Recovery Thoughts and Questions
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So much of my recovery, has been my conscious contact with my Higher Power. Developing a relationship that works. Not something that happens when I am needy or call on when I have been greedy and need to make an amend. It is someone to call on preferrable, before the fact instead of after. How many times I have heard, well I thought of you but did it anyway. I can remember saying to my spiritual advisor, "Picking up seemed to be the only option." He would reply, "There was another option." Instead of using, call on your Higher Power for the courage, strength and direction you need. Ask for the comfort, love and acceptance you need. Change your attitude from, "I am not worthy" to "I am worthy of recovery and good things." Change my attitude from "I can do it alone" to "Higher Power, I need Your help." Change my attitude about the people, places and things around me. The world is not out to get me. God doesn't test me. God leads and directs so that I may learn and grow to be a better person, not only for my sake, but His who made me. We are Co-Creators of our own Universe. Have you changed your attitude enough to aid you in your recovery? |
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My disease is more. I learned it at a young age. It was always about the other person, never about me, I was not important enough. It is okay to be me in today. I am grateful that the program gave me back my self. It is up to me to work the Steps and get my sense of self and be happy with who I am in today. The Steps help me to work toward a higher sense of self and well being and for that I am grateful. Something I posted on another site in 2010 My sponsor always said a grateful alcoholic»addict, will never have a reason to pick up. Are you grateful? http://angelwinks.net/images//flowerpod/flowerpod26.jpg |
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For me the Sun is healing. Light is all powerful. When I meditate and ask for the White Light to surround me and permeate my Soul and cleaning of all darkness. May the White Light of Love and the Spirit of the Universe be with you and grant you the healing that has been given to me. Posted in 2007 It may not sound like I receive much healing, I do one day at a time or I would not be here. I wouldn't be able to walk, think and do. I had migraines for 7 years and they are no more. I have five types of arthritis, some go into remission, and if it is a good day, they all don't come out and make themselves known all at the same time. I suffer from chronic pain, it is and I acknowledge it. It will never go away, but my God allows me to live with it one day at a time. My God allows me to live instead of letting my pain rule my life. Any day the sun shines is a good day. When it isn't shining, I turn on the lights. I use to burn candles but can't do that any more. http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-foxes/0055.gif |
Behavioral Addictions
Is it bad behaviours, bad habits, and/or addiction?
A good question! My first thought was they were behaviors that developed as a result of my addiction(s). My love for attention, for validation and approval, my people pleasing, my looking for someone to love me and willing to go to any length to receive that love. A lot stemmed from my need to get comfort or a high and what I needed to do to attain it and maintain it. Behaviors can be changed. Behaviors can be modified. Behaviors can no longer stand me in good stead and have to be revised to fit my life in today. Behaviors are often as a result of my action to others, which becomes my issue not theirs. Again, when I see the contol word, I think "if I have to control it, it is out of control." For me, the only way it can be controld is by surrendering it and asking my Higher Power for help. Control for me is an illusion. An example of this is me buying myself a treat. I tell myself I will have it a piece at a time. I have it a piece at a time but the problem is, it generally ends up being two pieces. As much as I give myself a talking to and tell myself I shouldn't eat it all at once or I shouldn't buy it at all, it ends up in my fridge. Until I find the willingness, to turn it completely over and ask my HP to take away the craving and the need, it isn't going to happen if I am truly honest with myself. I am telling tales on myself so perhaps, this will be the beginning of the first step on this matter. I went today to check my Lottario ticket, I thought it was last night and it told me results were not available. The ticket is for tonight. A woman came to stand beside me and said, "I like those, I spend $20, sometimes I win but most times I lose." She was referring to Nevada Tickets. I told her that I allowed myself $3. and if I win I win, if I don't I don't. She said, "Lucky you!" There really isn't a difference, no matter what we spend, we still have the desire to buy. My $3. is a result of asking my Higher Power for help because they were out of control. I no longer buy every day and there are days that I can walk by them and not buy any, that in itself is a miracle from where I was before. I choose not to spend any more than I can afford to lose. Quote:
Addiction takes over the body, mind, and soul, and by the time I came into recovery, there was very little of me left. Every time I picked up, I gave away a piece of myself, and I was a void, and the person that came into recovery, is no more, thanks to the rooms of recovery. Is it an addiction, a bad habit, a behaviour pattern, or all of the above? Again, it isn't the substance that is the problem. An addiction is a mental obsession and an allergy to the body, mind and spirit, we do not metabolize or think the way, most people do. The chemical imbalance is different between different people, but it isn't the substance that causes it, I firmly believe a lot of it is in our genes and we are more often than not, products of our environment. We don't have to take on other people's stuff, but we often do without realizing it. Just another aspect of our dis-ease. http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-bears-12/0010.gif |
When we decide to make changes in our life, it becomes a process. There are several stages we go through. 1) We become aware there is something wrong and we just may have an issue we need to address. 2) We share with a close friend, clergyman, counsellor, and/or family member our perception of the problem and allow others to give us feed back and direction. 3) We come to a place within ourselves which we acknowledge what is and make the decision to change and to find a solution instead of living in the problem. 4) We take action towards obtaining our goal, be it seeing a doctor, a counsellor, a recovery institute, a self-help group, a Twelve-Step program, who can guide us on our recovery. 5) We change our attitude and be willing to learn to listen and to do what is suggested to us to obtain our goal. Sometimes these last two stages are reversed and I have to ask for the willingness to be willing to change before I can take the steps towards making things better in my life.
The butterfly has been the symbol of change for me. When I come from a place of love from within myself, and through my Higher-Self, I can raise myself above any problem and live in a new solution. http://i546.photobucket.com/albums/h...ueNobility.png |
Do you remember where you came from? Have you got caught up in busy and life because it is so good, God has been very good to you? Have you asked yourself how come you have all this good stuff? Where did it come from and how come you got it? Have you paid it forward? Is your a/c paid in full?
I don't know about you, but what I got was priceless. I don't think I will ever live long enough to level my account, and get to a place where I think that I am debt free. One of the reasons is because I keep getting gifts. I still find myself saying thank you. I thank those who carry the message of recovery to me. Each day is a new beginning, so have a great one. May it be the best day it can be. For this 24 hours. may you be clean and sober. mj Quote:
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What didn't you do today that you normally did as a part of your recovery routine in your first three months of recovery?
I am guilty of just about everything. I have talked to my sponsor. I did my prayer and meditation. I did not go to a meeting and I am late with my meditation readings and sharing with others. http://inspirably.com/uploads/user/1...e-everyday.png |
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Once your loved is sober and in recover, you also need to understand the Cycle of Sobriety and the addict’s Sobriety Priority. This will help you to make sense of the decisions which he or she takes in everyday life. Moreover, as recovery progresses, you will find a "new" person emerging from the shell of addiction. This may be a wonderful and longed for thing. However, it can cause relational problems also, as the person goes through changes, confusion, as well as mood swings, which are part of recovery. Possibly, you may find to your surprise that this "new" person is not what you want or expected. In a perverse, unconscious way, you may even feel more secure with the « old » alcoholic/addict you once knew. Unconsciously, you can contribute to undermining the person’s recovery, if you are not careful, or you may come to decide to separate from him or her. You will find that YOU also will begin to change as you become free of a direct relationship with an active alcoholic/addict. You can begin to change and grow and find a « new » person within yourself, with a clearer idea of your own needs and direction. SOS will help you to understand better many of these processes taking place in your loved one, yourself and your relationship. This will arm you to deal and cope with the wonderful, but often complex road of recovery for YOU and your loved one. This information was found at: www.sosdallas.org/family_friends.htm |
An alcoholic/addict can not guarantee his/her sobriety. It is a one day at a time program. It is suggested that they do 90 meetings in 90 days, but that isn't the program. That is suggested to them, so they can find a home group and a sponsor. That is only the beginning, and recovery is a way of life.
Alcoholism and addiction is a disease. Whether you call it an allergy of the body and an obsessive/compulsive disorder, as I often say, I was at dis-ease within myself, always looking for some person, place, or thing outside of myself to make me feel better. Which means me, the alcoholic/addict's wife/husband, and friend, relative, lover, or co-worker, etc. receptive to this same dis-ease. If I look to this person to fulfill my needs when they can't help themselves, or I try to fix them and make them all better, especially when it makes me feel better to do it, then I just may have a few codependent issues and anxiety disorders if I can't live my life without someone else to do my living for me. We tend to look at the alcoholic/addict, when in fact, many times, we are as sick if not sicker than they are. So now they are sober, what now? What now? Give thanks? What do you do? Go to Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, perhaps, CoDA (Codependents Anonymous), ACoA (Adult Children of Alcholics), or perhaps, just maybe you have a drinking and drug problem too, maybe you just use a different substance. Are you comparing instead of identifying? I was a highly functional drunk, I could walk a straight line. I could stay on my own side of the road and not get pulled over. The cops followed me home and never pulled me over. People said they never said they never saw me drunk. They didn't know I was drunk until I opened my mouth and gave myself away! ;) I was so busy pointing the finger at my dad, my mother, my son, my uncles, my boss, and the list goes on, and on that I didn't have a finger left to point at me. I finally didn't have anyone left around me to point a finger at, and all I was left with was me and I had to face myself. It was not a pretty sight. I went to AA for my denial. I went to NA for identification. I went to Al-Anon to find myself. I went to ACoA, and found gratitude that I didn't go there first, if I had gone there instead of AA, I probably would have stayed in my denial and died. Let it begin with me. They're sober! So am I! |
Alkiespeak - Book - Quote
If I was at your house, I'd ask to use the bathroom and I'd go through the medicine cabinet and take whatever's there. I don't need to know what it is. Sometimes I'd be up for days, saying the same thing over and over, chewing my tongue. Other times I'd be falling down, bouncing off the walls. Sometimes I'd get real 'regular'. And I probably took enough pills out of those wheels that there's no chance I'm going to get pregnant this century. - Bob D. We can all see the humor in this and in the many things we did, but how much is their to laugh about in some of the combos we took? Drank with a friend one night and couldn't figure out how come I was drunk after only five rye and coca-cola. I had forgot to factor in how many pills and what kind of pills I had ingested during the day. Some people didn't eat until they were finished their run. Me I ate because to my way of thinking I could drink more or use more. Which just adds to the picture, the substance isn't the problem, it is but a symptom of our dis-ease. The problem was me and my thinking. How many times we justified our condition by the number of hours we had slept, by the state of our emotions, by our emotions or that of our husband/family and/or co-workers and friends. Always with the "...they made me do it, if it hadn't been for them, I was alright until they came along, didn't have a problem until they...." Well I never had that reaction before. We start talking about mixing food like we mix drinks, looking for any out, any excuse to give us an out not wanting to take the responsibility for our actions. Use to blame the cigarettes, now I don't drink coffee or smoke the cigarettes. http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/m/mi...ice-706890.gif |
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I am so grateful for this site and the opportunity to share with you. Thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you. I don't have to physically pick up, I just have to slip back into my old ways of thinking and my old attitudes and for me that is scary enough. I know that I am only an arms length away, and I don't want to be close enough to follow thought with action. https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...HH8o__AJw7f1He |
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http://image.blingee.com/images18/co..._1249706.gif?6 Losing Energy - A List of Choices accidents addictions allergies anger being controlled being scattered being unbalanced being unfocused boredom broken boundaries busyness claustrophobia compromise conflicts crisis criticism emotions excessive self review failure fear feeling threatened feeling victimized fights guilt having too many people around high expectations high humidity high temperature impatience inertia insults jealousy lack of sleep lack of stimulation laziness lengthy meetings life changes long ‘To Do’ lists loss of esteem loud noise low self worth manipulation medications negative encounters negative news negative self talk nosy people not knowing orgasms over giving overeating overwork pain perfectionism physical changes poor diet procrastination resentment sadness shame shyness sickness stress tardiness technology unfinished business unscheduled events weather worry Things on this list were hard to break and overcome. The program gives me the tools to overcome them and recognize them for what they are. Being an addict, some is good more is better, made me stay stuck in a lot of areas or I found myself slipping back into old patterns and behaviors. |
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I needed to find healthy ways to let it go. By walking, sharing it with others, journaling, at the suggestion of a counsellor, taking a plastic bat and hitting a pillow, talking to my sponsor, counselor, mentor, and taking it to my God and asking for healing. Under my anger was a lot of resentment, rejection, abandonment, and unnamed emotions that I hadn't allowed myself to feel because of my continued substance abuse. Not just alcohol and drugs, but work, food, relationships, and in recovery, getting involved in service and not taking the time to work and look at myself and my own issues. Mine didn't seem important, forgetting my stuff was traumatic to me, and not allowing myself time to heal. I pooh hood it all away, because everyone seemed to be worse off or I just didn't want to look at it. As they say, we are only as sick as our secrets. I stayed sick. I stayed angry. When I quit smoking at seven years sober, it was like I was a newcomer. Each day I have to work on my emotional sobriety. |
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Our body remembers, our subconscious does, and there are a lot of hurts and feelings attached to many of our scars that go unnamed. So much of my life was tuned out, numbed out, shut down, shut off, and it took a long time for me to thaw; and I even had to give myself permission to feel, let alone identify what I was feeling. Was it was felt, then I could make peace with it. In order to do that, I had to accept it for what it was. The five As of change, becoming aware, admit, accept, action, and my attitude toward those feelings. http://www.animated-gifs.eu/christmas-happy/0106.gif |
Approval Seeking:
This seemed to be my whole reason for being and what tore me apart. I was so fragmented when I got into recovery. I tried to please everyone, and there wasn't enough 'me' to go around. Every time I picked up, whether it was alcohol, pills, or got into a relationship looking for that approval, I lost a piece of me. I was always going outside of myself for the validation and approval because I could never seem to find it within myself. There was always something lacking and left wanting and a lot of it stemmed from old tapes, not just listening and remembering them, but playing them over and over again. It was good to find recovery and learn that I could make new ones. It was even better to find that I could press erase instead of rewind and play over the old tapes, ever mindful, that it was me that had the freedom of choice as to whether I pushed the fast forward or replay buttons. I don't want to look like this any more. I want to be whole and complete within myself. Again, I was using people, places and things to make me feel better instead of looking to the God of my understanding, and making things right with my God and through my God, finding the goodness within myself. http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-elephants/0123.gif |
SLIP - Sobriety Loses It's Priority.
When I thought of the topic, I thought of how we can slip mentally, emotionally, and spiritually before we pick up. Even those of us in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can slip back into old patterns and behaviors that are not conducive to good recovery. It isn't just about substance abuse and what we pick up to stuff and numb our feelings. Slip, not something we always do on a banana peel. Something we don't always recognize because it means falling back into things that are familiar and comfortable. New behaviours, patterns, and habits are not always comfortable and often they means risks and stepping into unchartered waters and into the unknown, so we need to let go of fear and walk in faith. Know that the program will work with us when we take our Higher Power with us and go where we are lead. It is a sad day when my Higher Power has more faith in me, than I have in Him. http://angelwinks.ca/images/kayomi/kayomi18.jpg |
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I thought was was teaching him life skills and yet looking back, didn't have a lot of knowledge of my own to pass on. All I knew how to pass on to him was how to act when you are using or how you allow others to abuse you and take over your space. It is also important for me to make my own space in today. To have that safe place for me in which I can go to and take that inward journey. Even when there were others around, I need to have my chair and my table with my things that I needed for me. i.e. A candle, my books (mystery and meditation), my angel, animal, and nature cards, and my crystals. My space, by invitation only please. Which reminds me that it works both ways. :lighthouse: |
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God-Centered which I believe to be me, doing and being the kind of person my God would have me be in today. All I can do is try, by helping you, I help me. Yet I can't give away what I don't have, and if I don't take the time to fill up, then I am running around on fumes. Even in recovery, I can still look outward instead of taking the time to look inward and deal with my own stuff. Recovery isn't a one time deal. Just because I go through the Steps once, doesn't make them a done deal. If I am focused on what others are doing in my life, I forget that when I do that, I often put my life on hold. I am no longer living, I am existing. As it says, there is no right or wrong answer. Sometimes the best way to get out of self and me is to help someone else! |
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