Today's Thought - February

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February 1

Life is perfect, just the way it is and just the way it is not.

~Peggy Bassett

Coming to believe that life is perfect however it is takes willingness and concentrated faith. Most of us waste precious hours every day wishing for something that isn't. Will we ever learn?

It isn't wrong to want some things to be different. If our own behavior can inspire positive changes in ourselves or others, then it's not wrong to take responsibility for what we can do. What is futile, though, is assuming we know what is best for everyone. We can't see the big picture. God gives us only what we need right now. What may look like trouble, what may appear as imperfect one minute, may be God's greater plan. Let's wait and see.

I will find comfort in the message that all is well. I will use that today if I get worried about how events seem to be unfolding.

Today's reading is from the book A Woman's Spirit: More meditations for Women*

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February 2

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person.

~Wilbert Donald Gough

No matter how much two people love each other, no matter how compatible they are, no matter how great they are as lovers, they will confront matters and situations where their habits and differences will clash. When we face a frustrating obstacle, our first impulse is to blame the other person who doesn't fit what we want. But our most effective way of improving our relationship is to look beyond that first impulse and focus on what we can change: ourselves.

We need to persistently be the best partner we know how to be. Our partner is not a model of our own creation and was not put on this earth just to fulfill our own image. As good partners, we try to be good listeners and open ourselves to our beloved. We cut our partner some slack when it's needed; we offer forgiveness. We don't use our partner's immature response as an excuse for us to be immature. We practice the kind of detachment that allows our partner self-determination. We don't try to fix or mold our beloved to our wishes.

Today, I will focus on being the best partner I know how to be, regardless of what my partner says or does.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

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February 9

AA Thought for the Day

After we've made a surrender, the drinking problem is out of our hands and in the hands of God. The thing we have to do is to be sure that we never reach out and take the problem back into our own hands. Leave it in God's hands. Whenever I'm tempted to take a drink, I must say to myself: "I can't do that. I've made a bargain with God not to drink. I know God doesn't want me to drink and so I won't do it." At the same time, I say a little prayer to God for the strength needed to keep the bargain with Him. Am I going to keep my bargain with God?
Meditation for the Day

I will try to grow in this new life. I will think of spiritual things often, and unconsciously, I will grow. The nearer I get to the new life, the more I will see my unfitness. My sense of failure is a sure sign that I am growing in the new life. It is only struggle that hurts. In sloth - physical, mental, or spiritual - there is no sense of failure or discomfort. With struggle and effort, I am conscious not of strength but of weakness until I am really living the new life. But in the struggle, I can always rely on the power of God to help me.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may see signs of my growth in the new life. I pray that I may always keep trying to grow.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day: A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life*

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February 4

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole ... nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it ... it was a hobbit hole, and that means comfort.

~J. R. R. Tolkien

Home is a place of comfort. When we go away and have to adjust to a different bed and someone else's cooking, we quickly discover how comfortable our own home is. Comfort in a home is more than just a familiar bed and favorite food, it is something we can give to each other. We can make home a place where we can relax and be ourselves without fear of rejection.

Each of us needs a special little place where we can come and seek refuge from the world, our own little "fort." Children are often busy making "forts," but all of us in the family need to work at making the place where we live together a fort where we can all gather for rest.

What can I add to our comfort today?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families*

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February 5

Some things have to be believed to be seen.

~Ralph Hodgson

In recovery, we learn to trust. We trust that our Higher Power is on our side. Maybe we can't see our Higher Power, but once we start trusting, things change. Step Two says, "Came to believe ... " Once we come to believe, we start to see our Higher Power working in many ways. We make new program friends. We find new peace. Our family and friends trust us again.

Life won't always be fair. We won't get all we want. But we'll find the love and care we need. If we're open to believing in love, the easy times will be easier and the harder times a bit softer. Do I believe in love?
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me believe, especially when times are hard. Help me not blame You for the hard times.
Action for the Day

I will write what I believe the program and my Higher Power want for me.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal*

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February 6

There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness.

~Han Suyin

It may take a while to learn to be gentle with ourselves. We have long-standing patterns of abusing and shaming ourselves. Maybe we became this way because we were victims. Now it's easier to attack ourselves for mistakes we've made than to be accountable and make amends. We think we deserve to be rejected if we let our friends know our deepest secrets. In the midst of stress, we fly to self-doubt and self-abusing thoughts. We withdraw emotionally, we pout, we expect rejection rather than gentleness.

For today, let us pledge to be gentle with ourselves. Gentleness isn't dishonest; it isn't arrogant or self-centered. It is taking reality - with whatever pain that includes - and treating ourselves as worthwhile people. We will be stronger and less self-centered when we accept this gentleness. We will be as loyal to ourselves as we are to our best friends. Each day with this new attitude will build strength of character and wisdom.

Today, may I treat myself with gentleness and learn the strength it has to teach me.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*

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February 7

Avoiding compulsiveness

Being compulsive people, once we leave the alcohol and other drugs behind, we want our dreams fulfilled now. But when we first get into recovery, all we have is potential. Fulfillment is not realized immediately; rather it is something we work toward.

Each day we must work on our lives with what we know today. Gradually we will grow closer toward our ideal. (Recovery is a process.) But we won't get anywhere if we try forcing ourselves into situations we are not ready for. Our Higher Power sets the pace.

Have I stopped being compulsive?

Higher Power, I pray for the patience to live today with what I have and what I know.

I will avoid being compulsive today by…

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts*

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February 8

Walking the Path Together

When my sponsor died after a heart transplant, I found another guy I really liked. He was a military warrant officer with about four years' sobriety. I barely had a year. We started going to daily meetings and did a formal Step study together - the best thing I've ever done.

We were best friends for thirty-four years, until he died. When I retired from the military, I went to work for the government and was able to hire him. We'd ride to work and have a meeting on the way. What a man. I used to tell him, "You know, every man is my teacher. Some teach me what to do. You've taught me a lot about what not to do."

He used to tell me, "You know, the deal works, but not all the dealers do. Not all the people in the program work the program." He worked the program each and every day. We knew everything about each other, and the hardest thing I ever had to do was to bury that sponsor after thirty-four years. But I'm so thankful that his lessons live on.

Today I treasure those friends, past and present, I've met on the road to recovery.

~Mike F., U.S. Navy, 1959–1965/1972–1990

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*

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February 9

Reflection for the Day

Among the many gifts that we are offered in recovery is the gift of freedom. Paradoxically, however, the gift of freedom is not without a price tag; freedom can only be achieved by paying the price called acceptance. Similarly, if we can surrender to our Higher Power, it will cost us our selfish focus - a "commodity" so precious to those of us who have always thought we could and should run the show. Is my freedom today worth the price tag of acceptance?
Today I Pray

May my Higher Power teach me acceptance - the ability to accept the things I cannot change - and also grant me courage to change those things I can. I ask my Higher Power for help in accepting my disease - addiction - and to give me the courage to change my addictive behavior.
Today I Will Remember

Accept the addiction. Change the behavior.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People*

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February 10

We need to share our problems to find our solutions.

Trying to solve a problem alone, without the benefit of the wisdom of other people, often leaves us stuck with an even worse problem. On the other hand, sharing any problem with interested, compassionate people, such as those we meet in the program, guarantees that many responses will surface. Each person will offer a unique and genuine perspective from which the best solution can be gleaned.

It's not unusual that we kept our problems to ourselves for years. Most of us were ashamed that we didn't have perfect lives; we thought most of the people we knew did. We didn't know that our secrets kept us very stuck. Now we are learning that sharing secrets with trusted others frees us from the burden of our secrets. We can make progress toward those perfect lives only if we tell who we really are and what is really going on. What surprises have been in store for us since we joined the program!

Telling a trusted friend about a problem will make this day more productive. And the problem may get solved too!

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance*

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February 11

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

~Carl Jung

It's been said that no one comes into our lives by accident. We may have a sense that something inevitable and wonderful has occurred when we meet a true friend, mentor, or romantic partner. But just as frequently we encounter people with whom we are incompatible or who seem to threaten our sense of security or self-love.

Those people, too, offer us valuable experience. Their presence in our lives requires us to define more clearly our personal values, traditions, and boundaries. They teach us patience and tolerance and help us learn to set limits and speak our truths clearly and assertively. Those who challenge us enhance our process of development. As we express gratitude for the people in our lives today, let's include those who challenge us as well as those for whom our love flows with ease.

Today, I give thanks for all the people in my life, past and present.

Today's reading is from the book Glad Day

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February 12

People-Pleasers

Have you ever been around people-pleasers? They tend to be displeasing. Being around someone who is turned inside out to please another is often irritating and anxiety producing.

People-pleasing is a behavior we may have adapted to survive in our family. We may not have been able to get the love and attention we deserved. We may not have been given permission to please ourselves, to trust ourselves, and to choose a course of action that demonstrated self-trust.

People-pleasing can be overt or covert. We may run around fussing over others, chattering a mile-a-minute when what we are really saying is, "I hope I'm pleasing you." Or, we may be more covert, quietly going through life making important decisions based on pleasing others.

Taking other people's wants and needs into consideration is an important part of our relationships. We have responsibilities to friends and family and employers. We have a strong inner responsibility to be loving and caring. But, people-pleasing backfires. Not only do others get annoyed with us, we often get annoyed when our efforts to please do not work as we planned. The most comfortable people to be around are those who are considerate of others but ultimately please themselves.

Help me, God, work through my fears and begin to please myself.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*

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February 13

Why are we surprised when fig trees bear figs?

~Margaret Titzel

A frequent source of discomfort and pain with adult children is unrealistic expectations. One of the greatest of these is expecting sane, rational, trusting behavior from those who may well not have it to give.

Alcoholism is a form of insanity - perhaps not the committable kind, but a disease that renders the victim incapable of behavior that most would call normal. Until the advent of recovery, the alcoholic is subject to a bewildering assortment of delusions, denials, manipulations, and subterfuges. In short, nonrecovering alcoholics are incapable of functioning in healthy relationships.

When we expect anything more from a loved and beloved nonrecovering alcoholic, we are setting ourselves up for heartbreak. Fig trees bear figs, not peaches. What we are able to do emanates from what we are, not from what we wish we were.

Today, I will not frustrate myself with unrealistic expectations. What I cannot change, I will accept.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

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February 14

He that shuts love out, in turn, shall be shut out from love.

~Alfred Tennyson

Addiction caused us to turn away from love. We started to feel things weren't right; this feeling was a message of love from our Higher Power. We used denial or blame to turn away. Our family members told us they were worried; this was another message of love. We argued and blamed them. Our friends expressed concerns, still another message of love. We dumped them and got new friends. And then we wondered why we felt like love had turned its back on us.

Recovery pushes us back toward love. People treat us with care and kindness; these are messages of love. They ask that we turn to a Higher Power, a further message of love. We used to shut out love because our addiction demanded this of us. Now we must embrace love because our recovery requires this of us.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me to do what love asks of me, even when I'm scared.
Today's Action

I will list the ways I shut out love during my active addiction. Am I doing any of these today? I will use my Tenth Step to keep track of my relationship with love.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me: More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple*

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February 15

You can’t drive straight on a twisting lane.

~Russian saying

What did it take to bring us to the point where we were willing to admit our powerlessness and unmanageability over our addiction? Most of us did not reach this point until we faced some horrible consequences not once, but over and over.

Even in recovery, our denial can be strong. If we approach our addiction only intellectually, without acknowledging our feelings, our chances for staying in denial are much greater. We can't rewrite the story of our life, and we can't wipe out the painful memories. Whatever we've done is done, and when we face up to that reality honestly, we can face up to powerlessness. We can reach out and ask for help, and we can start to help ourselves.

Admitting my powerlessness over my addiction offers me a way back from it. It is an invitation to accept myself as I am and go on from there.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart