NACR Daily Meditation - June

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June 1

Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb.
They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid.
Mark 16:8


The most reliable early manuscripts of the Gospel of Mark end with this verse. Mark's version of the Good News ends with this very high drama. Just at the point in the story where we might have expected to find rejoicing, we find fear. The women are afraid. Just at the point where we might have expected confidence, we find uncertainty. The women are bewildered. What a remarkable thing that the people chosen by God to be the first messengers of the Good News were too frightened and bewildered to speak! God chose to entrust the future of the Kingdom to people with limited courage.

God knows our courage is limited. He knows that fear can immobilize us. God does not shame us for being afraid. God has trusted people with this kind of limit in the past. God does not need us to have unshakable faith.

The women in this text did eventually speak. Courage was granted to them. Fears faced without shame will lose their power to immobilize us. God knows that fear is part of our human condition. Our fears do not keep God from entrusting us to be message bearers of Good News.


Thank you, Lord,
for entrusting the Kingdom
to the tired and traumatized.
Thank you for accepting me
and my limited courage.
Help me today to accept my limits, Lord.
Help me to give my fears to you.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 2

"When I went to Troas to preach the gospel of Christ and found that
the Lord had opened a door for me, I still had no peace of mind, because
I did not find my brother Titus there. So I said good-by to them and went
on to Macedonia."
2 Corinthians 2:12-13


Paul was a missionary writing to a congregation that had mixed feelings about his ministry. Under these circumstances we might reasonably expect him to defend himself. We might expect him to say 'Things are going great! Open doors! Packed stadiums! Now on several continents! Soon on satellite to the whole planet!" But he doesn't say that. He tells the truth. "There was an open door, but I had no peace of mind". Paul chooses to do honest, straight, appropriate, risky self-disclosure. "I was anxious and lonely and it effected my ability to work. I could not minister to others because I was too needy." Paul rejects the 'superstar' or 'hero' model for ministry. "I can't do this alone," he was saying, "I need Titus".

Like Paul, we have limits in our work and ministry. God does not ask us to be superheros. We may wish for this out of a deep need for approval, but it is not what God asks of us. Like Paul, we will have open doors that we will not be able to respond to because we are too tired, or too anxious, or too lonely. It is part of the reality of being human. God understands these kinds of limits.


Lord, I want to do it all.
I want to be a superhero.
But I am so limited.
Give me the grace to be honest.
Give me the courage to admit my loneliness and anxiety.
Give me the courage to admit my exhaustion.
Give me the grace to be human.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 3

Be still, and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10


We need to be reminded that we are not God.

This seems pretty basic. You wouldn't think it would be hard to remember. But we get so caught up in proving ourselves by performing, achieving and rescuing that we forget that we are humans with real limits. We fill our time so full of frenzied activity that there is no 'stillness'. And when there is no stillness, it is hard to remember who is God and who is not.

Fortunately, God does not forget who is God and who is not. God invites us to quiet ourselves, to slow ourselves down. God invites us to be still long enough to regain perspective. "Be still", God says, "and know that I am God."

In the stillness we can see again that there is a difference between our frenzy and God's kingdom. It is God's work to provide and protect and rescue. It is not our work. We can do our part. But our part needs to be respectful of our human limits. Our part needs to actively acknowledge our dependence on God. God is God, and we are not.


Help me to slow down, Lord.
Help me to be quiet.
Help me to be still long enough to remember that you are God.
Help me to remember who is creature and who is Creator.
Let this truth free me, Lord, to accept my limits,
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 4

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;
O Lord, hear my voice. Let you ears
be attentive to my cry for mercy.
Psalms 130:1-2


Grief is often experienced as being 'in the depths'. Sometimes it feels like we have been swallowed up by grief. Our bodies ache. Our minds can't focus. Our hearts feel like they will break.

Our cry for help during times of grief may seem desperate and feeble. We want to believe that God hears us. We want to believe that God is attentive to our pain. But we feel uncertain.

One of the most difficult experiences during seasons of grief is feeling as if our crys for help fall on deaf ears. Like the psalmist, we find ourselves pleading with God to pay attention. God, who may have seemed so present and attentive when our pain was less intense, can seem strangely absent just when we need God most. When we are in the most pain, we are often least able to experience God's loving presence.

This subjective experience of God's inattentiveness can be terrifying. But it can also be the starting point for growing a deeper and more meaningful faith. A faith that has found the courage to honestly face these experiences of God's absence will be a transformed faith. A faith that has survived a season of grief will have experienced the realities of the spiritual life at a much deeper level. From experiences of this kind we can learn to give up simplistic spiritualities. We can learn to pray with more honesty and integrity.


Can you see me, God?
Can you hear me?
Listen!
Pay attention!
I am calling to you for help.
I am overwhelmed with sorrow.
Have mercy on me.
Hear my cry for help.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 5

A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for
her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.
Matthew 2:18


There are times when there is no consolation for grief. There is no comfort. In these times we feel that those who try to comfort us do not understand the vastness of our pain. All we know, all we see, is the terrible loss we have suffered. The world feels as if it should stop. Nothing matters but our loss.

We weep and rage and long for the return of what we have lost.

This happened to many of the families living in Bethlehem at the time of Jesus' birth. In hopes of killing the Messiah, Herod ordered that male child under two years old in that town be put to death. It was into this world of violence and terror that Jesus was born. The Christmas story is not a fairy tale with happy endings, but a story about real life and terrible loss.

There are times in our lives for weeping without comfort, for weeping with anguish and rage. God has come before into times like this. God comes as well into our times of anguish and rage. Because God comes there will eventually be a time to be comforted. And a time to heal. And a time to go on.

But there is a time to weep. It cannot be rushed, or bypassed. There is a time for weeping.


God, hold me when I weep,
when I refuse comfort,
when I cannot see beyond this pain.
Give me courage to grieve deeply, Lord.
Help me to tolerate the silence,
as I wait for you to speak.
Help me to survive the loneliness
as I await your coming.
Help me to grieve in ways
that draw me closer to you.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 6

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows,
and familiar with suffering.
Isaiah 53:3


Many people have the impression that good Christians are happy, joyful, victorious people. In this fantasy, good Christians are people whose problems seem to vanish when they trust God and pray about it. Unaffected by the pain of life, these relentlessly cheerful people read the Bible, sing praise songs and feel no pain.

Yet Christians are at heart the followers of a man who was named 'man of sorrows.' Jesus was not relentlessly cheerful. He did not practice a mood altering, pain-numbing religion. He grieved. He wept. He was familiar with suffering. Our God is a God who knows suffering. God grieves.

In those times when we shame ourselves for our sorrow, it can be an enormous encouragement to remember that God is personally familiar with grief. If God grieves, we can expect to do the same.


God, you surprise me again!
When I grieve, I think that if I could just cheer up,
you would be pleased.
But, you grieve also.
Man of Sorrows you are acquainted with sorrow.
Thank you for understanding.
Thank you for grieving.
Help me to experience your presence in my time of grief.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 7

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18


Many people are convinced that when they are brokenhearted, when they grieve deeply over their losses, that God is displeased. God is sometimes seen as a person who expects us to be happy even in the face of trauma and loss. God is someone who asks us to 'snap out of it' and 'cheer up'. As a result, we anticipate rejection rather than compassion.

How surprising it is to hear that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted! God does not expect cheerfulness. God does not reject us. God is compassionate and responsive. God is close - not far away.

In dysfunctional families difficult emotions often result in withdrawal and isolation. It is this kind of emotional distance that we now expect from God. It is not always easy to trust God to be close to us when we are brokenhearted. And it is not always easy to allow ourselves the vulnerability of such closeness. But God is eager to heal us, to restore us and to save us when our spirits are crushed.


When I was angry, Lord,
I was sent to my room.
"Don't come out until you have a smile on your face!"
When I was sad, Lord
I was told to cheer up.
"Just snap out of it!"


Now I expect to be abandoned, Lord.
I expect to be left alone with my pain.
I expect to be lonely in my brokenness.


When I am broken hearted,
When I am crushed in spirit,
Help me to rest in your promise to be close.
Help me to rest in your promise to save.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 8

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Isaiah 40:29

Grief is exhausting. Physically we are fatigued. Mentally we are spent. Emotionally we are drained. Spiritually we are crushed. Weariness seems to cast a shadow over all of life. We drag through the days. We are without strength and without power.

Our bodies need to be refreshed with sleep and recreation. Our minds need to be stimulated with hopeful thoughts about our future. Our hearts need to be soothed. Our spirits need to be infused with a desire to engage in life again.

God comes to us in the weariness and weakness of grief with gifts of strength and power. God does not shame us for our weakness. God does not reject us for being too weary to function. We may be tempted to refuse God's gifts either because we want to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps, or because we don't believe we are entitled to receive good gifts. But, nevertheless, God offers us good gifts in seasons of grief. God offers strength and power. When we can admit our need and are ready to be honored by the Giver of these gifts, they can be ours.


I am weary, Lord.
Sometimes I think I am suppose to stay weary.
I do not feel entitled to be strong.
And sometimes I want to manage without your help.
I don't feel that I deserve help.


Thank you for your offer of strength and power.
Give me strength today.
Give me the power I need to make it through this day.
Give me the grace to accept your gifts.
Strengthen and empower me as I grieve today.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 9

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4


Jesus pronounced a blessing on people who are courageous enough to grieve. Nothing could be more surprising than this. When we grieve, we often feel like spiritual failures. But God sees things differently. From God's perspective, mourning is valued. It is an occasion for blessing. It comes with the opportunity for comfort.

To be comforted is to be held in the safety of arms you trust. To be comforted is to weep and rage in the company of someone who loves us. The hard edges of the pain are soothed. Strength and hope return in some measure. Healing begins.

Grieving is a commitment to the hard work of facing reality and allowing ourselves to feel the full range of emotions God has given us. It is painful work. But it is work that is blessed by God.


Father of comfort,
you are my refuge and strength,
my help in times of trouble.
Were it not for your faithfulness,
I would hide from my pain.
I would choose not to see my losses.
I would not be able to face what has happened.
Man of sorrow, teach me to grieve.
Give me the courage to mourn
so that I can be comforted.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 10

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though
the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no
sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the
Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habakkuk 3:17-18


Sometimes it feels like life is the experience of loss upon loss. There are times when losses are all we can see. We are like this farmer taking inventory. The figs, the grapes, the olive crop, and the wheat are all lost. The sheep and the cattle are gone. There is nothing left, and nothing to hope for. In times like this we are in danger of believing that fear and sorrow are our only companions.

If the inventory of our lives stopped here, then all would be lost. We would be without hope. But there is more to the story of our lives than our inventory of losses can ever show. We can return again to the hope that God is bigger than all of the losses of life. No matter how long our inventory of losses may be, we can find in God a peace and hope that reshapes our struggle. The losses do not magically disappear. But, when we turn our hearts toward God, we know again that there is more to our life story than losses. We do not want the bottom line of our life's story to read "this was a person who experienced many losses". As each day we turn our hearts again to God, we are writing a life story that will end with "though the losses were painful, this was a person who found deep joy in God's love."


Lord, my losses are many.
Help me not to pretend about them.
Help me to grieve, Lord.
But help me as well to turn my heart toward you.
Even as I grieve,
help me to find
joy in you.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 11

It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn
what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to
call the righteous, but sinners.
Matthew 9:12


One of the most remarkable features of the human condition is our capacity to pretend that we are healthy when our lives are in total chaos.

We work hard to cover up our problems and flaws in our character. We will sacrifice almost anything to keep from facing the truth about ourselves. We work this hard to look good because we experience our human needs, limits and failures with deep shame - a shame that drives us to strive harder and harder to look better and better. We sacrifice our serenity, our relationships, our sanity on the altar of perfectionism. We also sacrifice any possibility of getting the help we need by continuing to insist that "we can handle it."

God does not ask such sacrifices from us. God has no need for us to be perfect. Jesus speaks to us gently but very clearly about this issue. He confronts our pretense, shame and perfectionistic strivings. He says in effect "you do not have to sacrifice yourself in this way. You do not have to drive yourself like this. I desire mercy, not sacrifice. I want you to learn to be mercy-full to yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. It will free you to accept your need of healing. It will allow you to acknowledge your longing for me."

Jesus was saying "I did not come to pass out blue ribbons to the people who have all the answers and have worked hard to prove themselves. I came to bring hope and healing to people who know they need help." We can stop shaming and condemning ourselves because God does not shame or condemn us. God knows our brokenness, our pain, our need. We can give up our attempts to prove ourselves and acknowledge our need for help and healing.


Lord, I don't want to be needy.
I want to be strong for you.
But, I can't sustain the pretense any longer
I have nothing to show for all my efforts to look good.
All I have done is shut you out of my life.


Today I acknowledge my need for you, Lord.
I need your healing and your forgiveness.
I am not healthy.
I need a doctor.
I need you.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 12

One who was there had been an invalid for thirty eight years. When Jesus
saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition a long
time he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"
John 5:5-6


Do you want to get well?! What a shocking question. Isn't the answer obvious? Why even ask?

One of the most confusing parts of the recovery process is the fact that we have many layers of resistance to recovery. As we begin to see the changes which recovery will demand, we begin to see how attached we have become to our existing way of life. Sometimes we play games to hold on to the past. We have a good friend who prayed early in recovery that God would deliver her from alcoholism so that she could continue to drink! We are all like this - we want healing but we fear the changes which healing will bring.

Sometimes the fear of recovery comes from the fact that we can't imagine any way of being in the world other than what we have known. A life consumed with despair, rage and self-loathing may seem pretty awful, but its the only life we may have known. Any change may seem risky and uncertain.

God is not ignorant of our resistance to healing. God asks the difficult question: "Do you want to get well?" It's not always as obvious as it seems. The 12-Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous addresses this issue when it talks about being "entirely ready" for God to change us. The process of becoming "entirely ready" is at the heart of the struggle of recovery. Our hearts and minds are being prepared to answer 'yes' to God's offer of wholeness.


My answer to your question, Lord, is yes.
I am ambivalent at times.
I am uncertain and afraid at times.
But, I do want to get well.
The answer is yes.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 13

A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you
are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out his hand and
touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!"
Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.
Matthew 8:2-3


There is a wonderful simplicity about this story - it summarizes a great deal of life in a few words. A man recognizes his need, comes, kneels, asks, is touched by Jesus and is cured. Many of us are living this story. We recognize our need. We come. We kneel. We ask. We await God's touch. We experience God's healing.

We would like our recovery to be just this simple. We want recognizing our need to be simple. We want our 'coming' to be simple. And we want our 'kneeling' to be simple. And we want our 'request' to be simple. And we want God's touch and healing to be immediate, tangible, simple.

There are, unfortunately, a few complications. For people who have lived in denial, 'recognizing our need', 'coming' and 'kneeling' are all major changes in the way we normally function. We have grown so accustomed to (and so attached to) our dysfunctions! So, recovery requires change. And change is always difficult - even when we call the change a 'healing.'

What is most helpful in this text is Jesus' clarity about his desires for us. Those of us who have been damaged by shame can expect to be uncertain about God's desires for us. Jesus is clear that it is God's desire for us to be healed. Our Healer wants to give us the gift of wholeness. When we recognize our illness and we 'come' and 'kneel' and 'ask', then there is no uncertainty in Jesus' response. He says "I am willing for you to be free of this affliction. I want health and joy for you.


I'm not sure you want to heal me, Lord.
Are you willing?
Or are you eager to punish?
Are you the god-of-impossible-expectations?
Are you pleased when I suffer?
Or are you willing to heal me?
I need healing, Lord.
But, more than healing, I need you.
Help me today to experience your desire to heal.
Help me today to experience your eagerness to heal, Lord.
Prepare me to receive your gift of healing.
Heal me.
Amen

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 14

When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd,
he had compassion on them and healed their sick.
Matthew 14:14


It is foundational to our healing for someone to see us with compassion. We do not see ourselves with compassion. Instead, we often see ourselves through harsh, condemning eyes. We have come to reject and shame ourselves for our need. In order to learn to heal from the inside out we need someone to see us differently than we see ourselves. We need someone to see us as we are and to respond to us with emotional warmth and genuine concern.

Jesus saw. And had compassion. And he healed. All three experiences are helpful in recovery.

God sees us. He sees that we struggle, that we need help, that we hurt. Our brokenness is not a surprise or a disappointment to God.

God has compassion on us. God feels with us. God is emotionally responsive to us. It matters to God that we are in need. It impacts God.

God heals. Having seen us and had compassion for us, God responds. God touches our wounds. God mends our broken hearts. God strengthens our weary spirits.

For those of us who have felt invisible, who have experienced shame and rejection and abuse, it is a wonderful thing to find someone who sees, has compassion and seeks to heal!


Lord, thank you that you see me.
You see my pain.
Thank you that it matters to you that I struggle and hurt.
Thank you that it is in the context of personal attention and compassion
that you heal me.
I await your healing touch today.
Amen

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 15

He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
Isaiah 42:2-3


Cheer up! Snap out of it! I thought you would be better by now! What's your problem?!

When we have been badly bruised, we have an increased sensitivity to noise. Comments like these - which many of us have heard even from people who genuinely love and care for us - are a kind of 'noise' during recovery. Because we have been bruised, these comments often feel like 'shouts' or 'raised voices in the street.' They are a kind of public shaming because of our inadequacies and neediness. And this feels like it will do us in - like the tiny recovery candle that we have just managed to light is being snuffed out by the wind of the shout.

And so when God responds with gentleness we are surprised. No shouting. No yelling. No hurrying to get better. Instead, we find compassion and tenderness. Our Healer sees that we are like a bruised reed. God will not break us. God will patiently restore us. God sees we are like a smoldering wick, ready to go out. Others might give up on us. But God will work with us until we burn brightly again.

Gentleness. Patience. Persistence. We need all three. These are the gifts offered to us by our healing God.


I am bruised, Lord.
I am smoldering.
And, I am so accustomed to shouting.
It's so noisy that I don't always hear your voice.
I don't expect your gentle ways.
I expect you to yell, to be impatient.
I expect you to give up on me.
But you do not yell.
You are not impatient.
You do not give up.
Thank you.
Gentle Healer, teach me to be gentle.
Teach me to be compassionate with myself and with others.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 16

I will heal their waywardness and love them freely.
Hosea 14:4


Waywardness is a turning away from what is in our best interest and following depraved, capricious inclinations. There are many ways in which waywardness can be expressed. Some of us are openly rebellious. We flaunt our wild behavior and laugh at God. Others of us are quietly wayward. We try to appear compliant and good but we are self-reliant and defiantly independent.

No matter how we express our waywardness it is a destructive force in our lives. In our attempts to protect ourselves from any further pain we turn away from God and from others who love us. We shut them out. And we shut out their love. As a result, we close ourselves off from what we want and need most desperately in life - to be known and loved.

God promises to heal our waywardness. God understands that our turning away is the result of some deep wound in us. God sees this. God knows. God promises to heal us by loving us freely. When we close the doors of our heart, God does not stop loving us. Instead God continues to love us generously and completely. God will love us freely until our fears are gone and our defenses can come down. God will love us freely so that one day we will be able to give up our waywardness and allow ourselves the joy of being loved.


Heal my waywardness, Lord.
When I turn away from you,
love me so that I will return to you again.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 17

The Lord your God is with you he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17


God comforts and takes joy in his children. We are like infants in his arms. God delights in us, quiets us with his love, and sings for joy over us.

It may be very difficult to imagine God so full of joy over you. This image is especially difficult for people who have been abandoned physically or emotionally by parents. You may have been unwanted. You may have been criticized and rejected. You may have been abused at the hands of the people you needed most to comfort you.

But we are not unwanted by God. We will not be rejected or abused by God. God delights in us. God longs to quiet our agitation and anxiety with love. God is so glad we are alive. God sings for joy! The Creator of the Universe takes such delight in us and sings for joy!


Do you delight in me, God?
Are you glad I'm alive?
You amaze me!
Help me, Father God,
to experience your protection.
Help me, Mother God,
to experience your nurture.
Quiet my anxious heart.
Sing to me, God.
Sing your songs of joy to me until I am quieted with your love.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 18

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
Isaiah 40:28


There are times during our struggle to heal when our emotions become intense and stay intense for what seems like a very long time. We feel like we rant and rave and weep for hour after hour, day after day. And we worry that the people in our lives who love and support us will grow tired and weary. Will we wear them out? Will they grow tired of the journey?

In those times when we fear the limits of those who love us, we need to remind ourselves that the Everlasting God does not grow tired or weary. We can pour our heart out to God over and over again. We can rage and weep. God listens without hurry or exhaustion. God will not tire of us.

And God understands. Beyond what we can understand or fathom, God sees and knows and understands.

We need to keep talking to the people who support us, but with an appreciation for their limits and boundaries. We also need to talk to God. We can speak our heart freely and fully to our Creator every day, every hour. God will not tire of us.


It sounds silly when I say it, Lord.
but sometimes I worry that I will wear you out.
Or bore you.
But you are Everlasting God.
Creator of the ends of the earth.
You do not grow weary.
Your understanding cannot be fathomed.
You understand.
You do not tire of me.
Thank you.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

[bluidkiti]

June 19

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms and
carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
Isaiah 40:11


The Almighty God, Creator of heaven and earth, is pictured many times in the Bible as a Shepherd God. This may not be shocking to modern readers - most of us don't know much about sheep herding beyond the few sentimental ideas we may have about rural life. But nothing was more ordinary in biblical times than sheep herding. It was a dirty job. It was a low prestige job. A shepherd lived with his sheep. Day and night he was with them, paying attention to their needs, providing protection, and guiding them.

For the little ones in the flock, the most vulnerable ones, there was often a need for individual care and attention. In times of special need or danger, the shepherd would seek them out, lift them into his arms and carry them close to his heart.

This is how God cares for us. God is a God of gentleness, of tender affection, of protection, and of nurture. Our God is a Shepherd God. When we feel afraid or vulnerable, God is aware of our need. We are gathered into God's arms. We are carried close to God's heart.


I am your lamb, Lord
The wolves are not far off.
Pick me up and hold me in your arms.
Carry me close to your heart.
Allow me to experience the mystery of being held by your loving arms.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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June 20

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power
through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your
hearts through faith.
Ephesians 3:16


Sometimes recovery is exhausting. Sometimes we feel like a raw nerve all the way down to the core of our being. You can't touch anything without causing pain. In times like this we see clearly that our healing must be from the inside out. Nothing superficial will be of any consequence. We need our 'inner being', our 'heart', to experience God's healing power.

It is clear from this text that God understands where our healing must take place. The Spirit seeks to strengthen us in our 'inner being'. Christ seeks to dwell in our 'hearts'. God is not interested in appearances. God is not interested in performances. It is not God's plan for us to 'look good'. God's work will be deeper and necessarily more painful than this. The transformation we need will take place at the core of our being.

This may seem impossibly difficult to us. But it is not impossible for God. It is out of 'his glorious riches' that God can strengthen us. God is not helpless in the face of our brokenness. God is a resource-full God.


I have worked hard to look good on the outside, Lord.
But, it has done no good.
It hasn't worked.
I am not what I appear to be.
I need to heal from the inside.
Only you can do that, Lord.
Come Holy Spirit, to my inner being.
Come Christ, dwell in my heart.
Heal and strengthen me in the depths of my person.
Out of your riches, strengthen me.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

[bluidkiti]

June 21

Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he
asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then though you are evil,
know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father
in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:9-11


Our children ask regularly for bread, milk, cereal and every other kind of food in the house. We delight in their appetite and their growth and development. It is pleasurable for us to provide the basic good things they need to be nourished and sustained physically.

Jesus uses the simple joys of parenting to make a point about God. Just like parents enjoy providing for their children, God is eager to provide good things for us. God is a good parent. God delights in our growth, development and nurture.

But God is not a codependent parent. God wants us to ask directly for the things we need. The importance of asking comes from the fact that it requires us to acknowledge our need. We have learned to deny our needs. We have learned to act as if we can take care of ourselves. As a result, we have a difficult time both asking God for good things and trusting God to respond.

Most of us begin with the struggle to identify our needs and to put them into words. After this we struggle to acknowledge that these needs can't be met with our own resources. And finally, we struggle to come to God and to trust God to be a giver of good gifts.


Lord, I acknowledge to you today that I have many needs.
I cannot take care of these needs on my own.
I turn to you for help.
Giver of Good Gifts, hear my prayer.
I am in need of what only you can give.
Help me to trust you today.
Help me to rest in the promise that you desire to give good gifts.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

[bluidkiti]

June 22

I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love;
I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them.
Hosea 11:4


We have all experienced a variety of leadership styles. Unfortunately we are most familiar with either the chaotic leadership of leaders-who-don't-lead or the rigid leadership of leaders-who-control-inappropriately.

Because we are so familiar with these dysfunctional leadership styles, we may not always expect God's leadership to be helpful. Sometimes we worry that God cannot be trusted to lead effectively in times of crisis or uncertainty. But God does not appear to have uncertainties about the role of Leader. God will lead us. God is familiar with this territory. God has charted these waters. God knows how to find water holes in this desert. God can find trails in this trackless wasteland. God can be trusted to lead.

God will lead us, but God will not lead with heavy-handed-ness and control. God does not lead using threats and punishments. God leads us with kindness and with love.

God is pictured in this text as a nurturing, attentive, kind parent. God lifts the burden off our back. God bends down and feeds us. We can trust God to lift from us the 'yokes' that bind us. God will feed us. God will lead us with love.


Burden-lifter, give me strength today.
God-of-Nurture, give me nourishment today.
Lead me with kindness.
Tie me to you with love.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

[bluidkiti]

June 23

Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory
of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and
animals and reptiles.
Romans 1:23


We do not take wood or stones and make idols. We do not pray to statues or prepare food for idols to eat.

It is not with our hands but with our imaginations that we carve out little gods to worship. Just like those who carve out idols with their hands, we make little gods out of our fear and ignorance. Our fundamental problem is that we imagine a God that comes out of our human experience. We imagine God to be like the people we have known in our lives. If we have been raised with impossible expectations, we may find ourselves worshipping the god-of-impossible-expectations. If we have been neglected, we may find ourselves in the service of the god-who-does-not-care. Since these gods do not respond to us when we call, we work harder and harder to please them. We try to be good. We try to be religious. But, we can never do enough. In this way we trade the 'glory of the immortal God' for the very dysfunctional images which arise from our experiences with 'mortal men'.

The good news is that God is not the way we expect. The one true God, the immortal God, is a glorious God. God is a compassionate God, slow to anger, abounding in love and mercy.


Lord, you can see how I cling to my little gods.
I have tried so hard to please them.
But, they are harsh and abusive.
I cannot please them.
But I can't seem to get rid of them either.
They are awful little gods, but they are all I know.
I have grown accustomed to them.
I have adapted my expectations to match their smallness.

I am weary to death of the gods who come from shame, Lord.
I long to worship you, God of Grace.
I long to worship You.
You are the God of Glory.
Give me eyes to see you more clearly today.
Give me a heart that hopes in you.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

[bluidkiti]

June 24

I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice
and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight.
Jeremiah 9:24


God delights in kindness, justice and righteousness. None of this is easy for us to believe.

Kindness is difficult for some of us to imagine because we do not have extensive personal experience with kindness. We can imagine God as a weak, codependent, ineffective being whose specialty is being relentlessly nice to people. But what of the God who exercises kindness? What would that look like?

Justice is difficult for some of us to imagine because we have not had extensive personal experience with justice. In dysfunctional families justice is either chaotic or completely absent. But what of the God who exercises justice? What would that look like?

Righteousness is difficult for some of us to imagine because we have not had extensive personal experience with righteousness. We do not have instincts for doing what is right, we do not delight in doing righteousness, we expect it to be boring, dreary and out-of-date. We may delight in caretaking and codependent niceness, but is that the same as delighting in righteousness? Probably not. So, what of the God who exercises righteousness. What would that look like?

God is capable of delight. God is not the Unmoved One. God is the Most Moved of us all. God's compassion and kindness are free and full. God's commitment to justice is beyond all our imaginations. God pursues righteousness.

Learning to share in God's struggle for kindness, justice and righteousness will require significant changes for us. It cannot be done in a one time event. It will be a life-time quest. We will forget and remember again. We will run away and come back again. But each day in the struggle we will grow in our capacity for delight. Until, in the end, when God's purposes are complete, we will be filled with delight at the triumph of God's kindness, justice and righteousness


God of kindness, I want to understand you better.
God of justice, I want to live in solidarity with you.
God of righteousness, help me to delight in what pleases you.
Increase my capacity for delight, Lord.
Let me discover you afresh today.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

[bluidkiti]

June 25

They tell how you turned to God from idols
to serve the living and true God
1 Thessalonians 1:9


It is remarkably easy for us to grow accustomed to false gods. We can develop a bizarre security in trying to please a god-who-will-not-be-pleased. We persist in the belief that if we keep trying, and keep working and keep attempting to control ourselves, we may finally be acceptable to our idol-god. But the trying and working and attempting to control never seem to work. Instead, we find ourselves re-enacting old family dramas. We find ourselves ever more deeply entrenched in shame, blame, rejection and self-loathing.

A remarkable thing can happen when we turn from our idols, from our false little gods, to serve the living and true God. It doesn't happen all at once. But gradually we unclench our tight fists. We open our closed hearts. We take in light. We take in love. It is like coming outside after being in a small, dark room. We walk outside and feel overwhelmed by the richness of the sky and land around us. We thought God was small and dreary. And we discover instead vastness and warmth.

The call to turn from our idols to the living and true God is a daily call. The old, idol-gods will draw us back. We need to leave them over and over again. We need to turn again and again to the God who seeks to liberate us from their bondage.


I turn to you again today, God.
You are the Living and True God.
I leave my idol-gods again today.
I renounce the god-of-impossible expectations.
He is not God.
I renounce the god-who-is-eager-to-punish.
He is not God.
I renounce the god-who-keeps-his-distance.
He is not God.
I turn myself again today to you,
Living and True God.
I turn myself to you.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

[bluidkiti]

June 26

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father,
may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him
better.
Ephesians 1:17

Paul kept asking God that his friends would be able to know God better. He clearly did not think of the Christian life as a one-time event. This text assumes that to become a Christian is to enter a lifetime process of learning to see and know God better.

The two things needed for this process are wisdom and revelation. Wisdom is something internal. During recovery the Spirit works within us to make us wise. This involves weeding out all of the distorted ideas and distorted thinking processes which supported our denial system. The Spirit is capable of removing our 'stinking thinking' and making us wise. The second thing we need in the recovery process is revelation. Revelation is external to us - it is God's self-disclosure to us. Without an external frame of reference, we are perfectly capable of creating a reality of our own choosing. Our denial is capable of creating a comprehensive alternate reality with no external checks or balances. During recovery, the Spirit works to reveal to us what is true, what is real. As a result we gradually learn that there is a reality beyond our pretense and denial.

The purposes of the Spirit's work is to help us grow in our capacity to know God. The goal is not just knowing lots of facts about God. To know a person is to share life with that person. It is a quest of the heart. As our wounded hearts are changed, we will be empowered to know God better.

I need wisdom. Lord.
Help me to be wise.
I need revelation, Lord.
Show me.
Let me see.
Spirit of Wisdom
Spirit of Revelation
Fill my heart today
So that I may
know you better.
Amen

Dale and Juanita Ryan

[bluidkiti]

June 27

This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying
in a manger. . .and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said
to them.
Luke 2:12, 18


Some people think of God as a monster. Others think of God as the bully-in-the-sky. Others think of God as remote and abstract. These images come readily to us. We would not find it difficult to invent these gods. We are not amazed by them.

Like those who heard the shepherd's report, however, we stand amazed at the Christian Image. The image of a vulnerable God, a God-in-human-flesh, does not come readily to us. Who would have ever invented this God who comes as an infant? Who would have ever dared to think such a thing of God? But this is The Story, The Image. Christians have always insisted that the central drama of the history of this planet is centered on this God-who-comes-as-an-infant.

Things have not changed since the shepherds shared the amazing news. Being a Christian still involves staying open to the possibility that God will surprise us today. Just as God surprised the shepherds that day, so God may surprise us today.

Staying open to the possibility that God will surprise us with good things is not easy for people like us who find it easier to expect bad things. But God surprises us again and again with good things. The same God who came as a baby, wrapped up, lying in a feeding trough continues to surprise us.


What a surprise you are, God!
I expected monster, bully, distant abstraction.
What a surprise you are, Infant-God!
Help me this day to be open to your surprising grace.
Help me this day to be open to your surprising love.
Help me this day to hope in you.
Help me to allow my deep longings for you to awaken.
So that I will not miss your surprises.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

[bluidkiti]

June 28

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror;
then we shall see face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully,
even as I am fully known.
1 Corinthians 13:12

As we open ourselves to see and know God in new ways, we will need to guard against using our relationship with God as a new arena for expressing our perfectionism. We cannot now see God except in a 'poor reflection'. We cannot perfectly know God. We are not yet face to face with God. We see partially. We know partially. There is much that remains a mystery to us.

It is not easy for us to live with partial vision. It is difficult to tolerate the ambiguities and unknowns. Sometimes the imperfections in our understanding of God make us anxious. We feel that God expects more of us than that. We feel that we should have answers to every conceivable question, that we should never experience doubts, that we should have clarity at all times.

But this text makes it clear that 20:20 vision is not a realistic expectation in our relationship with God. Perfection is not an option for us. Accepting limits in our capacity to see and know God is part of getting to know God better.


The list of things I don't understand goes on and on, Lord.
What I don't know makes me anxious.
I am afraid of my doubts.
I want to see and know you so well that I no longer experience doubt.
I want to understand things so thoroughly, that I no longer experience anxiety.
But I cannot see you face to face. I only see and know in part.
Help me, Lord,
to find a way to live with uncertainty,
with doubts,
with anxiety.
Help me to embrace what you have revealed of your love and goodness.
And to live in anticipation of one day knowing you more fully.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

[bluidkiti]

June 29

Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet
been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him,
for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies
himself, just as he is pure.
1 John 3:2-3


Christians do not believe about life that 'what you see is what you get'. Quite to the contrary, Christians believe that many things we cannot now see are still part of God's plans for us. Some days we cannot see (or maybe even imagine) what it would be like to be completely recovered. But we know that this is God's plan for us. God is committed to our full recovery. As this text puts it, God will not be done with us until we are 'like him'. That is as 'recovered' as you can get.

The clarity of God's plan for us can give us hope. It may be a difficult journey, but you can get somewhere from here. We can make it because God is involved in the process of our transformation. This hope can give us a kind of purity of purpose and vision. Because God is committed to our full recovery, we are not alone with our hopes and dreams. Because God is committed to our full recovery, we have a power greater than our own to help with the struggle. Because God is committed to our full recovery, we can find rest and courage in the purity of God's vision for us.

Because God is committed to our full recovery, we can let go of our pathetic little idol gods and turn to the true and living God. When we worshipped a god-of-impossible-expectations, we became driven and compulsive. When we worshipped a god-who-abused, we became fearful and frozen. When we worshipped a god-who-keeps-his-distance, we fought despair. As we begin to see God as loving, we come to believe that we are lovable. As we begin to see that God wants us to let go of our self-destructive behaviors in order to live more fully, we come to believe that we are precious and valuable.


What I see, Lord,
is not always a very pretty picture.
I long for you to appear.
If you enter the picture, everything changes.
Seeing you changes everything
because I know that when I see you,
I am changed.
Seeing you transforms me.
Sink this hope deep within me, Lord.
Purify me with this hope.
Thank you.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

[bluidkiti]

June 30

I will remove from them their heart of stone
and give them a heart of flesh.
Ezekiel 11:19

God promises us a heart transplant. God promises to change us. Our stone hearts will be removed and in their place will be put a heart of flesh.

A heart of stone is a dead heart. It is closed to honest, intimate relationships. A heart of stone is unmerciful with itself and with others. But we do become attached to our hearts of stone. And we find ourselves fearing God's promised transplant. Our stone hearts have one thing in their favor - they allow us to feel strong and to appear strong to others. A stone heart is a protected heart. It seems invulnerable. You cannot wound a heart of stone.

God's offer of a heart transplant is a promise of life. A heart of flesh is alive. Only a flesh heart can feel joy. Only a flesh heart can celebrate. Only a heart of flesh can give and receive love. But, the vulnerability of a heart of flesh scares us. A flesh heart does not seem as well protected as a heart of stone. It can feel joy, but it can also feel pain. You can wound a heart of flesh.

God promises to change us. God will remove our hearts of stone and give us hearts of flesh.

I like the safety of my stone heart, Lord.
But it is hard, cold, dead.
It is a heartless heart, bloodless, lifeless.
Remove it from me.
I want a heart of flesh, Lord.
I want life.
But I am afraid.
Give me the courage to say 'yes'
to your promise of life today.
Remove my heart of stone and
give me a heart of flesh.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan