been at meetings and watched as newcomers enter the room and sit down. The looks on their faces are always the same – quiet desperation. They sit down, often times still smelling from their last binge. Relatively soon one or two good-hearted souls will walk over and welcome this new prospect, offer a cup of coffee and chat with them. What surprises me is the reaction I sometimes see by the other people in the room. There is this avoidance that occurs, little or no eye contact and not even a word to the newcomer. Even after the meeting I see these same people leave without saying a word to this new person.
In the Bible there is a story about the "Good Samaritan." A man lies wounded and robbed on the side of the road. A Levite walks by him quickly and does nothing to help the man. A priest soon follows and does the same thing, leaving the man bleeding and battered. Then a Samaritan walks by, bandages the man’s wounds and uses his own money to put him in an inn where he will be cared for and nursed back to health. Too often I believe we forget that we are no different than the wounded and beaten man. My disease completely tore my whole life apart. Too often I think we avoid looking at and reaching out to help the newcomer. Yes, sometimes it is scary for me to look directly into the eyes of addiction, in part because it reminds me of who I am. Yet, am I not responsible to offer help to others, just like I was given help when I walked through the door? Am I willing to be a "Good Samaritan?"
Meditations for the Heart
Reaching out to others is not always easy. I know for myself, I often find that I feel inadequate. Sometimes I let judgment or fear get in the way. However, I have found that in reaching out to others, particularly to newcomers, I am really helping myself. I have also found that I really don't need to worry about being adequate; my Higher Power has a way of taking care of that if I let Him. It is truly wonderful when I see these new prospects returning to meetings day after day, but the real miracle is what happens to me when I act in unselfish ways. For years I felt that I had no real value and was just a worthless person. In reaching out and offering a helping hand, I find that something wonderful happens inside of me. I find that I feel like I have value and that I can be unselfish and giving. This is what makes it all work. Do I help myself by helping others?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
As I walk on this path called recovery, I find that I run into others just like myself who need to be bandaged and helped back to life. I know I cannot provide healing, but I do know from experience in my life that You can bring healing to the lives of those in need. Let me not walk away from those who need a helping hand. Give me courage to reach out and carry the message to others when the opportunity arises. Thank You for helping me to feel valuable again.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 4

Wisdom for Today
Learning to have compassion is important for an alcoholic or an addict who wants to carry the message to others. I needed a compassionate response from others when I first walked through the doors of the program. What is compassion? Well, it means that a person is both sympathetic and patient. It was easy for me to be sympathetic to others new to the program. Their story was just like mine. Yes, the events that had happened in their lives were different than the events in mine, but the struggle with addiction was the same. It was the patience that I really struggled with.
Yet I knew that finding this patience with the newcomer was exactly what they needed, just as I had needed it when I walked through the door. I needed to be willing to let God work in this person just as He worked in me. When I really was honest with myself, I knew that I was probably a real pain to others when I first came to the program. Between the fear, complaining, anger, sadness and just plain stupidity I displayed, I know I must have tried the patience of many who were reaching out to me. Now I was in a place to give back what I had received. Learning to be compassionate was not easy; but it is what I needed to provide the newcomer, just as I had been given this wonderful gift in my early recovery. Am I compassionate with others?
Meditations for the Heart
I hope that I never grow tired of prayer. It seems to me that too often I have wanted to give up praying before I received an answer. Then unexpectedly God provides an answer to the question I have bought before Him. Oftentimes I regret I do not pray more. It is surprising the way many of my prayers are answered. Oftentimes it is not what I expect, but it is always what I need. When I pray for strength, I am given the courage I need. When I pray for an answer, God lets me know in His own way what I should do. As I have prayed, I find that my trust in a Higher Power grows stronger. Prayer is a healthy habit that all addicts and alcoholics should develop. For it is in prayer that I am in communion with God. It is in prayer that I understand His will for me. It is in prayer that my spiritual life is given meaning. Do I come to my Higher Power in prayer?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Teach me to be compassionate to others in need. Help me to reach out and show patience with these individuals. Let me provide this gift to others without passing judgment, just as the gift was given to me. Strengthen me in praying faithfully to You and in seeking Your guidance.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 5

Wisdom for Today
There are really two reasons that we attend meetings. The first is obvious; we do it to stay clean and sober. Many people have tried to stay sober on their own only to fail. In fact, when I relapsed early in my recovery, I had stopped going to meetings. And just about everyone who relapses stops attending meetings prior to their relapse. We just can't do it on our own. I have found that I need to be around other recovering people in order to stay clean and sober myself. There have been times that I did not go that often, and invariably my thinking gets screwed up.
The other reason that we go to meetings is to help other people. It is in helping others that we learn more about ourselves. I'm not sure if this is God's way of keeping us awake. But on more than one occasion, as I was listening to another addict or alcoholic, I would hear them say things that directly applied to my life. Over time I have learned that one addict or alcoholic is not smarter than another; they are just individuals that have more life experience. Often times the most important lessons I have learned in recovery have come from newcomers. Even when it comes to my character defects, these newcomers can often teach me a thing or two. Yes, I still seek the advice of the old-timers because of their life experience, but even the newcomer has much to offer me. Have I recognized that I cannot stay clean and sober without the help of others?
Meditations for the Heart
Sometimes I find that I really need a change in my perspective. I know something is not right, but I'm not really sure what. I just know that I am not functioning the way I need to. I have found that one of the best ways for me to change my perspective is to stop looking at what is going on in my life and start looking to my Higher Power through eyes of faith. When I stop looking through my eyes and start looking through the eyes of faith, my whole perspective on life changes. When I look through the eyes of faith things like despair, worry, fear and weakness disappear. When I look through the eyes of faith, I find peace of mind, reassurance, strength and vital power to move forward in my life. It is through these eyes of faith that God grants serenity. It is with these eyes that I can receive His gifts. Will I look at life through eyes of faith today?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
More and more each day I see the miracle You have created in my life. My heart does not feel so heavy, and my thoughts no longer race. You have given me the tools I need for this day. You have surrounded me with others who can teach me along the way. Help me to look to You though eyes of faith, and grant me serenity in my day.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 6

Wisdom for Today
One place I continually fell short in my early recovery was looking at the positive aspects of my life. It was just too easy to get caught up in focusing on the negatives. I would complain and whine about everything in my life and not look at the fact that I through the grace of God had stayed clean and sober one more day. I was a good one for “awful-izing” in recovery. Then my sponsor told me to start a gratitude list. He told me that I needed to identify at least one thing each day for which I was grateful. This assignment did a lot to adjust my attitude about life.
I was beginning to see that just waking up without my head feeling three sizes too big was a good thing. Showing up for work on time and giving an honest day's labor was a good thing. Actually taking time to play with my children was a good thing. Showing my spouse that I valued her support and that I wanted to be a support for her was a big thing. Yes, I continued to make mistakes, and there are times when certain character defects raise their ugly head in my life, but I don’t need to focus on just the negative aspects of my life anymore. Do I practice progress, not perfection, in my life?
Meditations for the Heart
A big part of my attitude change was due in large part to an underlying belief that better things would come. I had heard the “promises” read at meetings, and I began to believe that these things could and would happen for me if I stayed clean and sober. I began to see how my Higher Power was looking out for me and that He was working to change my sorrow into joy. I began to genuinely laugh again. I began to look at my whole life differently. I no longer perceived myself as a real loser. I didn’t have to walk around covered with shame. I began to see my life and myself differently, but most of all I began to see God differently. I no longer saw God as a punishing judge, but as a friend - a friend who was willing to point out my shortcomings and show me how to overcome them. I could make changes with His help. Do I believe the promises of recovery are available to me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Too often I take life for granted. Every day You give me breath, and everyday You show me how to remain clean and sober. So much of my life in recovery is filled with good things that I sometimes overlook these events and just focus on the negative aspects of my day. Help me this day to celebrate the good that is so much a part of my life. Help me to remember how it is that these events occur and remain grateful for each gift I receive from You.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 7

Wisdom for Today
Fellowship is such an important part of the program for me. In developing relationships and true friendships with other addicts and alcoholics in recovery, I also was developing a support system. There was a group of people I could fall back on, and they would lift me up. Sometimes I would go for months and even years where everything seemed to go along pretty smoothly. Then some event would occur that seemed to turn my life upside down. Some of these events were consequences of my addiction that did not occur until long after I sobered up. I was still paying the price for my behaviors when using drugs and alcohol even though I had stopped using. Sometimes these events were just a part of life – looking for a new job, a death in the family, illness or other losses.
Regardless of the cause, these events had a way of stealing my serenity. I needed a group of people I could fall back on and trust that they would lift me back up. The fellowship provided that safety net for me. And not just for me! I have seen everyone I know in the program have to deal with complicating factors and life transitions in their recovery process. Those people who had a safety net fared much better. This did not mean that these times were not painful or cause sadness or anger. These events often were scary; but with the help of others willing to pick me up, I could get back on track more quickly. I didn’t need to go off the deep end. Do I have a safety net?
Meditations for the Heart
Another Bible story I really like is the story of two men, one who built his house on the sand and another who built his house on the rock. When the storms came, the man who had built his house on the sand watched as all his hard work crumbled. The man who had built his house on the rock had his work weather the storm without damage. In working the program, I was asked to search for this rock before I started to build my house. This rock for me has been my Higher Power, my sponsor and my home group. Finding this rock took some time; but looking back, I am really glad that I did not take the “easier, softer way.” I have watched those people who built their recovery home on the sand. Eventually, they find out that “half measures avail them nothing.” Is my recovery built on a rock?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Encourage me to build my house on solid rock and develop strong relationships with others in the program. Let me do the maintenance work on my house so that it stands strong against the wind and rain of life. You have the blueprints for this house. Let me follow Your plans so that I rest assured that the house I build in recovery can and will stand even against the most severe storm.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 8

Wisdom for Today
Sometimes when I was sitting at a meeting, I would hear someone else describe a life struggle, and I would say to myself, “I’ve been there.” Maybe my experience is not exactly the same, but the feeling seemed to be identical. The thinking and beliefs were the same. Then when it was my turn to comment, I stayed with the topic rather than relate my experience. For a long time I did this, and I’m not really sure why I did that. Maybe it was because I didn’t want to look like a non-conformist. Maybe it was because I was so new in the program and didn’t think my life experience was of any value. Maybe it was because I thought that I would sound foolish. I’m not really sure.
But as I grew in my program, I began to reach out to others. I would share my experiences when it was turn to comment. I would seek people out after the meeting and talk with them further. I began to discover that sharing my life made me feel better. Even if what I had to say didn’t help the other person, it helped me. Helping others is one of the best ways to help you stay clean and sober. And when you hear back that sharing your experience actually helped the other person, well, helping someone else has to be one of the greatest of all human experiences. Do I regularly share my experience, strength and hope?
Meditations for the Heart
I can remember times in my recovery where it really felt like I was at war. Dealing with some of my life problems or character defects or matters of self-will, I felt like I was under constant attack from the enemy; and I didn’t even really know who the enemy was. Sometimes I felt like I was my own worst enemy. History has been filled with many battles and wars. There have been great leaders, and there have been really sick tyrants. But all these leaders and tyrants pass, wars end, and then someone else tries to dominate. In recovery the real wars we fight are within. Yes, we may want to direct our anger and rage at someone else. We may want to blame others. But the real battles are spiritual battles. It is only in winning these spiritual battles that we experience a victory that leads to joy, peace of mind and an abundant life. I have found that I need to face all my spiritual battles with a heart of courage and one of faith. Do I know that where God is, there is also victory?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Lead me to share my life experience with others in the program, just as others helped me by sharing their life experiences with me. Help me to have a heart filled with courage and faith, so that I may be rewarded with victory in the spiritual battles I face in my life. Let me be a strong warrior in these battles, filled with the confidence that You are on my side.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 9

Wisdom for Today
Sometimes in my work with addicts and alcoholics, I hear them say they don’t get anything out of a meeting. I ask them, “Well, what did you put into it?” One thing the program has taught me is the importance of sharing. When I was drinking and using, I really didn’t share much of anything about myself. The reasons for this were many. Often times I didn’t share simply because I was so out of touch with what was going on inside of me that I had nothing to share. Other times it was because I was too ashamed to talk about what was happening in my life. Sometimes resentment or judging others got in the way. Probably one of the main reasons I didn’t share with others was simply because of my self-centeredness and selfishness. Even though family and my using buddies surrounded me, I was lonely.

When I listen to addicts and alcoholics at meetings, we all have our own way of screaming. As we share, we release many of the frustrations, fears, sadness, pain and other difficulties we face in our lives. We also share what has worked for us. We share what quiets our screaming. What has amazed me about my sharing at meetings is what I get back in return. By telling my story, sharing my experience, strengths and hope, I find that the compulsion to drink or use is removed. I find that I gain new clarity and insight into what I need to change. I find that the problems of my life don’t seem so big. I find that I am not alone. I find that I gain an inner peace. It is in giving of myself that I receive these things. Am I sharing in meetings?
Meditations for the Heart
As I shared my story, I found that the road to recovery straightened out. It no longer had as many twists and turns. My character was being developed in this process. God knew that I needed to share. He knew I needed to unload the garbage of my life. Through obedience to His vision and openly sharing, my path was made straight. I still experience some bumps along my journey, but this is always because I loose sight of God’s vision and will for me. But even these bumps along the way teach me to return to the basics. I need to go back to meetings and share what is going on. I needed to go back to the steps and once again turn over my will and my life to God’s care. I also need to share my life struggles in prayer. In this quiet communion with my Higher Power, I am shown the way to get back on the path and continue my journey of recovery. Do I share my struggles in prayer?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

I must stop along the path of recovery today and thank You for all that I receive by sharing my story, my struggles and my hopes. I know that these gifts are from You and that they are not something I earn. They are simply gifts I receive from You because of my participation in the program You have led me to. Help me this day to keep an open mind and to be obedient to Your divine vision.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 10

Wisdom for Today
I remember the incredible honesty of the sharing I heard at meetings when I first started to attend. I was just amazed as one person after another openly described his or her own faults. I was encouraged by the ones I heard share a real sense of hope. It really didn't matter if it was an open meeting, closed meeting, topic or discussion meeting. Even at study meetings when I heard people read from conference-approved literature, their comments were open and honest. I really found it hard to share at first. But as I became more comfortable and less paranoid in meetings, I began to open up as well. It then seemed that the floodgates were opened. All the baggage I had been carrying around had to be unloaded. I found that I felt better when I left the meeting. Something was different.
Even after working through many of the steps and sharing my story of how it was, I have found that I still need to unload sometimes. Life has problems, and I have found that I need meetings as a sounding board. I still need to bounce things off of other people. I still need to do reality testing to check out my thinking and attitudes. Sometimes I still need to talk about the pain that life can bring. Other times I simply need to share the joys that I experience. Do I recognize that sharing is important if I want to stay clean and sober?
Meditations for the Heart
Call on the strengths of God and claim them as your own. I remember walking into the Twelve Step program and feeling like a weakling. The disease had physically, psychologically, morally and spiritually beaten me. I knew that I could not do it on my own; and even if I could muster all the strength I had, it would not be enough. Fortunately the program has taught me not to rely on my strength but on my Higher Power's strength. I know I can also count on the strength of my home group and my sponsor. There is more than enough strength available to me. All I need to do is claim it. When I am facing a struggle or needing to make a decision, I turn to my Higher Power. I ask God for strength and guidance. When I am reasonably sure of the direction that God wants me to go, I claim His strength and move forward with confidence that the strength I have been given will be sufficient to accomplish what I need to do. Each day I am given the strength I need for the journey, and each day I can go back to the renewable source of strength that is God. Do I turn to God daily for the renewable supply of strength I need?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Thank You for the strength I am given for this day. I know I do not need to worry about tomorrow because the source of my strength is You. I can seek renewed strength whenever I need it and can trust that it is always there for me. Help me this day to share all that I need to share. Give me courage not to hold back, because I know that secrets can hurt me.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 11

Wisdom for Today
One of my biggest struggles in recovery has been to learn patience. My will always wants what it wants, and it wants it right now. Addiction taught me immediate gratification. In recovery I had to learn about delayed gratification. My life did not just turn around because I stopped drinking and using drugs. It has taken time to learn a new way of living. Frequently during this process of change, I have struggled with impatience. Much of this was in part due to unrealistic expectations. It has not been easy to learn to be patient.
I recall going to a meeting one night, and I spent a good deal of time complaining about my day. I was looking for people to agree with me and feel sorry for me because everything that could have gone bad that day did. Several people commented after I had spoken, and then it was passed to an old-timer in the group. I did not receive any pity, nor did he even agree with me and how I felt. He simply looked at me and said that it sounded to him like God had given me many opportunities to practice patience throughout my day. This really angered me, but it also stuck like glue because it was true. If I had been patient throughout the day, my attitude would have been very different when I came to the meeting that night. Soon I began looking at many of life's challenges as opportunities to practice patience. Do I see that the challenges I face must be faced with patience?
Meditations for the Heart
Life is full of challenges. Even in recovery many of these challenges can turn out tragically. When this happens, it is easy to think that somehow I have failed. There is no failure in tragedy; the real failure comes in all the little things I could have done differently before the tragedy occurred. It may not have prevented the tragedy; but if all those little things had been done differently, my ability to cope with the tragedy would be very different. It is often in these little things that I fail. Sometimes it is my impatience. Other times it is my failure to turn it over to my Higher Power. Sometimes it is when I fail to ask for help. There are many reasons. However, when I set my mind to do the next right thing and follow after God's will, I find that tragedy does not seem like a failure to me. I can look back and know that I did everything I could have done. My mind and my heart are better prepared to deal with the tragedy when it does occur. Am I paying attention to the little things?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
In addiction I always looked for life in the fast lane. Teach me to slow down and be patient. Help me to stay focused on the little things along the way. Let me practice doing the next right thing. Change how I look at life, and let me see life through Your eyes. Give me direction for this day, and guide my steps.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 12

Wisdom for Today
I can remember when I thought I was really unique. I thought I was different and believed that I was not like all "those people" I knew that were "real" alcoholics and addicts. I wasn't like them. I was different. I could control it. I had more willpower. Even when the disease had finally whipped me, I continued to think I was unique. I thought that my problems were worse than others. I thought that no one could possibly understand what I had been through; and even if they could, there was no way they could help me face my unique set of problems. I was suffering with terminal uniqueness.
In recovery I slowly learned that I was not unique. I was no different than every other addict and alcoholic. I struggled with the same disease and the same recovery process. As I began to work through the steps, most of my terminal uniqueness disappeared - with one exception. As an alcoholic and addict I have a unique ability to be useful to others who are in the same boat as I am. I can share my experience, strength and hope with others. This makes me uniquely useful. Twelve Step groups are made up of individuals who are uniquely capable of helping each other. I can take my greatest failures and defeats and use them to help others. Can I see that being someone who has been through active addiction puts me in a unique spot to help others?
Meditations for the Heart
Practice does not make one perfect; it just makes them better. I will never in this life be able to have a perfect relationship with my Higher Power, but practice can make my relationship with God better. Through prayer and meditation I can feel the presence of God. I can experience Him strengthening, protecting and leading me. In every joy I can celebrate His presence and reach out to Him with a grateful heart. In every struggle I can reach out and ask for His help. I can share my fear, frustration, loneliness or anything that is bothering me. I do not need to carry the burden by myself. I try to live life as if God were standing beside me in all that I do. I do not do this perfectly; none of us can. But it is something that can be practiced; and as it is practiced, I find that I get better. Recovery is not about getting well, but it is about getting better. Each year on my anniversary I want to look back and see that I am better than the year before. Do I practice my spiritual relationship with my Higher Power each day?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
It is good to not struggle with terminal uniqueness anymore. Help me to use my unique perspectives of life to reach out to others. Let me walk with You by my side today and practice my relationship with You. Keep leading me in each step that I take on this journey of recovery. Help me to show others the way that leads to You.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 13

Wisdom for Today
One thing I learned relatively quickly in the program was the importance of telling on my disease. Keeping things locked inside did me no good. I had to open up and tell others when my disease was acting out. In the early going, it seemed like this was all the time. My addiction was working overtime to try and convince me to return to the insanity. Sometimes it was cravings or urges to use that I needed to talk about. I had this addictive preoccupation with getting high. I would romance the high, remembering all the good times. I was not thinking about the consequences and pain that my disease had caused. I was glorifying my drinking and my drug use.

Other times it was anger and resentment that was boiling on the inside. Then there were the times that guilt or shame had its way with me. Still other times my denial and dishonesty would play games with me. Regardless of how my addiction was acting out, I needed to share. Keeping secrets only kept me sick. Even now with years into recovery, I find that my disease looks for opportunities to act out. Even though the compulsion to drink or use is no longer present, I can see that my illness will look for any chink in the armor. Recovery at times is a war, and a good friend of mine helped me by telling me to keep my helmet strap tight. He was referring to the armor that any warrior wears. When my disease acts out, do I tell on my disease and keep my helmet strap tight?
Meditations for the Heart
The program gave to me the armor I wear in recovery. I have been provided with the steps and many other tools to protect me from any assault that my disease may bring against me. It is when I remove the armor that I become vulnerable. If I stop going to meetings, stop using the steps or stop relying on my Higher Power, I put myself at risk. My disease knows this and lies in wait. It sneaks up on me when I least expect it. This is why I need to tell on my disease and share what is going on with me. This is why even years into recovery I still must wear the armor I was provided in the early days of my recovery. When I am under attack, I need to go to more meetings. I need to tell others what is going on with me. If I do this, I know I can be confident that my Higher Power will protect me. Do I wear the armor I have been given?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

When I was naked, You clothed me with a fine suit of armor. This armor still protects me today. Even though the battles I fight do not occur as often, I know that I still must wear this suit of armor, for it is only in wearing this armor that I can be confident in battles that I must fight with my disease. You bring victory to me each day that I remain clean and sober. For this I am grateful.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 14

Wisdom for Today
Recovery is not always easy. When I looked back at all the people I had harmed, there were many with whom I was anxious to make amends. Many of the people I was closest with – my family and friends – the amends began just because I was staying clean and sober. But making amends and repairing the damage done would take me some time and a consistent change in my behavior. The financial amends, although overwhelming, were perhaps the easiest. I simply needed to arrange to pay back what I owed and then be responsible for following through and making the payments.

There were other amends that were much more difficult. Some amends really frightened me, and I would need to find courage – courage that I did not have. Here depending on my sponsor and my Higher Power was essential if the repair work was ever to be completed. There were amends that I simply did not want to make. Anger, resentment and hurt stood in the way. In order to become willing to make these amends, I would need to find a way to forgive these people. No reconciliation would be possible until I could find a way in my heart to forgive the pain caused by these people. Then there were the amends I needed to make with myself. I would need to find a way not only to forgive myself but also accept me for who I was. I would need to become the person I wanted to be. I would need to become the person God wanted me to be. Repairing the damage and changing my behavior was not an easy task. Yet I knew that if I wanted to remain clean and sober, I would need to accomplish this step. Am I ready to begin the process of making amends?
Meditations for the Heart
Sometimes I do really stupid things in recovery. I ask myself, “How could I have been so stupid?” Well, the answer to this question is easy. In almost all of these situations, I reacted to events and did not seek out wisdom before I acted. I have learned through my errors and by my mistakes that simply reacting only to situations can hurt others or me. It is important for me to seek out wisdom before I respond to life on life’s terms. I need to talk with my sponsor, other recovering people and to God before choosing a direction for my response to life. In the Serenity Prayer, we pray, “and the wisdom to know the difference.” Gaining this wisdom happens only when I am willing to seek it out. Stupidity happens when I don’t stop to think. Stupidity happens when I don’t talk to others before responding to life. Stupidity happens when I react emotionally to life without thinking about what a wise response would be. The good news is that wisdom is something that can be gained by anyone. Do I seek out wisdom in all that I do?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Somewhere in this day I am likely to have an opportunity to be stupid. Help me not to react without thinking. Let me seek out wisdom in all that I do. Give me the courage to make amends with everyone with whom I need to do this. Let me be wise in doing the repair work that I need to do.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

February 15

Wisdom for Today
“Made direct amends.” Doing the repair work I needed to do required action on my part. For some of the people I had harmed, I really had no idea even where to begin. Saying I was sorry just would not be enough. I had said that I was sorry a million times. What was required was change. I needed to make a firm commitment not to behave in the ways I had when I was drinking and using drugs. I needed to be different. It was this difference that would potentially repair the damage. I had to be careful though. I could neither assume nor expect that the mending of what I had done would be accepted. Forgiveness and reconciliation are gifts of grace, and there were those whom I had harmed that would not be gracious.

The amends I made were not so much for the other person but for me. I could look at myself and know in my mind and my heart that I had cleaned my side of the street. I could not assume that the other person would be willing to even acknowledge my effort. Fortunately the vast majority of people I knew did accept me again. Forgiveness and reconciliation happened, and new bonds were formed. Perhaps the greatest pay off for me in completing this step was the fact that I no longer was tormented by my past. The Big Book says, “We will not regret the past, nor will we wish to shut the door on it.” I believe this only becomes true in completing this step. Today I can look at the past, but I don’t have to stare at it. Can I make amends without expectations?
Meditations for the Heart
It is truly a gift of recovery to be able to reclaim relationships. Through the process of making amends, my relationships with family and friends improved by leaps and bounds. People that I had hurt, lied to, used and manipulated were able to see a new me and risk trusting me again. But I now know this was only possible because God reclaimed me. I had turned away from God and even run from Him in my addiction; but through the process of recovery, brought about by working the steps, I opened the door to a relationship with a Higher Power. As soon as I did this, God reclaimed me. As soon as I made amends to others and they opened the door to me, I could reclaim these relationships. None of this would have been possible without my Higher Power. Do I recognize the gifts that the program brings?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Sometimes I like to take credit for the changes that have occurred in my life. But I know in my heart that none of this would have been possible without You first reclaiming me. Give me the courage to mend the brokenness I caused in my addiction. Let me not be consumed with expectations and simply accept Your gracious gifts.
Amen.