Today's Thought - August

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August 1

I watched a man I know help his wife take care of their babies.

“How did you learn to be such a good dad?” I asked. He explained that his father had been a great dad. His mother had died when he was three, leaving his father on his own to care for him and his baby sister.

“So he just stepped up to the plate?” I asked.

“Like Babe Ruth,” he said.

Inventory Focus:

What – or who – is challenging you? Are you creating healthy challenges or unnecessary chaos? Do you want it just because you can’t have it, or do you really want it? Are you stepping up to the plate and accepting the real challenges in your life?

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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August 2

Reflection for the Day

Before I came to The Program, I hadn't the faintest idea of what it was to "Live In The Now." I often became obsessed with the things that happened yesterday, last week, or even five years ago. Worse yet, many of my waking hours were spent clearing away the "wreckage of the future." "To me," Walt Whitman once wrote, "every hour of the day and night is an unspeakably perfect miracle." Can I truly believe that in my heart?

Today I Pray

Let me carry only the weight of 24 hours at one time, without the extra bulk of yesterday's regrets or tomorrow's anxieties. Let me breathe the blessings of each new day for itself, by itself, and keep my human burdens contained in daily perspective. May I learn the balance of soul that comes through keeping close to God.

Today I Will Remember

Don't borrow from tomorrow.

You are reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

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August 3

Courage is very important. Like a muscle, it is strengthened by use.
--Ruth Gordon

All of us fear the unfamiliar at times; and it's nothing to be ashamed of to occasionally feel frightened by everyday events. We can still forget that God is always with us and, thus, allow fear to take over.

We're learning in recovery, though, that we can empower ourselves through the magic of belief. Acting as If we feel that extra bit of courage and that we sense God's presence protecting us can dissipate our fears and bring us new confidence. In doing this, we will gradually come to know the inner resources God has given us. The more we acknowledge our courage, the more it becomes a working part of our life.

We often unnecessarily complicate matters by thinking we have to face things by ourselves. We forget that our spiritual program offers us ready relief from the terror of feeling alone. God offers us the strength and courage to meet each challenge. We only have to accept.

I will remember God's presence today and discover the courage to face my fears.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

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August 4

I just pictured in my mind what I wanted to do. You can use that same formula in accomplishing anything in life.
--Ida Bellegarde

The imagination is a powerful tool. With practice we can perfect our use of it and the results will astound us. Research has shown that athletes who visualize a practice session on the field or mountain or course hone their skills as effectively as those who practice "in the flesh." This may be hard to believe, but it's nonetheless true.

If this formula has worked for others, it can work for you too. But how do you begin? First, consider what you would like to do. The next step is to sit quietly, close your eyes and imagine, in detail, the activity you want to pursue. Stay quiet with this image until it feels natural. Take special note of the sensations you feel throughout your body, the colors you see around you, your inner voice's message. Absorb the experience fully before coming back to reality.

Repeated "journeys" with your mind will make any activity feel familiar, and enough familiarity makes success possible.

I am not prevented from doing anything I really want to do. Using my imagination to experience it the first time will get me started.

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

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August 5

Self-Acceptance and Self-Knowledge

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the difference.

This well-known prayer expresses some key guidelines to our philosophy of living. One group member explained it this way:

“For me, the things I cannot change are other people, places, and circumstances. The only things I can change are my attitudes, reactions and action toward the people, places and circumstances in my life.

“The wisdom to know the difference, well, that’s a hard one. I don’t always know what I can and cannot change until I try changing it. Wisdom comes by trial and error. The more experience I have, the more understanding, knowledge, and wisdom I have.”

Today I will accept that much of my wisdom can only come through my daily experiences. I need to expect to make some mistakes in my attitudes, actions, and judgment of what I can and cannot change. I will learn to be patient with myself and others as I gain more understanding from my mistakes.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

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August 6

An alcoholic spends his life committing suicide on the installment plan.
--Laurence Peter

None of us woke up one morning and found we had suddenly turned into an addict. We got to be one by practice. And we practiced often. We ignored our families - we left work early - and went drinking and drugging. Daily, we chose chemicals over anything else.

Likewise, getting sober is no accident. We use the Steps. We work the program. At meetings, we're reminded to help others. We all get sober on the installment plan. A day at a time. We got sick one day at a time; we recover one day at a time.

Prayer for the Day

Today, with my Higher Power's help, I'll be happier, more honest, more sober. Sobriety is like a good savings account. Higher Power, help me to put in more than I take out.

Action for the Day

I'll go over my Step One to remind myself it's no accident I'm an addict.

You are reading from the book:

Keep It Simple by Anonymous

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August 7

When I take another’s needs into consideration and bend, I spiritually stretch.
--Helene Lerner-Robbins

We have been told that this is a selfish program. Perhaps that has given us license to be inconsiderate. However, that isn’t what the founders meant by a selfish program. While it’s true that we must protect our sobriety always, it is never wrong to be kind and considerate toward others. Our kindness to someone else won’t ever make us drink! That’s what we must keep uppermost in our mind.

Along with helping us maintain abstinence, the program helps us develop a spiritual relationship that can change every aspect of our lives. Coming to believe in a Higher Power and turning to that Power for guidance and comfort allow us to experience hope in every situation. We can enhance our spiritual growth by treating others as we want God to treat us.

My spiritual growth can get a boost today if I get my ego out of the way and help someone else feel better.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

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August 8

Lost warriors have only to open their eyes to find the right and good path.
-- Chief Red Mountain

We all carry a fountain of joy inside. This joy is not something special given to only a few of us. An abundance of joy, happiness, and peace is our right. Our hearts were meant to be full of love and laughter.

We have been promised that our lives will get better. Even the worst situations will be made right. As we walk the path of recovery, our lives do get better. When we think we have reached our limit of joy and happiness, something else happens. We get happier! Life will not be without troubles, but joy and gratitude will heal all wounds and shine through all problems.

Today let me accept, without fear, the new joy I feel.

You are reading from the book:

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

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August 9

Do not reveal your thoughts to everyone, lest you drive away your good luck.
--Apocrypha, Ecclesiasticus 8:19

We've had problems in our lives with limits. We have done some things to excess and others we have endlessly postponed. Sometimes we haven't had good judgment about what we ought to tell someone or whom we ought to tell. We may have kept secrets that made us lonely and sick. Other times we exposed too much in inappropriate situations and hurt someone else or ourselves. Developing these internal limits is a quiet change that comes with recovery. Gradually, we gain a stronger feeling of self-respect and become more intuitive about when to express something and when not to.

Secrets are links in our chains of bondage to isolation, addiction, and codependency. Yet, when we are compelled to tell everything, we lack the feeling of self-containment that comes from maturity. We need a sense of privacy which is the freedom to choose what and when to confide in a friend. What does our intuition tell us today about our privacy and our openness?

Today, I will listen to my inner messages about what I need to discuss with others and when I need to withhold.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

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August 10

People have a need to feel their pain.
Very often pain is the beginning of a great deal of awareness.
As an energy, it awakens consciousness.
--Arnold Mindell

The Barbara I met at my high school reunion was not the same person I had known a decade earlier. A sensitive and caring person stood in the place of the driven and manipulative individual I remembered. Her soft gaze spoke of a new compassion and understanding. I asked a friend of Barbara’s how this transformation occurred. “It’s very simple,” the friend replied. “She’s been to hell and back.”

Barbara’s story is universal. It is the experience of pain - physical, emotional, or spiritual - that inspires us to start the search for something more. Many great teachers and healers began their spiritual quest as a way to cope with the pain of an illness, divorce, or similar loss. This discomfort forced them to abandon the status quo and take a new and uncharted course, a course that led to a major transformation.

Is pain the only way we can grow and transform? Not necessarily. As we work on ourselves and learn from our mistakes, the ups and downs of life become less intense. Lessons come in a more gentle manner. Once the heart is opened, it takes less effort to keep it that way.

You are moving to that point where joy and bliss are all-encompassing. Until then, your pain can be your greatest teacher.

You are reading from the book:

Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch

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August 11

Saying No

For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.

No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We’re afraid people won’t like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a “good” employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.

The problem is, if we don’t learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.

When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.

When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.

If we’re scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don’t have to offer long explanations for our decisions.

When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no’s and our yes’s begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: “No” isn’t really that hard to say.

Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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August 12

The degree to which I can create relationships, which facilitate the growth of others as separate persons, is a measure of the growth I have achieved in myself.
--Carl R. Rogers

As children we clung to and modeled ourselves after friends and siblings and sometimes parents. We imitated with ease how a friend walked and gestured. At times we identified too closely, and lost the self that ached to be known. And just as often, we encouraged someone else to follow our lead. The struggle to be whole and separate and happy was consuming. It consumes us even now.

We often neglect individual development, opting instead for a closeness with others that defies real love and stifles our growth. Unless we explore our individuality, we'll neither discover nor be able to nurture the talents that are our gifts. And the truest demonstration of our love is to nurture that exploration in another.

The paradox is that finally we can only sustain meaning in our moments and hours of togetherness if we've tapped the source of our creative strength in our times apart.

We must cherish both the coming together and the going apart to know love.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

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August 13

Self-Seeking Slips Away

Today, God, help me remember that not everything is about me.

When I was using, thinking of myself was my whole existence. With abstinence, I began to practice understanding, humility, gratitude, caring, and sharing with others.

By having faith in our Program's recovery Steps and their other-centeredness focus, I am reminded that I am a person who truly needs other people.

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

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August 14

Others treat us the way we invite them to treat us.
--Barb H.

Coping with stress is a lot more difficult than preventing it in the first place. If we think prevention, we can avoid a surprising number of stressful situations by thinking ahead and sidestepping. We don’t have to have lunch with difficult or complaining co-workers, for example. We can take a walk at lunchtime or catch up on some reading.

We can limit our availability to other family members by telling them we’re off duty after 8:00 P.M. If we stick to it, the others will learn not to ask for late night help with homework or for a shirt to be ironed. We deserve quiet time to build up our reserves and to fend off stress. Giving all our time away is foolish, not virtuous. We can only expect others to respect our limitations if we are clear about our boundaries.

To stay healthy, we need to avoid, or at least limit, involvement in all unnecessary aggravations.

I will demand the time I need each day for myself.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

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August 15

Separateness

… risk creating our own life path.

Sometimes it seems easier to lean on our mate for all decisions and all direction. Then we do not have to risk creating our own life path. Some people think they can avoid that risk by striking a bargain with their mate. They so fully immerse themselves in their mate's identity that they never have to face their own. Some couples unconsciously agree that one partner will do all the thinking and the other will have all the feelings. The result of their bargain blunts the spirit of both people, because neither grasps the challenge to see life through her or his own eyes. When both of us know how it feels to walk in the other's shoes but still see our life through our own eyes, we find the greatest personal empowerment and spiritual freedom.

Think of a time when your relationship was stronger because you took the risk to be different.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

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August 16

I am determined to maintain the perpendicular position.
--Lucy Stone

Perpendicular lines make right angles; they make possible extensions of both height and breadth. Right angles are weight bearing. We speak of asserting something "squarely," making perpendiculars.

People who speak their minds freely and assert their individuality feel perpendicular; the corners they create, by their points of view, are sturdy and open. Others can use them to build structures on.

It's important to claim the perpendicular, even though we may feel pressured into curved or parallel positions. If we're centered in ourselves, others won't throw us off balance. Each of us needs to find our own center so that we can occupy our own place. Others will recognize us. Together we'll build high and wide.

My remotest ancestors dared to point their spines upright. I'll carry on the project they began.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

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August 17

I feel at this age I can go overboard and be as ridiculous as I want.
--Miriam Hofmeier

A real blessing of growing old is the freedom it gives us to be who we really are. Of course, we could have been our real selves our whole lives. No doubt some of us were. However, far too many of us struggled to impress others with the person we thought we ought to be, and in the process, we lost a lot of real living. Fortunately, it's never too late to project the real us.

Do we know for certain who we really are? Age is no guarantee that we do. Living through others is not so uncommon, unfortunately, and if that describes us, then we still have the task of discovering who we really are. But let's think of it as an adventure rather than a task. It's a journey, one that promises to be full of surprises.

We have earned the right to speak our minds. We have earned the right to whatever beliefs appeal to us. Most particularly, we have earned the right to spend our days fulfilling whatever dreams we want. We're lucky.

Being as silly as I want to be today feels good. I have it coming!

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

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August 18

All music is what awakes from you when you are reminded by the instruments.
--Walt Whitman

A small group of friends sat in a room around a record player. It was a heavy old thing, with parts that had to be operated by hand and only one speaker - nothing like a modern stereo at all, but more like an antique phonograph. The record - a recording of their favorite music - was old, too, and scratched, its grooves worn smooth as a stone in some places. The tone arm skipped and scratched, and the sound was tinny, hard on the ears.

Most of the friends squirmed in their seats as they listened, and several grumbled that it was impossible to hear the music with such inferior equipment.

But one of the group sat listening, her eyes closed, swaying to the music and humming softly to herself.

"How can you enjoy this?" the others asked.

"Ah," she said with a mysterious smile. "I am listening beyond the recording to the music I know is there!"

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

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August 19

Anything forced into manifestation through personal will is always "ill got" and has "ever bad success."
--Florence Scovel Shinn

The main thrust of our recovery is to attune ourselves to God's will, struggling no longer to impose our own. The pain we've endured in past years was often of our own making. We controlled situations until we managed to force the outcome we desired, only to realize it didn't offer happiness. It was, instead, a bitter ending to the struggle.

When we want something or someone to play by our rules, we can expect barriers. And when the barriers don't give way with a gentle push, we should consider it a clue that we are off course. When we want what God wants for us, the barriers, if any, will fall away.

What God wants for us at every moment is growth and happiness. When we step away from our ego and develop a selfless posture toward life, we'll find serenity in the midst of any turmoil. Serenity is God's promise. When we get in line with God's will, we'll find peace.

I will know God's will if I will listen to my inner voice. I will do what feels right, and peace will be my reward.

You are reading from the book:

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

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August 20

We believe in Human Ecology, the understanding and care of human beings as whole persons in light of their relationship to God, themselves, their families, and the society in which they live.
--The Philosophy of Human Ecology

The philosophy of Human Ecology covers all three aspects of our recovery: body, mind, and spirit.

We know that taking care of our bodies is essential to recovery. That means eating properly, exercising as much as we can, and not abusing ourselves physically.

Taking care of our minds is also important. We are trying to make choices that enhance our recovery, not diminish it. This includes the things we read, watch, and listen to. We seek out education and positive affirmation. We go to meetings. We gather with others who share our vision.

Spirituality is the common thread through all of this, for without it we are lost. Our spiritual search is our effort to improve our conscious contact with God. Through this search comes harmony of body, mind, and spirit.

Today let me remember the principles of Human Ecology. They provide a simple reminder of where I've been and where I am going.

You are reading from the book:

Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous

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August 21

Seeking growth

We are where we are for a reason. As long as that reason remains, we remain where we are. If we aren't where we think we should be, working the program will help us get to where our deepest self longs to be. This is growth.

And growth is work. We must be willing to do the simple things that our new understanding asks of us. We are never given more than we can handle, and the loving help we need along the way is always available. But we never get this help in advance, only as we need it.

Am I seeking growth?

Higher Power, help me want to grow and be willing to do the simple things, day by day, that add up to big changes.

You are reading from the book:

Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous

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August 22

Words are the voice of the heart.
--Confucius

What does my heart have to say today? Am I happy? Or am I troubled? We will find this out if we slow down and listen to our words. We can also hear our spirit in the tone of our words.

We are to meditate. Meditation is about slowing down so we can hear what our spirit is trying to tell us. Meditation is listening. Our spirit is but a quiet whisper inside us. To hear it we must quiet ourselves.

Slowing down allows us to find our center. As we find our center we find our spirit and our Higher Power.

Do I take the time needed to slow myself down? Do I take the time to listen - to listen to my heart?

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, teach me to slow down. Teach me to listen. Teach me to hear Your whispers as well as Your yells.

Action for the Day

Today, I will take a half hour to slow down and listen. I will find a place to relax and listen to my heart and my words.

You are reading from the book:

Keep It Simple by Anonymous

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August 23

I alone can do it. But I can't do it alone.
--Anonymous

We're the luckiest people alive because we don't have to do anything alone! Whether we have a new assignment to tackle, a new relationship to cultivate, a new boss to please, we'll never fail as long as we rely on the program, our sponsors, and our Higher Power.

That doesn't mean we won't have trying times and some failures. But the companionship we need for handling the difficult periods will never be denied us. Perhaps we think it will. Maybe that's why we try to do too much alone.

We didn't end up in this Twelve Step program as the result of living peaceful, productive lives. We're here because we got scared. Our lives weren't working. And they won't work now if we insist on doing it alone. This is our second chance. Let's take it.

I will seek the support I need from friends and God today. I'll have a good day because of this.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

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August 24

The body repeats the landscape. They are the source of each other and create each other.
--Meridel Le Sueur

The beautiful correspondences that structure the world - from the five pointed star in the core of the apple to the snail shell spiral of our inner ear - can be a source of great comfort to us. When we feel most alone, most abandoned and out of sorts, the simple forms of beauty can remind our eyes of the world's unity and our place within it.

Our path through the world is a part of it. We add our individual voices to the chord that is language, that is history. No matter how desperate we may feel, or how hopeless our lives may seem at times, the fact remains that loss and sorrow are a part of life, and the law of life is change. Unless we choose to cling to sorrow, it will flow through us. The next wave of feeling may bring us joy.

The hexagonal cells of the honeycomb recall the shapes of insects' eyes, snowflakes, geodesic domes. We fit into this grand design. We're here for a reason - for many reasons. Let us treat ourselves as gently as we try to treat the other parts of the delicate web of life.

I stand in a reciprocal relationship with the world, part of it as it is part of me.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

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August 25

When a person drowns himself in negative thinking he is committing an unspeakable crime against himself.
-- Maxwell Maltz

Negative thoughts can rule our lives as compulsively as an addiction. The feelings of power we get from holding a dismal and gloomy outlook deprive us of the positive and pleasant parts of life. Some of us have said, "If I expect the worst, I won't be disappointed. If I think the worst about myself, no one else can cut me down." It is like taking a driving trip and looking only for trash and garbage in the ditches, ignoring the beauty beyond. Indeed, what we see may be real, but it is a very limited piece of the picture.

When we have relied on negative thinking, it feels risky to give it up. We cannot do it in one day. We can begin by imagining ourselves with a more open attitude toward ourselves and the world. Then we can try it out as an experiment in little ways, with no commitment. Finally we reach the point where we can take a risk and entrust our Higher Power with the outcome.

Today, I will experiment with hopeful and positive thoughts about what happens.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

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August 26

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.
-- E. W. Howe

Do you let yourself be afraid of your illness? You'd better. Many of us were scared into sobriety. Often, a spiritual awakening directly follows a good scare. Fear seems to improve our vision.

Are you smart enough to run from your addiction? The First Step should create fear inside us. It's about looking honestly at our addiction and what would happen to us if we kept using. Looking at Step One regularly will give us the respectful fear we need to stay sober. Often fear is seen as bad, but it can be good, if we listen to it. It can be a great mover. When you're afraid, your spirit is trying to tell you something.

Prayer for the Day

God, direct my fear. Have me go to You, family, friends, and others who love me. Help me see my fear and listen to its message.

Action for the Day

I'll list five ways that my fear has taught me important lessons. I'll see that my fear can help me as long as I listen to it and not live in it.

You are reading from the book:

Keep It Simple by Anonymous

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August 27

Expectations of Others

It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source.

It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request. We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It's the other person's responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that's controlling. There's a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given. It is reasonable to have certain and well defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.

It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any particular person. We can trust ourselves to know what's reasonable.

The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discovering an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.

Today, I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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August 28

I wonder why love is so often equated with joy when it is everything else as well: devastation, balm, obsession, granting and receiving excessive value, and losing it again.
--Florida Scott Maxwell

In our quiet moments we dream of the gifts that accompany being loved and imagine ourselves as always filled with laughter, a glowing warmth, a serene perspective. But how short sighted our vision. Love promises us growth as well, and growth may mean a loved one's choice to depart for a time, or a struggle for agreement about future directions. Tears and fears are commonplace when we enter the realm of love.

Let's not forget that all experiences, even the dreaded ones, are meant for our good. We are never given more than we can handle, and we will be given a balanced set of circumstances. A measure of joy will follow a period of sadness. As experience has shown, quick on the heels of the fear of loss is the realization that in the spiritual realm we're secure and all is well.

How grateful we might become that love offers us so much to grow on.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

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August 29

Reflection for the Day

In a very real sense, we are imprisoned by our inability or unwillingness to reach out for help to a Power greater than ourselves. But in time, we pray to be relieved of the bondage of self, so that we can better do God's will. In the words of Ramakrishna, "The sun and moon are not mirrored in cloudy waters, thus the Almighty cannot be mirrored in a heart that is obsessed by the idea of 'me and mine.'" Have I set myself free from the prison of self-will and pride which I myself have built? Have I accepted freedom?

Today I Pray

May the word freedom take on new meanings for me, not just "freedom from" my addiction, but "freedom to" overcome it. Not just freedom from the slavery of self-will, but freedom to hear and carry out the will of God.

Today I Will Remember

Freedom from means freedom to.

You are reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

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August 30

It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link in the chain of destiny can be handled at a time.
--Sir Winston Churchill

How many times today will we think or say, "I wish I knew what was going to happen"? We can find contentment in the knowledge that God will take care of us, regardless of the outcome of any situation. And even more importantly, God already knows the outcome, and we'll know it too when the time is right. We never need to worry; all is well. We're given the knowledge and direction we need when we're ready for it.

If we had known two or three or ten or twenty years ago that we'd be sharing our current journey with non-using, non-drinking men and women, we'd likely have expressed horror and disbelief. And yet we're here, gratefully so, living more peace-filled moments than we would have ever imagined possible. We got here, little by little, with God's care. We'll get where we're supposed to be in the same loving manner.

I will trust each moment of my life to God's loving care.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

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August 31

Constant togetherness is fine –
But only for Siamese twins.
--Victoria Billings

Newcomer

I heard someone in recovery say, "I don’t have relationships, I take hostages." Everyone laughed, but it left me feeling insecure about how to evaluate my own relationships. How close is too close?

Sponsor

Though we may not feel comfortable with many other people when we first get here, perhaps there's one particular person we feel we can trust – a mate, an old friend who has remained loyal, a peer in recovery, a sponsor. We may have the desire to check everything with this other person, and we find ourselves spending hours on the phone or in his or her company.

Strong, healthy relationships are vital. They're a blessing, not a problem. Problems arise if we feel so dependent on another person's approval that we lose touch with our feelings and preferences - if we isolate as a pair, always protected from the joys and challenges of new friendships or if our constant togetherness creates a pressure-cooker buildup of intensity. Recovery requires thoughtful self-examination and self-challenge. Though others can offer to witness, support, and love us, our recovery work is ours alone. It takes courage to allow ourselves and others autonomy with in a relationship.

Today, as I include people in my life, I leave myself and others room to be and to grow.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin