Today's Thought - January

[bluidkiti]

January 1

Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world.

~Margaret Mead

We are on a path of change. None of us has become perfect, but we have made significant progress. We are less the victims of old obsessions and compulsions. We're no longer weighed down by such low self-esteem. We have begun connecting to ourselves and our Higher Power. We've made worthy commitments. We're learning to trust ourselves.

Today, we are freer to rock the boat. We do not have to accept the status quo, either in our own lives or in the community and world around us. We can begin to engage in the revolutionary act of becoming fully ourselves, living our values, accepting our own power to help in the creation of understanding, love, peace, light, and brotherhood and sisterhood in the world. We can cooperate with others who share our ideals.

There is hope for the world as long as each one of us knows that we're capable of continuing to grow and change.

Today, I help to create positive change in myself and in my world.

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January 2

I always have two lists: things I’m happy about and things I'm not. It's my choice which list I focus on.

~Anne Arthur

Why do we all too eagerly see the glass as half empty rather than as half full? It need not be a habit that we are stuck with forever. All of us feel helpless at times to change our vision of life. Discouragement and self-pity become comfortable, and we fear that discarding them will leave us vulnerable.

Seeing the glass as half empty is a sign that our attitude is holding us back. Unfortunately, a bad attitude is seductive. It’s as though we find pleasure, perverse though it may be, in feeling sorry for ourselves. Sometimes we even imagine staying in that place forever. It's then that we need the warmth of loving friends, and it's no accident that we are surrounded by them in this fellowship.

We may, at first, try to ignore those reaching toward us, but we will soon feel their presence. We can thank God for the inspiration to adjust our attitude.

If I reach out lovingly to someone else today, I will not need a nudge from my Higher Power to adjust my attitude.

Today's reading is from the book A Woman's Spirit: More meditations for Women*

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January 3

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

~Havelock Ellis

The wisdom that we attempt to develop in recovery is how to balance the letting go and the holding on in our lives. Many of us have sunk into deep holes of crisis and despair by holding on too tightly when we needed to let go. In other ways, perhaps, we have given up too easily when, with faith and trust, we could have held on to opportunities and values that seemed out of reach.

The Serenity Prayer speaks of the "wisdom to know the difference." This power to discern between what we must accept and what we can change creates a deep sense of peace. It brings calm to our intimate partnership, success to our recovery from addiction and codependency, and greater effectiveness in our work life.

Today, I pray for the wisdom to know the difference between what I must accept and what I can change.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

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January 4

AA Thought for the Day

Strength comes from coming to believe in a Higher Power that can help you. You can't define this Higher Power, but you can see how it helps other alcoholics. You hear them talk about it and you begin to get the idea yourself. You try praying in a quiet time each morning and you begin to feel stronger, as though your prayers were heard. So you gradually come to believe there must be a Power in the world outside yourself, which is stronger than you and to which you can turn for help. Am I receiving strength from my faith in a Higher Power?
Meditation for the Day

Spiritual development is achieved by daily persistence in living the way you believe God wants you to live. Like the wearing away of a stone by steady drops of water, so will your daily persistence wear away all the difficulties and gain spiritual success for you. Never falter in this daily, steady persistence. Go forward boldly and unafraid. God will help and strengthen you, as long as you are trying to do His will.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may persist day by day in gaining spiritual experience. I pray that I may make this a lifetime's work.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day: A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life*

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January 5

He who distributes the milk of human kindness cannot help but spill a little on himself.

~James Barrie

We like ourselves best when we like those around us. When we smile at them. they smile back; when we ask them, they tell us about themselves. When we scowl at people, they'll frown back; when we ignore them, they'll walk away.

It's true that we get back what we put into things, whether it's work, play, love, or gardening. We decide by the extent of our commitment how valuable or enjoyable or depressing an experience can be for us.

Our actions toward others come right back to us. When we smile at people, they smile back, and we feel good. Sometimes feeling good about ourselves depends on feeling good about others. When we send out that smile of ours, those who get it pass it on, and we have added power to the happiness of this world.

What can I do to show my fondness for others today?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families*

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January 6

Let go and let God.

~Twelve Step slogan

This is when we need to slow down and take a look at what's going on. We're feeling this way because we’re off our recovery path. We may be back into wanting people to see things our way or do things our way. We want control. Remember, all problems are not our problems. All work is not our work. We can't have everything the way we want it. But we can do our part and let go of the rest. Then we can feel better.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me remember my only work today is to do Your will for me. It is not my job to be You.
Action for the Day

I'll talk with my sponsor or a program friend today. I'll talk about how to deal with things that seem to pull me down.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal*

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January 7

"Why are you rushing so much?" asked the rabbi. "I'm rushing after my livelihood," the man answered.
"And how do you know," said the rabbi, "that your livelihood is running on before you, so that you have to rush after it? Perhaps it's behind you, and all you need to do is stand still."

~Tale about Rabbi Ben Meir of Berdichev

Most of us accept the standard ideas we were taught. "Men should be good providers." "We will get self-esteem from hard work." "It is a virtue to be productive." "It's better not to have too much time to think."

A major crisis can quickly change our perspective. Perhaps someone close to us dies, and we are faced with how temporary life is. Or we have a health crisis, or a relationship crisis, or an addiction crisis. The standard ideas come crashing down.

We look closely at the rush of our lives and ask deeper questions: Are we hurrying to a worthwhile goal? Or are we losing out in our great rush? These doubts can teach us personal things that society can never teach us. Wisdom comes out of pain and the willingness to learn from it.

Today, I will allow some time to stand still and reflect.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*

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January 8

Showing Up in My Recovery

Some days all that I've got to give others in recovery is my presence. Being a mature woman (well, in years anyway) with many decades of recovery behind me, I know that sometimes people expect that when I open my mouth in a recovery meeting or gathering, earth-shattering wisdom will come out.

Although I think I do have some interesting - maybe even important - things to share about recovery occasionally, it's not because I'm older or have been doing things longer; it's because all of us in recovery are interesting and important. We show up for each other so that we can hear what we each have to say, because all of our words have meaning, and our stories are for sharing.

One of my favorite things to do is attend a recovery meeting (like a She Recovers meeting online or an in-person She Recovers Sharing Circle or a Narcotics Anonymous meeting) and say nothing. Not raise my hand. Respond, "Thanks for asking, but I'm just going to listen. Thank you." Then I settle into being present, listening to all the wisdom that others have to share.

Showing up in humility is an indicator of growth in recovery.

Today's reading is from the book She Recovers Every Day: Meditations for Women*

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January 9

Expressing love

As we recover, we come to realize the presence of a Higher Power in our lives. Eventually we realize how much progress in recovery comes through our Higher Power. We realize that we are loved.

Being loved, we can love others, but we cannot love mankind until we love our Higher Power. And we cannot love our Higher Power until we love each other. (And we cannot love each other until we love ourselves.)

When we practice loving our fellows (in thought, word, and deed), we feel the presence of our Higher Power and feel that we, too, are loved.

Do I express my love for others?

Higher Power, help me recognize your presence and power in my life. Help me love others as I am loved.

I will show my love for others today by...

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts*

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January 10

It Takes a Community

What I discovered about recovery was that there were people willing to help me, support me, and show me how they got sober - how they stayed sober, you know. I was probably a year or two in sobriety, and I was still having nightmares of Vietnam.

It got to the point where I would get up around three times during the night and do perimeter checks - check the windows, the door locks, and look outside in the parking lot. I was afraid to go to sleep, because I knew those demons were waiting for me in my dreams.

After working the Steps of recovery, I've got the peace of mind, and I don't have those dreams anymore.

That’s the miracle of recovery.

I learned to embrace my demons, face my fears, quit running from my past - and I haven't had one of those nightmares in over twenty years.

~Doc D., U.S. Army, 1968–1970

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*

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January 11

Reflection for the Day

In the past, and sometimes even now, I automatically have thought "Why me?" when I'm trying to learn that my first problem is to accept my present circumstances as they are, myself as I am, and the people around me as they are. Just as I finally accepted my powerlessness over my addiction, so must I accept my powerlessness over people, places, and things. Am I learning to accept life on life's terms?
Today I Pray

May I learn to control my urge to control, my compulsion to manage, neaten, organize, and label the lives of others. May I learn to accept situations and people as they are instead of as I would like them to be. Thus, may I do away with the ongoing frustrations that a controlling person, by nature, faces continually. May I be entirely ready to have my Higher Power remove this defect of character.
Today I Will Remember

Control for the controller (me).

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People*

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January 12

Defects keep us stuck.

We complicate Step Six by trying to determine whether or not we are "entirely ready" to give up some character traits. Many have become strangely cherished by the time we reach the program. They have seemed like survival tactics in the midst of our personal storms. As a result, believing that we no longer need certain character traits will take willingness and courage. That's what our friends in the program can help us develop.

At first it seems unlikely that we can change; after all, this is who we are. However, having friends and a Higher Power make trying to change possible. Becoming entirely ready to give up some behavioral trait comes next. As we relinquish our defective behavioral traits, one at a time, we realize how stuck we had been. And we experience genuine joy over our discovery that we can be someone different.

Today is a fresh start on being who I want to be, free of any defect.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance*

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January 13

We can’t really forgive another until first we have forgiven ourselves.

~Tian Dayton

Forgiveness is not merely something that occurs in one dramatic moment, ending long enmity or separation. Forgiveness is a state of mind we can cultivate each day to clarify, enliven, and sustain our relationships to one another and ourselves.

Self-forgiveness, far more effectively than self-punishment, allows us to change. When we forgive ourselves for actions we may have taken or been unable to take in the past, our spirits lighten.

Without focusing on shame or guilt, we’re freer to choose new approaches and make amends by truly changing some of the ways we relate to others. And when we don't harbor grievances, but instead acknowledge our feelings honestly and let go of them quickly, we walk through the day without the heavy burden of resentment.

A forgiving state of mind produces healing in our torn connections with ourselves, other people, and our Higher Power. It increases a sense of our worth and the worth of others. It opens the door to lightness and joyfulness. It nourishes love. It makes room for the new.

Today, I keep forgiveness in my heart and mind.

Today's reading is from the book Glad Day

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January 14

Off the Hook

We can learn not to get hooked into unhealthy, self-defeating behaviors in relationships - behaviors such as caretaking, controlling, discounting ourselves, and believing lies.

Someone may stand before us and hint or sigh about a problem, knowing or hoping that hint or sigh will hook us into taking care of him or her. That is manipulation.

We can learn to insist that people ask us directly for what they want and need.

If someone wants something from us, insist that the person ask us directly for it. Require the same from ourselves. If someone baits the hook, we don’t have to bite it.

Today, I will be aware of the hooks that snag me into the caretaking acts that leave me feeling victimized. I will ignore the hints, looks, and words that hook me, and wait for the directness and honesty I, and others, deserve.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*

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January 15

Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force, that thoughts rule the world.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

So much in our world is not pretty. So many awful things happen to innocent people. So many bad people seem to be in controlling situations. But are these people really bad, or are they blind? Are they filled with evil, or are they empty of spirituality, blind to spiritual truth?

As we grow older and more sophisticated, we often grow hard. We can become "realistic" in looking at misery and injustice. Something in us says, "So be it" - as if there were no other way it could be. We stop looking and so choose blindness.

But "So be it" can mean something else. It can mean we have recognized that the state of our world is a reflection of the state of human spirituality. It can mean we have decided to throw our weight against submission to the kind of thinking that accepts the unacceptable. "So be it" can be our declaration of war against spiritual blindness.

In an effort to see clearly, I will speak out against injustice, and I will applaud beauty.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

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January 16

It is much more difficult to judge oneself than to judge others. If you succeed in judging yourself rightly, then you are indeed a person of wisdom.

~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Judging ourselves rightly gives us a huge edge in life. When we really know ourselves - our strengths and our weaknesses, our quirks and our beauty - then we are ready to really live.

In Steps Four and Five, we judge ourselves. In Step Four, we dig through all the stuff we carry around - our feelings, thinking, behavior, and skills - and judge what to keep and what to leave behind. In Step Five, we tell another person what we have found and make sure we are judging rightly.

Once we really know what helps and what hurts us, we can make wise choices. Once we know how we help and hurt others, we can make wise choices. Working the rest of the Steps helps us follow through on our choices. As we work Steps Six through Twelve, we become wiser and wiser.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, please help me become wise by really knowing myself.
Today's Action

Today I will make myself wiser by working on Step Four or Step Ten. I will write down at least two things I am carrying around, and I will tell them to my sponsor.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me: More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple*

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January 17

I look in the mirror through the eyes of the child that was me.

~Judy Collins

It's been said that the primary task of a parent is to awaken the spirit of the child. Many of us were raised by parents who did anything but that. Indeed, their actions may have broken our spirits.

As parents ourselves, we have another chance. We have a child within us who remembers pain that a child should never have to feel. And we have a child inside who remembers innocence and joy. The view of the joyful, innocent child is the gift we can give our children. We can give them the gentleness, respect, and empathy they deserve. We do not live through our children; they are separate people with lives of their own. But we can awaken their spirits by showing them the unconditional love that we feel for them and that they long to receive from us.

I treat myself well. I’m able to treat my children well. I am learning to give myself and my children the care and understanding needed to nurture our spirits.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart

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January 18

K.I.S.S.

Keep it simple, stupid!

~Anonymous

When we were using, our addicted minds were too clever for their own good. They told us lies. They told us that we knew things we didn't, that we were strong when we weren't. The addicted mind tried to analyze recovery and find its fatal flaws. That way it could return to addiction with all the reasons why the program can't and shouldn't work. But the program doesn't have its foundation in this type of reasoning. Its foundation is faith, and faith defies reason. Reason is complicated. Faith is very simple.

Our addictions are clever, baffling, powerful, and very patient. Our program disciplines this addiction with the simple truth. We fight the addiction with honesty. Our program has revealed to us that truth is not complicated. It is simple. We should not dress the truth up in fancy clothes.

I want to keep it simple, just as it is. I won't use my clever mind to twist the truth. My program tells me that I need to keep it simple, just as I found it.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It: A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations*

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January 19

What I spent, I lost; what I possessed is left to others; what I gave away remains with me.

~Anonymous

They say money talks. And so it does. The amount of time we spend trying to acquire money and the things it can buy speaks volumes about our spiritual state. We use money to gauge our success, to measure our community standing, to give us a sense of security. And then we wonder at the emptiness we feel. There may be coins in our pockets, but they can't buy our spiritual needs.

As we look for fulfillment elsewhere, the importance of money recedes. We begin to treasure quiet times with friends and family - and with our Higher Power. We thrive on sharing our experience, strength, and hope with those who have none. We feel rewarded when we brighten someone's moment with a smile. We come to see that we are enriched by what we give, not by what we have.

Today I look for a chance to give to someone in need because this is how I grow spiritually wealthy.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery*

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January 20

I have a dream!

~Martin Luther King Jr.

During our addiction, maybe we dreamed of joy and laughter with our family - only to find tears and anger. Maybe we dreamed of respect at our job - only to be fired. Our dreams began to feel like burdens. We had lost hope.

With recovery, the hope starts to return. We start to trust ourselves again. We start to trust others again. We start to trust in our Higher Power. Over time, we even dare to dream again. In our dreams, we are loving people. We have something to offer others. We are not scared. This is a sign that hope is returning. We fall in love again with the world, our Higher Power, and ourselves.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, thank You for giving back my future. Thank You for giving back my dreams.
Action for the Day

Today I'll tell my dreams to a friend. Do my future dreams include improving myself through the program?

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal*

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January 21

To affect the quality of the day - that is the highest of the arts.

~Henry David Thoreau

We are the sculptors of our day. We can mold it creatively into a wonderful masterpiece. We control the amount of moisture we mix into our clay. We pound it, shape it, stroke it, love it.

Others can offer suggestions, and we gain new perspectives from their advice, but it is finally our own creation. Our knife may occasionally slip, or our mixture of earth may be too dry. Any great artist suffers temporary setbacks. Besides, imperfections in art often make it all the more interesting.

How creative can I be in my life today?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families*

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January 22

Take time for solitude. How else can you contemplate the blessings of recovery?

~Abby Warman

Is it human nature to focus on what we lack? We waste many precious hours, hours that can never be recaptured, bemoaning what we think we deserve. While it's true that what we get may not be what we want, the circumstances that have come our way snugly fit God’s plan for our unfolding lives.

It's far more productive to spend our quiet times acknowledging the array of gifts we have received. Perhaps we need help from a sponsor or a friend to discover that we have not been shortchanged in this life. If we always gaze upon others, comparing their blessings to our own, we'll never come to believe that each of us receives what is truly necessary to our personal growth. We are where we need to be. Let’s practice gratitude.

I am grateful. I sometimes forget that God is in charge of my life. I will remember and pay special attention to the gifts I'm given today.

Today's reading is from the book A Woman's Spirit: More meditations for Women*

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January 23

I imagine that God speaks to me, saying simply, "I kept calling to you, and you did not come." And I answer quite naturally, "I couldn't until I knew there was nowhere else to go."

~Florida Scott-Maxwell

We are willful. We worship guts and individual determination. A man wants to do things in the way that he devises for himself, and it may not occur to him to open himself up to a Higher Power. Yet our Higher Power is always there, calling to us.

There is a paradox in this spiritual lesson: more genuine strength and more options are in our hands when we let go of our willful, controlling attitudes. This is the secret wisdom of a man who has learned from experience. The young, unseasoned man tries to control everything and push on things that he cannot budge. The wiser, more experienced man says, "I see the limits of what is mine to change, and I can let my Higher Power take care of the things I cannot change."

Today, I will notice those concerns that I cannot fix, and I will let them go. Then I will focus on a few areas where I can make a difference.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

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January 24

AA Thought for the Day

To grasp the AA program, we have to think things out. Saint Paul said: "They are transformed by the renewing of their minds." We have to learn to think straight. We have to change from alcoholic thinking to sober thinking. We must build up a new way of looking at things. Before we came into AA, we wanted an artificial life of excitement and everything that goes with drinking. That kind of a life looked normal to us then. But as we look back now, that life looks the exact opposite of normal. In fact, it looks most abnormal. We must re-educate our minds. Am I changing from an abnormal thinker to a normal thinker?
Meditation for the Day

I will take the most crowded day without fear. I believe that God is with me and controlling all. I will let confidence be the motif running through the crowded day. I will not get worried, because I know that God is my helper. Underneath are the everlasting arms. I will rest in them, even though the day be full of things crowding in on me.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be calm and let nothing upset me. I pray that I may not let material things control me and choke out spiritual things.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day: A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life*

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January 25

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

What good qualities lie within us? How do we choose to use them today? These simple questions point our way. Yet on some days it seems so easy to get swept along with thoughts of future pain. And when we are not worrying about the future, we may fall into regrets about the past.

Either way, we are distracted from our only opportunity to make a real difference - to be the kind of men we want to be in this moment, to learn from today's experiment in living.

On this day, I will walk a little slower and will listen closely to the messages within me.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*

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January 26

Unbecoming

Glennon Doyle has said, "Recovery is an unbecoming." I love that. There are many definitions of unbecoming. One is an adjective that means "not flattering, fitting, suitable, or appropriate." Or it can be a verb that means "unraveling, investigating and solving something, understanding or explaining our beliefs." Sometimes, it's an undoing. Other times, it’s exploration and slow unwinding of layers. In some cases, unbecoming can be perfectionistic, harsh, critical.

The process of becoming includes unbecoming the person we thought we were. Unbecoming who society thought I should be, who I thought I had to be, who my friends needed me to be. It's about unbecoming someone who is dependent on substances or work or the approval of others to become someone who is self-reliant in her recovery. We can begin unbecoming and then start the process of becoming, or maybe we start becoming first. It’s a cycle; it's not linear. We don't have to fully unbecome to become.

Who will you unbecome so you can become you?

Today's reading is from the book She Recovers Every Day: Meditations for Women*

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January 27

Being able to be wrong

We had to compete with everyone, sometimes subtly, sometimes less subtly. We always had to be right; to be wrong seemed unbearable. We could never seem to bring ourselves to say simply, "I was wrong." We were afraid of what would happen to us if we did. Our egos were very fragile; we were never as strong as we had led ourselves to believe.

We came to discover, however, that real strength comes from being able to be wrong and from being willing to change our ways of thinking and living.

Can I face being wrong and learn from it?

Higher Power, help me realize each day that it is okay to be wrong, that real communication with other people depends on my being willing to see other points of view, and that being teachable is a divine quality.

Today I will handle being wrong by...

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts*

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January 28

Leave No One Behind

In the military, you hear, "Leave no one behind." But the reality is, we get left behind all the time. Especially women.

I was left behind. I was left behind by poor leadership. I was left behind by female NCOs, and I was left behind by my command. I think this plays a huge role in how women feel when they get out of the military.

Even as an employee of the VA now, I've often closed myself off to female veterans, so I've had to work really hard to open myself up and connect with them. Now that I have, I've made some incredible relationships. The women are amazing. I wasn't taught that as a woman in the military, so I know it's hard for women vets to get support. But there are so many resources out there for women who are having difficulty getting back in the world.

Since I opened myself up to women veterans - especially the older ones - I've learned so much and gotten so much compassion in return.

Today I am committed to leaving no woman veteran behind. Today I will offer a helping hand, a listening ear, compassion, and support.

~Berlynn F., U.S. Marine Corps, 2009?2011

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*

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January 29

Reflection for the Day

Why do I do what I do? Why did I say what I said? Why on earth did I put off an important responsibility? Questions like these, best asked of myself in a quiet time of meditation, demand honest answers. I may have to think deeply for those answers, going beyond the tempting rationalizations that lack the luster of truth. Have I accepted the fact that self-deception can only damage me, providing a clouded and unrealistic picture of the person I really am?
Today I Pray

May my Higher Power allow me to push aside my curtain of fibs, alibis, rationalizations, justifications, distortions, and downright lies and let in the light on the real truths about myself. May I meet the person I really am and take comfort in the person I can become.
Today I Will Remember

Hello, Me. Meet the real Me.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People*

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January 30

Asking for help is the first step to healthy living.

By admitting to our friends that we don't know what we should do about the many confusing, sometimes scary circumstances in our lives, we open the door for our Higher Power to reach us. That's often the way help comes to us. At times we'll open a book and an inspiring passage will jump out, or we’ll wake up feeling as if God has answered us in our dreams. But more frequently and vividly, our help is in the gentle words of a friend.

Many of us postponed getting help because we dreaded asking for it. We thought that asking for help would make us look weak and uninteresting. We so wanted to be liked and admired that we pretended all was well, while in reality all was awful. It's a profound relief to share our burdens with other people. And the best part is, we'll get needed guidance.

I won't be afraid to cry "help" today. My Higher Power can help only if I'm open to it.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance*

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January 31

We have been doing the wrong things for the right reasons.

~Codependent No More

Caretaking: the act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves. When we instinctively feel responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort, and destiny of others, we are caretakers. We may believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we're responsible for theirs.

It's a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But caretaking is neglecting ourselves to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsibility for themselves.

Caretaking doesn't work. It hurts other people; it hurts us. People get angry. They feel hurt, used, and victimized. So do we.

The kindest and most generous behavior we can choose is taking responsibility for ourselves - for what we think, feel, want, and need. The most beneficial act we can perform is to be true to ourselves, and let others take responsibility for themselves.

Today, I will pay attention to my actual responsibilities to myself. I will let others do the same. If I am in doubt about what my actual responsibilities are, I will take an inventory.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*