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bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:32 AM
January 7, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Trying to understand God just makes
His job harder."

I can't tell you how much time I've spent trying to figure out who or what God is. I've spent years trying to understand the Catholic God I was raised with, and more years trying to define God from a philosophical perspective, then years denying the whole idea of God by becoming an agnostic and even a part time atheist. It seemed the more I tried to understand God, the further away from Him I got.

Even in early recovery I tried to figure God out - this time through the 'open assignment' of defining a God of my own understanding. You can imagine how that went. I thought about, analyzed and tried once again to understand who or what God was. After a while I grew just as despondent and felt just as far away as before. And that's when I finally surrendered.

Once I gave up trying to understand God and instead looked at the evidence of God's presence in my life, I began to develop a knowing that went beyond understanding. Suddenly I just knew that a force was working miracles in my life, that it was always available to me, and that it would never let me down.

This knowing is what I now call faith, and now I understand why trying to figure God out just makes His job harder...

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:32 AM
January 14, 2013

Quote of the Week

"In recovery there are no losers, just slow winners."

I remember being in early recovery and feeling so bad that I just knew it wasn't working. I'd tell my sponsor about it, and I can still hear him saying, "Michael, you're exactly where you should be, and that's exactly what you should be feeling right now." At first I thought he was just handing me a line, but after a while I believed him and learned to trust in the slow progress I was making in recovery.

Years later I'd hear other newcomers complain about how bad they felt and about how terrible of a day they were having. I can still hear the old timers ask them if they had a drink that day. "No," they'd respond. "Then no matter bad you think you're doing, when you lay your head on your pillow tonight you're a winner." It was comforting to hear that back then, and it still is today.

Now that I've been in recovery a while I understand the wisdom in this week's quote. It doesn't matter what you're going through in recovery or how you feel, the fact that you are in recovery, that you have a program, and that you're developing or improving your conscious contact with a power greater than yourself means that you've already won. You may feel like a loser temporarily, but most of the time and in the long run you'll live a life filled with the joys and miracles of recovery.

Over time you, too, will come to see that in recovery there are no losers, just slow winners.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:33 AM
January 21, 2013

Quote of the Week

"If you stay on the train long enough,
the scenery will change."

Whenever I talk to a newcomer, I remember the insanity of early recovery. I used to talk in endless circles about my problems and about the people, places and things responsible for them. I went on and on about how I could never stop drinking, and I was convinced the program wouldn't work for me. I didn't believe it when people told me, "This too shall pass," but I was out of options so I kept showing up hoping they were right...

It took many months of staying sober and working the program, but things did begin to change. I began feeling better physically, my head cleared, and I became open to a new way of living. As I took different actions, I got different results and after a while my life improved. More importantly, I developed the perspective of recovery, and I learned, first hand, that things do change as long as I'm willing to change first.

Today I know that I can only keep changing and keep growing if I stay on the train of recovery. No matter what the scenery looks like today - and sometimes it's not so pretty! - as long as I continue to grow along spiritual lines, I know that it will change and things will get better. This has been my consistent and enduring experience, and I now live by and trust in the knowledge that:

If you stay on the train long enough, the scenery will definitely change.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:33 AM
January 28, 2013

Quote of the Week

"The Power behind me is bigger than the problem in front of me."

Before recovery I faced life alone. It was up to me to manage all of life, to try to arrange things to get what I wanted, and to solve the problems I encountered. This was an exhausting task and at times the mere thought of my current problems, or problems unforeseen, would overwhelm me leaving me depressed and listless. "How can I keep getting up in the morning feeling this way?" was a thought I often had.

In the rooms of recovery, the first great relief I had came from the energy of the collective spirit I felt from all the people who had already recovered. Suddenly, I was no longer alone, and now I, too, had access to solutions and a new way of living and dealing with life. Most important of all, I discovered a Power Greater than myself, and I grew to trust and rely on this Power I now call God.

Today, after years of trying and relying on this Power, I have the confidence that comes from faith because I know that by relying on God's solutions to my life and problems, I am always taken care of. Whenever I remember (the Real Secret) to include or turn to God for life's answers, I am amazed and delighted by how problems melt, situations change, and my life flows like the of river peace I believe God is. Today, the Power behind me is bigger than the problem in front of me.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:34 AM
February 4, 2013

Quote of the Week

"The bottom starting falling out faster than
I could lower my standards."

The last few years of my drinking and using sure were ugly. It had stopped working long before I got sober, but I had failed to realize it. Instead, I obsessively pursued oblivion, and all those things I said I would never do passed by as quickly as do the stories of a building to a man who has just jumped off. Hurtling toward real oblivion, I had lost all self respect, self control, and was about to lose my life.

As I sat in meetings during early recovery, I used to hear people talk about hanging out with their "lower companions." This brought to mind all the 'nowhere' people I had taken to hanging around with, too, and I was disgusted that I had stooped so low. I'll never forget the shock I felt when my sponsor pointed out that I had been their lower companion as well. Boy did that put me in my place.

When I look back on my past, a wave of deep gratitude washes over me. I don't know why I get to be one of the lucky ones, but I do. As I look at my life today, I smile because most people think I'm a pretty OK kind of a guy. And today, not only do I have standards again, but they keep getting higher.
How's that for a true gift of recovery?

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:34 AM
February 11, 2013

Quote of the Week

"When you are in fear you should remember to T.R.U.S.T. - Try Really Using Step Three."

When I first heard this quote a great release and calm came over me. It was as if I had let go of all the fear, dread, and self-pity I had been carrying. In an instant I shifted from my will to God's will, and the peace and comfort I felt reminded me, yet again, that it works when I become willing to work it.

There is so much power and wisdom in step three. It first reminds me that the peace and serenity I get from turning my will and life over to God is always just a decision away. I have the choice today of either staying in fear or of surrendering my will to the care of my Higher Power. And though often overlooked, the word "care" makes my decision easy.

After years of working this step, I have come to trust that God's will for me is always better than anything I can think of for myself. While in the grip of self-centered fear it may be sometimes hard to remember this, my experience is that when I really try working the third step my relief and release always comes.

Today my way out of fear is to T.R.U.S.T.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:34 AM
February 18, 2013

Quote of the Week

"It's the first drink that gets you drunk."

For years this saying made no sense to me. It wasn't the first drink, I argued, but rather the seventh or tenth drink that got me drunk. I'd been able to control my drinking for a long time, and with a lot of will power I'd been able to limit my drinking to a few glasses. Towards the end though, I'd inevitably have that sixth or seventh or more drink and end up roaring drunk. If only I could regain control, I thought, and when I entered the program, I secretly hoped I'd learn how.

I remember sharing with my sponsor my desire to once again control and enjoy my drinking. He said, "Heck, when I controlled my drinking, I didn't enjoy it, and when I enjoyed it, I couldn't control it." Boy did that make sense. He then told me that for him one drink was too much and a thousand was never enough because once he started, he could no longer stop. And that's when I began to understand.

Today I know very well that if I began drinking again, even one drink, it would soon enough lead to ten, and I'd be drunk. I don't know when I crossed the line into full blown alcoholism, but I did. I now know there is no going back. The good news is that I no longer fantasize about being able to control it again, because I know that it's the first drink that will get me drunk.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:35 AM
February 25, 2013

Quote of the Week

"The 'why' questions keep us in the problem."

In recovery I have learned that the "why" questions always keep me in the problem. Questions like: "Why did that have to happen?" Or, "Why didn't/couldn't she do this?" Or, "Why does it always have to turn out that way?" Or, "Why can't I catch a break just once?" etc, etc... 'Why' questions not only keep me focused on the problem, but they almost always turn me into a victim as well.

As I work the steps of the program, many wonderful things happen in my life beginning with an awareness of my thinking and self talk. My sponsor taught me about the why questions and encouraged me to look for solutions using who, what, how and where questions instead.

Today when I have a problem or situation I don't like, I ask questions like: "What are three things I can do right now to remedy this?" Or, "Who might have experience with this that I can call for help?" Or, "What lessons are here for me to learn and grow from?" Or, "Where can I get a solution for this?" These are the questions I ask today to help me get out of the problem and into the solution. My question for you is - "Who do you know who might enjoy this quote?" Pass it on!

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:35 AM
March 4, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Keep the lesson, but throw away the experience."

Boy this quote gave me a jolt when I first heard it. For years I'd been so wrapped up in the drama of my life, I never stopped to look at what I could have learned from it. Events seemed to descend on me, each like the one before it, but because I wasn't learning the lessons, I didn't know I was destined to keep repeating the experiences.

When I was new in recovery, I used to complain to my sponsor all the time. "And then this happened to me, and she didn't do this, and they told me this..." and on and on. He would listen very patiently then ask, "And what is your part again?" After I'd figure out where I was at fault, I'd find the solution - and that always led to the lesson.

Today I don't have to keep reliving experiences, and I don't have to drag the past into the future either. Because of the 10th Step, each night I can review the experiences of the day, look at my part, and discover and grow from the lesson. It's always there if I'm willing to be honest.

Today, I've learned to keep the lesson but throw away the experience.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:36 AM
March 11, 2013

Quote of the Week

"I may not always know what God's will is, but I ALWAYS know what His will is NOT."

In the beginning of my recovery, I had a hard time figuring out what God's will for me might be. It helped a little when my sponsor explained that turning my "will and my life" over meant my thoughts and my actions, but listening for and understanding what direction He wanted me to take left me confused and frustrated.

As I continued to struggle with this, I heard today's quote and I suddenly had my answer. I have found that when I'm considering many courses of action or trying to make a decision, instead of wondering which one would be in alignment with God's will it's much easier to ask which ones are clearly not His will. If I'm honest and able to put self-seeking aside, the answer is always clear.

It's kind of like when I pull up to a four way stop sign and look around wondering who's turn is next. While I may not know for sure what I do know is that it's not my turn. It's the same thing with figuring out God's will today. Any choice that puts my wants and needs first is not God's will.

Once I've identified those, it's easy to decide which actions or decisions to make.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:36 AM
March 18, 2013

Quote of the Week

"If I don't go to meetings, I don't hear what
God wants me to hear."

Before recovery, I kept a lot of lower companion company. I worked with a bunch of self-serving thieves who wanted the easy way out at the expense of others. My friends were alcoholics or drug addicts who were great to party with but not much help when I needed to move. Eventually I ended up lower than them all and was isolated, angry and out of options.

When I crawled into the rooms, it was suggested that I go to a lot of meetings and start paying attention to what I heard. When one of my old friends said that I was being brainwashed, I brought this up to my sponsor. He told me that from what he had heard from me so far, my brain could use some washing! As much as I didn't want to admit it, he was right, and over the years I've heard exactly what I've needed to hear from someone sharing in a meeting.

I've always been in awe of the wisdom that comes from the rooms. Even today, when I think I know it all, I'm amazed by what can come out of a newcomer's mouth. When I'm feeling scared, or discouraged, or disconnected, I almost always hear just what I need to change my perspective and find a solution. Today, when I'm feeling too busy or too comfortable to go, I remind myself that if I don't keep going to meetings, I won't keep hearing what God wants me to hear.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 06:36 AM
March 25, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Let us love you until you learn to love yourself."

This is one of my favorite quotes and it meant so much to me in early recovery. When I got to the program the voices in my head were so filled with hatred and self-loathing that it was no wonder I was destroying my life. I remember sitting in meetings feeling so down on myself, and then I'd hear this saying and a dim light of hope would shine in me and I'd think, "If these people are willing to love and accept me, then maybe I'm not the lost cause I think I am."

I heard a speaker once talk about coming into the program with negative, destructive self-esteem. Boy could I identify. He then said that after years of working the steps, and after thousands of meetings, he'd actually been able to claw his way up to low self-esteem! We all laughed at this, but it taught me an important lesson - developing healthy self-esteem is a process that takes work.

Thank God I don't have to do this work alone. People in the rooms are glad to help me and love me while I work and grow and learn to love myself. It's not always easy, and I'm often my own worst critic, but by letting others in, by listening to their perception of me, and by accepting their love, I've indeed learned to have love for myself. And what a precious miracle that is for me today.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:07 AM
April 1, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Without tolerance for another, it's hard to
have empathy for myself"

Tolerant was one of the last words you would have used to describe me before I entered the program. Instead, I was quick to judge you and could always find fault with what you said, or how you're dressed, or what you did. My opinion of myself was so low that I constantly had to rip you down to build myself up. Living this way made me bitter, isolated and resentful.

As I listed my resentments in my fourth step, and more importantly my part, I began to see how much my fear and low self-esteem drove my decisions and actions, hurting both myself and others. But as I listened to others sharing honestly and openly about their struggles and fears, I began to feel a connection, and for the first time an empathy for others.

I once read a description of empathy as being an emotional echo that is sent out to the inner center of another person and that returns with pieces of yourself. And once I began finding pieces of myself in other people's stories, I began to look for the shared humanity in our experiences. And that's when I began to develop tolerance and compassion for others as well as for myself.

Today I understand that without tolerance for another, it's hard to have empathy for myself.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:07 AM
April 8, 2013

Quote of the Week

"When I say NO to you, I'm saying YES to me."

Before recovery, I wasn't very good at setting personal boundaries and when people asked me to do things, I almost always said yes - despite the emotional, physical or financial costs to me. For years I blamed and resented people for taking advantage of me, and it took me a long time in recovery to believe that saying no was not only my right, but my responsibility to myself as well.

It's still hard for me to say no to people, however. Even though I'm much better at it and do it much more frequently, I still feel like I'm letting someone down and often feel guilty for quite a while. When I heard today's quote, I finally understood why.

Saying no to you means that I'm saying yes to myself, and that concept is still foreign to me. Having been raised to disregard my needs and wants, the idea of honoring and respecting them is something that still takes contrary action for me to reinforce. The good news today is that the more I do it the better I feel, and I know that each time I do my self-esteem gets a little stronger.

Today it's a little easier to say no to you because it feels better when I say yes to myself.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:08 AM
April 15, 2013

Quote of the Week

"The only thing worse than my problems
are my solutions to them."

Before recovery, I couldn't understand why my life wasn't getting better despite what I did to fix it. If my boss was a jerk, I'd quit. If my girlfriend wasn't paying attention to me, I'd go out with someone else. If my landlord didn't like it when I was late with the rent, I'd move. No matter what I tried, things only seemed to get worse.

When I began working the program, I told my sponsor all about my problems. He listened for a while and then asked me how good of an employee, boyfriend, and renter I had been. At first I was insulted, but then he told me to carefully write about each problem focusing only on my part. Well....that certainly opened my eyes.

After many thorough inventories, what I've found is that all my problems start with me, and the reason my solutions make them worse is because they are driven by the same selfishness or self-centered fear that caused them to begin with. Today the only solutions that work start by acknowledging where I've been at fault, and end with a sincere desire and offer to make amends.

Today I have solutions that make my life better.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:08 AM
April 22, 2013

Quote of the Week

"There are two sure ways to get out of fear - either make a decision or take action."

I don't know about you, but before recovery it was easy for me to be paralyzed by fear. Fear of the past, of the future, of an event or situation - often I would find myself numb, indecisive and unable to do anything except obsess over the numerous negative outcomes awaiting me. Fear dominated my life, and I didn't know how to escape its dark prison. But that changed when I began to recover.

One of the first things I began building when I started working the steps was a spiritual toolkit. The tools in this kit helped me to begin living life on life's terms, and taught me how to handle situations that used to baffle me. And two of the most important tools taught me how to deal with my fears.

The first tool I use to get out of fear is to make a decision. Since most of my fear is in my head and gains power by my obsessive thinking, I find that simply making a firm decision often disconnects the two and so frees me from fear's grip. Decisions usually point to actions I can take which immediately dissolve the fear and put me into a solution. As with all my tools, these are simple and effective but not always easy to practice. But like all spiritual tools in my toolkit, they work when I work them!

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:09 AM
April 29, 2013

Quote of the Week

"It's not old behavior if I'm still doing it."

It's easy to let go of things that are causing more pain than pleasure. Like when my drinking and using was killing me, I stopped, and even though it was hard at first, I found that being sober really was the easier, softer way. But I still had a lot of old ideas and behaviors that still worked sometimes, and letting these go was not so easy.

As I sat in meeting after meeting, I would hear that "the result was nil until we let go absolutely", and I never really got it. I mean, I was certainly getting results - I was clean and sober; I got my job back, and I began repairing broken relationships. But there were also times when I was intensely unhappy, irritable, and needed and wanted a drink. It took a long while for me to see that these feelings almost always followed old ways of thinking and behaving.

The longer I'm in recovery, the more I understand the value of steps six and seven. My old behaviors will continue just so long as I remain unwilling to give up the character defects that cause them. But when I do become willing, something wonderful happens - my Higher Power does for me what I can't do for myself - and that is relieve me of my old ways of thinking and acting.

Today I understand when they say, "It's not an old behavior if you're still doing it."

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:10 AM
May 6, 2013

Quote of the Week

"If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy."

Gratitude lists have been an important tool in my spiritual tool kit for a long time. Whenever I feel the old self-pity creep back in, I get out a piece of paper, number it from one to fifty, and start making a list of all the things I'm grateful for. While this always makes me feel better, there have been times when I've wished I had a newer car, or a bigger house, etc.. That is why today's quote means so much to me.

No matter how much money, property or prestige I have, there will always be those out there with more. What I am reminded of today is that real riches come from within, and that what gives me the feelings of peace and comfort I seek outside of myself comes from the things money can't buy.

Today I've learned to keep material things to a minimum on my gratitude list. The true riches in my life today start with the gifts of my recovery - the meaningful relationships I have, my connection with my Higher Power, and a true appreciation for all the opportunities I have to be useful to other people. This kind of gratitude list is endless and, when I finish it, I feel alive and vital.

Today, the real riches in my life come from counting and appreciating the things I have that money can't buy.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:10 AM
May 13, 2013

Quote of the Week

"I've learned to say, 'You may be right.'"

Before recovery I thought I knew it all. When someone disagreed with me, I'd argue and go out of my way to set them straight. I loved the saying, "Those people who think they know it all are especially annoying to those of us who do", and in the end I was self-righteous and smug. It's no wonder I didn't have many friends left.

When I began working with my sponsor, I started arguing with him too. At first he listened to me, but after a while he'd had enough. "Why don't you take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth," he suggested. I was too desperate to be indignant, so I followed his advice and began listening to what others were sharing in meetings. And that's when the miracle began for me.

Through listening to the experience, strength and hope of others, I not only learned that my way was not the only way; I learned that it was almost certainly not the right way for you. I learned that others had their own path, made their own mistakes and grew from their own experiences, and I came to see that your opinions were just as valuable as mine.

Most of all I learned to stop arguing because I learned how to say, "You may be right."

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:11 AM
May 20, 2013

Quote of the Week

"A God small enough for me to understand wouldn't be large enough for me to trust."

What a stumbling block the "God" thing was for me in the beginning of my recovery. Having been raised Catholic, I was afraid of God and after a while rejected the whole idea outright. I mean, how could there be a God if children got cancer and wars in His name still ravaged the world? And now I was told that my very life and recovery was dependent on my ability to forge a relationship with God? What was I going to do?

The key for me was reframing the God concept as simply a power greater than myself. This put the mystery back in for me, and suddenly I didn't have to understand how God worked, and I didn't have to explain anything either. My proof of God was now clear enough - God clearly could do something that I alone couldn't do - relieve me of the desire to drink and use.

Today my concept and understanding of God doesn't get clearer, it gets more expansive. I've become more accepting of God's will, and time and time again find that things often work out for the best - despite what I initially thought. I've stopped trying to explain who or what God is and know that the infinite reality of the divine will always be beyond my finite understanding. I now know that a God small enough for me to understand wouldn't be large enough for me to trust.

I now know that a God small enough for me to understand wouldn't be large enough for me to trust.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:11 AM
May 27, 2013

Quote of the Week

"The program does for us slowly what alcohol and drugs did for us quickly"

I can clearly remember what I felt like before recovery. I was anxious, on edge, so uncomfortable with my life that I wanted and needed to escape. I can also remember the immediate sense of ease and comfort that came from the first hit of my drugs or alcohol. Suddenly, everything was OK, and the future actually had some hope in it.

This was my solution for a long time, and when it stopped working, I was truly at a jumping off point. In the beginning of my recovery, meetings and fellowship offered me temporary relief from the near constant dread and anxiety I felt. The problem was how to get by in between meetings, and I'll tell you, it was rough going for quite a while.

And that's when I heard someone share that "we go to meetings for relief, but we work the steps for recovery". As I worked my program, I found this to be true. The relief and sense of ease and comfort I used to get through using now began to be part of my every day experience. After a while, I actually had peace and serenity and most of the time felt comfortable in my own skin.

One day I realized that the program had done for me slowly what drugs and alcohol had done for me quickly.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:12 AM
June 3, 2013

Quote of the Week

"I want my Higher Power to live in my heart full time, but He'll only take a 24-hour lease."

It's amazing how good I feel when I get connected to my Higher Power. I do this when I pray and meditate in the mornings, or when I speak to or help someone in the program, or when I attend meetings. I love the peace I feel, the sense of belonging I have and the feelings of being comfortable in my own skin.

It's also amazing how I can wake up the next day and feel so disconnected. I've often asked my sponsor why I can't stay connected, and he tells me it's the same reason I can't stay full after I've eaten a meal. When I ask him to explain, he says:

"Because we are spiritual beings, we all have a hunger to connect with our source. Once connected, we are filled with the peace and serenity that is the nourishment of this union. As we go about our day expending energy - the biggest energy drain caused by thinking about ourselves - we quickly become depleted and hungry. That's why we need to continually take actions to restore our connection and move God back into our hearts."

"Even though my Higher Power will only take a 24-hour lease, I can take actions to renew it daily."

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:12 AM
June 10, 2013

Quote of the Week

"You know you'll be back, so why
don't you just stay?"

When I had 93 days of sobriety, I went out. I coped a resentment at my Wednesday night meeting because they ran out of ninety day chips, so I stormed out, went home and drank. I still remember the feelings of relief I had as I drank that big glass of port wine - I was off the program and no longer had to descend into the pit of shame the steps were leading me into. Even so, I also knew there was no other way to recover and knew I'd be back.

After several months of drinking and yet still going to meetings, I finally quit for good. Once again, I started working the program all the while dreading the fourth step. When I got to it and starting making a list of resentments and my part in them, I truly felt I had descended into Hell and was sure that once my sins and secrets were revealed, I would be shunned, abandoned or even arrested.

What I found instead was amazing. Where I thought I would be alone, I found that people trudged the road with me, helped me and even understood. Where I thought I would find the darkest parts of myself, I found my connection to my Higher Power. When I thought I'd be abandoned, I found a great fellowship and know now that I don't ever have to be alone again.

Today, I encourage others who want to go out to stay - you know you'll be back anyway.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:13 AM
June 17, 2013

Quote of the Week

"When I entered recovery, I was dropped into the landscape of Grace."

Before recovery, my life was a living hell. Driven by an obsessive mind and a disease that wanted me dead (and settled for drunk), I was driven by a hundred forms of self-centered fear, and I felt alone and defenseless. I had no tools, no hope, and darkness filled my thoughts and painted my days. Finally, I hit bottom.

When I entered the rooms of recovery, I felt as if I had been lifted out of a sinking life raft, and dropped into a great big, safe ship. Meetings gave (and still give me) support, comfort, hope and help. The program provided me with the owner's manual to the life I had always wanted, and the greatest gift of all was a relationship with a loving and nurturing Higher Power.

Today I begin my days by turning my will and my life over to my Higher Power. By surrendering my will, asking for His guidance, and then seeking to do His work, I experience a freedom, a sense of purpose, and a state of serenity that is beautiful. It is Grace. Today I get to choose to live in this landscape of Grace, and for me that is the miracle of recovery.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:13 AM
June 24, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Relapse begins a long time before you pick up that first drink or drug."

I'm a three meeting minimum a week kind of guy. Anything below that and I begin feeling, well, kind of vulnerable. Oh, not that I'm going to pick up and use, but vulnerable to what my head tells me, and vulnerable to feeling more irritable, restless and discontented. I'm quicker to judge, and I begin storing resentments.

After a few weeks of that, it begins to get harder to make even two meetings a week. Soon I'm not answering my phone very much and calling my sponsor doesn't even occur to me. Work pressures mount, and on the way home you're not driving fast enough, and the parking lot is full, and Blockbuster doesn't have the movie I want. Suddenly the world is out of whack, and the idea of a drink seems not only natural, but completely reasonable as well.

I can't tell you the number of times I've heard people who relapse tell a story similar to the one above. It always scares the heck out of me because there have been times when I've begun to do down that same path. Thank God for my commitments, a strong support group, regular meetings I look forward to, and sponsees who continue to call me.

Today I have four meetings a week I go to - whether I need them or not - because I want to keep the distance between me a relapse as far apart as possible.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:13 AM
July 1, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Don't ruin an apology with an excuse."

Before recovery, I was full of excuses. I didn't do this because... I acted this way because she did that. He deserved it so I gave it to him, etc. On the rare occasion when I was cornered and couldn't justify my behavior, I'd make an apology - but I'd always qualify it with an excuse or at the very least a reason. The bottom line was that I could always place the blame outside of myself.

As I worked through the steps of the program, I discovered a fourth column in the fourth step called, "my part." This column formed the basis of my amends during the ninth step and taught me the proper definition of an apology.

My sponsor told me that when making an amends or an apology, I was to focus strictly on my part, ask if there were any other wrongs I was unaware of, and then ask what I could do to make things better. "You've done enough damage," I can still hear him tell me. "Whatever you do -

"Don't ruin your apology with an excuse."

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:14 AM
July 8, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Negativity is my disease asking me to
come out to play."

Before recovery, I had just one voice in my head. Sometimes it was encouraging, even optimistic, but most of the time it was negative and defeatist. It told me things weren't going to get better, so why try? It said things were bad so why not at least feel better by drinking and using? Towards the end, the good part of that voice went away and all I heard was how bad things were and how much worse they were going to get. It's no wonder I hit bottom.

When I entered the program, I heard a lot of talk about the disease of alcoholism. At first my voice told me that was a bunch of crap, and that I was just bad, weak-willed or a loser. But as I got better and the positive voice returned, I discovered it was separate from the negative one. I realized there were actually two voices inside me and I began to understand the disease of alcoholism.

It's taken a long time to nurture and grow the positive voice of recovery, but now I recognize it as the truth spoken to me by my Higher Power. The negative voice is still there sometimes and it surprises me when I hear it, but I know it's my alcoholism, and I've learned to thank it for sharing and then to ignore it.

Today I know that negativity is just my disease asking me to come out to play, and I know now not to listen.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:14 AM
July 15, 2013

Quote of the Week

"If I keep doing what I was doing, I'll keep getting what I was getting."

I remember when I was new to recovery I was very willing to follow suggestions. I went to 90 in 90, and I got a home group, and I got 4 commitments, and I got a sponsor and worked the steps, etc. I did a lot and I got a lot - my life got better, I felt better, situations improved and I began to recover. Even the promises began to come true.

Now that I'm deep in recovery, I find that I'm not as active as I used to be. I still go to meetings and I have commitments, but I find I'm not doing all the things I used to do. And I've also found that I'm not getting out of the program what I used to get. When I heard this quote I immediately made the connection.

When I spoke with my sponsor about this, he reminded me that I didn't need to go out to restart my program. There are always newcomers who need sponsors, meetings that need help, and I could always add a meeting or two. And the good news is that as soon as I start doing what I did, I start getting what I got. So if you're not feeling it these days, just think back to what you used to do and start doing it again.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:15 AM
July 22, 2013

Quote of the Week

"The degree of my anxiety is a measure of
my distance from God."

Before recovery, anxiety was the master of my life. Without a relationship with God, I faced life alone and was in constant fear of not getting my needs met or of losing something I had so desperately fought to get. The past was a constant source of regret and shame, and the future was filled with countless unknown dangers that would surely overwhelm me. All this made the present intolerable.

When I entered recovery, I brought my constant obsession with the past and future into the rooms with me. My sponsor taught me about living one day at a time, and he showed me that was where I would find God - today, right here, right now. He told me that if I could get present and so be in the presence of God, my anxiety would go away.

This was simple advice, but not so easy to do. The more I worked at practicing it, though, the more I found it to be true. Over the years I've found that the more I use the tools of the program - prayer and meditation, pausing and asking for God's guidance, and acknowledging in the moment that God is here - the more I find myself in the peace and serenity of God's presence.

Today I use the degree of my anxiety to measure my distance from God.

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:15 AM
July 29, 2013

Quote of the Week

"You can't experience victory if you refuse to surrender."

Boy, that surrender thing was (and sometimes still is) a hard thing for me to accept. I mean, how could I possibly win or succeed at something if I'm told to give up and surrender? I've always been taught that the things worth having were worth fighting for, yet the program told me to surrender. What was up with that?

I remember trying to figure this out when, during a meeting, I heard someone define surrender this way: "Surrender means laying down your arms and joining the winning side." Suddenly it made sense. I looked around at all the winners who had surrendered and overcome their addiction, and I realized that if I stopped fighting, stopped resisting, and surrendered too, then I could recover as well.

Today I have come to see the wisdom in the saying, "We ceased fighting anything or anyone." I now understand that the majority of my pain and discomfort comes from fighting and resisting things as they are, and that immediate peace and serenity are mine the moment I surrender. Once surrendered, I can pray for the right thought or action, and the solution always comes if I remain open to it.

Today I understand the saying, "You can't experience victory if you refuse to surrender."

bluidkiti
08-06-2013, 07:16 AM
August 5, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Find someone you can tell the truth to; we don't do this alone."

Over the 12 months when my life crashed around me, I shut myself off more and more from the people I knew. On those rare occasions when people who knew me asked how I was, I lied and told them I was fine. The truth was that I was isolated, desperate and utterly without hope. I knew the end was near, and I didn't care; in fact, when it came I was actually relieved.

When I entered the program, my life became the antithesis of what it had been before. Rather than isolating, I went to meetings; instead of eating alone, I went out with groups of people afterwards; and instead of lying about things being fine, I learned to speak my truth and tell people what was really going on with me.

Today I know that the only way I can stay comfortable in my own skin is by letting other people into my life and sharing with them what I'm going through. Alone, my head will still lie to me, but when I reach out to others and tell them honestly what I'm thinking, feeling or doing, that's when the miracle of recovery takes place.

Today I know the importance of finding someone you can tell the truth to, because we can't, and don't, do this alone.

bluidkiti
08-14-2013, 12:19 PM
August 12, 2013

Quote of the Week

"God has only three answers to your prayers:
Yes
Yes, but not now
No, because I have something better for you."

While the 11th step teaches us to pray only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out, there will invariably be times when we are sure we know what's best and will pray for a desired result or circumstance.

This is the moment that self will has crept back in. Having momentarily forgotten that we had rarely been truly happy when we got what WE wanted, what we need is a way to get back to the wisdom of the 11th step. And this quote provides that.

By keeping these three answers in mind, we're able to release expectations from our prayers and truly surrender ourselves to God's will. Through surrender we find faith and faith leads us to the sure knowledge that God's will for us is always better than our own.

bluidkiti
08-19-2013, 12:48 PM
August 19

Quote of the Week

"Am I interfering in the experience God wants them to have?"

Before recovery in Al-Anon, I always thought I knew what was best for everyone. I spent a lot of time working behind the scenes trying to control and manipulate situations and people, sure that if only I could get you to do what was right, then I could help you avoid getting hurt and both your life and mine would be better.

After years of this exhausting strategy, I dragged myself into the program and admitted defeat. Not only were you not taking my advice, but I was growing even more miserable than I was making you. When I asked my sponsor what was wrong with trying to protect those I loved, he told me that denying people the dignity of learning and growing from their own experience never helped anyone, and that all I was really doing was interfering in the experience God wanted them to have.

It took me many years to understand the truth and wisdom in these words. Today though, I know that we each have our own path and our own Higher Power, and I realize that my job is to try to improve my own life, to set a healthy example, and to love you unconditionally.

Today I've learned that all experiences are teachers and that it's up to each of us to learn our own lessons.

bluidkiti
08-26-2013, 02:42 PM
August 26

Quote of the Week

"The ONLY thing that can ever make me drink again is untreated alcoholism."

There is a lot in this quote. First, it reminds me that no matter how much time I have, I also still have the disease of alcoholism. Like someone once said, after each day I stay sober, at night alcoholism is in the closet doing pushups and by morning it has grown stronger.

This is why, each day, I have to do something to strengthen my recovery and treat my alcoholism. I can go to a meeting, talk to another alcoholic, work the steps or be of service in some other way. Each of these activities help to keep me spiritually fit, and only by developing, maintaining or growing my spiritual life can I effectively treat my alcoholism.

This quote also reminds me that other people's untreated alcoholism is a danger to me as well. If I'm not spiritually fit, then I'm vulnerable to the influence, the resentment, the lure and the romance of others alcoholism. In these, and many other ways, alcohol truly is cunning baffling and powerful.

Only by constant vigilance and treatment of my alcoholism can I remain sober and recovered.

bluidkiti
09-04-2013, 10:53 AM
September 2

Quote of the Week

"It's OK to look back, just don't stare."

A few weeks ago my brother published a memoir about the early years of our family's life in this country (we emigrated from England in the late 50's). It tells the story of the rapid and painful breakup of our family due to my father's alcoholism, and there are some harrowing scenes that were painful for me to read. When I finished the book, I was pretty shaken up, but after a few days I felt myself again. I was grateful for this and remembered that it wasn't always this way.

Before recovery I was lost in the resentment, fear and misunderstanding of my upbringing. I spent many years secretly wishing it had been different, and many more hating what had happened and what had been done to me. When I looked back on it I would dwell on the wrongs that had been done, and the loathing I had for "them" soon turned into the self-loathing of my own alcoholism. Without recovery, it surely would have destroyed me as it had my family.

Through recovery, I have learned to sift through my past to find the lessons and even the gifts it has to offer. I know now that my upbringing and my experiences allow me to help others in a way that no one else can. This is one of the miracles of recovery. Today I don't have to relive my past, but I don't have to shut the door on it either.

Today I know that it's OK to look back, as long as I don't stare.

bluidkiti
09-09-2013, 12:19 PM
September 9

Quote of the Week

"The key to my serenity today is directly linked to my ability to stay in the moment--to be in the present."

And this is because God is only here with me now. As soon as my thoughts take me away from the present, and I begin to either dwell on the past and think of what could have been or regret what I did or didn't do, or when I begin to obsess on the future and worry about what will or won't happen, I have abandoned God and I'm all alone.

And by myself, I am powerless and quickly become overwhelmed by fear and worry or by anger and resentment.
Today, my serenity is directly linked to my relationship with my higher power, and I strengthen this relationship throughout the day by returning to the present.

One of my favorite ways of doing this is to follow the advice on page 87 of the Big Book: "As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day 'Thy will be done.'"

As soon as I bring myself back to the present, and get connected to my Higher Power, serenity returns and I know that I'm going to be OK.

bluidkiti
09-24-2013, 09:40 AM
September 16

Quote of the Week

"Once you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

I've always heard that alcoholism is a disease of perception. For example, when I first got sober I kept hearing that it was a disease, but I never really saw it that way. Once I started to work my program and learned more about it though, I began to look at it differently, and sure enough it changed! I now see it as the disease it is.

As I continued to work my steps and recovery, I began changing the way I looked at a lot of things and they, too, began to change. For example, my past used to be a source of shame and regret, but when I looked at it as a source of experience, strength and hope that I could use to help another, my feelings about it changed as well. Looking at it this way, I gained a new appreciation for it and my very past seemed to change as well.

Today I know that every situation in life is open to interpretation depending on how I choose to look at it. To help me gain perspective, I sometimes pretend I'm part of a debating club and have been assigned the task of building a case for the opposite point of view. Forcing myself to look at something differently changes my opinion and, seemingly, the thing itself.

It always comes back to how I look at things. Once I change that, everything else changes as well.

bluidkiti
09-24-2013, 09:41 AM
September 23

Quote of the Week

"The less full of ourselves we are, the more room there is for others."

During my first year of recovery I worked as a municipal bond broker, and I hated every minute of it and barely made enough money to survive. As I drove to a meeting one night I was obsessed over a big deal I had just talked someone into, and I was worried sick that the prospect might cancel the order. As I drove along consumed with self-centered fear, I had a moment of clarity.

From out of nowhere my thinking shifted to today's quote - I had heard it a few weeks before - and I suddenly knew exactly what it meant. I realized that if I arrived at the meeting obsessed with this deal then I wouldn't be present for the people at the meeting who needed my time and attention. In that instant I had my first God shot, and I've remembered that lesson to this day.

Today I realize that thinking less about myself not only helps me to feel better, but it does something even more important - it allows me to be present for others and so enables the miracle of God and the program to work through me. I also know that my only hope for long term recovery and happiness depends on my continued ability to be of service to others.

That's why today I try to make more room for others by being less full of myself!

bluidkiti
10-01-2013, 10:00 AM
September 30

Quote of the Week

"The minute I take control, that's when I lose control."

I used to try to control my drinking and using all the time. I'd give myself a limit as to how many drinks I would have; I'd practice drinking a glass of water between cocktails; I would use only on the weekend (that didn't work because soon Friday and then Thursday became part of the weekend), and on and on. What I found was that as soon as I tried to control it, I lost control.

When I entered recovery I learned about the concept of powerlessness. Even though I had countless examples of how I was powerless over drugs and alcohol, I secretly hoped that one day I would be able to control and enjoy it. After countless inventories and step work, I learned that I lost that dubious luxury long ago, and that whenever I tried to control my drinking I didn't enjoy it, and when I enjoyed it, I couldn't control it.

Just as I was coming to accept my powerlessness over alcohol, I faced an even more daunting idea - that I was powerless over just about everything else in my life as well. The way I've come to accept this is to take responsibility for my part (my thoughts and my actions) and to leave the rest up to God. This always works, when I remember to work it.

And the minute I don't, the minute I take control, that's the minute I lose control once again.

bluidkiti
10-08-2013, 09:22 AM
October 7

Quote of the Week

"You need to spend some time with God this morning and then let your day go."

I can start my day two different ways: the way I usually do which means rushing through my morning preparing for work and thinking (or worrying) about how I'm going to control everything to get what I want, or by sitting quietly in meditation and prayer and turning my will and life over to my Higher Power.

You can imagine how the first way goes. I fight my way through traffic, enter work defensive and resentful and am at odds with others and myself throughout the day. After work I fight my way through traffic again and arrive home exhausted and on edge. If I don't go to a meeting, I take these feelings to bed with me and wake up in an uneasy mood. This is what living in self-will is like.

The second way is definitely the easier, softer way and how different the same day goes when I begin it with God. By starting with prayer and meditation, I connect to God and turn my will, life and day over to His will and care. Relieved of the bondage of self, I now go about my day from the perspective of service, and suddenly my day (and life) takes on a deeper meaning. The result of this is fulfillment, serenity and true purpose. And it all begins with God. And it begins every morning by making the right choice.

bluidkiti
10-15-2013, 09:12 AM
October 14

Quote of the Week

"The answer is not in the problem; the answer is in the solution."

Before recovery, I lived in the problem. If things weren't going right, or if something went wrong, that's all I thought about. I'd dwell on it, talk to my friends about it, and think about all the ways it could get worse. It was as if I was addicted to the dark outcomes of my problems, and soon I couldn't see - and didn't even want - a way out.

Once I began working my steps, though, I became aware of my negative thinking and I learned the way out. My therapist taught me that I couldn't solve my problems using the same mind that created them. She told me that I had to source deeper and turn to my Higher Power. And sure enough, as soon as I stopped thinking about the problem and started thinking about God, the solutions began to appear.

Today I live in the solution much more than in the problem. Even though I can occasionally still go to the dark side, my program, my sponsor, and my friends in the fellowship are all focused on finding solutions and are quick to help me find the answers I need. I'm also quick to rely on my Higher Power, asking many times each day for inspiration and a new perspectives.

Today I know the answer is not in the problem, the answer is in the solution.

bluidkiti
10-22-2013, 09:31 AM
October 21

Quote of the Week

"Worry is a terrible waste of the imagination"

Before recovery, I was addicted to so many things - alcohol, drugs, food, sex - anything that I could use to escape I abused as I sought a way out of the impending doom I always felt. When I entered the program and began putting these vices and distractions down, I found I had been addicted to something else as well - worry.

It took a long time for my emotions to become stable and for my thoughts to become clear, but once they did, I was amazed by how much time and energy I spent worrying. I worried about my health, my job, my relationships, my future and even my past. When I shared this with my sponsor, he explained that worry was caused by excessive self-will and that I hadn't fully surrendered to my Higher Power.

After years of working the steps, turning my will and life over to God, and spending more and more time looking for and trying to follow His will, I find that I worry less and less. Today my mind is focused on what God would have me do and be, and from that place I've learned to take the next indicated action and to turn the results over to Him.

Today I use my imagination to envision my life and world as God would have it be, rather than worry that it might not turn out the way I would have it.

bluidkiti
10-28-2013, 12:28 PM
October 28

Quote of the Week

"God doesn't care what you think about Him, only that you think about Him."

I've spend a lot of my life struggling with the concept of God. For many years my God was on a throne judging my thoughts and actions, and I did my best to keep on His good side. When I sinned, I'd try doubly hard to be good again and all the while I was trying to keep track of my good/bad ledger. "If I die tonight, where will I end up?" I thought regularly before going to sleep. By the time I got sober, I was pretty sure where I was going...

In early recovery I was terrified of the thought of turning my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him. I was sure God didn't care much for me, and I was afraid that if I abandoned myself to Him then he would exact His just reward. I secretly resented God, and when I finally admitted this to my sponsor, he gave me the solution.

"Talk to God and tell Him exactly how you feel," he suggested. "But I'm really pissed off about a lot of things, and He's not going to like it," I warned him. "Believe me, He's big enough to take whatever you've got," he said. When I finally began an open and honest dialogue with God - telling Him of my anger, resentments, fears and disappointments in Him - that's when my connection and faith in a Higher Power began. And that's when my real recovery began as well.

Today I've learned that God doesn't care what you think about Him, only that you think about Him.

bluidkiti
11-05-2013, 10:40 AM
November 5

Quote of the Week

"Act as though until it becomes so"

What a wonderful lesson this was for me to learn early on in recovery. At first I didn't think I could make it through the day or week sober and my sponsor would tell me to "act as if" I were going to make it. He told me to go to meetings, take commitments and to share honestly about what was going on. He also told me not to drink between meetings, and to suit up and show up.

And I did. And soon my actions became reality and I got 60 days, 90 days, then 6 months and a year. It had become so. As my life got better, I began to want other things and other areas of my life to change as well. "Act as if," my sponsor told me again. If I wanted a job in an office, he instructed me to wake up and put on a suit as I looked for work. Soon, I was wearing that suit in the new office I worked in.

As I continue to grow in awareness in recovery, I realize that "acting as though until it becomes so" is one of the great universal spiritual truths of humanity. Books like "The Secret" and others on positive attraction explain why this is, and I know through experience that it is true. Today if I want my reality to change, I simply begin acting as if. It always works.

bluidkiti
11-12-2013, 11:08 AM
November 11

Quote of the Week

"God cannot do for you what he cannot do through you."

Before recovery, I had the God thing all mixed up. My conception of God was that if I was good and behaved myself, and then good things would happen for me. When I prayed, I prayed for the things I wanted, and then I waited for God to deliver. Towards the end of my using, I was usually praying to get out of one mess or another, and then promising to be better the next time. It rarely worked.

When I first heard this saying, I was several years in the program and I already understood the power of action. I knew from years of sober experience that I couldn't just pray to have my life get better, but rather I had to add action and right thought to my prayers. The old saying, "When you pray, move your feet" took on a whole new meaning for me, and I became much more efficient and my life starting getting better.

As the years go by and I live even more in the 11th step, I have discovered the deeper wisdom in this quote. Today I now understand and embrace God's will for me which is to be of maximum service to others. In this way, God can do for me what I could never do alone - and that is to heal and enrich both my life and yours.

Today I truly know that God cannot do for you what he cannot do through you.

bluidkiti
11-19-2013, 08:16 AM
November 18

Quote of the Week

"Friends are God's apology for your relatives."

When I was new I had very few healthy boundaries, and I especially had little defense against the observations, suggestions, judgments and criticisms of my family members. Someone once said that your relatives know how to push your buttons because they were the ones that put them there. I quickly found out how true that was.

At first my reaction was to try to explain what recovery was, how the meetings worked and why I needed them. After that didn't work, I severely limited my contact and involvement with them and instead focused on the new friends I was meeting in the rooms. What a blessing not to have to travel the road alone, and the bonds I formed literally saved my life.

As the years passed and I discovered a sense of who I really was, I began to reengage with my relatives and found that while I had changed, they basically had remained the same. Accepting the limits of those relationships was hard at first, but over time the unconditional love and understanding of my new family of friends helped provide me with the close connections I had always craved.

Today I am learning to improve my relationships with my relatives, and my friends are showing me how.

bluidkiti
11-26-2013, 08:27 AM
November 25

Quote of the Week

"We didn't get here because we sang too loud in church."

It's amazing how self-righteous we alcoholics can sometimes be. Before recovery many of us acted in destructive, demoralizing and often illegal ways, many times hurting ourselves and others in the process. Rather than being remorseful when confronted with our behaviors, we usually became resentful and acted even more inappropriately. In the end many of us were alone, and the only people who were glad to see us were the people who welcomed us into recovery.

At first it's hard to confront the damage we've done, but after a while many of us do recover the positions and self-respect we had lost. What also returns though is our ego, and sometimes a new sense of entitlement can make us hard to be around again. I have sat and seethed in meetings while people shared how they thought things should be run, all the while harboring my own self-righteous views.

My favorite saying of Bill W's is, "Honesty got me sober and tolerance keeps me that way". When I catch myself feeling mightier than thou, I ask God to remind me of this and to remind me of where I came from. When I do, I'm humbled by the miracle that has taken place in my life, and once again I become right-sized.

I am instantly reminded that we didn't get here because we sang too loud in church.

bluidkiti
12-05-2013, 09:57 AM
December 2

Quote of the Week

"No is a complete sentence."

Having been raised in an alcoholic home, boundaries were something I didn't learn much about. My mother, an untreated Al Anon, scurried about trying to make everything OK, and I learned that the best way to avoid trouble and get my limited needs met, was by stuffing my feelings, letting everyone else have their way, and by never saying no.

As I grew older, these very adaptive living and defense strategies became character defects that caused me to be insincere in relationships, continually unhappy, and ultimately unable to form meaningful bonds with other people. Without healthy boundaries, I couldn't stand up for myself and make my true needs known. I had a lot of resentments!

When I entered Al Anon, boundaries, self-care, and responsibility for my own happiness were new concepts to me. One of the most helpful was learning that my needs and well being were not only my responsibility and right, but that I didn't have to justify or defend them to anybody. I learned that if something wasn't right for me, I could simply say no - I didn't need to argue, convince or explain why. Today, no is a complete sentence.

bluidkiti
12-10-2013, 08:07 AM
December 9

Quote of the Week

"Life is tough because you get the test first and then the lesson."

When I was in school we would spend weeks and sometimes even whole semesters preparing to take tests. We'd study lesson plans, read books, watch videos, all in preparation for midterms and finals. And how I did on the tests all depended on how well I studied the lessons.

In life it's quite a different story. In life, we get the test first and then it's up to us to learn the lesson. And while this may be tough, what's worse is that if we don't learn the lesson, we get another test - then another and another until we learn the lesson.

One of the things I love about recovery is that I've been taught to look for and learn the lesson. When I get a test, I immediately look for my part, examine my motives and look for how I can either make amends, and or act better the next time. This is called a daily 10th Step inventory, and it insures that I learn the lesson quickly.

Life may be tough, and the test may still come first, but now I know how to learn the lesson and avoid taking the test again!

bluidkiti
12-22-2013, 10:32 AM
December 16

Quote of the Week

"God never gives me more than I can handle - I just wish He didn't trust me so much!"

When I was new, I was told I'd have to learn to live life on life's terms without drinking. How was that going to happen I thought? I was convinced I could never stay sober through life's tougher times like what would happen if my son was killed? Or if I was diagnosed with cancer? Or if my house burned down? There was no way I could stay sober through any of that.

As the months and then years went by, I began experiencing life without drinking. First I lost my job. Then my dad had a major stroke and was confined to a nursing home. Then my first major relationship in sobriety broke up. By not drinking through these things, I learned how to turn to and trust in my Higher Power, and I learned I could make it through.

Today I know how to handle life on life's terms. While I may not always like what life has in store for me or others, I know that God will always give me the strength, the wisdom or the acceptance to get through it. Today I've come to rely on God to help me make it through life, and I know that he relies on me to make it through sober.

While I know God never gives me more than I can handle, sometimes I just wish He didn't trust me so much!

bluidkiti
12-23-2013, 12:37 PM
December 23

Quote of the Week

"It's progress not perfection, we are not saints."

I had some friends over the other night for dinner and we started talking about road rage. We each had a story to tell about how we had participated in an escalating episode of honking, cutting off, or giving the finger to another angry driver. Being generally centered in other areas of my life, I was a little disappointed in myself when I realized that I, too, can become a complete asshole in about 15 seconds.

When I entered the program, I was used to acting this way. In general, I had a low regard for other people's feeling, and one of the problems I had with the steps is I thought if I didn't become a saint I wouldn't get sober. I remember telling my sponsor this and him saying four words that I still repeat to this day: "It's progress, not perfection."

I've made A LOT of progress over the years, and I've come a long way from where I've been. For the most part I'm comfortable in my own skin, I'm truly grateful for what I have, and I sincerely try to add to people's lives. And yet every now and then, sometimes without me even being aware of it, something will provoke me into a state of fear and I'll resort - temporarily - to an old behavior. Thankfully I'm able to recover my serenity pretty quickly, and when I do I remind myself:

"It's progress not perfection, we are not saints."

bluidkiti
12-31-2013, 10:35 AM
December 30

Quote of the Week

"When I did my 4th step it felt as if my life was being turned upside down - but it was really being turned right side up."

I first heard this saying right when I needed it most - when I was in the middle of my 4th step and I thought I was losing my mind. I remember sitting in my Wednesday night meeting after just having done some writing on it and I literally thought my life was coming apart. That's when someone shared this and at once I was filled with hope and thought maybe, just maybe, I'll actually survive this.

The 4th step not only shakes our very foundation, it shakes loose the crap, the shame and the secrets that weaken it. It is this sober examination of our core defects of character that cause us such an overwhelming amount of pain, and once we begin looking at our part in things, it's no wonder we feel our very lives are being turned upside down.

The good news is that a thorough 4th step is actually the very thing needed to turn our lives right side up. Before my 4th step, it was all your fault, and because I couldn't control you, I was the victim. But by seeing and taking responsibility for my part, which I do have control over, I can now make changes thereby giving me control and hope over my future. The 4th step indeed made me crazy at first, but then it set me free.