QUESTION???

[MajestyJo]

Today at my meeting the topic was about things that started with the letter 'Q'.

When I first came to Al-Anon, I questioned my right to be there because I was one of the 'others'. I questioned being an alcoholic. I knew I was an addict, but had a hard time accepting my own alcoholism. I justified every way possible trying to talk myself out of it. I didn't like beer. Never drank more than one beer in my life, so I just couldn't be an alcoholic. I drank because I couldn't stand to be around my husband, it was his drinking that was the problem.

What I was doing was leaving a door open to take a drink if I wanted one. If I wasn't an alcoholic and I drank because of OPs, then I could go to Al-Anon and if I chose to have ONE glass of wine with my meal it was okay! Talk about stinking thinking and self-justificatIon.

I am not sure if the disease is in our genes or not. What I do know is that I am a product of my environment and if I was continually around people who drank, I would drink too. It is just the nature of this beast and my disease. I could look at them and again play the blame game and give myself an out.

I knew that I was one when I finally realized I used alcohol like I used people, places and things to get my own way and to control my life so that I could be a part of the insanity instead of being on the outside looking in. I questioned my husband's insanity not recognizing my own.

In today, I need to question "what is good for my sobriety (soundness of mind)" Just because something has stood me in good stead for several years. Is it still working in today? Am I complacent? Am I sitll on that spiritual quest or have I stopped looking for God.

God is Good. Good is God. If I look for the goodness within myself and those around me, I am connected to my Higher Power.

What is in my best interest and for my Higher good in today?

What knowingness do I need in today to do what I need for my own health and well being on this recovery road?

Something I posted on another group in April 2009

One day on the elevator a guy who was about half snapped who I knew from the building I lived in before was complain about his life and he said, "Why me?" I looked at him and said, "Why not you?" He looked at me shocked and then started to laugh. It was something my sponsor had told me many times.

I can identify with the angry with God. I just wish He would give me a little hint so We both know what He is doing!

In order to accept the disease, I looked at it as a dis-ease. I was at dis-ease within myself, and was always looking for something outside of myself to make me feel better. An allergy of the body, I don't metabolize alcohol the way others do. According to a tape I heard, normal people metabolize one in 10-15 minutes. An alcoholic often takes 20=30 minutes. By the time he has his second drink, the first one is still in his system. It is also an obsession of the mind. It took over my life and all my values, principles and integrity were put aside and I became a different person. One I had trouble recognizing and as I have said so many times, every time I picked up, I gave away a piece of me. When I came into recovery, there was very little 'me' left.

It is a disease that tells me that I don't have one. It tells me this time will be different. It tells me this time I can control it. If I take charge of my life, I can control what is happening. The Spirit of Alcohol becomes the God of my life and became my life. When I came into recovery, the Spirit of God takes control of my life when I give it over to Him.

June 2009

[MajestyJo]

I asked myself, "If I am not an alcoholic, what am I?" I didn't like that answer either. I found that as a daughter of an alcoholic and a person who had an eating disorder, gave me a very dysfunctional outlook on life. Being married to a man who ran around with other women and was with another woman when our son was born was hard on my self-esteem and self-worth. I later learned that when you said "No!" it was rape, even though it was your husband. My second husband was an alcoholic, my judgment and me taking his inventory. In today, I know he was a drunk and when I decided, "If you can't beat them, join them, I became an alcoholic." In recovery, I came to realize that I had the thinking for many years, right back to that first drink I stole at the age of 10 years of age.

I used people, places and things for years. When I saw my brother killed when I was three, I used anything that was available to escape reality. Over the years, it took more and more of what ever substance I chose in the moment to cope with life until such a time as I could no longer cope; and it got to a place where I was thinking, "Stop the world, I want to get off."

So I questioned life, I questioned myself, and I questioned others. I came into recovery, and found a solution. I saw it working for others, so I followed the suggestions, and it worked for me too.

The people in the rooms loved me back to good health until I could learn to love myself.

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[MajestyJo]

My folks know how to push my buttons, they installed them.

- Anon. (Alkiespeak - Book - Quote)

Many many times, I thought of my son pushing mine, not realizing that what goes around comes around. I am sure I did the same thing to my parents.

My father said to me when I came home to look after him, "You use to be such a quiet young thing, whatever happened? Now you are making up for lost time."

I was told at 14 that I talked with my eyes. My son just had to ask and look at me, and if possible, I would get it. He didn't know the meaning of "No" until I came into recovery.

As one of my unofficially adopted daughters said to me, "I could relate to you more before than I do now. She, like my son, didn't like to be told No!"

I fell for the sob stories, the whines, and the pleading hook, line, and sinker, especially when guilt was laid on top of it, either from myself or projected onto me. I didn't know I didn't have to carry it and I didn't have to say, "I'm sorry" for the rest of my life.

I didn't have to replace the buttons, but recognize that I was the one playing them. I had to change the tapes, so they were in tune with today.

Life is about me being clean and sober, and detaching and setting boundaries with my son.

If I feel the bucking of uncertainty, despair, or fear, I can take it as a sign that I have gotten out of step.

... In All Our Affairs

It is also a sure sign that I am out of balance within myself or I have pushed a play button and living in the past.

Sometimes I don't realize that it is an old tape because it is familiar and comfortable and just feels right. That doesn't make it right. It just means I need to take a look at it, then turn it over to my God and ask for new direction and understanding.

=========

Just gave my son the money to go see the movie Star Wars, plus money for popcorn and pop. It is an early Christmas present, something I wasn't going to buy for him because it seems like I have already given him several presents already.

I went up to him and said, "Are you bored?" He looked despondent, and the "Oh Woe is me on his face and his body language." He said, "I am always bored." He doesn't go back to work until the new year, and not too sure exactly when that will be.

It seemed easier to give out the money than to be around him when he is so depressed. I am not feeling good and don't need the extra doom and gloom. So not sure I was listening to the subliminal message he was sending me, "Oh I would really like to see Star Wars, or whether I was completely doing it from my heart." ;)

Am I enabling him or myself?

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[MajestyJo]

Like the topic, how do you deal with unacceptable behaviour. I don't have to accept it, I can set a boundary. Sometimes I have to reinforce it. I choose not to let others disrespect me as a person. I didn't think I was worthy for many years and allowed others to dictate, control, and project THEIR stuff onto me. In today, that isn't acceptable. My words and thoughts are mine. I try to share them with the hope that it will help others. I have issues with people who want me to take them back, not speak and share them, and as my ex-husband use to say, "Who asked for your opinion? What makes you think we want to hear what you have to say?" "What makes you think your opinion and ideas count?" That is why I take exception to people who delete them, discount them (they are my truth, even if they are not those of others), and as they say, "May we agree to disagree."

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[MajestyJo]

Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened?

Big Book P. 37


A quote from the Big Book. A good indicator how we justified and rationalized our behaviour. In the moment it seemed sane and we figured our intent was good, and just couldn't figure out what we did wrong.

How could a simple idea end up so grown out of proportion and develop into just a catastrophic event?

Never once did I think it was the alcohol doing my thinking. The thought that I was not in control would have been horrifying if someone had suggested such a thing. It was an illusion and for all intensive purposes, false evidence appearing real.

What is my motive and intent? Is it my will or my God's Will for my life?

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[MajestyJo]

Don't Complicate Things

The simple, clear answer for life's situations can be easily found in the heart. Don't limit its wisdom to just one or two areas, let it guide you through all of your life.

Are you struggling with finances? Feeling overwhelmed by taxes? Not certain what to do to help someone you love? Do you have a problem with a friend? Has a business relationship gotten sticky, maybe hopelessly adversarial? Are you at war with the person you love? Problems with children? Problems with parents? A landlord who just won't get the job done? All of these areas, and more, can be brought to your heart.

Do you need to find a new hobby? Are you stuck on a project? Do you need an idea, some creative inspiration? Do you need a new place to live, or a way to fix your current home? Take it all back to your heart.

Calm your mind. Let go. Get quiet. You don't have to know the plan. Just put out the question, then listen to your inner voice. It will guide you through any maze you've been lost in.

Don't complicate things or try to figure it all out. The answer is simple: look in your heart.

From Journey to the Heart

Originally posted on my site Soundness of Mind in December 2011, and yet the questions are still good in today. I had to do this over the holidays, I had to go within and find peace.

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[MajestyJo]

When I went to Al-Anon, I was told that I was doubly blessed. I found friends in both fellowships. I could identify from both sides of the street.
I learned to identify not compare.
I learned not to judge, no one had walked in my shoes and I hadn't walked in theirs, yet we could walk this recovery road together.
I had my own disease and had to learn to focus on me, not on the "A"s in my life and recognize all facets of my addiction. My addiction to the alcoholic/addict, food, work, etc.

[MajestyJo]

AA 'Big Book' - Quote

Everybody knows that those in bad health, and those who seldom play, do not laugh much. So let each family play together or seperately, as much as their circumstances warrent. We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. -

Pgs. 132-133 - The Family Afterward

Well totally disagree with the first line, when it comes to me. If you add my family, that is another matter. My family are not alcoolics although my sister's were brought up in the same dysfunctional family I was.

All their kids have a really weird sense of humour. Some of it would qualify for "Fire Side" and would make a good comic strip of their own. Sometimes I feel apart and not apart of the joke, quite often because I find it hurtful, putting others down and feeling very self-righteous.

For several years in recovery, I had to detach from my family. My AA family were my support. It took a really big change in attitude to be able to go out there, and just accept them for who they are. I loved them, but didn't always like their actions, even though they were good church going people, all gainfully employed and they didn't drink to my knowledge.

They do play together, they are close and that is how it should be. They have a family get together through the week and often on Sunday after church. I just have to remember that they don't have program.

I am going to my sister's next week, not sure which day it will be. My sister from Tweed is coming down and the three of us will have a visit. My two brother-in-laws will be there and possibly my sister's best friend who helps in her day care. Another person who has another very derogatory look at life and comes across as Ms. Doom and Gloom and expects the worst out of life.

There is a good chance I won't be here for next week's meeting. I don't know how long I will be there. A lot will depend on how many kids my sister baby sits. I found at the meeting tonight that with the fibro flare up, I have a real problem with noise levels.

So my goal is to be happy, joyous and free. All three of us have diabetes and arthritis and have learned to laugh at ourselves.

It is when people start to laugh at others that there is a problem.

Are you happy, joyous and free?

What makes you happy? When I was asked this question in early recovery, I didn't know. I had lived my life through others, and I used to be one of those who use to say, "If you are happy, so am I."

Coyote:
Wisdom, jokester, having fun, stimulates cooperation and tasks, adaptations, balances knowledge and laughter into teaching, shows us how to learn from our mistakes with wisdom and a sense of humor, sense of family and children, demonstrating and communicating along with balancing risk and safety, trust and connection to the Spirit to find answers. Are you taking yourself too seriously? Too uptight and stressed? Are you trusting enough right now? Coyote will teach resourcefulness and adapting to new situations and how humor can be a useful tool in any situation.

Animal Totem Dictionary of Animals

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[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book Food for Thought

Anger

When angry, many of us overate. Now that we are abstaining, what do we do with our anger?

First of all, we need to be in touch with our feelings so that we can recognize anger when it occurs. In our overeating days, we often may not have realized that we were angry instead of hungry. Not until we were stuffed with food did the anger surface, and then we frequently directed it at ourselves for overeating.

Getting the carbohydrates out of our system allows us to be more aware of our true feelings and reactions. If we can catch our anger when it begins, it is easier to handle. Expressing it in the early stages is less devastating to ourselves and others than waiting until it builds up into a rage.

The best thing we can do with anger is to turn it over to our Higher Power. If we hang on to it, we can be destroyed. Practicing the Steps every day helps us get rid of anger. If we let Him, our Higher Power will take it away.

Take away my anger, Lord.

DID YOU KNOW?

Like this, it was life changing for me, when I learned that I had to feel the feeling before I could let it go. I had numbed my feelings, not know that when you ignore and stuff the negative, you block the positive as well.

[MajestyJo]

When I opened my Courage to Change book today, I wasn't on today's reading, but read what I opened to and it not only spoke to me but roared!

If you have read my chip of the day, you will know why. Here are the quotes that stuck out for me:


Chose this one without looking at the list. I know it is what I need in today to get things done. It is something that I don't do well.

I seldom organize and 'stick to it' focus on something and am easily distracted. If something comes along that I like better or I get a new thought, I quite often follow that and leave what I am doing undone! This is especially true if I have housework to do and something comes along and it allows me to run away from home.

Today I do need to go pick up books at the library and I need to pick up a few things at the market. I am just waiting for 9 a.m. to come. My main task today is to get some laundry done. I really don't mind doing it, not sure if it is the having to go downstairs to do it which takes me from my computer and TV or whether I just get a mental block, which stops me from doing what I need to do for myself.

Perhaps it is because I think of discipline and being corrected for what you do. One of those things you were told that you never do right and someone is always on your case about HAVING to do. If that is the case, it is certainly something that I need turned over and changed.

Discipline is just something I don't do well. It is one of those things that God and I are continuing to work on.

Heaven forbid I should surrender, accept my discomfort, and pray for guidance.

Willpower cnnot eliminate in a day troubles that have taken root and flourished in my life for decades. Things take time.

This is something I forget. I tend to forget that this is a one day at a time program. It doesn't all have to happen in today. Quick fixes don't work. Recovery is a process. I didn't get this way overnight, so why should I figure it is pray, ask for help, get it and it is all over and done with.

When I get caught up in the moment, I can get stuck in the fear and it takes a few to realize that I don't have to stay there, I can change it, by surrendering, and turning it over instead of hanging on, and criticize myself and beating myself up for my shortcomings.

A shortcoming to me is being less than my God would have me be in today. The trouble is, He doesn't expect me to 'fix' it, all He asks me to do is try. It is in the not trying, just giving up that I fail to do his will and become willful and say "Won't" and until the pain is so bad, I have no other choice, then I get a resentment, when it fact it is my fault, all I had to do was let go!

So many things are old tapes and are hard to recognize. I think that sometimes I think on something as a belief system when in fact it is something that was projected onto me a long time ago and that I am sitll carrying around even though it is old news.

So many times, I have had to pray, "I ask for the willingness to be willing, Thy will, not mine."

[MajestyJo]

Saw this title on a reading on another site. Thought it was a very powerful statement.

My God gives me what I need when I need it. Some days I need more than one step.

When I think of Light, I think of how each being on this earth - large and small gets the energy they need from the tiniest snail to the largest animal, the smalled seedling to the tallest tree.

My God gives me what I need, even some of my wants and desires.

Love this, when ever I get in this space, I have to remember that my God answers knee-mail.

[MajestyJo]

Al- Anon offers us many good ideas and suggestions as how to change our lives. Today's reading is of this nature.

When we are faced with events or situations or someone's behavior bothers us, Al-Anon tells us that we do not have to take it personally. I am not a victim unless I choose to be. Things may not always go as I planned but .................

I can accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can.

A change of attitude can help me to see what is really going on and I can deal with the problem in a more construtive way. I may even find that these things are not problems, just things that haven't gone my way.

Putting blame for my pain on outside events is not facing reality, the pain caused by my own attitudes. All we can do is ask our Higher Power for guidance as how to act in these situations.

"God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. You must take it. The only choice is how."

Henry Ward Beecher


Have you had a problem in your life where a change of attitude resolved your problem ?


Courage to Change

[MajestyJo]

The facts of any situation include the hopelessness of the difficulty you face, but they also include the reality of God's power to work in your impossible situation.

Some one said,

Look around - and be distressed
Look within - and be depressed
Look to God - and be at rest.

In fact that's the only way you can be at rest when you face an impossible situation. Focus on God instead of the circumstances.

(from Encouraging Words for Women By Darlene Sara)

Posted on another site in 2004

The best way for me to change my attitude is to go to a meeting. My son has even been known to suggest that I get myself there.

For me, it is important that he is in his disease and not take things personal. I could be hurt and sad, but why go around in doom and gloom. I can't change him, but I can change me and my attitude. Sometimes it means reinforcing my boundaries and detaching from a situation, I have the tools of the program to help me through each day.

[MajestyJo]

One comes, finally, to believe whatever one repeats to one's self, whether the statement is true or false.

--Napoleon Hill

Our inner dialogue can have awesome power. It often determines the behavior that defines who we are. We do, of course, have some choice as to the direction this inner dialogue will take. It's as easy to affirm our self-worth with positive messages as it is to tear ourselves down with negative ones. And yet, many of us fall so easily into negative patterns of thought.

As with so many aspects of our life, we become proficient at what we regularly practice. The regular, preferably daily, use of positive affirmations can make such a profound contribution to our well-being and willingness to grow and learn, that it can change the course of our life. All we have to do is develop the discipline to make these positive messages habitual. In so doing, we bring our vision of ourselves in line with God's, Who accepts us completely as we are.

The messages I give myself today will remind me that I am a capable and lovable child of God.


You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey


We are what we feed ourselves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. What do you feed your body? Is it on a balanced diet?

[MajestyJo]

Food for Thought
May 18

Safety

I am safe as long as I do not take the first compulsive bite. Abstinence is my security. If I break my abstinence, I lose my protection against the confusion, remorse, and pain of overeating.

To keep my abstinence strong, I need to use the OA tools of recovery each day. I need to build my program and to give it my best efforts. Remembering that my Higher Power has given me a new life, I will not endanger it by forgetting how much I need His care.

Temptation is always appearing in one form or another. Sometimes it may seem impossible not to give in. My strength lies not in myself but in God, and only by maintaining close contact with Him can I remain safe.

My Higher Power has led me to OA and has given me a safe place to be. When I am tempted or upset, I will use the telephone, go to a meeting, practice Step Eleven, and do whatever else it takes to maintain my abstinence.

Thank You for bringing me to a safe place.

-----

It doesn't matter what fellowship I went to, I could identify, because food is a drug. Alcohol is a drug. When we eat and drink it seems normal. What isn't normal is our body's reaction to it. Normal is a cycle on a washing machine.

Do you feel safe? I walked into my first meeting and found that I wanted what they had and was willing to go to any length to get it.

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[MajestyJo]

T..... Is it Thoughtful
H..... Is it Honest?
I ..... Is it Intelligent?
N..... Is it Necessary?
K..... Is it Kind?

Reminder: ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE SPEAKING

This slogan and "Hesitate and Meditate" have helped me over the years. For me it was act and then react with no thought in between. Sometimes I thought and did it anyway, but that is okay in today. Live and learn and hopefully learn to live without hurting others.

Posted on another site in 2008

A good reminder, think before you speak. Each day is a new beginning. When I bring the past into the present, it is no longer a gift. The gift I can give myself is to stay in today and let go of the past and allow myself to heal.

Do I remember to hesitate and meditate before I think and/or take action?

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[MajestyJo]

Journey home

"Everything seeks its source."

-- a universal principle

Our spiritual journey unfolds through 2 stages.

1. THE PATH OF PERSONALITY - We arise from the one source of all, to be born as individuals in a world of form. In this physical world, we experience separation and limitation. This is a time of immersion in a world of effects, form, ego, distortion, illusion and pain.

2. THE PATH OF SOUL - When we have experienced enough pain, we find our way back home to our spiritual source. We let go of the illusion of separation to embrace unity and wholeness. We work with cause instead of effects. Paradoxically, it's only with a strong and healthy personality that we become capable of expressing soul.

WHERE ARE YOU ON YOUR PATH? Are you struggling to do more and have more? Are you aware of your soul challenging you to open to the bigger picture of life?

"Two people have been living in you all your life. One is the ego, garrulous, demanding, hysterical, calculating; the other is the hidden spiritual being, whose still voice of wisdom you have only rarely heard or attended to - you have uncovered in yourself your own wise guide."

-- Sogyal Rinpoche

Received from Higher Awareness - used with permission from management

here is a book written by Melody Beattie called "Finding Your Way Home" and is totally awesome.

For the first month I had the book I never got past the first two chapters and the Preface. I kept reading it over and over again, it was so freeing, that it didn't matter if I read the rest of the book because it seemed it would be anti-climatical.

I have always said, "I am a spiritual being having problems dealing with the real world!"

Her book helped me to come back to myself, to stay grounded in today, to become whole. That journey has been very painful, at times very lonely, but well worth it. It is difficult to let go of denial, find your person truth and find self-honesty.

aven't been able to find this book, must remember to put in a request at the library to see if they will order it.

This little guy is so sad, hurt and lost. How often I felt like that. I didn't know that I wasn't alone. Have you ever felt lost and unable to find your way home?

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[MajestyJo]

it is so nice to be relieved of that feeling of dread when I hear a phone, a siren, or see somone stoned which made me think "That could be my son!"

The last few years those calls had been few and far between and were generally only when he wanted something.

I was happy for him, the guys at the house were given free tickets to a Raptors game. He was probably happy for himself, they won!

I can see God working in my life. It is important for me to notice those little gifts and say thank you. When a big thing happens, there are not enough words to express my thanks!

Do you remember to give thanks?

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[MajestyJo]

Checklist For Hidden Anger

If we have any natural fault, it is hiding our own anger from ourselves. Here is a checklist to help you determine if you are hiding your anger from yourself. Any of these is usually a sign of hidden unexpressed anger.

1. Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.

2. Perpetual habitual lateness.

3. A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.

4. Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.

5. Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of "grin and bear it".

6. Frequent sighing.

7. Smiling while hurting.

8. Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.

9. Over-controlled monotones speaking voice.

10. Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleep through the night.

11. Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.

12. Slowing down of movements.

13. Getting tired more easily than usual.

14. Excessive irritability over trifles.

15. Getting drowsy at inappropriate times.

16. Sleeping more than usual - maybe 12 to 14 hours a day.

17. Waking up tired rather than rested and refreshed.

18. Clenched jaws- especially while sleeping.

19. Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical acts done unintentionally or unaware.

20. Grinding of the teeth- especially while sleeping.

21. Chronically stiff or sore neck.

22. chronic depression-extended periods of feeling down for no reason.

23. Stomach ulcers.

This is not about rage. Rage is anger out of control and taking over your whole being. This is about the feelings we call, irritation, annoyance, getting mad, etc. All these negative feelings share one thing in common: they are considered undesirable at best, sinful or destructive at worst. We are taught to avoid then-to avoid having them if possible (it isn't) but certainly to avoid expressing then. Unfortunately, many people go overboard in controlling negative feelings; they control not only their expression, but their awareness of them, too. Because you are unaware of being angry does not mean that you are not angry. It is the anger you are unaware of which can do most damage to you and to your relationships with other people, since it does get expressed, but in inappropriate ways, Freud once likened anger to the smoke in an old-fashioned wood-burning stove. The normal avenue for discharge of the smoke if up the chimney; if the normal avenue is blocked the smoke will leak out of the stove in unintended ways-around the door, through the grates, etc. checking everyone in the room. If all avenues of escape are blocked, the fire goes out and the stove ceases to function. Likewise, the normal (human) expression of anger is gross physical movement and/or loud vocalization; watch a red-faced hungry infant sometime. By age five or so we are taught that such expressions are unacceptable to others and lead to undesirable consequences such as being beaten or having affection withheld.

[MajestyJo]

We learn to "be nice", which means (among other things) hiding bad feelings. By adulthood even verbal expression is curtailed, since a civilized person is expected to be "civil". Thus, expression is stifled and to protect ourselves from the unbearable burden of continually unexpressed "bad" feelings, we go to the next step and convince ourselves that we are not angry, even when we are. Such self-deception is seldom completely successful, however, and the blocked anger "leaks out" in inappropriate ways, some of which are previously listed.

The items in the list are all danger signals that negative feelings are being bottled up inside. It is true that each of them can have causes other than anger (procrastination, for example, can be due to an unreasonable fear of failure), but the presence of any of them is reason enough for you to look within yourself for buried resentments. If you are human, you will find some. If you are fortunate, you will find few, since you will have learned effective ways of discharging them. If you are like most of us, you will need to unlearn some old habits before you can learn new ways of handling "bad" feelings, ways which are constructive rather than destructive.

Getting rid of a lifetime accumulation of buried resentments is a major task which is one of the goals of psychotherapy. Whether such a process is necessary for you should be decided in consultation with a qualified professional person. Our immediate concern in the paper is to provide you with some techniques which will help you stop adding to the pile what ever its existing depth.

The process of dealing with negative feelings can be divided into three parts for purposes of discussion, although the living of it is all of a piece. The parts are:

1: Recognition of the feelings.

2: Owning it-acknowledging that it is yours.

3: Discharging it-acting on it in some way.

Recognition

Everybody has his own bodily signals indicating current on-the-spot anger. Look for yours: Friends and relatives might be helpful, since they may be aware of your irritation before you are, and may be able to tell you how they can tell, when you are upset. Some common signals are: Clamming up; Blushing; Shortening of breath; Drumming with fingers; Foot tapping; Shaking or twisting; Laughing when nothing amusing is happening; Patting or stroking the back of the head; Clenching jaws or fists; Tucking a thumb inside a fist; Yawning or getting drowsy; Suddenly refusing eye contact with another person; Fidgeting; Apologizing when none is asked for; A pain in the neck, gut or back; Headaches; A rise in voice pitch. The list is interminable. Try to find out what your signals are.

If you find yourself depressed or blue and don't know why - think back over the past twenty-four hours and try to figure out who did something to anger you. (Depression is usually the result of repressed anger.) Forget you are a nice guy and imagine yourself to be the toughest, most unreasonable, childish person on the earth; review your day and look for an incident wherein this imaginary person might have gotten angry. When you find the incident, ask yourself why you didn't get angry. Chances are you did and didn't know it. Remember what you actually did and said in that situation; try to "relieve it" you may learn some of your own internal anger signals.

Owning It

The anger is yours. The other person may have said or done something that punched your anger button, but the anger is yours, and - so are the feelings it triggers. You cannot make someone else responsible for your own feelings. Blaming does not help. Nothing the other person does will help, unless it is in response to something you do. Accepting anger as your own is easier if you discard the idea that feelings need to be justified. They don't, and frequently cannot be - "should" and "feel" are two words which do not belong together. It is senseless to say that someone "should feel" some way. Feelings are just there in the same way your skin, muscles, and vital organs are just there. In fact, it is downright harmful to worry about what your feelings "should be". Such worry will get in the way of finding out what your feelings are - which is the best start to deciding on the best thing to do.

Discharging It

First, foremost, and always. Don't hide it. You'll probably not be successful anyway - anger demands expression. If you have recognized it and owned it, then you will have a choice of when, where and how you may express it. Society (and your own safety) forbids violence. Friendship or other interpersonal relationships (such as husband/wife, employer/employee ) make explosive verbal expression ultimately self-defeating. Just saying, "That makes me angry", or "I do not like it when..." may not be as satisfying as bashing someone, but it is far more satisfying than saying and doing nothing. There are in reality a few situations in which it is to your best interest to delay expression, but none in which you can afford to delay recognition or owning.

Original Source Unknown

I split this up because I was too long of a post to read.

When I read the checklist, my response was "All of the above!" This happened in early recovery, but I can still go there in today, and I need a healthy way of dealing with it.

When I quit smoking, a lot of anger issues were buried and stuffed and took a long time to uncover and heal.

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[MajestyJo]

“Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.
Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything
is possible.” -- Cherie Carter-Scott

“I discovered I always have choices and sometimes
it's only a choice of attitude.” - - unknown


Today's Reminder from Courage to Change:

It can be very empowering to take responsibility for my own choices. I will act in my own best interest today.

"I would do well to accept the challenge to look to my own recovery before I spent any more of my precious life wishing the alcoholic would change..." Living with Sobriety

Are you happy with your choices in today?

Made the following post in 2009 after choosing to stay home instead of going to a friend's dysfunctional home with three teenagers.

I am happy with my choice today. Had a very laid back day. I got my book finished. My supper turned out better than I thought it would. I surprised myself.

I took ground pork, added bread crumbs, a beaten egg, minced garlic, onion, ginger, parsley, sage, thyme, pepper and salt and baked it in the oven in a glass dish. The last half hour I spread on honey mustard on the top. I had sweet potatoes glazed with maple syrup and brussel sprouts with it. Totally yummy!

I wish I had the motivation to cook and eat like that in today. Today was going to be a chicken sandwich and ended up to be two chicken wings with a slice of bread.

I guess it is better than eating like I was sitting at a trough and shovelling the food it.

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[MajestyJo]

Hugs not drugs. That means the liquid, solid, powdered, and the flesh and blood variety.

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[MajestyJo]

QUALITIES ... IN A RELATIONSHIP AND IN OURSELVES

Someone who is comfortable with themselves.
Someonw who allows mutual respect.
Somone who is able and/or open to communication -
a) Listens to what I say and not what he/she wants to hear,
b) Does not twist what I say around.
Mature attitudes.
Takes responsibility for his/her own happiness.
Sense of humour
Healthy respect of moderation, for example, reasonable temper, moderate drinker.
Financially responsible - puts finances in a reasonable perspective.
Spontaneity, romance.
Gentleness.
Allows me to have friends.
Allows himself/herself to have his/her own friends.
Realistic Optimist.
The ability to be intimate, with and without physical ses - hugs, holds hands.
Gives of himself/herself freely and unconditionally - NO MANIPULATION OR STRINGS TO PULL.
Respects my values.
Expresses concern for me, but does not become overbearing or try to dominate.
Sharing common interests and respecting individual interests.
Someone who can give and take.
Can show affection in front of others.
Supportive of my goals and activities, careers and interest.
Encourages independence.
Respects my personal space.
Someone who can take time out for himself/herself and has an awareness of his/her personsal space.
Balances his/her priorities (including relatives).
Can say 'No.'
Not afraid to have fun in life - can be childish, can laugh
Someone who has flexibility.
Someone who can grow.
Does not have addiction problems with substances such as alcohol, and/or drugs, and/or work, and/or food, etc.
Remember, not every man/woman is going to possess all of these qualities, but what he does not have, he/she will probably be willing to work on those areas. There are things which you should expect for yourself to find in a relationship, because you owe it to yourself.

I deserve recovery! I do deserve a happy, joyous and prosperous blessings along a spiritual journey toward Serenity and Sobriety (soundness of mind).

Have you asked yourself the question "What is a healthy relationship?"

When you get two needy people together, it makes for a very unhealthy one!

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[MajestyJo]

There are many excuses why I can't do something, but all I need to do is find a good reason to give me motivaiton.

For so many years, I used my "A" to not do because I put my own life on hold. My own personal health and well being is reason enough to make healthy decision to better my own life.

I excused my own behavior with "Well if you had a husband like I have, you would...." If your son acted the way mine did, you would...." If your partner treated you like mine does, you would...."

I grateful addict with never have a reason to pick up. I am that addict when I use others to make me feel better or I use them to not look at me and be responsible for my own actions.

I can sometimes limit myself, thinking "I can't do" forgetting that I have a Higher Power who can empower me, lead and direct me into a new way of life.

The program is applicable to all areas of my life and I need to apply it not only to the physical, but to the mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of my life.

Have you worked the Steps on an emotional and spiritual level?

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[MajestyJo]

God's Will

God's will most often happens in spite of us, not because of us.

We may try to second guess what God has in mind for us, looking, searching, hyper vigilant to seek God's will as though it were a buried treasure, hidden beyond our reach. If we find it, we win the prize. But if we're not careful, we miss out.


Love this quote, sorry the link no longer works.

One of my favorite sayings is, "I have to get out of the way so my God can work through me, not around me." When I think I am in the 'know' especially for someone else, I know I am not in the right space. I look for good orderly guidance each day, and try to go with the flow; but as the saying goes, "Plan, but don't plan the outcome."

I try to pray that someone gets what the need. So many times our needs are met, we just don't reach out because we have trouble receiving or asking for help. We cross our arms and legs and say, not me and we close ourself off from God and isolate our Spirit, because we don't have an open mind and not willing to change.

Love the saying, 'God is or He isn't!' Do you have a part time God? A God that is convenient when you need him and the rest of the time, you put Him on that Shelf? Open up your heart.

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[MajestyJo]

Have you had a spiritual awakening?

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

In Al-Anon, we strive for an ever-deeper understanding of these Steps, and pray for the wisdom to apply them to our lives.

Have had many spiritual experiences. The first was before coming into the rooms of recovery when I walked down the hall at the YWCA and knew the girl was talking about me when she said, "I don't want to be liker HER down the hall." I asked myself, "Am I really that bad? The answer was, "Yes, I am, and picked up the phone and asked for help from the Social Worker at the Y.

Many more have followed but that was the one that got me on the road to recovery. I have felt the Hand of my God touch me many times. There has been so much healing and so much awareness, that I never cease to thank Him for His Grace and the many miracles He has chosen to give me. I can only express my gratitude by sharing with others what has been so freely given to me.

written in 2009

[MajestyJo]

One of the big spiritual awakening for me was sitting at a meeting and sharing on Step Two. When I came into recovery, I was sure I knew who God was, I had been raised with Him all my life, after all I taught Sunday School (I was 16). I came into recovery at the age of 49 and here I am at the age of 74. I realized that I didn't know who God was and proceeded on a Spiritual Quest, which I still do today. I also realized that I had been totally insane, and one day at a time, God and I are still working on that one.

[MajestyJo]

Keep It Simple
September 9

One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears—by listening to them.
—Dean Rusk

We hate being told what to think. We like to make up our own minds. It helps to talk things out with another person who, listens to us. Someone who care what we think.

We can give this respect to others. We can listen their point of view. We can try to understand them and care about what they think.

When we do this, others start to care what we think too. We share ideas. The ideas get a little more clear. They change a little. We get a little closer to agreement. We both feel good.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me know when to listen and when to talk today. Work for me and though me. Thanks.

Action for the Day: Today, I’ll look for chances to listen to others when I really want to talk. I’ll say, “Tell me more about that.” And I’ll listen.

Some may not think so, but there has been an odd occasion when I have gone to a meeting and said, "I will pass today, I am hear to listen." Not many times, because I feel that my primary purpose is to carry the message of recovery. It is important for me to share what worked for me. When I share, the words take order and as I vocalize them, I can see where I am at, or if I am off the wall. I appear to find myself there more often then I like, so I am grateful that I only have to deal with one days feelings, situations, experiences, challenges, and perceptions.

Do you listen when others are sharing or are you busy in your own head trying to figure out what you are going to say when it is your turn, instead of being in the moment and sharing what your God wants you to hear?

[MajestyJo]

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[MajestyJo]

DAILY OM

Stronger For It
Mending A Broken Heart

Heartbreak happens to all of us and can wash over us like a heavy rain. When experiencing a broken heart, our ethereal selves are saturated with grief, and the overflow is channeled into the physical body. Loss becomes a physical emptiness, and longing is transmuted into a feeling that often cannot be put into words. Mending a broken heart can seem a task so monumental that we dare not attempt it for fear of damaging ourselves further. But heartbreak, like all emotions, falls under the spell of our conscious influence.

Often the pain that wounds us most deeply also leaves the most enduring mark upon us. The shock that becomes the tender, throbbing ache of the heart eventually leads us down the path of enlightenment, blessing our lives with a new depth and richness.

Acknowledging heartbreak's impermanence by no means dulls its sting for it is the sting itself that stimulates healing. The pain is letting us know that we need to pay attention to our emotional selves, to sit with our feelings and be in them fully before we can begin to heal. It is said that time heals all wounds. Time may dull the pain of a broken heart, but it is fully feeling your pain and acknowledging it that will truly help you heal. Dealing with your heartache in a healthy way rather than putting it off for tomorrow is the key to repair. Gentleness more than anything else is called for. Most important, open yourself to the possibility of loving, trusting, and believing again. When, someday soon, you emerge from the cushion of your grief, you will see that the universe did not cease to be as you nursed your broken heart. You emerge on the other side of the mending, stronger for all you have experienced.

What do you think?

Trust was a big issue for me. I had been hurt so many times by so many people, it was hard to open up and share with others. I had shut down and shut off for so long that it was difficult to recognize my feelings for what they were and identify them correctly. Break ups in today triggered those in the past that I had never grieved over.

The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life. Relationships are just as much of an addiction as alcoholism. When you feel like you can't do without one, you go looking for more! We get into another relationship without properly grieving the last one. We take the sins of the first one into the second one, and heaven help the guy/gal who is #3.

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[MajestyJo]

Learning to love yourself

How can I give the gift of love to others if I don't love myself? Acceptance is the key. When I can accept myself for who I am, I can start to love myself again.
Alateen-ADAT, page 270

I not only didn't love myself, didn't like myself very much either.

The people in the rooms loved me back to good health.

Going through the process was that looking back on it was quite funny. The dangling earrings, the different hair colours and styles, working the Steps so the inside felt like the outside. This was a time I applied the slogan, "Fake it until you make it."

Learning that my God loved and forgave me, even after all the things I had done in my past, helped me to love and forgive myself. The forgiveness was the hardest and took much longer.

Through His love and the Spirit of the Fellowship, I was able to get back my sense of self, which was no longer the lowest of the low, but someone worthy of recovery, who deserved good things happening to her.

Boundaries and detachment helped with others, but what I had to do was take the blocks from the high brick wall and stop detaching from others, quit isolating and allow myself to become vulnerable. It was one of the scariest times in recovery and through my Higher Power, we got me through it.

Glad it is a "WE" program. We can do, what I can't do alone.

Do you love yourself? The people in the rooms loved me back to good health.

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[MajestyJo]

I do have to focus on myself. It is difficult watching my son go down hill in his addiction and last night I sat here shedding a few tears. I saw my dad do the same thing and wished much better for my son. I had hopes that after seeing me, my ex-husband, and my dad, that he would want to choose a better life for himself. He was 25 when I came into recovery and was well into his own journey.

All I have been able to do is pray for him. The last thing he wants to hear from me is talk of recovery.

As the Al-Anon slogan says, "Let it begin with me." Hopefully by walking my talk, he will make a decision to get help for himself.

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[MajestyJo]

MountainWings A MountainWings Moment
#4260 Wings Over The Mountains of Life

If You Could Kick...
===========

If you could kick the posterior of the person who has hurt you the most,

...you wouldn’t be able to sit down for six weeks.

~John Hagee~

For so many years I beat myself up. I was my own worst enemy. It took a long time to get self-honesty and to stop pointing my finger at others and look at myself. Then I beat myself up even more. I had to learn to forgive myself as well as others in order to heal.

So true have been my own worst enemy for years. Was talking in laundry yesterday to a church lady and said to her, "So often I have to get out of the way so my God can work through me, instead of around me or over me."

[MajestyJo]

What Do I Need In My Recovery Toolbox

Each morning I get up and check to make sure I have all my tools in “My Recovery Toolbox”.. I never know whether I’ll need them to change my perspective, my actions or maybe even my attitude . One thing's for sure I know at some point in my day, I’ll be reaching for them…..


the 12- Steps and Traditions
the Slogans
the Serenity Prayer
my Recovery Friends
the art of Detachment
my hotline to God through Prayer
my Recovery Books & literature


What else do you have in your recovery toolbox?

[MajestyJo]

This was posted on another site.

Tools I used in addition to yours was the phone. It was important to pick it up in good times and bad times to get in the practice of getting out of myself and asking for help.

The literature was a God given gift. Not just the Big Book and 12 & 12, but the daily meditation books. I like the ones with all the emotions listed at the back so I could look up all the reading pertaining to a feeling. It was hard for me to label them and give them a name because I had stuffed for so many years. I often just picked up a book (AA, NA, Al-Anon, Hazelden, the Bible, etc. said the Serenity Prayer, and then just opened the book and read what was in front of me. It works.

I always liked the saying, "God answers knee-mail." In today, I use that for heavy duty stuff because I don't do getting down on the knees very well. Before it was lack of surrender, in today it is old age.

There were many gifts along with the detachment. Setting boundaries, the ability to be honest, the principles behind the Steps and the Traditions.

The holidays are a good time to make sure my toolbox is full and up-to-date.

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[MajestyJo]

My tool box in today, is trying to remember the lessons learned along the way on my recovery journey. The words of wisdom that I have heard from others and the food to fill my spirit that I find in the literature.

We can do what I can't do alone. If I am just listening to the sound of my own voice, then I am probably doing something wrong.

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[MajestyJo]

What Step has been the most important tool in your recovery?

I am still of the mind, it is the Step 1, 2, 3 Waltz, I can't, my God can, just for today, I choose to let Him.

Steps 10, 11, and 12 are maintenance Steps. I need that daily inventory, I need that contact with my Higher Power, and I need to get involved in service, if I don't give it away, I don't get to keep my recovery. I need that spiritual defense against that first drink/drug.

https://tse4.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M65f1b3b0ec7b7fdf8afacefcb87a315do0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300

[MajestyJo]

Expectations of Others

It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source.

It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request. We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It's the other person's responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that's controlling.

There's a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given.

It is unreasonable and unhealthy to expect one person to be the source for meeting all our needs. Ultimately, we will become angry and resentful, maybe even punishing, toward that person for not supporting us as we expected.

It is reasonable to have certain and well defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.

If a person cannot or will not be there for us, then we need to take responsibility for ourselves in that relationship. We may need to set a boundary, alter our expectations, or change the limits of the relationship to accommodate that person's unavailability. We do this for ourselves.

It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any particular person. We can trust ourselves to know what's reasonable.

The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discover an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.

Today, I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.

Do I project expectations on to others who are not capable of meeting them?

[MajestyJo]

"The voice of our original self is often muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled, by the voices of other people’s expectations."

-- Julie Cameron

Many of us unconsciously believe that we’re unworthy or defective. We adopted this belief very early in our lives when the people we looked up to disapproved of our demands, wishes and behaviours. We concluded that we had to learn to be good.

Unfortunately, ‘being good’ usually meant giving up our own differences or uniqueness. We learned that we might get the love we wanted if we acted and felt like others wanted us to.

If we seek true joy and connection with life, we now need to remove these artificial masks and express our deep authentic nature.

Higher Awareness

This quote was so me growing up, all those old tapes playing in my head. I was a 'bad' girl because I didn't conform to the norm. I didn't feel and think or act the way I was told a good little girl, mother, daughter, wife, friend, etc. should be.

It was seeing as myself as different so therefore, I was wrong, I was nothing and I was a bad girl because I could never meet the expectations of others or my own because I had placed the bar so high.

The role playing had to stop, the masks had to come off and the wall had to come down. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable and learn to trust the process and know that my Higher God had my Higher Good in mind and would lead and direct each day to a better way of life.

I learned to lower the bar, not take on the expectations of others, and learn to find my own truth and what was right for me.

[MajestyJo]

As it says in the Big Book, the higher my acceptance, the lower my expectations. It is hard to accept what you don't know. I accept that I don't know and that I shouldn't speculate and draw negative energy to me. Just be in the moment, accept what is, and life moves on.

I know I don't have to like it in order to accept it. It is just hard to decide my feelings when they are shadowed by what I would call doubt. Not in God, perhaps in myself, wondering if I have the courage and strength to go through what ever is ahead. I have had prayer from a lot of people, I would like to think that whatever happens, it will be alright, whatever way it turns out. When I do my meditation, I have asked what I needed, and I keep getting the word "courage" and for that I know the strength comes from my God and the people in my life.

a few seconds ago QuoteEditlikePost Options Post by majestyjo on a few seconds ago
So many times I project expectations onto other and I measure it with my own yard stick. So often they are not capable of meeting them, and they feel like I am putting them down and calling them stupid.

When I put expectations on myself and I can't meet them, I feel stupid and less than for not measuring up.

All we are asked to do is try.

[MajestyJo]

There is nothing I can give you which you do not have;
But there is much, very much, that while I cannot give it, you can take.

No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in today. Take heaven!
No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present instant. Take peace!

The gloom of the world is but a shadow.
Behind it, yet within reach, is joy.

There is a radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see, and to see, we have only to look.
I beseech you to look

---written in 1513, by Fra Giovanni

http://angelwinks.ca/images/naturepod/naturepod350.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Today's thought is:

. . .i beg what i love and i leave to forgive me.
--Lucille Clifton

When a loving relationship comes to an end, we don't have to view the ending as a failure. It is not a failure when separation comes after we've understood that fundamental needs and wants cannot be met in the relationship. We have done our best. We have soberly and maturely faced the truth of our need to move apart. We have communicated this as openly and lovingly as we can. We can count this ending not as a failure, but as a success.

Whether we experience an ending as something we ourselves have chosen or as the result of another person's decision, we will have to experience our feelings of grief. At first, we may feel only anger; underneath may be the pain of loss. If we allow our feelings to surface and don't deny or deaden them, we'll be surprised at how easily we're able to let them go. We'll feel our hearts expand and make room for love, both from ourselves and from others.

Today I'll delight in my honest, moving relationship with myself.

You are reading from the book:

Glad Day by Joan Larkin

Written in May 2004 on another site:

It took me seven years in recovery to take what for me was a risk, and get into a relationship. We got together three times and broke up three times. The last time I prayed to my Higher Power and said, "Please don't let me be the bad guy for the third time, if this relationship isn't going to work and is over, let it be him to be the one to break it off." I said the prayer on Monday night, and on Wednesday when I was at my home group, he phoned andd left a message on my answering machine.

I firmly believe the relationship was meant to be, but when each of us had learned our lessons to be learned, it was time to move on. Just because someone comes into my life I have learned, doesn't mean it is always forever and ever. We seperated as friends and when he sees me, he says, 'Hiya kid! How are you doing?"

My lesson was to set boundaries. This person got comfortable in 'my' space and didn't make space for himself. They say if you only have one feeling in a room, then someone has no identity. This is what happened all my life. I had lived my life through other people. When you have two needy people living together, you have two people looking for the other one to make them feel better. We end up with expectations and feelings of betrayal and abandonment because we are looking at someone to do something they are not capable of 'being' or 'doing' in the moment.

We need to build that relationship with ourselves and our Higher Power. We need to go to our HP for help and he will supply all our needs and sometimes our wants and wishes, so be careful what you pray for. The other person has a Higher Power too, and He just might think you are an answer to someone else's prayer.

I will never forget the horror I felt when I heard at my first Al-Anon meeting the phrase, which has become my life line, "I am responsible for my own happiness, happiness comes from within!" I had looked at my ex-husband with an attitude of "Preform, make me happy!" and then I came into recovery and people had the nerve to tell me it wasn't his job. What do you mean, I can't blame him for the unmanageability in my life. What do you mean, it wasn't all his fault? In today, the buck stops here. As I tell my sponsees, "For every finger you have pointing at someone, you have three coming back at you! Take your own inventory!"

Since I've been working the Al-Anon program, it has dawned on me that my relationship with the alcoholic, which I resented for so long, has had critical lessons for for me, him too if he wishes to address them.

[MajestyJo]

Shared with a Dart's driver today about having a resentment against someone in Al-Anon who told me that I was responsible for my own happiness. It did not go over well, even though I was in recovery. A sure sign that I had a lot of issues to deal with.

Letting go of resentments, anger, and sadness is all part of the grief process we go through.

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[MajestyJo]

Being in Control

Don’t you just love being in control? But don't you find that the more you try to control everything, the more stressed and out of control you feel?

How about, trying to curb the urge to control? Do as much as you can to make things happen. But know when to loosen up, let go a little and relax into the flow of life.

unknown to me
So many people are under the illusion that they can control their life and the get into the if only, if they, if he, etc.

I hear people in recovery say they can only control themselves. Powerless over alcohol means I can't control it. Alcohol and drugs are but a symptom of my dis-ease, the problem is me. When I try to control others, I have to realize that I don't have the power. When I want control of myself, I have to surrender to the program, turn things over to my Higher Power, and in doing so, I am empowered to do what I need to do for myself in today.

When I think I am in control, that is when I know I need to let go and let my God.

https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.ZdrudvwKPvbA1QpF2waOGgEsC7&pid=15.1&P=0&w=255&h=160

[MajestyJo]

Do you do change well?

Ironically, since my two falls, I have had a lot more pain to deal with. My biggest change is not being able to do what I use to do, in the way I would like to do it.

I wasn't able to go to see my sister today. I wasn't able to make the pie I wanted to bake. I never got any laundry done this weekend as I had planned to do, with no thought of doing it tomorrow.

Sometimes, change is about changing things in the day, it doesn't have to be about things in the past. It is about doing what I need to do for myself in today.

[MajestyJo]

Do you like change?

Have always embraced change. Going back to where I came from was never an option. As your picture says, we need to grow. In order to do that we often need to be nurtured, loved and encouraged along the way.

Remember, if you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!

~Allison Gappa Bottke

If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree.

~Jim Rohn

[MajestyJo]

http://webspace.webring.com/people/jp/philandlisa/bloom.gif

I love this saying......

For years I resisted change because I was afraid that growth was always a painful process. I guess it had seemed that most of the lessons I had learned in life, and my opportunities to grow had always been coupled with a lot of misery. It suddenly occurred to me though that in resisting change and growth, I was also wasting a lot of time, energy and emotion. Things that could be better spent on other things.

Why does change come with such difficulty? Why do we allow ourselves to become stuck in ruts? I think the greatest stumbling block to freeing ourselves from these chains is fear. Fear of change, fear of stepping out into the unknown, fear of judgment, fear of failure . . . In giving in to our fear I think we fail ourselves. I think we prevent ourselves from becoming and being the best that we can be.

It's through the struggles and the agonies we suffer, that we are made stronger. It is in the growth that we learn and evolve and become what we really want to become. Change is not always bad. In recovery, I have learned that nothing in my life will ever change if I don't make any changes in my life.....

“Each blade of grass has it’s Angel that bends over it and whispers, “Grow, grow.” --- unknown

Just as we are also blessed! I hope we all learn to listen to that angel's voice and bloom where we're planted. Life isn't always going to get better by walking away from people, places or things..... I was blessed by that angel, when I found my recovery friends!

This reminds me of the saying, "We get exactly the right amount of light for the Step we are working on. I do believe in angels, certainly, Earthly Ones.

[MajestyJo]

more language of letting go
September 11

Listen to yourself

In the Bible, God tells us, "Be still and know that I am God." Learn to silence the chattering of your ego, whether through prayer, meditation, or a long walk in the park. Find that place where you can detach from the pressures of the world. Find that place where your body and spirit work together in harmony.

Being aware of your true self is the best way to free yourself from the controlling, manipulative behaviors of others. You don't need the right car, the right shoes, the right girlfriend to be complete. All you really need is to be yourself.

Your spirit is the real you. Let it guide you.

Be still. Listen to your spirit say, I am, and I am enough.

In the silence, you'll hear God.

God, help me be quiet so I can hear you.

Do you take time to listen?

[MajestyJo]

Much better at this. I had to make a point of putting on my listening ears on instead of sitting there with my thoughts in my head, trying to figure out what I wanted to say. If I listen to others, when it is my time to share, it comes from the heart.

[MajestyJo]

God's Will, My will?

For me, when I turn my day over, I trust that I am walking in His will. For me, that is the program. If I take it back and come against a wall, I know. It is often the little things for me, going to Jackson Square and not seeing anyone I know or not connecting to anyone in the mall. At first it was just 12 Step Recovery people because I have gone to many fellowships in the city, but then there were the people from the YWCA, the people from bridge, the people from Housing, and it all made for that feeling of I am not alone. When I feel 'isolated' is a good indication of no spiritual connection to my Higher Power.

It isn't about the chaos around me, it is the chaos within me. Why things happen, I don't know. Having had a brother who died at two and a mother at 40, I questioned this for many years, more importantly, I questioned why I was living!

To my understanding, through the program, I have a purpose and I was chosen to be here. When I have completed my task, then it will be my time to go. When I look around, I feel truly blessed.

I also think this is why it is suggested we have sponsors. Someone who can give an outside objective as to the direction our lives our taking. Self-will run riot is the nature of my disease. If something feels good, doesn't mean it is right. In fact, it just may be an indicator that it is time to move on or make changes.

This weekend we had our Hamilton Bridge Tournament. I was at the hotel at noon, played bridge at one, went for dinner about six with ten other people, played bridge at 7:30 p.m. and got home at 11. I went back on Saturday at one and was home at five. I was so tired, and so fatigued that I turned down a dinner invitation from my partner. I told him I would take a raincheck because I felt too tired to eat. I also felt I was too out of it to make a good companion and the fatigue was so bad I didn't know if I could sit up to eat and the old fears of making a donkey of myself in public by dropping my fork, my food, etc. wouldn't allow me to go. When I am really tired the tremon disorder in my left hand gets really bad. When I walked into my apartment my son was frying perogies with onions for my supper. That was another reason I had turned down the other invitation, but if I hadn't been so tired, I would have gone. The food would keep or my son would have ate it all! I was so tired that when I went to cut my perogy, the plate landed on my lap and on the floor. Peas don't make for good eating with a tremon disorder.

I don't know if it was God's will or not. I enjoyed the two days. I was with friends. I didn't have good results on Friday with Barb but I was playing with A and B players and best percentage was 50%, but my Bruce and I placed 3rd in our section with 56% on Saturday. The director of the club gave me a free game on Friday night to stay and play. Without that, I would have gone home. I had nothing planned for Sunday, so it was a complete down day and I felt brain dead. Was it God's will? I think so. I might have been a bit willful by staying Friday but I was able to go back on Saturday and do well, so that was a good sign. I was able to be responsible to my partner and didn't let him down.

I didn't let myself down, I knew that I would be down for two or three days. It is raining here this morning and I had to cancel physio. It rained all weekend so that was another contributing factor. Tonight I am playing bridge again. Sparing for a guy who has gone on holidays and taking his place on Swiss Teams. Not my favorite thing, but said "yes" and although I regret it, because I didn't know the premier of Dancing with the Stars is on tonight, I will go to bridge.

When I live in the day, and in the moment, turn that day over to my Higher Power, pray and mediate, I feel that I am walking in His Light. When things happen as a result of other people's decisions, then I turn those over to Him too. I just choose not to be victimized or play the martyr role in today. I have freedom of choice, and I can make another decision based on my Higher Power's direction.

I try to practice self-care. What is good for me? Not in a selfish, self-centered way, but what is good for my health and well being. I can't give away what I don't have. I was drained yesterday and that is why I didn't post. I felt I had nothing left over to give. I needed to top me up before I could give to others. I never posted on my own sites either. I think I answer a few e-mails and talked on messenger only to say I could not stay on line. I was approached already today and had to say the same thing.

This is something I posted on another site in 2009. I find myself back there the last few days. Just not being able to be on my computer. I brought out my cards on Friday night, used a new angel deck and asked it if it was good to me to go to my meeting or stay home. It told me travel, which is a bit funny, because all I have to do is cross the street.

I have put my cards away for a while and don't bring them out much, but maybe this is a good sign that I need to go back to my cards and connect with my angels.

[MajestyJo]

~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day)

Happy or unhappy, families are all mysterious.

~ Gloria Steinem

Children often adopt roles to help them cope within a dysfunctional family. You may identify with these roles.

• Hero. Your role was making everyone in the family look good. Your struggles today are with your need for perfection and learning how to face conflict.

• Mascot. Your role was to make light of the bad situation in your home. Your struggles today are dealing with anger and resentment, and understanding the difference between humor and sarcasm.

• Lost Child. Your role was maintaining silence and staying out of everyone’s way. This timidity is something you need to learn how to overcome today so you can find your voice, express your feelings, and take risks.

• Scapegoat. Your role was to act out in ways that created distraction from the addict and family problems. More often than not your actions resulted in punishment and abuse. You need to come to terms with childhood abuse and the consequences of rebellious actions.

• Caretaker. Your role was to try to make everyone happy. Your struggles today are learning how to balance taking care of others with developing the ability to focus on yourself.

I will shed my childhood role so I can become who I need and want to be.

So glad that it is OK to be me and I don't have to go there in today. Are you still role playing?

http://www.angelwinks.ca/images/globe28.jpg

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

November 14

Letting Our Anger Out

It's okay to be angry, but it isn't healthy to be resentful. Regardless of what we learned as children, no matter what we saw role modeled, we can learn to deal with our anger in ways that are healthy for us and for those around us. We can have our angry feelings. We can connect with them, own them, and feel them, express them, release them, and be done with them.

We can learn to listen to what anger is telling us about what we want and need in order to take care of ourselves.

Sometimes we can even indulge in angry feelings that aren't justified. Feelings are just feelings; there is no morality in the feeling, only in our behavior. We can feel angry without hurting or abusing others or ourselves. We can learn to deal with anger in ways that benefit our relationships instead of ways that harm them.

If we don't feel our angry feelings today, we will need to face them tomorrow.

Today, I will let myself feel my anger. I will express my anger appropriately, without guilt. Then I will be done with it.

Today I know that whatever ability, talents and energy I have are perfect for this moment. Today I know that God gives me all that I need to do what he wants me to do in this day. --Ruth Fishel

Didn't realize that resentments were the underlying force behind anger. It is okay to be angry, but we can't hold onto it.

When I find myself resentful, I need to pray for the other person. They may not change, but I will, if I am honest and sincere.

Do I hold onto my resentment or am I willing to let them go?

Many people resent Christmas and the holiday season. They have resentments against family members, and isolate during the season, or go out and drown their feelings instead of dealing with them.

http://www.angelwinks.ca/images/specchriscard12.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Journey To The Heart

Protect Your Energy

Just as we strive to protect and conserve earth’s energy resources, we can strive to protect and conserve our own. Become more aware of the impact of things, people, and activities on you and your energy. What feeds you, charges you? What drains and depletes you?

As you grow and become more sensitive to how things feel to you, you’ll naturally grow to dislike and be uncomfortable with whatever drains or negatively impacts your energy. Yes, some difficult, draining situations are inevitable. But we can learn to protect ourselves in those situations. Sometimes we need to let go of people, places, and behaviors that don’t work for us anymore, that drain, exhaust, and deplete us.

Pay attention to the impact of certain people, places, behaviors, and events on your energy. Pay attention to how you feel when you eat certain foods, drink certain beverages, go certain places. Learn to listen to your body, your emotions, and your heart. Be prepared to let go of some things and people along the way. Be gentle with yourself while you do.

Learn to conserve your energy. It is a precious, valuable resource.

We can ask for help. If I don't like where I am at, I ask for the knowing as to what I need to change it. It is important not to take on what is not mine. I have to remember to take my QTIP (Quit Taking It Personal) with me.

We waste so much energy with worry and anxiety about things we have no power over. A friend gave me a book a few year ago about energy vampires, who try to steal our energy. I don't know about you, but I never seem to have enough that I can afford to give away.

What I put out, I get back. If I give out negative, then that is the kind of energy that comes back to me and I wonder, what is this stuff? When in fact it is my own crap, and the ego and the Self tries to play the blame game and dump it on others, because it couldn't possibly be me.

Several years ago when I was working with my spiritual advisor, we would say to each other, "Ewwww! Is this your stuff or mine?" Quite often we both contributed to the chaos.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/iq/qccatlionmirror.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Each Day a New Beginning

Surviving meant being born over and over. --Erica Jong

We have decided to live. And each day we make the decision anew. Each time we call a friend, work a Step, or go to a meeting, we are renewing our contract with life. We are being reborn. Before coming to this program we died, emotionally and spiritually, many times. Some of us nearly died physically. But here we are, starting a new day, looking for guidance from one another. We are the survivors. And survival is there for the taking.

We will have days when we struggle with our decision to live. We will want to throw in the towel. We will want to give in or give up. But we've learned from one another about choices. And the choice to survive, knowing we never have to do it alone, gets easier with time.

I am one of the survivors. Today is my day for celebration.

Are you a survivor?

https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?q=Animated+Baby+Pony&w=120&h=120&c=1&rs=1&qlt=90&pid=InlineBlock&mkt=en-CA&adlt=moderate&t=1&mw=247

[MajestyJo]

Journey to the Heart

The Answer May Be Right in Front of You

It was late at night. I had just pulled into Chimayo, New Mexico. The streets were poorly lit, addresses and signs were difficult to see. I had been driving around for what seemed like hours, looking for an address. Finally, in desperation. I stopped the car, got out, and flagged someone down. A man stopped, but said he couldn’t help me. I was at my wits end. I turned around, staring frantically at the mailbox in front of me. To my surprise, I was right where I wanted to go.

How often we wave our hands in panic and despair, certain the answer, the insight, the piece of information we need will never come. Yet often the answer we’re seeking is right in front of us.

There’s a part of us, our heart, that knows where we’re going, knows what we need, knows what the next step is. Our heart will lead us on. Our soul will move us forward. Our instincts will take us home like a radar signal beaming us to safety.

Feel your panic. Feel your frustration. But keep your eyes and your heart open. The answer may be closer than you think– maybe it’s right in front of you.

Do you do the next right thing?

This reminds me that last night I did a meditation, and then proceeded to do what I wanted any way. That process was nothing, but sit and watch some of the Olympics.

[MajestyJo]

Today's Reminder - Courage to Change January 21

I no longer have to wait until my health, my financial situation, or my emotional state collapses before paying attention to my needs. Today I cn practice becoming more aware of what my inner voice is trying to teach me. I can listen and learn.

"Don't listen to friends when the Friend inside you says, 'Do This!'"

Mahatma Gandhi

Do you listen?

Just thought this was special. It is about me being in tune with me and connected to my Higher Power.

There are still times that I can have a running debate with myself. Why should I doubt and debate the Voice within when I have ask for guidance and direction? Duh! Best I be quiet! As the slogan says, "Hesitate and Meditate." Listen and Learn!

Remember the article, "Listen to what I am not saying." Often body language and actions, speak much louder than words.

Would treat myself, and then I saw that I was spoiling myself, and found myself back in the "I" and had let go and allow my God to direct my path. The gifts were large and small, from a sunbeam to a new apartment. I can't hear if I am shut down.

https://media.tenor.com/images/f2ca8288fcf4229192911d16eb484bf6/tenor.gif

[MajestyJo]

More Language Of Letting Go

The adventure is in the trip

We were on our way to the drop zone when Chip turned to me.

“Let’s go to San Francisco and see a widgeon.”

“Widgeon?” I said. “Okay. Let’s go.”

“These are the rules,” he said, pulling off the highway and getting back on the exit ramp heading north. “We’ll stop at the house for a minute. But we can’t pack. We can only take with us what we have on us now. We’ll have to trust ourselves to get whatever else we need on the way.”

“Okay,” I said. “You’re on.


I didn’t know what a widgeon was.

Four hours later, we were walking barefoot on Morro Beach, just south of Big Sur. A big rock, one that looked like the fossil remains of a dinosaur hunched over in the water, beckoned. So did the impending sunset. I still didn’t know what a widgeon was, but I was glad we were searching for one

“You’d better call Andy,” I said, watching the waves crash against the dinosaur rock. “You guys were supposed to go climbing tomorrow.”

Chip took the cell phone I was handing him.

“I’ve got an idea,” I said. “Tell Andy to get on a plane, fly to San Francisco, wait for us to pick him up, then come with us to find a widgeon.”

Chip called Andy. Thirty-five mintues later, Andy called back. “I’ll be at the United gate at the San Francisco airport at 9:34. See you!” he said.

Chip and I looked at each other. It was 6:34. We were two hundred miles south of San Francisco and had already started traveling the One through Big Sur– a winding two lane highway that climbed high banks, offered a breathtaking view, and needed to be traveled slowly and cautiously.

Half an hour later, we looked at the odometer. We had gone twelve miles.

Chip turned east on a road the suddenly appeared. It was slightly bigger than a one-lane road, winding its way through the mountains that separated us from the interstate and a sixty-five mile per hour limit. He drove like a Daytona master. Forty-five minutes later, we had traveled another twelve miles.

Focus, focus, focus. Focus on the destination, not the journey. Just get there.

At 10:35, one hour past Andy’s arrival time, we pulled up in front of the baggage claim. A six foot, two inch Texas blond guy sat on a bench, reading a book. We honked. He looked up, waved, then lumbered over to the car and slid into the backseat.

“What’s a widgeon?” he said.

The next morning, we set out for Ace Aviation, the home of the widgeon. We didn’t know where it was, but we headed in what we thought was the right direction. Suddenly, Chip pointed to a sign. “Seaplanes!” We pulled off the road, and went in.

“Have you heard of Ace Aviation?” we wasked.

“Yup,” she said.

“Is there a widgeon there?” we asked.

“Yup,” she said.

“Will you tell us where it is?” we asked.

She did.

One hour later, we pulled into the parking lot for Ace Aviation. For the next hour, we fawned over widgeons– amphibious planes with a peculiar yet immediate and undeniable charm. The name painted on one widgeon read, “Da Plane.” It was the seaplane from Fantasy Island.

We found a hot springs motel on the last evening of the trip. Sitting in the outdoor hot tub, I found many things remarkable: the almost full moon in the sky, the calming effect of the water, and the toothpaste provided by the hotel. All along the trip, our wishes seemed to magically appear– from a restaurant on a desolate strip of beach, to a restroom in the middle of a forest, to a widgeon in a widgeon hospital.

I’ve said before; I’ll say it again. It’s good to have a destination, but the adventure is in the trip.

Take a moment. Review where you’ve been this past year. Be grateful for all you’ve experienced and the people who have come into your life. Search your heart. Let go of any resentments. Take a moment and reflect on your successes. Be grateful for them; be grateful for all the ordinary moments,too. Take a look at your goal list. Some things have taken place. Other things may not have materialized yet. Don’t give up yet. Let go. Tomorrow, you can make a new list.

God, thank you for this year. Clear my heart so I can start tomorrow with a clean slate.

Do you know what a widgen is.

[MajestyJo]

More Language Of Letting Go

Prayer helps

“Sometimes I talk myself out of praying,” Sheila said. “I convince myself that it’s just more work, because even if I pray about something, I have to do all the work,too.”

I sit down to write. The energy’s not there, but the deadline is. God, please help. I remember a joke I heard from someone, somewhere: “I love deadlines. Especially the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.” I write anyway, putting one word in front of another. Then, from out of nowhere, comes a string of words I didn’t plan on, a new idea, a fresh perspective, a story, complete with ending. Wow! Where’d that come from?

An issue comes up in a relationship with a friend. He’s hurt and angry. His hurt and anger evoke more hurt and anger in me. I try to reason things out, listen to him, get him to see things my way. He feels justified. So do I. day after day, we work on the relationship. The strain continues. I don’t know what to do next. “God, please help me with this situation. Show me what to do next.” I keep talking to my friend. He keeps talking to me. Then one day, I feel less defensive and guilty. A new feeling surrounds the relationship. “I’m sorry,” I say one day. “So am I,” he says,too. Wow, I think. Where did that come from?

I stand on the scale, glaring at the numbers. I want to lose ten pounds. I start eating less, exercising more. A few days later, I get on the scale again. Dang. Gained a pound. I continue to eat less; the numbers don’t move. God, please help me drop this weight. Why am I holding on to it? I continue to watch my caloric intake and pay attention to exercise. One morning I get on the scale. Wow! I’ve lost five pounds. How did that happen?

Pray. let go. Then act as if you need to do all the work. Don’t plan on magic and miracles. But leave room for them,too.

God, help me remember that when I run out of myself, I run right into you.

Did you pray? You can't wear out the Serenity Prayer. It is good for all occasions.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/kayomi/kayomi12.jpg

[MajestyJo]

~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Screams or Music?

Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to become a noose.

~ Dan McKinnon ~

When the Beatles’ 1995 reunion was accompanied by a in-depth television documentary on the incomparable talent and success, the band members spoke candidly about their experience. Being the best-known and most sought-after people on the planet wasn’t all fun and games. “After two years of intense touring and fending off all kinds of people who wanted something from us, we were bored, frustrated, and going buggy,” one of the Beatles noted. “Our music was stagnating because we couldn’t hear a note we were playing, and neither could the screamers. You can’t grow, improve, or be creative in that kind of atmosphere.” Subsequently, the group quit touring and put their energy into innovative recording, which proved to be the most productive and rewarding segment of their career. During that period, the Beatles released Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, which became a landmark in music history and one of the most celebrated albums of all time. We cannot breathe or wax creative in an atmosphere of inappropriate adoration or limelight. Nor can we truly enjoy the object of our affection if we are hysterical over it. The world would tell us that fame, fortune, and worldly approval equal success. Yet these men who were the most famous in the world eventually wanted no part of the mania.

The only true measure of success is peace, happiness, and spiritual reward. Worldly accolades mean nothing in the Kingdom of Love.

I pray that my intentions remain pure and that I put Spirit before any worldly illusions or distractions.

I move forward with my vision on peace. I succeed because my heart is pure.

~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Screams or Music?

Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to become a noose.

~ Dan McKinnon ~

When the Beatles’ 1995 reunion was accompanied by a in-depth television documentary on the incomparable talent and success, the band members spoke candidly about their experience. Being the best-known and most sought-after people on the planet wasn’t all fun and games. “After two years of intense touring and fending off all kinds of people who wanted something from us, we were bored, frustrated, and going buggy,” one of the Beatles noted. “Our music was stagnating because we couldn’t hear a note we were playing, and neither could the screamers. You can’t grow, improve, or be creative in that kind of atmosphere.” Subsequently, the group quit touring and put their energy into innovative recording, which proved to be the most productive and rewarding segment of their career. During that period, the Beatles released Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, which became a landmark in music history and one of the most celebrated albums of all time. We cannot breathe or wax creative in an atmosphere of inappropriate adoration or limelight. Nor can we truly enjoy the object of our affection if we are hysterical over it. The world would tell us that fame, fortune, and worldly approval equal success. Yet these men who were the most famous in the world eventually wanted no part of the mania.

The only true measure of success is peace, happiness, and spiritual reward. Worldly accolades mean nothing in the Kingdom of Love.

I pray that my intentions remain pure and that I put Spirit before any worldly illusions or distractions.

I move forward with my vision on peace. I succeed because my heart is pure.

Have you done the Steps? Have you done Step Four?

[MajestyJo]

“Failure is never a person, it’s only an event.

And the person who sets a goal,

makes a plan, takes action, evaluates results,

adjusts their plan, learns from their mistakes

and continues toward their goal never fails.”

www.Guideposts.org


“For it is not failure that stops most people,

but rather the belief that failure is permanent.

Failure is nothing more than a storm

in the weather forecast for the week –

it comes and it goes,

and it waters next season’s yield

because it teaches us where we can improve.”

Jake Ducey


All we are asked to do is try. The failure is in the not trying.

Do you try every day or do you give up?

http://angelwinks.ca/images/nostalgicpod/nostalgicpod36.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Each Day a New Beginning

One is happy as a result of one's own efforts, once one knows the necessary ingredients of happiness--simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self-denial to a point, love of work, and above all, a clear conscience. Happiness is no vague dream, of that I now feel certain. --George Sand

We are as happy as we make up our minds to be, so goes the saying. But happiness is the result of right actions. We prepare for it daily. We chart our course. Many of us have to first determine where we want to go before we can decide on the chart. We have perhaps passively floated along for years. But now the time is right to navigate, to move toward a goal.

We may have fears about moving ahead. We can be courageous, however. Strength is at hand, always, if we but ask for it. We can make a small beginning today. And every day, we can do at least one thing we need to do to bring us closer to our goal. Accomplishment, however small, nurtures good feelings. Happiness is the byproduct.

Today is wide open. I will decide on a course of action and

move ahead. All around me help is available for the asking.

When I was in treatment, I was asked "What makes you happy." I did not know. A friend of mine will call once in a while and say, I don't get that you are happy. My like and dislikes have changed over the years. I must be getting old. I like my peace and quiet.

Have you asked for what you need to make you happy?

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[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Owning Our Power

We don't have to give others so much power and ourselves so little. We don't have to give others so much credit and ourselves so little. In recovery from codependency, we learn there's a big difference between humility and discounting ourselves.

When others act irresponsibly and attempt to blame their problems on us, we no longer feel guilty. We let them face their own consequences.

When others talk nonsense, we don't question our own thinking.

When others try to manipulate or exploit us, we know it's okay to feel anger and distrust and to say no to the plan.

When others tell us that we want something that we really don't want, or someone tells us that we don't want something that we really do want, we trust ourselves. When others tell us things we don't believe, we know it's okay to trust our instincts.

We can even change our mind later.

We don't have to give up our personal power to anyone: strangers, friends, spouses, children, authority figures, or those over whom we're in authority. People may have things to teach us. They may have more information than we have, and may appear more confident or forceful than we feel. But we are equals. Our magic is not in them. Our magic, our light, is in us. And it is as bright a light as theirs.

We are not second-class citizens. By owning our power, we don't have to become aggressive or controlling. We don't have to discount others. But we don't discount ourselves either.

Today, I will own my power with people. I will let myself know what I know, feel what I feel, believe what I believe, and see what I see. I will be open to changing and learning from others and experience, but I will trust and validate myself too. I will stand in my own truth.
Today I choose to go with the flow. --Ruth Fishel

Often we feel hurt and resentful, but often it is about us giving up our power.

Do you give away your power?

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[MajestyJo]

More Language Of Letting Go

Learn to say how it feels

He no longer dreamed of storms, nor of women, nor of great occurrences, nor of great fish, nor fights, nor contests of strength, nor of his wife. He only dreamed of places now and of the lions on the beach.

–Ernest Hemingway

Many teachers of our time attribute consciousness– energy not just matter– to all creations that exist in God’s marvelous world. Many teachers from ancient times espoused this philosophy,too.

How does it feel when you sit next to a sprawling oak tree? How does it feel when you lie in the hot sand at the beach, listening to the waves splashing on the shore? How does it feel in your kitchen in the morning? How does it feel when you’re with your best friend? Or your spouse?

How does it feel to go into a store filled with beautiful objects, stuffy salesclerks, and signs that scream: DO NOT TOUCH?

Many of us are survivors. We learned the art of leaving our bodies early on, perhaps in our childhood or maybe later, as a way of coping with situations that didn’t feel good and that didn’t feel right to us. We learned to deny how a situation felt– and often how it felt to be with certain people– in order to cope with situations we found ourselves in that we didn’t have the tools or power to escape. We trained ourselves to ignore how things felt because either we told ourselves we had no choice, or we truly didn’t have a say in the matter.

We don’t have to survive anymore. That time is past. Now, it’s time to live.

Come back into your body. Stretch your senses, so that they fill up all of you– your sense of taste, smell, touch, sight, and sound, and your intuitive senses,too. How do you feel emotionally? If you can’t put words to it, just describe it as best as you can. Then go to the next level. Tune into the feelings and moods of the world around you, but not so much that you take these feelings on as yours. Tune in just enough to recognize how the energy of each situation feels to you.

Don’t judge your responses and feelings as either good or bad. And you don’t have to do anything to control how it feels– to you or anyone else. Just allow yourself to experience and recognize how it feels to be you.

Part of speaking the language of letting go means learning to delight and revel in all our senses, including our inner knowing.

Learn to say with trust and confidence, This is how I feel.

God, help me come fully to life.

This reminds me of a time in early recovery that my life was so busy, I didn't read much. My life was the story. I was living it. lately my books have been overdue. It gets expensive at a $1. a day for an Express book. It gets more so when you find a book you didn't think you had.

As I have said many times, "A girl in recovery kept saying to me when we were checking in for the day, 'But how do you feel?" i got really angry and annoyed with her and I finally said, 'if I knew what I was feeling, I wouldn't be sitting here.'

I did find out that one feeling could cover up a lot of others.

How do you feel?

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Saying Yes

Yesterday we talked about learning to say no. Today let's discuss another important word: Yes.

We can learn to say yes to things that feel good, to what we want - for others and ourselves.

We can learn to say yes to fun. Yes to meetings, to calling a friend, asking for help.

We can learn to say yes to healthy relationships, to people and activities that are good for us.

We can learn to say yes to ourselves, what we want and need, our instincts, and the leading of our Higher Power.

We can learn to say yes when it feels right to help someone. We can learn to say yes to our feelings. We can learn to identify when we need to take a walk, take a nap, have our back rubbed, or buy ourselves flowers.

We can learn to say yes to work that is right for us.

We can learn to say yes to all that will nurture and nourish us. We can learn to say yes to the best life and love has to offer.

Today, I will say yes to all that feels good and right.

The peace that I feel in my life is growing richer every day. As I continue to walk on my spiritual path to recovery, I let myself be guided by truth and love. Conflict is leaving, making more and more room for charity, serenity and usefulness. --Ruth Fishel

I had to be careful that I didn't overcompensate, saying yes and no, just because I was aware of the fact I could. As a wife, I was told man ruled and I didn't have permission to talk or say my piece. I was told, "What makes you think your words matter."

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Saying No

For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.

No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.

The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.

When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.

When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.

If we're scared to say no, we can buy some times. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions.

When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: "No" isn't really that hard to say.

Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.

Today I will do all that I am capable of doing at this time of my life to free myself of past mistakes. And then I will let go and live in my now... fully enjoying today. --Ruth Fishel

Great quote, sums up living in recover in two lines.

I didn't know I had a right to say No. If I said it, I was hit across the face.

[MajestyJo]

I am powerless over other people's disease, just as I am powerless over my own dis-ease. In ALL things, I need to turn that control, desire to fix, and change others, over to my God, just as I have to let go and let God with my own disease.

The 3 Cs are important to remember all year round, but especially helpful when around family.

I didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. I am powerless over people, places, and things. Wherever I go, I need to remember to take my QTIP with me. Quit Taking It Personal.

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[MajestyJo]

Knowing myself

Asking for help when I need it and acting on my own when I don't

Admitting when I'm wrong and making amends

Accepting love from others, even if I'm having a tough time loving myself

Recognizing that I always have choices, and taking responsibility for the ones I make

Seeing that life is a blessing

Having an opinion without insisting that others share it

Forgiving myself and others

Recognizing my shortcomings and my strengths

Having the courage to live one day at a time

Acknowledging that my needs are my responsibility

Caring for people without having to take care of them.

Accepting that I'll never be finished - I'll always be a work-in-progress.

- Courage to Change (Al-Anon)

Today's Reminder:

Today I can spin a little silk and let it grace everything I touch. I don't have to look back to past ugliness except to learn from it, to enhance the present, and to release whatever beauty is trapped behind old secrets and self-defeating attitudes. One day at a time I can delight in the splendid person I am becoming.

"Sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing in loveliness...until it flowers again from within..." - Galway Kinnell

originally posted on my site Soundness of Mind

Do you know yourself? A good reason to do a Step Four.