The Maze

[bluidkiti]

The Maze

Here I sit almost crazed, thinking life such a maze.
Wondering and thinking almost speaking aloud.
Sometimes even getting completely profound.
Wondering and thinking about which way to turn,
When all I truly want out of life is to love, be loved and to learn.

In a drug induced stupor I penned that short verse.
At that point in my life, living felt like more like a curse
The maze I referred to, my labyrinth of destruction
At each turn encountering some oblivious obstruction

Waking each morning in an overwhelming haze
Thinking I alone could make my way through the maze
Yet, never once considering where it was I was going
Or, the harvest I would reap from the seeds I was sowing

I ran wild through the pathways trying to escape from the pain
All the while engulfed by an unfathomable shame
I overdosed on the weekends, ran from the law
Lied about where I went, what I did, who I saw

And brick by brick I erected my walls
With each and every dose, an attempt to block it all
It didn't matter in what form the substance came
Only that it helped to ease than unquenchable pain

In the end seems nothing was real
Hell, I didn't even know how to feel
Love confused me, but how well I knew fear
Anger seethed in cold hard tears

Joy elusive, happiness lost
Living equaled disappointment, all hope was tossed
I hated myself, so I held my mask high
I hid from everyone and wanted to die

And, there was God, sitting amidst the stars
keeping track through the years
Just another source of pain, shame and fear
In my heart I knew he couldn't wait to see me fall
Wasn't this game, after all.

Yes!

Just for today, I know that it was he who brought me to my knees
With the help of my children and their heartfelt pleas.
I never imagined myself beyond those doors
Of course, I never considered myself an addict before

I was, I am, and, I will always be.
Yet today rather than reach for drugs, I strive for recovery.
Today, all my prayers have been answered,
though maybe not as I planned.
Still, I'm a little more comfortable being the person,
the addict that I am

Today, I'm not alone. I have true friends indeed
Who reach out to others in times of need
Giving of themselves with no thought of reward
God sure placed some miracles beyond those doors

Peace, love and light
Cheri

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