Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - August

[bluidkiti]

August 1

The Joy of Giving

Some become depressed by disruption of the family, loss of job, or trouble with the law -- all incident to their addiction. Yet when faced with someone who is in addictive trouble, they are open and willing to help. When suffering people are so willing to help others, they are distracted from their own distress. This is the magic of the Twelve Step program. It enables us to look outside of ourselves. If more people would reach out and help someone instead of retreating into self-pity when they are in the throes of misery, the world would be a much more pleasant place to live.

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August 2

Restraint is Often the Best Response

I once was annoyed a car was moving slowly, but when I saw a handicap symbol, I felt badly I had harbored angry feelings. I was grateful I had restrained myself from sounding the horn. While we may make amends for having offended someone, it would be so much better if we could avoid the incident in the first place. This is possible if we delay our reaction. What a peaceful night's sleep we would have if we could retire with the thought There is not one thing I did today that I regret having done. For many, this would eliminate the need for sedatives. ,

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August 3

The Difference Between Knowledge and Wisdom

A therapist discovered his daughter was using cocaine. He reacted like any other parent, with the usual combination of denial, rationalization, projection, anger, and attempt to control, although he would have counseled other parents to act differently. Emotions are powerful and may be misleading, regardless of how knowledgeable we are. Thus, we may not act constructively. It is as unwise to be your own addiction counselor as to be your own doctor or lawyer. That is why we need outside expertise to guide us, whether in regard to ourselves or someone we love.

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August 4

Greatness Comes with Humility

Gratitude results in humility. A person who receives a Divine favor may consider himself superior to others, and become arrogant instead of humble. Rarely is such a person grateful to God. If we recognize Divine providence and realize we are the beneficiaries of God's kindnesses, we become closer to Him. Standing in the eminent presence of the Infinite makes us feel very small indeed. This humility and self-effacement is in no way demeaning. The privilege of being a subject to the Great Sovereign is edifying. The measure of a person's greatness is in his ability to be grateful and humble.

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August 5

Mental Vigilance

If something is really important, it never leaves our mind. Nursing mothers will not be woken by the loudest thunder. Yet a whimper from the infant will promptly arouse them because mothers are conditioned to respond to their baby's needs. The person to whom sobriety is of preeminent importance may not be thinking about sobriety. However, should anything occur to threaten that sobriety, there is immediate arousal and recall of all that is necessary to protect sobriety. Devotion to AA and NA principles need not divert us from our normal functions any more than a mother's devotion to her infant prevents her from engaging in other activities.

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August 6

Know When to Relax

It has been said the most important time to relax is when we have no time to. Just consider priorities. A tourist who was told there were no vacancies at a motel said to the manager, If the president came here tonight you would find a room for him, wouldn't you? 0f course, the manager said. Good! The president isn't coming, so you can give me that room. If we had a heart attack, we would have time to rest. So let us use the time we would have used for recuperation for healthy relaxation instead. If we make relaxation a priority, we will find the time for it.

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August 7

Don’t Place Yourself in Harm’s Way

There is good reason to change people, places, and things. We consider addiction a disease. Further, we dispute people who consider it a self-inflicted disease. Indeed, there is evidence that addiction is strongly influenced by genetics and biology, and not self-inflicted. Yet we cannot absolve ourselves of all responsibility. The people, places, and things associated with alcohol or drug use are hazardous to sobriety, and we should not expose ourselves to these dangers. Similarly, we cannot claim our improper behavior was due to circumstances if we knowingly placed ourselves in those circumstances.

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August 8

It Takes More Than Just Drugs to Make an Addict

The question is often asked whether there is a personality profile for an addict. The answer is there is nothing in the psychological makeup of the preaddict that distinguishes him or her from the nonaddict. When addicts discontinue their use of chemicals, they are nevertheless vulnerable to the same errors in adjusting to life as during addiction. This is why continued involvement in the recovery program is essential. Complacency and failure to work the program can allow a recurrence of the same errors of omission or commission in sobriety that we had during active addiction.

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August 9

Unreasonable Desires Can Be Deadly

Seeking sobriety can indeed help us find serenity. Addiction has shown us some of our desires can be insatiable. The quantity of chemicals we needed constantly increased, until lethal. But as we recover, we apply this knowledge to other desires, whether food, money, sex, or acclaim. There is the fable of a greedy person who found a magic purse. Whenever he took out a dollar, another dollar appeared in its place. Days later he was found dead among a huge pile of dollars. His greed obscured his need for food or water. Recovery from addiction has taught us that some desires can be deadly.

[bluidkiti]

August 10

Fellowship Can Remove Many Barriers

and enhance serenity. Many pursue individual goals, often pushing others out of the way. When they reach their goal, they discover they must enjoy achievement in solitude. Many chemically addicted people are loners. They associate with others only when dulled by chemicals. But recovery enables us to escape from confinements we have built to protect us from others. These walls became a prison in which we trapped ourselves. The recovery fellowship allows us to share with others -- to help and to be helped -- and we thereby escape from our prison to serenity. ,

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August 11

Understanding Destructive Behavior

An adolescent who caused his parents aggravation was given psychological tests. He completed a sentence I wish... with that my parents knew how much I love them. This adolescent's behavior hardly indicated love for his parents. However, recovering addicts can understand this because they know the pain of having hurt those whom they loved. Destructive behavior cannot be tolerated, regardless of the motivation. We should bear in mind, though, that just as tough love is well intended, behavior that is defiant may emanate from someone who nevertheless loves us.

[bluidkiti]

August 12

Denying the Obvious

Addictive thinking includes strange denials. A compulsive gambler who had been economically ruined by gambling was adamant in his ability to win. The gambler said, I have a winning system, but when I get to the track I get so excited that I don't put my system into operation. When I do, I know I will win. Can you think of anything so insane as a person in total ruin planning to continue the same activities that brought on his disaster? Whether it is gambling, chemicals, food, or sex, the story is always the same: the addict has an ingenious way of denying the obvious.

[bluidkiti]

August 13

Adjust to Reality

Someone once said once when facts don't fit our preconceptions, it is easier to ignore the facts than to change the preconceptions. An optimum adjustment to reality can be made only if we perceive reality correctly. Reality consists of hard facts, which exist whether we like them or not. Ignoring facts, for whatever reason, is going to result in problems. We might not like the fact that the economy is in a recession, our job is in jeopardy, or someone we love has a chemical problem. However, ignoring these facts is just another word for denial, the hallmark of addiction.

[bluidkiti]

August 14

Hard Work and Simple Solutions

Some people feel everything should be legalized: marijuana, heroin, cocaine. While Prohibition was a failure, it is also evident that legalizing alcohol has not eliminated the disastrous consequences of alcoholism. What is needed in our culture is more self-restraint. Unfortunately, while voices for legalizing drugs are loud, advocates of self-restraint are few and far between. Recovering people have learned the hard way that only discipline prevents self-destruction. It would be well if society appreciated this and made a greater effort to avoid simple solutions.

[bluidkiti]

August 15

Are You Missing Something?

I often hear people say, I never drink to get high, only to feel normal. We make assumptions about what is normal based on our observations of other people. If we are frustrated with our job, or are not getting along well with our partner, we feel cheated. Others may be smiling although they do not feel like it; their life may not be as it seems in public. Most feel no more and no less satisfaction or frustration than you do. If you are not aware of this it is because you are comparing your insides with other people's outsides.

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August 16

How Can We Remain Indifferent?

Hatred is a despicable emotion. Indifference is even worse. People crave acknowledgment. Remember the class clown who was repeatedly evicted from the classroom? He was willing to accept ridicule because of his desperate need to call attention to himself. We may not realize people have been offended when we fail to notice them. It takes so little effort to make people feel good. A pleasant greeting, an offer of a cup of coffee, an inquiry whether they might need a ride home. Probably we have all experienced the displeasure of being ignored. Let us avoid doing this to others. Little things can mean so much.

[bluidkiti]

August 17

Stooping to New Lows

We behave according to our self-worth. Someone said the dollar would never fall so low that people won't stoop to pick it up. People may stoop very low to earn a dollar. Either they do not recognize that stooping to unethical behavior will soil their character, or they think so little of themselves that they do not see anything wrong with getting dirty. We do things during active addiction that are beneath our dignity, probably because we do not feel dignified. As we recover, our increased sense of self-worth not only prevents our relapse into chemical use but also disallows all indecent and unethical behavior.

[bluidkiti]

August 18

Out of Control

Control is an important issue in addiction. When travel was primarily by horse and buggy, the driver did not actually control the horse, but by pulling on the reins he coerced the horse to choose to turn. Today's driver does not make the car choose, but he actually controls its direction. Little children enjoy toys with remote controls. Technology has provided us with unprecedented controls. We have come to believe in our ability to control everything. This contributes to the delusion that we can also control chemicals. We should not let technology delude us. We cannot control our use of chemicals.

[bluidkiti]

August 19

The Difference Between Need and Desire

It would be to our advantage if we thought more about how many things we do not need. An alcoholic once said, I never drank unless I thought it was exactly what I needed to do at just that moment. There is a difference between I want and I need. The recovery program teaches us to say, I really don't need this chemical today. Whether I will need it tomorrow, I can decide tomorrow. When we turn our lives over to the will of a Higher Power, we can eliminate those things we want that are destructive, and concentrate on our constructive needs.

[bluidkiti]

August 20

An All or Nothing Struggle

Only 100 percent will work. Chemicals are cunning enemies. In addiction, chemicals look for any possible entry. The addiction may cause insomnia, pain, or anxiety to get us to take an addictive chemical. Our only defense against relapse is to block all portals of entry. The fact is that anything less than 100 percent is fraught with risk. The one percent unguarded point is a point of entry. This is why we must remain in contact with the program indefinitely and practice its principles in all our affairs. The one time we do not practice the principles of recovery is our Achilles' heel of relapse.

[bluidkiti]

August 21

Excuses Get Us Nowhere

Many people believe excuses have value. But as any authority on how to succeed has pointed out, no one has ever achieved success via the avenue of excuses. Recovering people do not need to be taught this. If a Nobel Prize were given for excellence in rationalization, addicts would win hands down. No one can concoct as many excuses as an addict. These champions also testify to the futility of even the most ingenious excuse. Good performance and responsible behavior are what succeed. Poor performance and irresponsibility fail. Recovering people know this, but a reminder never hurts.

[bluidkiti]

August 22

Be Wise Enough to Ask for Help

A Danish proverb: Better to ask twice than to lose your way once. Some drivers will not stop to ask directions until they are undeniably lost. It is more serious when we have gone the wrong direction in life, and some of our mistakes are irreversible. Career and marriage are important decisions, but they are not the only major decisions in life. Everyone can benefit from guidance. Recovering addicts are convincing instructors of the importance of asking for guidance, rather than assuming that we know it all. Wisdom is not in knowing everything but in knowing when to ask.

[bluidkiti]

August 23

Recovering Our Emotions

Communication is the ability to also hear what is said nonverbally through eye contact, gestures and tone inflection. During active addiction it is possible to function intellectually even after all emotional contact has ceased. When we recover, we restore the emotional system and can resume full communication. We might not always be pleased with those emotional communications, and that is why there is always a risk of relapse. But as recovery progresses, we learn how to deal with emotions, and we can then enjoy total communication.

[bluidkiti]

August 24

Life-or-Death Struggles

Some resort to chemicals as an escape when they see no solution to their problems. But problems can always be resolved, albeit not in the manner one might wish. In this sense, addiction generates a vicious cycle. When chemicals are used to escape from problems that could be resolved by compromise, our perception and judgment become impaired, so that each problem takes on greater significance and appears even more insoluble. When everything becomes a life-or-death matter, we die many times. Easy does it means reevaluating problems for possible solutions. Sobriety helps us achieve this.

[bluidkiti]

August 25

Be Receptive to Wisdom

Under the influence of fear, we are in the dark and lose our perception, resulting in negative thoughts and feelings. But even momentary exposure to light can convert the negative to a positive. Let us do this in our own lives. Find a source of illumination: wisdom from a reliable source. Be receptive and sensitive. There is a high probability a positive picture will result. In the recovery program, it is said that if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. This restates the concept of converting the negative into the positive, which is what recovery is all about.

[bluidkiti]

August 26

Freedom Brings Responsibility

The psychological problems that complicate addiction began long before use of chemicals. Many addicts never experienced freedom even before they began using chemicals. They may have been subject to compulsions, rigid habits, an inability to say no, or being dominated. When chemicals came along, they took their place alongside the other problems. For many addicts, recovery is the first taste of liberty and it carries the responsibility of decisions, weighing options. Freedom is better, but it is not always easy, and we must always beware the tendency to fall back on what is easier, even when it is to our detriment. ,

[bluidkiti]

August 27

Attitude Adjustments

Many think that changing their life requires major upheavals, such as relocating, changing jobs, getting married or divorced. Not so. A radical change can come about simply by changing our attitude. A recovering person said, When my wife did not dote on me when I was sick the way my parents did, I became irate. I was being mistreated. When my attitude changed and I realized she was my wife and not my mother, I stopped my bizarre behavior. We often bring inappropriate attitudes to addiction. If we change these when we become sober, our lives become much more livable.

[bluidkiti]

August 28

Make Peace With Yourself

A recovering person showed his sponsor a list of everyone to whom he would make amends, and was told the list was incomplete. You forgot to put yourself at the top of the list, the sponsor said. Even if we never harmed anyone else, chemical use harms ourselves. All the amends in the world are inadequate for full recovery unless we realize we have no right to damage ourselves. Each diamond needs to be polished so its beauty and value can be perceived and appreciated. That must happen in recovery. We must make amends to ourselves for having injured something so valuable as ourselves.

[bluidkiti]

August 29

It's Not Always Easy to Take Advice

Profiting from good advice requires more wisdom than giving advice. People with the least experience are fountains of advice, whereas seasoned veterans often sit quietly. For those seeking guidance, therefore, look among those who are maintaining their silence. Veterans say, Listen and do as you're told. No one likes to hear this, but it is good advice. The behavior of active addiction was largely doing what we wanted to do, rather than what we should do. Recovery requires a reversal of this.

[bluidkiti]

August 30

Don't Be Afraid of Real Sorrow

Following her husband's death, a woman with years of sobriety felt she was derelict because she was feeling sorry for herself. Some in the program told her she must learn how to be happy. This is a distortion. The program is critical of feeling sorry for yourself and blaming everyone else for consequences of your addictive behavior. However, when you feel genuine grief from loss of a loved one, that is a healthy emotion. We must be careful not to distort the wonderful ideas of the program. When in doubt, check with senior people in sobriety who can tell you what these concepts really mean.

[bluidkiti]

August 31

Fear Can Destroy You

If we were asked to walk a plank suspended in the air, fear of falling might cause such anxiety we could not keep our balance. The fear would actually cause us to fall. This phenomenon is true of chemical relapse as well. We may be so terrified of relapse, and work ourselves into so intense a state of panic; we are driven to take a chemical for relief. This can also occur with any task where we fear failure. Putting things in their proper perspective, taking a challenge one bit at a time, and trusting in our Higher Power can help us avoid the destructive panic.

[willbe275]

Deep.

[MajestyJo]

Can't see my self on a plank,but there are often situations that I am better off staying away from. If I find myself there, I would ask for help and say R.S.V.P., I need to ask for change. It isn't about the other person, it is about the choices I made to get there and whatdo I needto get out of it or how to go through it.

[willbe275]

Wow