Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2023

[bluidkiti]

January 2

Quote of the Week

"If I’m feeling hysterical, it must be historical."

Before recovery, I often wondered why little things caused such big reactions in me. I was often filled with rage when somebody drove too slowly, or I hurt for days over someone’s negative comments about me. Other things that didn’t go my way often caused oversized reactions, leaving me confused and resentful. I suffered many painful emotional hangovers from these events, and this only fueled my drinking—which led to a different kind of hangover.

By doing my Step work, I began to untangle the strings of my emotional past. Through journaling and inventories, I learned to look beyond these events and to the real causes of my feelings. What I uncovered were the old wounds and hurts from long ago, the historical causes and conditions of my hysterical reactions. Once I recognized that events were merely buttons triggering old feelings, my real emotional recovery began.

Today, I recognize uncomfortable feelings for what they are: guides into emotional areas that still need healing. I use questions to help me deal with these old wounds. “What is really behind this reaction?” “What can I do, right now, to soothe myself?” Where is the path to recovery here?” These kinds of questions are the tools I use to help me heal, and so avoid the bigger-than-life reactions that used to make my life unmanageable. Today, I uncover, discover, and discard those old hurts.

[bluidkiti]

January 9

Quote of the Week

"Listen for the similarities, not the differences."

Before my first-ever meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was scared and didn’t know what to expect. My friend made this suggestion to me, and it allowed me to pay closer attention; it also helped me to identify and see how I might fit in. I kept listening for the similarities during other meetings I attended, and each time I did I recognized pieces of myself, and I heard my story come out of the mouths of others. Soon I knew I belonged.

In addition to identifying with others in this way, I also saw the similarities in the different stages of recovery that people went through. Each time members shared their experience of using the Twelve Steps to meet life on life’s terms, I saw how my own journey of recovery would soon mirror theirs, and this gave me the strength to begin dealing with some difficult situations in my own life. Seeing others recover through the program also filled me with the hope that I would recover also.

Like many of the lessons I’ve learned in the program, I now apply this one in all areas of my life. Listening for the similarities in other people’s experience—at work, at home, and in relationships—has increased my empathy for others, as well as myself. Doing this has helped me feel not only a part of the program, but a part of life again as well. Today, I’m quick to see how my experience and life journey are similar to others, which helps keep me connected, humble, and happy.

[bluidkiti]

January 16

Quote of the Week

"If you don’t have hope, then death is just a formality."

Before recovery, my life was spiraling out of control, and each area just got worse and worse. I didn’t have a job, and I didn’t want one; I had no intimate relationships, and even my casual friends had stopped calling. Worse perhaps was that I had lost hope of my future ever getting better. In some of the darker hours, death didn’t seem so bad. . . .

For a while, the only glimmer of hope I had came from the first few drinks I took. This instant euphoria didn’t last, however, and soon I was once again mired in the pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization of my alcoholic bottom. Standing at a jumping-off place, I could either continue to spiral down, or I could reach out for help. It was only when I finally surrendered that some hope began to return.

I first saw this hope on the faces of people in meetings, and I heard it in their stories. One by one, I heard stories of fearful bottoms and of lives now reborn. It was exhilarating to witness the miracles taking place in their lives. Soon I believed there might be a miracle waiting for me, too. As I stuck around and worked the program, I found that I had begun to live again. Considering where I had come from, that was the miracle I had been waiting for.

[bluidkiti]

January 23

Quote of the Week

"The First Step is the only Step a person can work perfectly."

I have been a perfectionist most of my life, but I didn’t realize it. When I’d start something, I would do it slowly, carefully. If it started going wrong, or not to my perfectionist standards, I’d quit. Because of this, I just thought I was a quitter, a failure. When I look back on my life before recovery, I see a string of projects, goals, and opportunities started, but rarely finished. Driven by an obsessive need to be perfect, I had a low opinion of my accomplishments and entered recovery with low expectations for success there as well.

When I read through the Twelve Steps for the first time, my perfectionism kicked in. Reading Steps Two and Three, I already felt defeated because I had very mixed feelings about God. Reading Step Nine made me want to give up, as there was no way I could make complete amends without declaring bankruptcy and going to prison. I was ready to go back out until I told my sponsor my feelings. He reassured me that nobody works the Steps perfectly, and that is why we strive for “progress, not perfection.” He told me that the only thing we do perfectly is work Step One and stay sober one day at a time. I told him that was something I could try to do.

Over the years, I’ve come to see how important following Step One is. While I may not do the rest of the Steps perfectly, as long as I’m sober, I have a chance to do them better tomorrow. Giving up the obsessive need to work my program perfectly has allowed me to persevere and do it to the best of my ability at that time. And as I do, I get better in every way, which allows me to continue growing in sobriety. My recovery continues to be a work in progress, and it starts by being perfect where I can—with Step One.

[bluidkiti]

January 30

Quote of the Week

"Welcome to A.A., the place where you grow up in public."

After a few months in the program, I began hearing people share that their emotional development stopped at the age they started drinking. They said they felt as if they had the coping skills, and the emotional responses to situations and people, that they had when they were teenagers—or younger. I was seventeen when I started drinking, and I, too, felt baffled by how to deal with people, places, and things. Many of my reactions were that of a selfish and self-centered adolescent.

When I started working the Steps, I heard another saying that people also felt as if they had missed that day at school when they handed out the instruction manual to life. I really related to that. The good news, my sponsor assured me, was that the Twelve Steps would provide the best instruction ever, and that I only had to be rigorously honest and willing throughout the process. As I uncovered, discovered, and discarded my old self, and built a relationship with my Higher Power, I began to grow up. But it wasn’t always pretty.

I made a lot of mistakes as I evolved and changed over the years. It was often embarrassing, and sometimes even a little humiliating, to admit my mistakes and some of my ongoing selfish thoughts and behaviors during meetings with other people. But the acceptance I found, the identification and support I received, made it safe to discover myself and grow into the man I am today. And the laughter! When I learned to laugh at myself, I learned to forgive myself. And that’s what made growing up in public possible, and even enjoyable at times.

[bluidkiti]

February 6

"A God small enough for me to understand wouldn’t be large enough for me to trust."

What a stumbling block the “God” thing was for me in the beginning of my recovery. Having a religious upbringing, I was afraid of God and after a while rejected the whole idea outright. I mean, how could there be a God if children got cancer and wars in His name still ravaged the world? And now I was told that my very life and recovery were dependent on my ability to forge a relationship with God? What was I going to do?

The key for me was reframing the “God concept” as simply a Power greater than myself. This put the mystery back in it for me, and suddenly I didn’t have to understand how God worked, and I didn’t have to explain anything either. My proof of God was now clear enough. God could do something that I alone couldn’t do, and that was relieve me of the desire to drink and use.

Today, my concept and understanding of God doesn’t get clearer, it gets more expansive. I’ve become more accepting of God’s will, and time and time again find that things often work out for the best—despite what I initially thought. I’ve stopped trying to explain who or what God is and know that the infinite reality of the divine will always be beyond my finite understanding. Today, I am able to live in faith.

[bluidkiti]

February 13

Quote of the Week

"Be as enthusiastic about your recovery as you were about your addiction."

When my sponsor asked me if I was willing to go to any lengths to get sobriety, I balked. I had been going to meetings for almost 60 days, and I had an idea what he meant. He was suggesting that I go to “ninety in ninety” meetings, get a home group, take commitments, write inventories, be willing to go on Twelve Step calls when it wasn’t convenient, and so on. Sounded like a lot of work to me. I wasn’t sure I could make that much of an open-ended commitment.

As I continued to resist the idea of going all in, he asked me about my drinking and drug use. He asked if I had been willing to do whatever—whenever it was necessary—to party, drink, and score drugs. “Oh, yeah!” came my enthusiastic reply. I then recounted many instances when I drove miles and miles, at all hours of the day or night, to get loaded. It didn’t matter if it was raining or hot, if I had to ride a bicycle, take a bus, or walk. I was totally committed to my addiction. After we finished talking, I got what he was driving at.

Once I dived into my recovery with the same level of commitment I devoted to drinking and using, things quickly turned around for me. I did get that home group and commitments, and very soon I learned to look forward to them. I made many fearless and thorough inventories, and I owned up to my side of the street. I soon experienced the freedom and hope that came from doing that. By becoming as enthusiastic about my recovery as I had been about my addiction, I became enthusiastic about my life again. And today, I still am.

[bluidkiti]

February 20

Quote of the Week

"You can’t fix your thinking with your thinking."

When I was new to recovery and the fog lifted a bit, I began to make plans for my life again. Now that I wasn’t drunk all the time, I suddenly thought of all the money I could make and how happy I would be in that new home I would someday buy on the beach. I began thinking about finding and marrying “her,” and thought that within a year I would have that perfect relationship. I was also convinced that I would have a bestseller published and would probably even be flying around the world as a circuit speaker in the program.

As I began sharing these thoughts with my sponsor, he suggested I concentrate on turning my will and my life over to God instead. When I tried arguing with him about how my vision for my future was probably better, he reminded me that my own best thinking got me to a seat in Alcoholics Anonymous. When I pointed out that I was sober now and that my thinking was clearer, he asked me what Step I was on. “Two,” I replied. “You might want to wait until you work all the Steps before you think about becoming a circuit speaker,” was his suggestion.

He also suggested that I not make any major changes in the first year, and I am so glad I took that advice. What I’ve found is that the more time in recovery I have, the more I don’t want what I thought I did. I now know that money, property, and prestige will never fill the hole I feel, and the answer I’m looking for won’t come from my own thinking. Today, I know that my really good ideas are rarely that, and that my best thinking is almost always centered on me. This will never bring me the results I truly want. Now I know that only God can fix my thinking and my life, and today, I let Him.

[bluidkiti]

February 27

Quote of the Week

"It is easier to resist the bait than to struggle on the hook."

I can’t tell you the number of times I swore I wasn’t going to drink. Then I’d begin reasoning that just one drink wouldn’t be so bad. In a matter of minutes, I’d rationalize those two drinks—okay, maybe three max—for an evening or party should be perfectly controllable. But once that first drink went down my throat, the phenomenon of craving took over, and then the allergy of the body left me utterly defenseless as to how much I would end up drinking. One drink, and I was hooked.

I didn’t know anything about alcoholism when I entered the rooms. I had no idea about the allergy or about the craving. And I especially couldn’t understand it when I heard people say, “It’s the first drink that gets you drunk.” But it’s the sixth or seventh drink that gets you drunk, I’d think. And that was when my sponsor had me do an inventory on my drinking career. Turns out, they were right.

I now know that, as an alcoholic, I cannot take that first drink. Even with years of recovery, I know that I am still defenseless against the disease, and that one drink would once again kick-start the allergy and the craving. My only hope is to resist the bait. I shiver to think what it would be like to be hooked again on the disease. It’s truly frightening. Today, I’m grateful that my spiritual condition gives me the strength to resist picking up that drink. It truly is easier to resist the bait than to struggle with active alcoholism.

[bluidkiti]

March 6

Quote of the Week

"The Power behind me is bigger than the problem in front of me."

In the past, I faced life alone. It was up to me to manage everything I had, to arrange things to get what I wanted, and to solve the problems I encountered. This was an exhausting task, and at times the mere thought of my current problems, or problems unforeseen, would overwhelm me, leaving me depressed and listless. How can I keep getting up in the morning feeling this way? was a thought I often had.

In the rooms of recovery, the first great relief I had came from the energy of the collective spirit I felt from all the people who had already recovered. Suddenly, I was no longer alone, and now I, too, had access to solutions and a new way of living and dealing with life. Most important of all, I discovered a Power greater than myself, and I grew to trust and rely upon this Power that I now call God.

Today, after years of trying and relying on this Power, I have the confidence that comes from faith, because I know that by relying on God’s solutions to my life and problems, I am always taken care of. Whenever I remember to include or turn to God for life’s answers, I am amazed and delighted by how problems melt, situations change, and my life flows like the river of peace I believe God is. Today, I have faith that the Power behind me is bigger than the problem in front of me.

[bluidkiti]

March 13

Quote of the Week

"If you are feeling far away from God, you are the one who moved."

I remember sitting in meeting after meeting hearing people describe their concept of God. The one that resonated with me the most wasn’t a God who caused or allowed good or bad things to happen, or who punished or rewarded behavior, but rather the concept of a peaceful river. One woman spoke of her God whose love and peace flowed like a river, and the river was always there. It was always available to her as a constant source of serenity, understanding, and forgiveness.

She shared that whenever she was feeling scared, agitated, or discontented, it was a sure sign that she had wandered away from the river of God. The further she strayed and got caught up in chasing people, property, or prestige, the worse she felt. Sometimes she traveled for days and would find herself lost, seemingly alone, and quite afraid.

During those times, she needed only to stop and listen for the distant sound of the river. Immediately she would make her way back, and as she drew closer, the familiar feelings of peace and comfort would return. Once she was back at the river’s edge, serenity returned, and she was filled with gratitude knowing that God’s grace and love were always available to her. For me, the presence of God is like this river. And I know that if I’m feeling far away from God, then I’m the one who has moved.

[bluidkiti]

March 20

Quote of the Week

"Meeting makers make it."

When I was ninety days sober, I saw a guy take a seven-year anniversary cake. He talked about how grateful he was, about his sponsor and sponsees, and how he still went to at least five meetings every week. I was appalled! Seven years sober and he still went to that many meetings?! In fact, still went to meetings at all? If he could go seven years without a drink, wasn’t he better by now?

After the meeting, I asked my sponsor how long I would have to go to meetings. He said I’d have to keep going until I wanted to go to meetings. This made no sense to me at the time because going to meetings didn’t seem to be an option, but rather an obligation. I knew that if I didn’t go, then I’d soon be drinking and using again. I also harbored the idea that one day I would graduate. I’d learn how to control the urge to drink and would be normal again. I soon learned differently.

The longer I went to meetings, the more I discovered that those people celebrating anniversaries for longer-term sobriety were the same ones who consistently went to meetings. The other people whom I saw occasionally, and then stopped seeing, eventually went out. And that’s when I made the connection: Meeting makers make it. I realized that to retain the sense of ease and comfort I’d found, I needed to keep receiving the message of experience, strength, and hope I heard in meetings. Today, gratefully, I want to keep attending meetings, and now as an “old-timer,” I realize that by consistently making meetings, I’ve been able to keep making it.

[bluidkiti]

March 27

Quote of the Week

"If you don’t change, your sobriety date will."

When I was new, it was suggested that I begin making some changes. First, it was recommended that I go to ninety meetings in ninety days. Next, it was suggested I get a sponsor, read the first 164 pages of the Big Book, and start working the Steps. My sponsor also suggested I stop hanging around my drinking buddies—and not start dating for at least a year. A lot of my life was changing except the most important part: me.

For the first several months, I felt like I was auditing the program more than I felt like I was totally committed. The old me couldn’t wrap my head around the concept of never drinking again. When you told me I needed to be willing to go to any lengths to get what you had, I wasn’t sure what it was that you did have and wasn’t sure I wanted it. It’s no wonder that at ninety days, facing the Fourth Step, I chose to drink again.

Luckily I took your suggestion and kept coming back to meetings. I didn’t do it perfectly—I drank between meetings sometimes—but I did keep trying. Finally, someone I respected confronted me after my regular Saturday night meeting. I had raised my hand as a newcomer yet again, and afterward he got in my face. While everyone else had been understanding and encouraging, he had had enough. “Quite f@#king around!” he snapped at me. “This isn’t a game. You need to stay sober and work the program.” Well, that was the wake-up call I needed. I committed to the program and all the changes that were asked of me. And I haven’t had to change my sobriety date since.

[bluidkiti]

April 3

Quote of the Week

"What other people think of me is none of my business."

How much of my time and energy have I spent worrying about what other people think of me? “Too much,” is the short answer. Before recovery, I had few boundaries and little sense of self. How I felt about myself and my life was largely determined by whether other people approved of me or not. With no internal awareness, other people’s likes and dislikes, moods and opinions were the compass I used to evaluate and direct my emotional life. This exhausted me and contributed to the bottom that drove me into the program.

Thank God for recovery through the Twelve Steps. In particular, while writing my Fourth Step inventory, the “my part” fourth column, I found the freedom and encouragement to discover and validate my own feelings. This process continued as my sponsor helped me take the focus off others and taught me to look within for my own truth. At first this was an unfamiliar and uncomfortable process, but it was the only path to the security, confidence, and peace I had always craved.

Today, I’ve come to honor and welcome my feelings, and I now trust and rely on them as the ultimate validation for my sense of self. I recognize that other people have their own thoughts and opinions, and they are valid for them. But today, there is a boundary between the two, and my opinion and acceptance of myself are no longer linked to other people’s approval. Today, I enjoy the freedom and empowerment that come from respecting, and even loving, myself.

[bluidkiti]

April 10

Quote of the Week

"If I’m not the problem, then there is no solution."

When I came into the program, I had a lot of problems, and most of them were your fault. My girlfriend didn’t understand me, my boss didn’t appreciate me, the police didn’t like it when I drove after just a few drinks (I was fine!), and on and on. If everyone would just get off my back, then I’d be fine, I thought. After a while, I felt like the whole world was against me.

As I began working the program, I was introduced to the Fourth Step and was instructed to make a searching and fearless moral inventory. My sponsor showed me how to make a list of all the persons and institutions I resented. Finally, I could document how I had been wronged. Perfect! I thought. But then he slipped in a fourth column called “my part” and told me to include my role in all my resentments and interactions. Now, that was unfair, I thought.

With his help, however, and my willingness to be fearless and thorough, I was able to see that I did have a part in them all. And what a gift that turned out to be. I discovered that if it was all your fault—and I certainly couldn’t control or change you—then I would forever be a victim, and nothing would change. But if I took responsibility for my part, which was something I could control and change, then I was released from the bondage of resentment and was finally free to live a new and better life. Today, I understand the wisdom in this quote and choose to keep my side of the street clean.

[bluidkiti]

April 17

Quote of the Week

"My brain is like a photographer’s dark room; the only thing it develops is negative."

Toward the end of my drinking, I was as much addicted to negative thinking as I was drugs and alcohol. Alcoholism robbed me of hope and took away possibilities of happiness, and the only snapshots of the future I could see were dark and blurry. As I descended further into the abyss, I was convinced that things weren’t ever going to get better, and somewhere deep inside I had given up. When I finally got some help, my sponsor told me I had reached my bottom.

As I began to recover by working the Steps, I learned that alcoholism is a disease. At first I didn’t believe that; instead I thought I was just weak-willed. But after listening to hundreds of other alcoholics share my same dark fears and feelings, I realized the common characteristics of alcoholism: self-loathing, negative thinking, and utter defeat. To recover from this seemingly hopeless state of mind, my sponsor told me I needed to work the program and experience the spiritual transformation that God makes possible.

While I didn’t believe that would happen for me, I am grateful to report that it did. Today, I have a different, more positive voice inside that comes from my true self, from the child of God who I truly am. Recovery has returned the hope and happiness that I believe God wants for me, and now I experience those feelings by doing what God wants me to do: help other alcoholics recover and discover His light. Today, in the darkroom of my mind, I develop some beautiful images and pictures of a life that is happy, joyous, and free.

[bluidkiti]

April 24

Quote of the Week

"If the grass is greener on the other side, it’s because they are putting fertilizer on it!"

I’ve spent a lot of my life envying what other people had, resenting that I didn’t have it too, and feeling I deserved it. I’ve always felt smarter, more talented, better looking, and more suited for the success I’ve seen others enjoying. I never understood why others seemed to have all the breaks until I entered recovery, and then I got a harsh lesson. . . .

As I started sharing my feelings of entitlement with my sponsor, he asked me some difficult (for me!) questions. “Why didn’t you stay in college?” he asked. “Money is in sales, not college,” I answered. “If you think you’d be such a great actor, why haven’t you taken acting classes?” “Ah, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know,” I scoffed. After a while, he pointed out that I had all the answers except the one that mattered.

It took me a long time before I could admit that perhaps the reason I wasn’t successful was that I wasn’t doing the things that successful people do. As childish as it may sound, I learned that the world wasn’t waiting to give me things just because of who I thought I was. It took awhile, but now I get it: If the grass is greener on the other side, it’s because they are putting fertilizer on it!

[bluidkiti]

May 1

Quote of the Week

"Don’t take a drink and go to meetings."

When I was new, I was still in a fog. Most of my life was just as it had been: I still had a ton of problems, there was wreckage everywhere I turned, and the impending doom I felt only grew and grew. I needed solutions, and I needed them fast. I began attending meetings daily, and at the end I’d always be given the same message: Don’t take a drink and keep going to meetings. That’s fine, I’d think, but where are the solutions I so desperately need?

As I got thirty days sober, and then sixty, and even ninety days, the fog began to clear, but my life didn’t get much better. In fact, as I approached my Fourth Step inventory, I thought I would get lost in the wreckage and never survive. When I pleaded with my sponsor for help, he told me the same old thing: Don’t take a drink and keep going to meetings. He assured me that if I kept doing that and kept working the Steps, I would be okay.

Fast-forward a few years, and even though I highly doubted it, his advice worked. What had seemed like too simple of a solution for my complex life and problems turned out to be the exact solution I needed. All the problems I had were resolved, and all the promises came true for me. While my life isn’t perfect today—no one’s is—and while problems and challenges still come up, what hasn’t changed is the solution: Don’t take a drink and go to meetings.

[bluidkiti]

May 8

Quote of the Week

"There are only two times when you should go to a meeting: when you feel like going, and when you don’t feel like going."

It is hard living with a disease that tells me I don’t have it. When I’m in between meetings and life is busy, it’s easy for me to think of going to a meeting as an imposition. I’m fine. I don’t want to drink, haven’t in years, and I’m too busy for a meeting! That kind of thinking can get me into big trouble, and if I listen to it, I can grow irritable, restless, and discontented. And that can put me in real danger.

One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in the program is to take contrary action to what my head is telling me. In fact, I’ve learned that when my head is telling me I don’t need a meeting, it actually means that I really need one. Thankfully, I learned in early recovery to take that contrary action, and when I follow it and go to a meeting, without exception, I always feel better.

I’ve heard that the only thing an alcoholic does in moderation is work the Steps. Because this disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful, and constantly tells me not to do something that will make me feel better, I have to remain vigilant and ready. This is why I just take the right actions regardless of what my head is saying. So, for me, there are two times when I should go to a meeting: when I feel like it and when I don’t.

[bluidkiti]

May 15

Quote of the Week

"Just another Bozo on the bus."

All my life I’ve been taught to do whatever I could to be the best. In school my parents drove me to work harder than everyone else so that I could get As and stand out. In athletics my coaches drilled us to practice harder and then pushed us to give it all we had to win. When I began working professionally, it was very clear that average performance would get you fired, and that if you wanted to excel and move up, you had to work harder and be better than everyone around you. Even when I partied, I prided myself on being able to out-drink and out-use others as well.

Because of this approach to life, when I entered the program, my ego was accustomed to comparing and to finding ways of proving I was better than you. When I heard some people’s stories, I immediately felt better than them because I had never done that. And when it was suggested that I clean the coffee mugs after a meeting, I thought that was beneath me: I mean, don’t you know who I am? All these feelings of entitlement and imagined privilege nearly sabotaged my recovery, but luckily I heard today’s quote and was able to humble myself long enough to truly understand it.

My sponsor explained to me that if I wanted to get and stay sober, then I had to deflate my ego and learn to become “right-sized.” He told me that I wasn’t any worse or any better than anybody else; I was simply a child of God. He suggested that I would get along with people better and live more comfortably in my own skin if I could strive to become “average.” It took a lot of years for me to see the wisdom in this kind of thinking and living, but now I’m truly happier being just another Bozo on the bus.

[bluidkiti]

May 22

Quote of the Week

"A snail can climb Mount Fuji."

I used to get so overwhelmed by my life. I wanted to make so many changes, but where to begin? I didn’t want to be in sales any longer, and instead I always wanted to get a graduate degree so that I had more options. But the thought of even applying for college, getting the financial aid, and then spending years in school was overwhelming. Even getting healthy seemed out of reach. I’d have to join a gym—and then even go regularly! —completely change my diet, and probably have to greatly reduce my drinking. Impossible. Every change seemed monumental, so I just stayed drunk.

“One day at a time,” “First things first”—these were new concepts to me, and they saved my life. That’s because I applied them to the most important change of all—getting sober. While the thought of remaining sober for a whole month, and then a whole year, was unthinkable at first, I could manage the thought of staying sober that day. And, one day at a time, as I put first things first, like praying in the morning to God to keep me sober, I began accumulating first weeks, and then months of continuous sobriety. It worked, when I worked it.

After years of recovery, I’ve been able to apply these lessons to other changes in my life. I did go back to college and earned my graduate degree. I did it one day at a time, starting by first downloading the college admission forms. I’ve also learned to “take the next indicated action” when I become overwhelmed or afraid. It always keeps me moving in the right direction. Today, no goal or life change seems impossible as long as I remember how even a snail can climb Mount Fuji—one step at a time.

[bluidkiti]

May 29

Quote of the Week

"All that pain has value."

When I came into the rooms, I was buried in shame. Without alcohol to escape into, I was overwhelmed with remorse over many of my actions. As I moved toward working the Fourth Step, I was desperately afraid of what I would find in the abyss of self. I was sure that once I uncovered how bad I really was, no one—including myself—would accept me. I was definitely at a jumping-off place.

As I began putting my inventories together, I discovered something else, though. Yes, I had acted poorly and had made many selfish decisions, but I learned that much of my behavior had been driven by the disease of alcoholism. What I found was that my actions weren’t necessarily who I was; they were just my actions. And if I was willing to own those actions, make amends, and stay sober, then I could recover through working the Twelve Steps.

As I continued to uncover, discover, and discard my character defects, I found something even more important. I learned that all my experiences, especially the “bad” ones I felt shame over, would turn out to be the most useful in reaching out to and helping others. I learned that my pain was often the key that allowed others to come to terms with and overcome their own pain. All the experiences I had tried to run from had value, and in God’s hands they uniquely qualified me to be of service to His other children. Today, I no longer wish to shut the door on my past, nor on my pain.

[bluidkiti]

June 5

Quote of the Week

"The worst vice is advice."

Everybody has an opinion. And before recovery, I would readily give you mine. It didn’t matter if you asked for it or not; it didn’t matter whether I had ever taken the advice myself to see if it worked; and it didn’t matter if it made you feel better or worse—I was addicted to giving advice, and if you were nearby, you’d get it. As you can imagine, I was obnoxious to be around, and all my advice didn’t seem to help anybody. In fact, most people grew to resent me, and as fewer people called, my circle of friends grew smaller and smaller.

When I entered the program, I still had a lot of advice to give, but my sponsor suggested I listen for a while to what others had to say. When I kept trying to tell him my good ideas, he pointed out that my best thinking got me a seat in a recovery meeting. When I persisted and tried to tell him about relationships, career choices, and investing, he told me people might not be interested given that I was single, unemployed, and broke. That kind of put me in my place.

What I learned by listening to others share is that they didn’t have advice. Instead, they offered their experience, strength, and hope. Someone who didn’t have direct experience to share would encourage me to find someone who did. Over time, I learned that advice is worthless without compassion, understanding, and experience that comes from a shared point of view. Today, I don’t offer advice on things I don’t have experience with, and I don’t give it unless I’m asked for it.

[bluidkiti]

June 12

Quote of the Week

"Problems are solutions in training."

This was definitely not the way I used to look at problems before recovery. My problems used to overwhelm me; they had no solutions, and there was a long list of them. I would bounce from one to the other, and as I tried to solve them, I just seemed to create more and more. I once heard that the only thing worse than my problems were my solutions to them!

When I entered the program, I surrendered both my problems and my solutions. My sponsor kept pounding into my head that my best thinking had gotten me here, and with his help, I turned my attention to working the first Three Steps. And once I was able to turn my will and my life over to a Power greater than myself, the real solutions started to appear.

As I stayed sober and worked the other Steps, my problems began to solve themselves. As I became more experienced in turning them over, applying the Steps on them, and using more of the tools in my spiritual tool kit, I found that my problems were actually opportunities for me to grow and change. Today, my problems have become my teachers, leading me to spiritual solutions as long as I remain open and willing to learn from them.

[bluidkiti]

June 19

Quote of the Week

"The two things an alcoholic can’t deal with are adversity or prosperity."

I used to think the reason I drank so much was because my life was so hard. There was a time when I barely made enough to pay my bills, my credit cards were maxed out, and I lived in a tiny rental. I had let myself go physically and had no satisfying relationships. Each morning I woke up and thought, Oh, God, another day! I lived to drink as this was the only time I felt better, and I thought that if only my life got better, then I wouldn’t have to drink so much.

A couple of years later, my life did turn around. I got a really good sales job and started making more money than I could count. I bought a house and got a hip girlfriend. As I got more successful, however, I just drank more. Suddenly I was buying expensive champagne and wine, and I moved on to designer vodka as well. As my drinking swirled out of control, I soon lost most of the things I had, and all I had left was my alcoholism.

One thing I have learned in recovery is that the extremes of adversity or prosperity are dangerous things for a self-aggrandizing alcoholic. When things aren’t going my way, I become resentful and demand the things I feel I deserve. When things are going well, I demand even more. The restlessness and discontent I feel as an alcoholic simply can’t be sated by money, property, or prestige. Instead, serenity and contentment come from the inside by working a spiritual program and developing a relationship with a Higher Power. Today, I am grateful for what I do have, and when I wake up, I now thank God for another day.

[bluidkiti]

June 26

Quote of the Week

"My definition of balance is being able to obsess equally in all areas of my life!"

As an alcoholic, I completely understand all-or-nothing thinking. When I was in my disease, I used to obsessively plan out my drinking and using, always making sure I had the right amount available to me, and I would even drink before meeting friends at the bar so that I could pretend to drink like them. In the end, my obsession consumed me and drove me into the rooms.

Once I started working the Steps, I began obsessing on other things. For a while I was consumed with dying, sure I had done irreparable damage to myself during my years of abuse. Next I became obsessed with the fear of financial insecurity, this time convinced I had ruined my professional future. And then I got into a relationship, and that obsession nearly drove me to drink. During my Sixth Step, I realized that I had to surrender my obsessive thinking if I wanted to stay sober.

For me, turning over my obsessive thinking and other character defects came down to a question of faith: Did I or didn’t I trust that my Higher Power would take care of me? As I began to obsess on that, my sponsor told me that faith wasn’t a thought but rather an action. He suggested I begin letting go and letting God, and each time I did, my life got a little better. Today, I know that obsessing isn’t the answer. Turning it over is.

[bluidkiti]

July 3

Quote of the Week

"Seven days without God makes one weak."

I don’t know how or why God seems to disappear from my life, but He does. Monday morning I’ll be running late and not have time to pray, and the next thing I know it’s Wednesday. I’ll go to my meeting that night, but Thursday and Friday rush by, and before I can catch my breath, suddenly it’s Sunday afternoon. By then I find myself alone and not feeling very well, and that’s when I make the connection.

Early on in recovery, I was taught that the first Three Steps could be summarized as, “I can’t, He can, Let Him.” The problem is that I quickly forget the “I can’t” part. Once I’m under the illusion that I’m in charge, I’m off trying to control life to get everything I think I need. The only good news is that it takes less time these days for me to feel the effects of this self-will run riot.

Happily, it’s easy for me to get reconnected to my Higher Power, and the positive effects I feel are immediate. Once I practice the “He can” and the “Let Him” part, I’m restored to sanity and to my proper role in life. My job isn’t to rush around like a crazy person trying to accomplish and control everything; rather, my role is to seek God’s will and to be of service. And when I stay connected to the Steps and to God, I’m as strong as can be.

[bluidkiti]

July 10

Quote of the Week

"It’s not old behavior if I’m still doing it."

I often don’t let go of things until they are causing more pain than pleasure. When my drinking was killing me, I stopped, and even though it was really hard at first, I found that being sober was actually the easier, softer way. But I had a lot of old ideas and behaviors that still worked for me sometimes. Letting go of these was not so easy.

As I sat in meeting after meeting, I heard that “The result was nil until we let go absolutely,” but I never really understood the full impact of this statement. I mean, I was still getting results—I was clean and sober, I got my job back, and I began repairing broken relationships. But there were also times when I was intensely unhappy and irritable, and I needed and wanted a drink. It took a long while for me to see that these feelings almost always followed old ways of thinking and behaving.

The longer I’m in recovery, the more I understand the value of Steps Six and Seven. My old behaviors will continue just as long as I remain unwilling to give up the character defects that cause them. But when I do become willing, something wonderful happens: my Higher Power does for me what I can’t do for myself. He relieves me of my old ways of thinking and acting, which allows more joy and freedom to flow into my life. Today, I continue to pray for my old behavior to be removed, even if I’m still doing it.

[bluidkiti]

July 17

Quote of the Week

"If I just had more, better, different, I’d be okay."

Before I had a program, I was always searching for something outside of myself to make me feel okay. I was sure that if I could only get more money, a better job, or a different relationship, or if I lived in a different house in a different neighborhood, then I would finally feel better about myself. When none of these things worked, I concentrated on drinking more, getting better quality wines, or trying different types of premium alcohol. In the end, this didn’t work either.

When I entered the rooms of recovery in Hollywood, California, I suddenly saw a group of people who seemed to have more, better, and different things from me. As I watched famous actors, successful business people, and movers and shakers mingle in seemingly exclusive groups and then drive away in their Mercedes and BMWs, I felt distinctly less than. When I told my sponsor this, he told me I would never be happy as long as I compared my insides with someone else’s outsides.

What I have learned over the years is that sobriety, serenity, and recovery are truly an inside job. Only by working the Steps will I find the true peace and contentment I’ve always searched for in outside things. I now know that believing more or better or different will make me feel okay is a lie that my alcoholism still tells me. It is a lie that will always lead me to a drink. Today, I know that the path to feeling comfortable in my own skin starts with being grateful for what I have and with trying to give away what I have found. When I remember that, I realize I’m more than just okay; I’m blessed.

[bluidkiti]

July 24

Quote of the Week

"Anything an alcoholic lets go of has claw marks all over it."

In the past, I tried to control everything. I would lie in bed at night planning my days and weeks, and I would make endless lists of activities I could follow that would lead to specific results. I played and replayed conversations that were sure to take place to make sure they came out the way I wanted them to. When the last thing I tried to control—my alcohol use—spun out of control, I finally surrendered.

When I got sober, I had to let go of all my plans and schemes for controlling my drinking and drug use. Because I was at a bottom, it was easy for me to abandon my old ideas and to ask God to restore me to sanity. Just because this worked for my alcoholism, though, didn’t mean I was willing to turn the rest of my life over. “God, you can have my drinking, but I’ll handle the rest,” was my attitude. You can imagine how that went.

What I’ve learned over the years is that my life gets better in direct proportion to my willingness to trust God with the other areas of it. It continues to be hard to let go and act with faith, especially when I’m in fear, but each time I do, I’m rewarded with a freedom and a joy that could never have come as long as I continued to try to control things. Today, if I’m not willing to let go, then I pray for the willingness to be willing. And once I withdraw my claws, God takes over and the healing begins.

[bluidkiti]

July 31

Quote of the Week

"You’ll never have it all together. That’s like eating once and for all."

I’ve wasted a lot of time and energy waiting for everything to be just right, but it’s never turned out that way. I felt if only I could get that perfect job and make a certain amount of money, then I’d finally stop worrying. I did get the job, and I made even more money, yet I still had financial insecurity. I hoped that when I met the right woman, then I’d be complete. Turned out that was a complete mess. Finally, I knew that if I could only control and enjoy my drinking, then everything would be okay. Instead, I ended up in A.A.

As I sat in meetings for the first few months, I was sure that if I could only get ninety days, then I’d be okay. Then, at the nine-month mark, I hoped I’d feel a lot better at a year. Then I waited to complete my Steps—for the second time! My experience has been that parts of my life get better, but there are always other areas that need work. And sometimes, areas that I thought were fixed need some attention again. As I struggled to accept this, my sponsor reminded me of today’s quote.

When I remember that I’ll never have it all together, I can finally let go of the illusion of control. What a relief I feel as I turn my will and my life, once again, over to a God of my understanding. As soon as I empty myself of my demands for the way I think things should be, I am able to accept and appreciate the way things are. As I set to work on a current gratitude list, I’m able to reflect on everything I’ve already been given. And that’s when I realize that by not having it all together, I can remain open to the unexpected gifts yet to come.

[bluidkiti]

August 7

Quote of the Week

"Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake."

Lately, things haven’t been going my way. Small things as well as big, scary health-related issues have come up that are definitely not what I wanted and can’t be good for me. As I climbed up on my pity pot and started collecting even more evidence why and how the world had it in for me, I heard today’s quote and things began to shift.

In the past, Poor me, poor me soon led to pour me another drink. In recovery, however, I am able to shift my perception and ask, “What might God’s will be for me here?” This almost always leads me to ask how what I’m going through can benefit or help another. No matter how far I’ve fallen, or how rough my road has been, each experience I’ve had enables me to be of service to others.

As I looked at my current set of challenges through the lens of service, I suddenly felt lighter. I realized I wasn’t alone, and that by involving others I could benefit from their experience, strength, and hope. I also realized that together we would grow from this experience, and we would learn new ways to help others through common difficulties. As I reframed what was going on in my life as opportunities for growth, I realized the wisdom in the saying, “Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.”

[bluidkiti]

August 14

Quote of the Week

"Keep it simple; get stupid."

I’m a pretty complicated person. I not only tend to think about things, I like to overthink them. “What if this or that happens?” is one of my favorite thoughts. “What will he or she do and what will or can I do if they do?” On and on my obsessive thinking goes, questioning, worrying, doubting, and always trying to manipulate situations to get what I think I want. And it’s not only this way with problems. I’ll question and think my way out of good solutions also. I am too smart for my own good, and I seemingly have little interest in simple suggestions.

When I entered the program, I saw a sign on the meeting room walls that said, “Keep it simple.” I didn’t agree and started arguing with people as I tried to think my way around the Steps. And that’s when someone suggested that I “get stupid.” At first I was offended, but then he said that by keeping my focus on the simple things like attending meetings, not drinking one day at a time, and reading the literature I would discover an easier, softer way and my life would get better.

It took a lot of work to “get stupid,” but I found that the simpler I made things, the easier my life became. The more I “let go and let God,” the less I had to try to control, manipulate, and force my will on things. By resigning from the committee in my head and becoming humble enough to admit that perhaps I didn’t know better after all, I became more comfortable in my own skin. Today, I can still complicate any problem or situation, but then I remember the wisdom of “getting stupid,” and realize how simple the solutions really are.

[bluidkiti]

August 21

Quote of the Week

"You can always restart your day."

The first time I heard this quote, it was a revelation to me. I could start my day over? This was so unlike the way I had lived my life, I could barely comprehend it. My usual way of living was to wake up and wait for something negative to set the tone for my day. An angry or hurt look from my girlfriend, a driver cutting me off, or just not getting what I wanted, and that was it—the whole day was ruined. And with this attitude, I’d ruin everyone else’s day as well.

Early into recovery, I looked for negative events to once again launch me into my day, and I found plenty. Many days I woke up with a new sense of shame or hopelessness as I struggled to put my life back together or stay sober. I walked around as if a dark cloud was over me—until I got to a meeting. And then, as if miraculously, I discovered hope again as I drank in the laughter and warmth from the fellowship. That’s when I heard this quote.

While it was hard to practice in the beginning, I got better at it as I persevered. And I had many occasions to practice it. The first thing I had to do, however, was recognize I had slipped into a funk because I was so used to feeling bad all the time. But once I did, I remembered I could start over. I needed help to do this, of course, and that’s when a quick prayer to my Higher Power helped. Even today, I often get quiet and ask God to reset my attitude, and it always works. It saves me from ruining my and other people’s day. Knowing I can always restart my day is another precious gift of recovery.

[bluidkiti]

August 28

Quote of the Week

"Drinking gave me the feeling of a job well done without having done a thing."

I remember a restaurant/bar in the rich neighborhood of Brentwood, California, I used to go to after work. I’d saddle up to the long, swank bar and order cocktails while I watched the successful people with money come in to have $200 dinners. I was struggling financially at the time and in the beginning I felt out of place, but after a few drinks I had goal-planned my first million and was soon feeling as if I belonged.

Years later in recovery while working on my Eighth Step, making a list of all the people I had harmed, I was surprised when my sponsor told me to put my name on it. When I asked why, he told me to list all the things I had wanted to do and what I had wanted to make out of my life, and then write about how alcohol and drugs had taken them away. I thought about that bar in Brentwood, and many more like it, and of all the plans and goals I had drank and used away.

When they say that alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful, they mean it in so many insidious ways. When I think of the potential, the future, the life I drank away, I’m sorry to my core. It’s hard to forgive myself sometimes. But when I think of all I have accomplished since I got sober, and of the lifetime of dreams still ahead, I’m filled with hope and gratitude. Today, I live in and appreciate the miracle of my recovery.

[bluidkiti]

September 4

Quote of the Week

"The degree of my anxiety is a measure of my distance from God."

Anxiety used to be the master of my life. Without a relationship with God, I faced life alone and was in constant fear of not getting my needs met or of losing something I had so desperately fought to get. The past was a constant source of regret and shame, and the future was filled with countless unknown dangers that would surely overwhelm me. All of this made the present intolerable.

When I entered recovery, I brought my constant obsession with the past and future into the rooms with me. Thankfully, my sponsor taught me about living one day at a time, and he showed me that this was where I would find God—today, right here, right now. He told me that if I could get present, and thus be in the presence of God, my anxiety would go away.

This was simple advice, but not so easy to follow. The more I worked at practicing it, though, the more I found it to be true. Over the years, I’ve discovered that the more I use the tools of the program—prayer and meditation, pausing and asking for God’s guidance, and acknowledging in the moment that God is here—the more I find myself in the peace and serenity of God’s presence. Today, I use the degree of my anxiety to measure my distance from God.

[bluidkiti]

September 11

Quote of the Week

"Don’t ruin an apology with an excuse."

I used to be full of excuses: “I didn’t do this because. . . . I acted this way because she did. . . . He deserved it, so I gave it to him.” On the rare occasion when I was cornered and couldn’t justify my behavior, I’d make an apology, but I’d always qualify it with an excuse or, at the very least, a justified reason. The bottom line was that I could always place the blame outside of myself.

As I worked through the Twelve Steps of the program, I discovered a fourth column in the Fourth Step called “my part.” While I at first resented having to look at my side of the street, I found that this column soon made up my Eighth Step list of amends. This column also made it clear what the proper definition of an apology was supposed to look like during my Ninth Step.

My sponsor told me that we don’t make apologies any longer, we make amends. And knowing this made the direction clear. Rather than revert back to old behavior and try to hide behind excuses and reasons, I was instead to focus strictly on my part, ask if there were any other wrongs I was unaware of, and then ask what I could do to make things better. “You’ve done enough damage,” I can still hear my sponsor tell me. “Whatever you do, don’t ruin your amends with a bunch of excuses.”

[bluidkiti]

September 18

Quote of the Week

"Become willing."

I wanted a lot of things before recovery, but I wasn’t willing to do much to get them. Instead, I had an inflated opinion of myself and what I thought I deserved. When I started a new job, within a couple of weeks I thought I knew enough to be running the company. In school, I felt I should be teaching the class, not taking notes. And in most social situations, I was better than and knew more than you. To say I was difficult to be around is putting it mildly.

When I started attending meetings, I felt I should have been given an award for staying sober for a week. When I read the Twelve Steps, I didn’t think Step Four really applied to me, and Step Nine was out of the question. My new sponsor suggested I stay focused on the First Step. When I started whining about following direction, he asked me if I could become willing. In those situations where I couldn’t, he recommended I pray for the willingness to become willing.

It took many years to shed my sense of entitlement, but now I’ve gained an important tool: willingness. Today, I know that if I want something—a more fulfilling career, more serene relationships, and a more spiritual perspective on my life—then I can have them as long as I become willing to put in the time and effort to work toward them. And even today, if I balk at what it might take, I can still pray for the willingness to become willing.

[bluidkiti]

September 25

Quote of the Week

"CALM: Care about life’s moments."

They say that one of the gifts of recovery is the sense of peace and calm that you get. I have heard it described as feeling comfortable in your own skin. That concept was totally foreign to me before I got sober; in fact, I felt the opposite way. My solution was a drink, and for brief moments I could relax and feel okay with myself. But by the end of my drinking, I was uncomfortable both drunk and sober, and that’s when I knew I had hit bottom.

I remember being amazed by how happy and easygoing everyone seemed in meetings. They could look me in the eye, smile, and offer me their phone numbers. They didn’t seem driven by the anxiety that was my constant companion, and I soon wanted what they had. I could have that, my sponsor assured me, if I was willing to do the things they did. And that meant working the Twelve Steps and developing a relationship with a Power greater than myself. I was willing.

It took years for me to work though the layers of my old self, but today I have the feelings of serenity and peace I sought. I even like and respect myself today. I am so very grateful to not feel that restlessness and discontent any longer. Today, I know calm and am able to take in and appreciate life’s precious moments. The gifts of sobriety go far beyond just not drinking, and these gifts are available to anyone who is willing to honestly work the program.

[bluidkiti]

October 2

Quote of the Week

"Be all right with being all right."

I was generally irritable, restless, and discontent before recovery. As a kid I was anxious and afraid of things. When I found alcohol, I finally found a way to be comfortable—hopeful even. Drinking gave me that sense of ease and confidence I saw in other people. Suddenly, I could dance better, talk to girls, and be one of the guys. Unfortunately, the solution soon became the problem, and I had to quit drinking.

In recovery, I felt very vulnerable without my solution. Soon all the feelings I used to drown out with alcohol were front and center. At times I thought I would be overwhelmed by them, so I did what was suggested: I took them to meetings, I shared them in fellowship, I inventoried them, and I worked the Steps on them. Sometimes it worked, but for when it didn’t, my sponsor would always bring me back to the present. He’d ask, “Are you all right, right now?” “Do you have enough food, gas, money, right now?”

It took a lot to corral my galloping mind and rope it back into the now. But each time I’d have to admit that, yes, right now I’m all right. Right now, everything is taken care of. After years of going through this exercise, I have the perspective to know that I really am all right. Problems come and go, but I’ve always survived them and have usually done just fine. What I’ve learned is that the key to my serenity is truly being all right with being all right. And when I can remember that, my serenity returns, and I can actually live happy, joyous, and free.

[bluidkiti]

October 9

Quote of the Week

"When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find that God lives there."

In the past, whenever I got to a bottom, I just moved over and started digging another hole. I would leave jobs, relationships, and even states looking for a different solution. I didn’t have a God in my life, so there was no turning it over. It wasn’t until I had broken my shovel and hit my final bottom that I was ready to admit complete defeat.

When I came into the rooms, I heard a lot about God. I didn’t like it. I had given up on Him a long time ago, and I was sure He had deserted me. What I came to find out was that God was always there to help me when I hit bottom. What I also learned, years later, was that He was there for me all along. I just had to ask for help sooner.

What I now know is that I don’t have to wait until I’m at my wit’s end to reach out and get help from God. He lives in me and is with me every step of the way. The key that opens the lock is and always has been willingness. And today, I’m much more willing to be willing. Today, I know I don’t have to reach my wit’s end to find out where God lives. I just have to ask for help.

[bluidkiti]

October 16

Quote of the Week

"I don’t react to the present the way I reacted to the past."

Last week I had a God shot that revealed the miracle of recovery in my life. An emotionally charged situation came up that used to trigger a wounded, withdrawn, and resentful reaction, but as it unfolded I noticed something wonderful happening inside me. For the first time, I was aware that I could choose a different, healthier way of responding. What a welcome change that was!

Before recovery, I was a slave to the old, hurtful wounds of my past. I was like one of Pavlov’s dogs: as soon as a stimulus was presented, I reacted automatically. And predictably, my reactions almost always made the situation worse. Not only was I unaware that I had a choice, I also had no idea there might be a better, more appropriate way of responding. And that’s what the miracle of recovery has given me.

Through years of working the program, running my thinking and ideas by my sponsor before I acted, and praying for an intuitive thought and then waiting for inspiration, I have developed the space to consider my options before responding. And in that space, newer, more appropriate choices are available to me. This new way of reacting has freed me, and allowed me to live a happier, healthier, and more fulfilled life. Today, I don’t react to the present the way I reacted to the past.

[bluidkiti]

October 23

Quote of the Week

"Decide what kind of day you’re going to have, then start it."

I used to let circumstances dictate my mood and how my day was going to go. I’d wake up, quickly survey all the bad things in my life, and then decide how bad the day was going to be. As I went through the morning, and then the day, it was easy to find evidence supporting how awful the day and my life were. Toward the end of the day, I couldn’t wait to start drinking to get some relief. And often that only made the day worse.

I’ll never forget sitting in a meeting in early recovery and hearing someone share a solution to this kind of thinking. She said simply that if you found yourself having a bad morning, or even a bad day, you could start your day over. She said that what you do is stop and get quiet, and say a prayer asking your Higher Power to restore you to sanity. After that, it helps to either write or mentally make a quick gratitude list. Finally, you spend the rest of that day looking for opportunities to be of service.

Like most things in the program, this sounded too simple to work for me, but I was willing to try it. With a little practice—meaning sometimes I had to restart my day five or six times—I got better and better at it. And again, like most things in the program, it works when I work it. Today, I realize that I don’t have to let circumstances dictate what kind of day or life I’m going to have. Instead, I can decide to have a good day, and when I do, I always find or create the evidence to support it.

[bluidkiti]

October 30

Quote of the Week

"Watch out; I still have a self-destruct button."

I used to be the master of self-sabotage and self-destruct. If things were going well, or might go well, I had the knack for ruining them. Surprise party for someone close to me? I would get tight at the party and spoil it. Great job interview in the morning? I would sleep in because I had celebrated too hard the night before. I foiled countless opportunities and thought my punishment was Alcoholics Anonymous.

When I was ninety days sober, at my regular Wednesday night meeting to take a chip, I left because they were out of them. I went home and drank. I beat myself up for months over that and finally crawled back four months later. As I worked through the Steps, I continued to make mistakes, and my anger grew into rage. To my surprise, I found my rage was mainly directed inward, and that’s when I discovered that the core characteristic of alcoholism is a deep self-loathing. That is why we can ruin so many lives and drink ourselves to death. . . .

It has taken many years to move beyond the illusion of alcoholic hatred. What I found is that in the core of each of us is not loathing but rather love—God’s love. Recovery means that we find this love and learn to act from it, and to share it with others. We rely on the Steps to help us grow past the destructive impulse of the disease, but we must remain vigilant because the disease never goes away. Today, I still have a self-destruct button, but I also have the path to healing and love. And because of recovery, I have the power to choose God’s love.

[bluidkiti]

November 6

Quote of the Week

"The key to my serenity today is directly linked to my ability to stay in the moment—to be in the present."

Before sobriety, I was rarely able to stay in the moment and instead spent most of my energy dwelling on other times. I was either thinking about the past and regretting what I did or didn’t do or obsessing about the future and about what will or won’t happen. The past and the future both filled me with anxiety, so I filled the present with as much alcohol as I could. After a while, my present became intolerable as well, and I admitted that my life had become unmanageable.

In recovery, I learned the true wisdom in this quote. My sponsor told me that the reason the past and future filled me with anxiety is that, when I go there, I go there alone, without God. God only exists in the present, he said, and that is the only place I can find true peace and serenity. And the way to be content with the present is to work the Steps, clear away the wreckage of our past, and develop an ongoing relationship with our Higher Power.

It took a lot of work to achieve recovery in the program, but the result has been life-changing. Through the Twelve Steps, I am able to live in the present and in the presence of my Higher Power. But alcoholism is a tricky disease, and it still tries to lead me into the dark past or an uncertain future. If I go there, I find myself again alone. My solution is to get back to “where my feet are”—to the present. Once I come back to the now, I come back to God, and my ability to be serene returns.

[bluidkiti]

November 13

Quote of the Week

"The secret to my recovery is no secret."

When I was new to recovery, staying sober—even one day at a time—was occasionally a seemingly impossible task. Old triggers lurked around every corner, and feelings descended on me without warning. While I was in a meeting I was okay, but in between them, while out in the real world, it was touch-and-go. When I saw people celebrate a year of sobriety, I wondered with awe how they were able to hang on that long.

As I got past ninety days and the fog cleared a bit, I began to acknowledge that there were people who had seven, fifteen, and even twenty years of sobriety and more! This was unfathomable to me. How could they not drink through all those New Year’s Eves, weddings, and tragedies? When I asked my sponsor what their secret was to long-term sobriety, he told me it was simple: “You don’t drink or use, one day at a time.” I came to find out this was the basics of it, but there was more to the secret. . . .

In over twenty years of recovery now, I’ve learned that in order for me to not take a drink, I had to have a spiritual experience. And the way I did that was by working the Twelve Steps of the program with my sponsor. By doing this, I’ve developed a relationship with a Power greater than myself, and as a result, the man who writes this quote today is a very different man from the one who crawled into the rooms all those years ago. My secret to recovery is the same as all the others: I still go to meetings, I still work the Steps, and I still don’t drink, one day at a time. As anyone in the program can tell you, the secret to recovery is no secret.

[bluidkiti]

November 20

Quote of the Week

"Negativity is my disease asking me to come out to play."

I used to have just one voice in my head. Sometimes it was encouraging, even optimistic, but most of the time it was negative and defeatist. It told me things weren’t going to get better, so why try? It said things were bad, so why not at least feel better by drinking and using? Toward the end, the positive part of that voice went away, and all I heard was how bad things were and how much worse they were going to get. It’s no wonder I hit bottom.

When I entered the program, I heard a lot of talk about the disease. At first, my voice told me that wasn’t true, and that instead I was just bad, weak-willed, or a loser. But as I got better, and the positive voice returned, I discovered it was separate from the negative one. I realized there were actually two voices inside my head, and I began to understand the disease of alcoholism.

It’s taken a long time to nurture and grow the positive voice of recovery, but now I recognize it as the truth spoken to me by my Higher Power. The negative voice is still there sometimes, and it surprises me when I hear it, but I know it’s just my alcoholism. Thankfully, the program has taught me to acknowledge it, thank it for sharing, and then ignore it. Today, I know that negativity is just my disease asking me to come out to play, and I know now how to decline its invitation.

[bluidkiti]

November 27

Quote of the Week

"God, help me to go from where I am to where I need to be, for who I am."

The first time I heard this prayer, while working the Eleventh Step, I experienced a great surrender. Although compact and seemingly simple, it is one of the purest ways of working this Step. In the first part, “God, help me to go from where I am,” I am strengthening my conscious contact as I partner with my Higher Power and invite Him to guide me on my spiritual journey.

The second part, “to where I need to be,” reveals the wisdom of this prayer as it shows that I have truly turned the result of my journey over to God. Like all great spiritual treatments, the power here comes from me getting out of the way, thus removing any limited thinking and self-will. Once my selfish designs have been discarded, I can allow God’s limitless power and infinite resources to do for me what I cannot do for myself.

The last part, “for who I am,” reinforces the power of my faith. Trusting that God’s ultimate knowledge and will for me will be the most fulfilling for me and countless others, I arrive at the surrender of Step Eleven. Through prayer and meditation, I ask Him to reveal my true purpose, and I ask only for the strength to carry that out. By doing so, I am granted a great gift of recovery: peace and purpose.

[bluidkiti]

December 4

Quote of the Week

"Sometimes you don’t realize that all you need is God, until all you have is God."

Even after years in recovery and with all my sober experience, I’m still amazed by my tendency to put so many things before God. Many times, I’m convinced that if only I were retired or had enough money to travel more, or if my wife would do what I wanted, then my life would finally be better. If only I could get what I wanted, then I would be happy.

My stubborn reliance on this myth can be pretty disappointing. I’ve been reminded in meetings that anything I place before God will be taken from me, and I can show you inventories of the many things I have put before Him, and obsessively chased and then lost, to prove this is true. It’s painful when it happens, but the result is that it always leads me back to God.

The greatest gift I have today, and the one constant source of strength and hope in my life, is my relationship with my Higher Power. My Higher Power has the answers and solutions to the problems I face, and He has a deeper love and caring for me than I’ll ever comprehend. When I’m connected to God, there are no worries, no wants, and no needs. When things get stripped away, as they will be, and all I’m left with is God, it’s then that I remember: All I ever needed was God.

[bluidkiti]

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December 11

Quote of the Week

"You may be the only Big Book anyone ever reads."

As I was leaving a meeting at a church near my home the other night, I saw one of our members bring his cigarette onto the church parking lot (smoking is not allowed on church property) and then throw it on the ground as he got into his car and drove away. This made me angry as I thought about how this would reflect on the rest of us, and I wondered how he could be so self-centered and insensitive.

About a week later, I found myself at my bank dealing with an online banking error. I was resentful I had to take the time out of my day, indignant they hadn’t been able to fix it over the phone, and I was generally a pain in the ass to the guy who was trying to help me. After he resolved the issue and I calmed down, I thought about the kind of example I was setting and quickly made amends to him for my behavior.

On the way home, I thought about Step Twelve and the importance of practicing these principles in all our affairs. I realized how easy it is for me to still be self-centered and insensitive, and how the Tenth Step helps me guard against these character defects. I also realized that I have a responsibility to the program because I am an example of us all. Today, I work all the Steps to the best of my ability because I know that I may be the only Big Book anyone ever reads.

[bluidkiti]

December 18

Quote of the Week

"If you want to keep it, you’ll have to give it away."

I used to believe that I needed to get, accumulate, and hoard things if I wanted to have and keep them. I used to hoard my money and never gave to charity, because I thought if I did, I’d have less for me. In my sales job, I would hoard leads and sales techniques, believing that if I shared them, it would diminish my chances of success. In relationships, I kept my feelings close to me, fearing that if I let someone know how much I cared, that person would use it against me. In general, fear led my life, and after a while I was alone, resentful, and drunk.

In recovery, I heard the darnedest thing: that if I wanted to keep my sobriety, I had to spend time working with others and giving away what I had found in the program. I argued against this, especially in the beginning, claiming that I needed the help and support first, and only later would I be able to be of service in that way. My sponsor quickly told me that if I had even a day of sobriety more than a newcomer, then I could share my experience, strength, and hope. And that’s when I began giving it away.

What I found surprised me. Rather than diminish my recovery, I discovered that the more I shared, the more enriched I became. Every single time I helped another, I was helped just as much—if not more. I began to apply this lesson in other areas of my life, and soon I was recognized at work and even promoted into management. My career flourished. I practiced giving all my love to my partner, and that relationship has turned into the most amazing marriage I could ever imagine. And I also keep giving away what I find in the rooms. As such, my sobriety is solid, my spiritual life keeps expanding, and I am truly happy, joyous, and free.

[bluidkiti]

December 25

Quote of the Week

"I can’t do God’s will my way."

I remember driving home drunk after parties, window open, one eye closed so the lane would stop moving. I’d pray to God to get me home safe, promising I would behave the next time. The next morning when I came to, I’d have some juice and coffee, the fog would clear, and I would think that next time I would control my drinking better, and that I didn’t need God’s help after all. And then I’d be driving home from a party again. . . .

When I worked the Steps in the program, there was a lot of talk about God’s will, and turning my will and life over, and praying for the knowledge and power to carry that out. It was confusing for me because I was still trying to use His will to secretly fuel and further my own. For many years my ego was still in charge, and I was able to deceive myself into thinking that if I wanted it, then it must be God’s will as well. I wasted a lot of years trying to do God’s will my way.

My experience has been that once I am truly ready to seek a “Higher” way—usually through a surrender because my will has failed to get me what I want—that is when the miracle happens and my life changes. It happened when I finally let go of my old ideas around drinking, it happened when I finally surrendered my ideas about a relationship, and it has happened in many other areas of my life as well. The truth is that God’s will is always better for me, and once I stop trying to twist His will to fit my own, my life and those of everyone else around me improve.