Go Back To The Steps

[MajestyJo]

Go back to the Steps. Go back to the Step.

When we don't know what to do next, when we feel confused, upset, distraught, at the end of our rope, overwhelmed, full of self-will, rage, or despair, go back to the Steps.

No matter what situation we are facing, working a Step will help. Focus on one, trust your instincts, and work it.

What does it mean to work a Step? Think about it. Meditate on it. Instead of focusing on the confusion, the problems, or the situation causing our despair or rage, focus on the Step.

Think about how that Step might apply. Hold on to it. Hang on as tightly as we hang on to our confusion or the problem.

The Steps are a solution. They work. We can trust them to work.

We can trust where the Steps will lead us.

When we don't know what step to take next, take on of the Twelve.

Today I will concentrate on using the Twelve Steps to solve problems and keep me in balance and harmony. I will work a Step to the best of my ability. I will learn to trust the Steps, and rely on them instead of on my protective, codependent behaviours.

Melody Beattie - Language of Letting Go

Quote:

God would give me just enough light for the step I am on...that I would learn to walk by faith.
I read this quote on another site. I had never heard it put this way before. I found it to be very empowering. When I am stuck, I know I can surrender in the moment, accept what is in the moment, and ask for help and it will be given to me.

It is my personal belief that the Light comes in at the point of surrender. I can't, God can, and I have to ask for His help. I have to follow it up with action.

Surrender is a Principle of Step One for me. God brought me here, and gives me the tools to stay here, one day at a time.


Posted on another site on August 2010

In all times of trouble and despair, in good times and bad, because it all deals with feeling and emotions, I need to go back to the steps.

Don't call them problems, look at them as challenges. Problems we can stay stuck in, challenges we can overcome.

[MajestyJo]

Believe In Miracles

http://www.angelwinks.net/images/mot12.jpg

"When things have gone wrong,
as they sometimes will do,
Or an obstacle
suddenly pops into view,
You've got to believe
This is merely a stop
And eventually you're bound
to come out on top...
So whatever you do,
Just Don't Quit!"

By...Emily Matthews

[MajestyJo]

Today's Reminder: Each of the Twelve Steps challenges me to be absolutely honest with myself. They will make me ready to accept the help of my Higher Power in restoring myself to the wholesome sanity of a mature, reasonable adult.

"The Twelve Steps will point a way to God and His infinite wisdom, by which I hope always to be guided."

Sept. 21 ODAT in Al-Anon

...Twelve Steps challenges me to be absolutely honest with myself. They will make me ready to accept the help of my Higher Power...


This part stuck out for me. It wasn't only about finding my God, but it was about asking for help. It wasn't a just about the journey to find my God but about finding myself.

I was very broke and fragmented when I came into recovery. Thanks to the 12 Steps, I was made whole.

For many years, I looked outside of myself for something that would make me feel better. I used people, places and things, looking and searching for something that would fill the empty space inside. Through the 12 Steps, I was able to find spiritual food to fill the void.

In today, my God utilizes people, places and things to show me a better way of living.

Coming from both sides of the street, I heard people say, "Everything you need to know is in the Big Book." My experience, strength and hope came from the 12 Steps.

As I heard one person say many years ago, "I came, I came to, and I came to believe that the program would work for me too."

In order for it to work for me, I had to take my eyes off of the addict and stop taking his/her inventory. I had to take my own. Instead of looking outside of myself or at someone else to blame who I felt cause me shame, I had to look at my own thoughts and actions. Some of it was very shameful all on it's own without anyone else's help.

The screaming shrew found serenity. The first class b*tch became a person people wanted to be around. The always complaining nag found acceptance and lowered her expectations of her self and her addict(s). The supposedly good Christian woman became spiritual and learned to care for others.

They became a way of life. They are a living program. It is one day at a time. Life didn't get better, I did.

This was originally posted in 2011.

I am still of the same mind, the 12 Steps are a recovery tool, no matter what fellowship you belong to.

http://www.angeleyes1.com/platinum6/pictures/images/re/h26.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Thank you for sharing, I will try to remember everything, the heat is really getting to me.

One I was brought up in the Gospel Halls, but also went to the Baptist Church and on occasions taken to the Roman Catholic Church which terrified me just entering the door.

When I say dangerous, it was because it was my perception of what I heard and what I interrupted things to mean. I got a lot of mixed messages and I walked in fear my whole life. Made the decision to be hung as a sheep instead of a lamb and found myself attracted to the big bad wolves all the time.

The church is made up of people, the same as the fellowships of recovery. Some people make the church and the fellowship look bad. Many times I looked and said, if that is Christianity, I don't want it. If that is recovery, I don't want it. As my sponsor said to me in early recovery, "You will learn two things going to a meeting/service, how to work your program and how not to work your program.

Even the Bible (new versions) and the Big Book are written by man, both were divinely inspired. I am not too keen on the new versions of the Bible, a lot is left to interpretation, and when you have the dis-ease of addiction, it is amazing what you can read into the words.

When I first went to AA, I had no identification for me what so ever. It would have been good for my dad and my ex-husband. I tried my way for 8 years my way, and my way didn't work. I came to the conclusion that my problem was men. I had no desire to quit drinking or to quit smoking. As they say, you can frighten an alcoholic. I was 7 years sober before I decided I wanted to be a clear clean channel and quit smoking. I lost 3 pounds instead of gaining weight by going to NA.

I am sure AA saved my life. They loved me back to good health. I wanted the world to stop and let me get off. They loved me until I could love myself. I used my Bible the first year of recovery. I got to a place where I didn't know who God was and was questioning God. I knew Jesus loved me, was brought up knowing that. I had to go on a personal spiritual quest to find out who God was to me and to build a personal relationship with the God of my understandiing. Not the God someone told me to believe in, not the God someone said He was or was not, but who He was to me. My God as He reveals Himself to me in today, keeps me clean and sober in today.

By working the 12 Steps (don't knock them if you haven't honestly tried them), they bring a closer walk with my God and a deeper understanding of myself. They work if you work them. They are not a one time deal, they are a way of life. They are a tool of life. You take the words off the pages of the literature and apply it to your life. Even the words in the Bible mean nothing if you don't live them. They are called spiritual principles. You can talk a good story, but if you don't live it, it means nothing. God knows.

For several months, I thought of going back to church. I realized that I had no problems going there. I have the same problem with going to church as I have getting to a meeting, my health, be it mental, emotional, and or physical.

LOL! The church doesn't teach anyone about keeping sober, it tells them to drink and serves up the wine. Yet there is the little issue of those of us who can't drink safely. An alcoholic doesn't metabolize the alcohol the way other people do.

http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/AA72/AA72.htm

I have no problem with anyone who drinks alcohol as long as he/she isn't one of those people who where the t-shirt that says, "Instant A$$hole, just add alcohol."

Congratulations on your 24 years sober. I have 23 year of sobriety, thanks to AA.

My sponsor told me that I had to work on my emotional sobriety each day. Sobriety meant soundness of mind. I can be sober and not have soundness of mind. I can be sober and act out in my old behaviours, habits, and thinking. The 12 Steps help me to deal with these, bring out stuff that was buried and hidden, and when I bring them out of the darkness into the light, they are healed.

I believe there is ONE God who answers to all. The Spirit of God resides in us all when we surrender, reach out and ask in Jesus Name for help.

As my sponsor said, "Religion and Spirituality are not the same thing. Those of us who have both are truly blessed. My religious belief enhances my spirituality and my spirituality enhances my religious beliefs.

Not sure if you want or need more, or if I have forgotten something, please continue to ask.

[MajestyJo]

Did not want to quit drinking, but knew it was a part of the picture. I was in total denial about being an alcoholic. I wanted what they had, so I said I was and alcoholic, and brought the body, and hoped that I would find their secret. I found out that my addiction to pills were like dried up alcohol. I could identify. I found that substitution doesn't work and it isn't the substance, it is the thinking behind the dis-ease.

What was it that made me look for something outside of myself to make me feel better?

I remained in total denial for 2 years. I did not drink. I did not use, but my mind left that window open for me to reach out and have that little glass of wine, that won't hurt me because I don't have a problem you know. I believe it is called self-justification.

Finally at 2 years sober I had a dream. It was very vivid and removed all traces of denial. As I watched myself, I realized that I couldn't act the way I did and be sober even though I walked a straight line.

I walked into the Royal Canadian Legion, Br. 470 in shoes with 3" red heals and a big red bow. I walked ug p to the bar and ordered a drink of rye, it wasn't polite or friendly, even though the bartender was a long time friend. I added the Coca-Cola from the machine, and turned and check out the room to see who was going to be my first victim. I proceeded to play darts, cribbage, euchre, pool, in no specific order and often playing darts as it was my 'game' of choice. I was a first class b*tch, a braggart, a person who took hostages instead of friends, and thought herself the cat's meow. She played for drinks, but often refused but gave off the attitude, if I did, I would whop your butt, she was not a very nice person.

I asked myself, "If you aren't an alcoholic, what are you? I didn't want to know! So I kept going to AA. I also went to Adult Children of Alcoholics. I was so glad that I had gone to AA first, or I would have remained in my denial and might have not stayed sober and died. I could so relate to their material, and it was like looking in a mirror. I knew I needed to be in AA. It was reality, in case I got mixed up in denial in the future.

The 12 Steps are a firm foundation for recovery. It started in AA but is applicable to all Fellowships. I went to a Sex Anonymous meeting and found out I did not qualify. I did have to go for Sexual Assault counselling at 15 years sober. What I had done on my 4th and 5th Steps were not enough. I had too much buried, and I need time to work on it and had to go for outside help. For me, going to church is outside help and helps give me spiritual food. I can get it at any church if I am willing to listen. A lot depends on the lesson given, a lot depends on whether it is old news or new. It is about how do I live in today. Jesus showed us the way, I loved those bumper stickers, "What would Jesus do?" I wanted how many ask the question and wait for the answer.

[MajestyJo]

Wrote a post and lost it, so had to rewrite the one above.

Second time around, I think I forgot to answer your question about the book.


Read: 12 Steps to Destruction http://psychoheresy-aware.org/12stepsbk_online.html

One reason is, I am not interested. Two, I don't have a credit card and don't buy ANYTHING and do not do business with my bank online. 3) I am a student of Melody Beattie and her books, "The Language of Letting Go, Codependent No More, and Beyond Codependency." I read the preface of Codependent No More and ran to the nearest Al-Anon meeting because we didn't have a CoDA meeting near me. Always wanted to start one, but always had too much on my plate.

The way I see it, and have seen it, I was raise a Christian, I was a good Christian girl and woman. Being a Christian, didn't stop me from becoming an alcoholic or an addict.

I was saved at Bible Camp at 10 years old. I went home, wondered what I was missing when others took communion and I couldn't, and after communion, I decided to check it out and there was a silver goblet with about 2" of real red wine in it, and I drank it, or you can say I stole it. I always remembered the feeling I got when it hit bottom. I had that instant "AHHHHHHHHH" feeling, and I looked for it the rest of my life. I didn't steal any more wine, but when I was baptized at 14, I was legalized to have some. I can remember the feeling and I can remember trying to take a gulp and make it look like a sip. Totally sacrilegious, but back then, I didn't know. At 16, I was put in the hospital because of continuing head ache and stomach ache. They couldn't find out what was causing them. They gave me an internal. They decided that I had a nervous disorder and put me on Valium. I firmly it was that taste of alcohol that kept triggering my disease and my body was screaming for more, but I didn't know.

I certainly had a nervous traumatic experience at the hospital. I was 16, a country girl living on a 199 farm, one acre given to the township to build a school, and I had no experience of life. I was put on an open ward next to a 90 year old lady who had broken her hip, this was 56 years ago. She was always moaning and the nurses ignored her and she wanted a drink so I got up to give her a drink of water. The sheets moved and showed her hip, with the skin healed over the bone swinging freely back and forth, not attached. She must have been in excruciating pain and I couldn't figure out why the nurses were not helping her.

From then on pills were a big part of my life. My husband ran around with other women and introduced them to me. He was with another woman the night our son was born and left to move in with her when our son was 2 months old. When our separation papers went through, my sister and I went to the Liquor store, neither of had ever been to one, I was 25 and she was 21 and we tossed a coin to see who would to in and buy a mickey of rye to celebrate. I lost and I went in, and I continued to be the one to continue to go in. The times between got shorter and the bottles got bigger. I took two 222s at bed time to alleviate a hang over.

I had the instant thinking and reaction. Over the years I chased them and my drug of choice became more.

In AA, I found out that I could take those more feeling to my God and He could help me, I didn't find that out in church. I found out that forgiveness was unconditional and I didn't have to pay for my disease for the rest of my life.

I got the freedom of recovery. I got the freedom from active addiction. I got the freedom to be myself. I got the freedom of Love, my God Loves me no matter where I am at in my recovery, His Love is Unconditional.

Sobriety is in today. Just for today, I choose not to use and abuse myself or others. Just for today, I choose to be clean and sober. Just for today, I choose not to use food, work, gambling, relationships, pills, etc. to replace my drug of choice. Just because I don't use my drug of choice, that doesn't make me sober. That is kind of hard for me, because my drug of choice was always more. More of what I am having, more of what you are having (unless you are drinking beer hated beer, can't be an alcoholic), and anything else that comes my way. I used hash when I was about 29, didn't know what it was, but it was there. Didn't find out what it was until I came into recovery at 49.

Sorry to be so long winded, my fingers just keep on walking. Did I miss anything?

It may not be on paper, but that never really mattered to me. Most of my recovery came out of the mouth of a recovering alcoholic and addict who went before me and showed me the way.

[MajestyJo]

So many people class it as 'church' when in fact it is religion itself, no matter what church it comes out of.

I had a Jehovah Witness tell me, "Well you haven't read our Bible." I went to a Roman Catholic Church only to find they had a different Bible and somethings were just not mentioned. It is amazing, how so much is taken out of text to say what someone wants to say. We can have selective hearing, tunnel vision, wear rose coloured glasses, see only what we want to see and if we don't like it reject it and blame it on the devil.

How can it be right to go to church, seek penance and forgiveness and go back out and do the exact same thing again as soon as they leave the church, especially when it comes to abuse, not only of alcohol and drugs, but to family and friends. It is our disease, but we are responsible for our actions. Amends isn't saying, "I am sorry, it is about changing and learning how to not do it again, and changing the attitude and not WANTING to do it again.


2 Corinthians 8:21New International Version (NIV)

21 For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of man.

Most people say it is okay with God, God made them do it, or the Devil made them do it, which is generally total blasphemy.

In AA, they say you need to get honest, especially self honesty. Not only about your alcoholism and your disease (It is an illness, an allergy of the body and an obsessive compulsive disorder of the mind and there is no cure, just a daily reprieve). You need to keep an open mind about your life, just because you have been doing things for 10, 20, 30, or in my case 70 years, doesn't make it right. I am open to new experiences especially of the spiritual kind. I also need to be willing, not only willing to be sober, but willing to change. I don't want to be the old me. She is no more.

I was about 18 months sober and I told my friend that now that I was sober, there was nothing wrong with me and I didn't need to do a 4th and 5th Step. She proceeded to take my inventory for me. She had a list of about 8 items on the paper. I went home and added more and when I took it to my sponsor, and she said, "That is all negative, now balance it out with some positive. They were hard to find with my eyes.

How it works, Chapter 5 in the Big Book.

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=359

Have you seen the following post on how to work the Steps on a spiritual level. The Steps need to be worked on the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual levels.

http://www.bluidkiti.com/forums/showthread.php?t=276

In closing, I would like to say that "God" was this BIG being out there, making the world go around, and I wasn't too sure He always had time for me or if He even wanted to if I went by the teaching I heard at church.

He was this Big Being that wasn't always reachable. Maybe my mind was small, and my belief was less than a mustard seed, I don't know, but I always believed that I was never unsaved. When I went to AA, and found the Spiritual aspect of the program, I was able to bring God down to a level that was reachable and approachable. He was no longer Anonymous. He was as He/She/It revealed themselves to me in today.

As you may have perhaps He is Good Orderly Direction and Divine Orderly Good, She is when I need Tender Loving Care and Good Orderly Direction if I get lost, and It which is the Spirit within that I need to get in touch with, and connect to my God, speak to Him, and ask for what I need and listen to that still small voice that says Yeah or Nay. For me it is the Holy Spirit that made me whole. I was very fragmented, and empty shell, a void inside that needed to be filled with spiritual things.

That is why I lost 3 lbs instead of gaining 30 lbs. when I quit smoking and went to NA.