QUESTIONS???

[MajestyJo]

Questions that aren't helpful

“We accept many notions because they seem to be the logical answers to our questions. But have we asked the right questions?”

-- Harold L. Klawans

Sometimes we ask questions for which we really don’t want the answer! Nonetheless, when we ask a question, our subconscious minds will get to work to answer us.

Here are some examples of questions we want to avoid:

- What’s wrong with me?
- How long could this take?
- What could go wrong?
- How much trouble could it be?
- How hard could it be?


Asking questions can be empowering – as long as they’re smart questions!

"The uncreative mind can spot wrong answers, but it takes a very creative mind to spot wrong questions."

-- Anthony Jay

How much of this is mine?

"The collective energy generated from the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes of the almost six billion people on this planet creates an atmosphere or 'consciousness climate.' Surrounding us like the air we breathe, this consciousness climate affects us most strongly on energetic and emotional levels."

-- Doc Childre and Howard Martin

Feeling angry, sad or anxious? You might ask, “How much of this is mine?”

Those of us who are sensitive sometimes pick up on emotional, mental or physical energy in the environment. It feels like ours – we really do feel the emotions or physical or mental symptoms. But really, we are processing ‘generic’ energies that belong to others or to humanity as a whole.

Opening to the possibility that our experiences may not be completely ours helps us detach from them. When we don’t completely identify with our thoughts and feelings, we gain power over them.

"If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear … as it is, infinite.”

-- William Blake

Smart questions to keep handy
“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.”

-- Anthony Robbins

Last time, we talked about questions to avoid. Today, let’s consider some that are truly empowering:

- Is there a message for me in this experience?
- What’s the gift in this situation?
- What can I learn from this?
- What’s the most loving thing I could do now?
- What’s the most important thing for me to focus on now?
- What would I do if I knew I could not fail?
- What would I do if there were nothing to fear?


“A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.”

-- Francis Bacon


Found this on one of my old MSN sites. I was reminded earlier about being asked, "What's the Answer?" I didn't know what the Question was and I didn't know what Question to ask.

Step Three says to listen for the quiet. I had to get rid of all the chatter and inner dialogue. I had to stop looking for the quick fix and instant gratification and trust in the process.

[MajestyJo]

I think that all addictions (using something outside of ourselves to make us feel better and to take the focus off us) lead to the same soul sickness. Like so many addictions, the problem isn't the substance, it is generally me, my attitudes and old tapes, trauma from my past and the inability to face it and deal with it.

I qualify for just about any recovery room you want to put me in. Been there, wore the t-shirt. Because I am old, I was never around when they were passing around a lot of the drugs used in today.

Probably a good therapist would help, it would be really help if you could find one who had an understanding of the 12 Steps and how they work.

When you see a post here, just substitute your disease for the one posted. We used people, places and things to escape our reality. Doesn't matter how we did it, it is the intent and harm we do ourselves as a result of using that brings us to the doors of recovery.

I personally used alcohol, prescription drugs, alcohol, work, food, gambling, and men. Shopping and shop lifting are just other forms of addiction. I didn't think I liked shopping. Then I got honest, I don't like shopping without any money.

Know a little about where you come from as I go into our local jail and talk to men and women about recovery. For so many of them, it is the high, not on the drugs and alcohol, but in the stealing, not getting caught and what you got away with. The one time they land in jail doesn't matter, it is the times that they stole and got away with it that is the big draw and attraction. Several have shared that when they got out they would bo back and do the same thing again.

It is the same with the drugs and alcohol, we don't remember the 'negative' times, we only remember the good times. This time it will be different. It never is, even though we may get away with it or survive, there is always the remorse, the guilt, shame and the aftermath to deal with. Sometimes it isn't glaringly apparent in the moment but often reveals itself later on or it affects the loved ones around us although we can't often see them much less be aware of how our behaviour affects them.

I wish you well on your recovery journey.

http://i667.photobucket.com/albums/vv36/MajestyJo/Rubal5F5F5FThat5FFriend5FIs5FYou5F0.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Remember being told that there were no stupid questions in AA. I didn't ask because I didn't want to appear 'stupid' and that word kept me sick, because I had been told I was stupid all my life. How can I know what I have never been taught? How can I know if I don't ask?

What was good for me was going to meetings and listening to people share around the discussion tables. I also went to 12 Step meetings, I might have been on Step One, but learning about the others, gave me a goal, and I could work them into my life to the best of my ability. When it came to working the Step when I got to it in order, I had a more open mind and a willingness to do the work. Just because I was sober and on Step One was no reason I should continue acting out in my disease.

http://i667.photobucket.com/albums/vv36/MajestyJo/hugs4u.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Do we question our self or do we blame others for who and where we are at in today.

Do we question God and wonder why He/She hasn't given us what I want and think I need.

Do we question the program? Go to a fellowship that you feel comfortable in. If it worked for others, it can work for you.

The program suggests we go to meetings, get a home group, get a sponsor, get active in our group, work the steps with our sponsor, clean house by getting honest, open my mind to new things, and willing to go to any length to stay sober.

The people in the rooms are not the program, but they can support and guide you along the way.

Don't question those who are trying. It is no failure in trying, there is no time table, no race to be run, no standards to meet, it is what we can do just for today. The failure is in the not trying. It is how we pick ourselves up and trying again. It is a program of practice, practice, practice.

Don't question your God's Love. As they say in Al-Anon, "We hope you will come to love us, the same way we already love you."

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-elephants-love/0014.gif

[MajestyJo]

http://d.yimg.com/kq/groups/15346217/sn/989646178/name/n_a

As we travel the journey within, we make new discoveries, we find old reminders, and precious memories.


Come join our journey to eliminate and let go of the negative, replace it with the positive, and reinforce and nuture the flame within each of us, so that we can walk in balance and acceptance of the Light and the Dark nature of ourselves.

When we go within, we connect with our Inner Self.

As we learn to trust that voice within, we are able to weave our own fate and trust the guardian within who directs us, gives us courage and strength, and helps us to make healthy choices. We find our inner knowing, our own truth and learn to walk our talk.

[MajestyJo]

Need to let go of control?

"The world is not to be put in order; the world is order, incarnate. It is for us to harmonize with this order."

-- Henry Miller

Ego believes that it needs to protect us from external dangers. Through control and manipulation, it aims to keep us safe. This need of ego is based in fear.

If we hope to live in love, we must become acquainted with soul.

Experiencing soul brings a deep knowing that this is a loving universe.

Experiencing soul also builds faith. We learn to trust that we don’t have to run the show. And when we do this, we tap the source of true freedom and joy.

"It is not action or effort that we must surrender; it is self-will, and this is terribly difficult. You must do your best constantly, yet never allow yourself to become involved in whether things work out the way you want."

-- Eknath Easwaran

"True spiritual surrender responsibly opens itself to the unknown."

-- Stephen V. Doughty

posted in 2007

I had to surrender to win. I had to substitute the word control for powerlessness before I could understand the meaning of it. I thought I was in control, it was an illusion. Today, I turn it over to my Higher Power, when I surrendered, I was empowered to do what I needed to do for myself.

===================

Recently, my son told me he was in control of his drug use. I can remember when I thought control was the solution. If I could control, people, place and things, everything would be just fine.

Ego is "Easing God Out." I didn't allow God into my life and tended to discount Him. When I am trying to control, it is already out of control. I end up trying to be my own Higher Power.

I use to get really upset when people didn't post on this site. Today, I am able to let go, and do what I need to do for my own recovery and sobriety (soundness of mind).

[MajestyJo]

Surrender doesn't mean to give up. It means give over. Surrender was part of the honesty I needed to find in Step One, admitting I didn't know, made a mistake, willing to open my mind to new ideas and concepts. Just because I had done things for numerous years, didn't mean they were right. I found even in recovery, things in early recovery had to be revised and edited. Many times it was my lack of willingness to let go, I wanted to hang onto those strings, making them conditional, hidden, and many times restoring to denial and lack olf willingness to let go.

My addiction was always wanting more, so in my recovery, I had to get honest, open my mind, and willing to change. More recovery, not more drugs, no more using other things to hide from what was truly happening in my life.

My control in today come from my Through my God, all things are possible. The second half of the first Step, my life is unmanageable when managed by me.

It is ironic, I never used to get 'high' or as what some people saw as 'high', although it could have been the fact that I was so depressed, it took a lot of using to get me up to where I got to a stage to really let go. I remember times when I was horrified because I saw myself losing control. There is no way I wanted to act or appear drunk, I just wanted the warm fuzzies, and it just took more and more to reach that feeling. The problem was, as my disease progressed, if I did find the feeling, I couldn't stop there, I still had to have more. It didn't matter what the drug was that brought me there or the drug that came along that I just had to have more. When one drug stopped working, I generally used it in a combo with something or someone else.

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[MajestyJo]

Do you ever feel depressed?

Depression is a big part of grief. Whenever we have a change in our life which brings about change in our daily routine, our daily living structure, and our long-time habits, we grieve over what was, what might have been, and fear what is to come.

Depression is part of grieving and something that I don't take a pill for. My depression isn't a chemical imbalance. Doctor's have tried to put me on anti-depressants for my fibromyalgia and all they did for me was put weight on and then I became more depressed. I have seen many girls put on them only to go back out to get thin. Either they were not honest with their doctor or their doctor doesn't understand the disease of addiction.

Every time there is a change, a loss be it a job, a routine, a loved one, or a habit, we go through a grieving process. It isn't something to ignore and hide under a bushel. The program works on it when I apply the 12 Steps. The 12 Steps are applicable to all situations.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-elephants/0120.gif

Depression gives me signs to me that I am heading down the old path and I need to turn things over to my Higher Power. i.e. no shower, not getting dressed...no leaving the house...only leaving the bed to eat or go potty. Bed was one of the things I used for years. I even went without TV for two years, because I was living and out and about, participating in life. When depression hit, I got it back and added extra bundles so I wouldn't miss anything. When I got my computer, I became addicted to it, not realizing that it was just another escape route.

Here is a link to some quotes. The one I like the best is:

“Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts” by Penelope Sweet

www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_women.htm

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[MajestyJo]

Am I an alcoholic because I am an addict. Am I an addict because I am an alcoholic?

Doesn't matter, in either case, I have a disease. A dis-ease that prevented me to go within to connect with my Higher Power and kept looking outside of myself for some person, place or thing to make me feel better.

The didn't satisfy the thirst, I kept wanting more. I had to fill up with Spiritual things. What do you do to top yourself up, so you have something to give instead of working on fumes.

The 12 Steps are applicable to ALL areas of my life. Have you used them? Did you know that when you get to Step 12, you start again at Step One. Each step is a healing process that gives you new awareness and a new reality, and allows me to open up to new experiences. Did you know that the 12 Steps are a growth tool?

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[MajestyJo]

Did you know that this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful? Did you know that the body, mind, and spirit is affected, and we need to work on our emotional sobriety daily?

This is a one day at a time program, what do you to cleanse your body, mind and spirit, to open up to the goodness of God?


"Beware what you set your heart upon. For it shall surely be yours."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"F R O G" we all need one

I was told a story about a lady in the hospital who was near death when an area Chaplain came to visit her This Chaplain was a very young female with very long, blond hair. She listened to the lady who was ill and left her a small gift for comfort. It was a tiny ceramic frog. The next day one of the people from the lady's church came to visit. The lady told her friend about the beautiful young Chaplain who had come to visit her. The friend was so impressed with the way the lady had improved and felt the need to talk to the young Chaplain. In her search to find the young gal, she was repeatedly reassured that the chaplains are never very young and that there was never a gal that fit the description given.
Upon returning to the lady in the hospital, a visiting nurse entered the room and noticed the ceramic frog. The nurse made the comment "I see you have a guardian angel with you." As she held the little frog. We asked why she made the comment and we were informed that the frog stood for:

(F) Forever (R) Rely (O) On (G) God

To The World You Might Be One Person; But To One Person You Might Be the World.

You have been Tagged by the Froggy, which means you are a great friend!!

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-aquatic/0232.gif

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have Trouble remembering how to fly.

May God grant you always
A sunbeam to warm you,
A moonbeam to charm you,
A sheltering angel so
nothing can harm you.
Laughter to cheer you,
Faithful friends near you and
when ever you pray heaven to hear you.

Posted on another site Alcohol and Addictions Recovery Help/Support...

[MajestyJo]

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Reading from Courage to Change talks about our fear of change.

For me, I embrace it. I look forward to it. Yet I can get caught up in stuff and forget that I can change it and that I don't have to stay stuck.

I am empowered to make those changes when I surrender and turn them over to the God of my understanding.

What I had problems with was the knowledge to know the difference.

I would find myself, going around in circles, not knowing what to do; when all I had to do was stop, turn things over to my HP and let go and let God. It helped to know that a day can start any time. For this 24 Hours, I will try not to enforce my will and pray, Thy will be done. If I can't do that, then I can pray for the will to be willing.

I was so fragmented and broken when I came into recovery. Slowly but surely, I changed and became whole. What it took in early recovery is not what I need in today. What I need to do in today is maintain my sobriety. At the beginning I was search for it and looking for what I need. Yet having said that, "I also need to look at what I need in today. What I thought I needed, may have changed. Just because it is something that served me for several years, doesn't mean it is still what I need in today. As you say, "I may have gotten comfortable, maybe something has worn out, not only it's welcome but it's use and needs to be replaced."

If I have a fear in today, it is that I won't notice. If I find a fear, like I faced three days ago, I know to take it to my God. I know that whatever happens will happen, fear or no fear. Best I think of goodness and draw it to me that to think the worst and attract it to me. I am a firm believer in the Power of Prayer.


Posted on another site in 2004.

Worry is fear that hasn't said it's prayers. Something I had to keep aware of and act accordingly. I have to find acceptance before I can take action to change. It is generally my attitude, my complacency, my lack of faith, and unwillingness to do anything in the moment, and I want to sit in my stuff a little while or I don't like what I foresee I have to do to change. My magic magnifying mind can blow things all out of proportion and I get overwhelmed, and instead of taking action, I allow fear to paralyze me.

I had to let go of the paranoia, the old tapes and make new ones, old behaviours and habits which no longer serve me in today.

[MajestyJo]

DAILY OM

It’s Never Too Late
Getting Back To What You Love

There are times in life when we are committed to pursuing our passions. Every molecule in our body is focused on doing what we love. At other times, necessity and responsibility dictate that we put our dreams aside and do what needs to be done. It is during these moments that we may choose to forget what it is that we love to do. There are many other reasons for why we may leave our passions behind. A hobby may lose its appeal once we’ve realize it will never turn into our dream job. Someone important to us may keep telling us that our passions are childish and unsuitable – until we finally believe them.

Forgetting about what you love to do can be a form of self-sabotage. If you can forget about your dreams, then you never have to risk failure. But just because we’ve decided to ignore our passions doesn’t mean they no longer exist. Nothing can fill the emptiness that remains in a space vacated by a passion that we have tossed aside. Besides, life is too short to stop doing what you love, and it is never too late to rediscover your favorite things. If you gave up playing an instrument, painting, drawing, spending time in nature, or any other activity or interest that you once loved to do, now may be the time to take up that passion again. If you don’t remember what it is that you used to be passionate about, you may want to think about the activities or interests that you used to love or the dreams that you always wished you could pursue.

You don’t have to neglect your responsibilities to pursue your passions, and you don’t have to neglect your commitments to do what you love. When you make an effort to incorporate your interests into your life, the fire within you ignites. You feel excited, inspired, and fed by the flames that are sparked by living your life with passion for what you love.

What do you think?

I didn't find recovery until I was 49. I qualified at the age of 26 for sure, but when I look at my life, I have to wonder why I was put on Valium at 16.

[MajestyJo]

For many years I put aside what I needed or wanted to do for others. I lived my life through others and told myself I was happy because they were happy. I liked things because I was doing them with others and I wasn't alone, and yet it wasn't my true self.

My big love and passion is bridge. It makes me sad that I have had to cancel twice because of my health. It was nice when my partner picked up the phone and called me so that we made the connection. His grand passion is exercise and he was tired from doing too much and he was glad of the night home and the rest. He would have gone if I had been able but he was glad that I had made the decision to stay home.

In today, I haven't been able to play for 3 years. I keep thinking of going back, but because of my medications, I don't always have concentration and I don't feel that I could be a good partner, and that has always been important to me.

Sometimes we fear hurting the other person and are afraid to say no and to set a boundary. It generally works out well in the end when you listen to yourself. Again, it is about balance.

I can't give away what I don't have. I was told that I needed to top myself up and only give away the overflow.

It is important to have an outside interest. In today, for me it is coming to the sites and a game of Bejewelled 3.

My computer and my sites became an addiction, they completely took up my thoughts and was always on line forgetting to live my own life. I had to pray and ask for healing of my thoughts. There was no more 'have to do" in my thinking and I was able to LIVE my life.

[MajestyJo]

What will happen when and if I relapse? If you are thinking this, you are heading that way, if you don`t take precautions and connect with your God and work the program daily.


AA Thought for the Day
May 21, 2006
Deadly Progression
For as long as I could remember,
I was shy, insecure, and full of fear.
When I drank that first time,
it was not so much what alcohol did for me,
it was what alcohol took away;
all my inadequacies, fears, and loneliness.
I never imagined that first drink as the beginning
of a deadly progression that would lead me
to death's door and the gates of hell.
With the benefit of hindsight,
I see that alcoholism called all the shots in my life.


Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, June 2006, p. 44. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.

Thought to Ponder....

Alcohol gave me wings to fly,
then it took away the sky.


----------------------------------------

Recovery Related Acronym

D E A D = Drinking Ends All Dreams.


Love this, it reminds me that even though I stopped using, my disease didn't go away. It is just there waiting for me to pick up and it is always there whispering in my year that I don't have a problem, everyone else has. This time it will be different, you haven't used for a long time, and so what if you picked up a few substitutions along the way, you are just F.I.N.E.

It is a spiritual program and started a spiritual quest at 1 year sober. I had so many messages from my past and from listening to all the members in AA, I had to look to see who my God was to me. Through that search and connecting with my God, I found myself. At the beginning it was in meetings and listening to the people who shared, later on the internet, yet it all amounts for me, to my connection with my God. He/She is as shown to me in today, and I am given that Divine Orderly Good, because my God give me Good Orderly Direction by showing me a new way of life and utilizes people, places and things to show me the way.

If I don't make that daily connection, I allow my disease to slip in be it by listening to people who are still acting out in their disease or by allowing blocks and walls to be erected to block me from that Spirit, and/or ignoring the lessons and experiences I am shown and prevent myself from growing by closing my mind.

My daily connection is the only defense I have against this disease. I also have to be aware that my disease is not one drug, I have used many things over the years and anything I put between me and my God, becomes my drug of choice in today.

It isn't the drug: alcohol, pills, relationships (fear of being alone), men (looking for attention), food, shopping, gambling (Nevada Tickets), work and busy. It is not the drug, that isn`t the issue, the problem is me. It was me long before I picked up my first drug that helped me to stuff and not allow me to feel. I always wanted to escape from my reality because it was fear and pain, and I spent most of my life looking outside of myself to make me feel better. The insanity of our disease, so much better to go within and get in touch with my Creator.

Addiction takes many forms.

http://www.angelwinks.net/images/gw14.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Are you aware that you are a people pleaser?

http://psychcentral.com/lib/21-tips-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser/

Read over these statements to see if they apply to you under some circumstances:

I try to be who someone wants me to be.
am afraid to rock the boat.
It is hard for me to know what I want.
I avoid speaking my mind.
I find it easier to go along with what someone wants or with their opinion.
I fantasize about a strong person taking over my life and making it work.
It is hard for me to express my feelings when they are different from someone I’m close to.
It is difficult for me to say No.
I avoid getting angry.
It is hard for me to take initiative.
I try to be nice rather than expressing how I really feel.
I want everyone to get along.

If these statements fit you in certain situations, you may have a People-Pleaser Pattern. You don’t need to behave this way all the time. You may be pleasing only with certain people or in certain situations. Personality patterns aren’t the same as personality types. If you have this pattern, it doesn’t mean that you are always a People-Pleaser, just that a part of you is.

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[MajestyJo]

This leaves only one day-today. Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives us mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something, which happened yesterday, or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore do our best to live but one day at a time. Am I living one day at a time?

- Twenty-Four Hours a Day

My life is so much in today that things seem to slip away and time just disappears. I must admit to wanting Saturday to be here a couple of times this week. Each time it came to mind though, I brought myself back in the moment reminding myself, it is just today.

One day's thoughts and actions. One day's experiences, adventures, and disappointments. When we live in today, the pictures isn't so overwhelming. When I try to bring in yesterday and tomorrow, today becomes unmanageable.

Give God the gift of a thankful heart.

Don't think I have read those line before, if so, it was a long time ago. Similiar words and meanings but just not put that way. That is my gift today that I will take with me.

I am so grateful for recovery. It has given me so much. The greatest gift has been myself. Without sobriety, I would be dead. There wasn't much 'me' left and recovery has put me back together again, one day at a time.

God and I are still working on it!

http://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/recovery/thought-for-the-day/twenty-four-hours-a-day

[MajestyJo]

DAILY OM

Exploring An Alternate Universe
What Makes People Tick?

All people have their own way of being in the world. It is easiest to comprehend this basic yet profound fact when we consider that every human being on the planet occupies a distinct role in the universe. We grow up in different environments, affected by a unique range of influences. The preferences, values, and beliefs we embrace are frequently related intimately to our origins. And the need to individualize our experiences is instinctive, as doing so enables us to cope when we must face challenges on our own. Consequently, each of us has developed a perspective that is uniquely ours. Interacting peacefully and constructively with people from all walks of life is a matter of first understanding where they are coming from. Then we can adjust our expectations so that we avoid making undue assumptions about what they are about.

In the face of emerging interpersonal conflict, it is easy to assume that others are being difficult, unreasonable, or stubborn. We are apt to grow frustrated when someone in our environment does not share our opinions or feel compelled to support us in our endeavors. It is likely that the individual or individuals before us may simply possess differing notions with regard to what is and what is not important in this life. We can ease the tension that exists between us by reaffirming our belief in the fundamental right of all beings to determine their own destinies. To foster a harmonious relationship, we need to do our best to relate to the unique universes they inhabit. And as we discover what makes them tick, our ability to find a mode of interaction that is pleasing to both of us is enhanced.

When there are barriers keeping you from connecting with someone else, think of questions you can ask them to gain a more thorough understanding of their point of view. You may discover that in addition to the differences in perspective dividing you, they are subject to insecurities and other personal issues that influence their way of seeing the world. It is likely that you will never fully grasp the myriad complexities embodied by humanity, but you can go a long way toward encouraging mutually satisfying relations by reaching out to others in the spirit of sympathetic comprehension.

What do you think?

One of the gifts of recovery was being able to see both sides of the street. Understanding were people came from, helped me to be more accepting.

[MajestyJo]

It doesn't really matter what you desire to achieve. The thing that truly makes a difference is what you're willing to do to reach that desired achievement. Your willingness to do what is necessary makes the critical difference between merely wishing and actually making it happen. The strength of your desire matters only to the degree that it motivates you to take action.
If every wish was immediately and completely fulfilled, with no effort whatsoever, imagine how tiresome that would soon become. Think of how completely unfulfilling such a life would be.

The real value of any achievement depends on the challenges that must be overcome to reach that achievement. To shortcut the process, even if it was possible, would leave you feeling empty and cheated.

What a blessing it is that achievement requires effort, and that significant achievement requires significant, dedicated effort. The necessity of making it happen is what brings the possibility of making it great, and valuable, and truly magnificent.

-- Ralph Marston

This was written by an "Earthling" as far as I know but he captures the spirit of the program very well.

Step One:

Powerless seems like such a negative word, yet on the whole, it is one of the most powerful and positive places we can be.

When we admit we are powerless over people, places and things, then we are empowered to make some changes in our lives.

When we can see that we can't control another person's thought, actions, feelings; a vehicles preformance, reliability, or its parts; a place where we always go to feel safe may not always be there, be available, because it can be shut down, shut up, closed, etc.

When I drank, I couldn't guarantee my actions, whether I would go home for supper let alone be able to cook it. A lot of it was about. who came into the Legion, if I found a dart partner, a cribbage game, or the pleasure of someone's company, especially if they were buying me drinks or I was playing for drinks. So even when it came to my alcoholism, I am powerless over people, places and things.

When I surrender and ask the God of my understanding for help, He empowers me to do what I need to do for myself. I no longer have to go to people, places and things to fulfill my need. He is the Great Supplier, and He in today, often utilizes people, places and things to show me a better way of living.

ARE YOU AN ALOCHOLIC?

The Five stages of drunkenness

Stage 1 - SMART- This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING- This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.


Stage 3 - RICH- This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF- You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE- This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness.
At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.

I just finished reading Bill W's autobiography. My first 40 Years. Towards the very end in Towns Hospital Ebby gave him a book titled " The Varieties of Religious Experience " by William James. He was an intellectual, called by some the father of modern psychology. Bill began to see that all the experiences cited had certain common denominators, despite the ways they manifested themselves. The first common denominatoe was calamity. Nearly every recipient described had met utter defeat in some controlling area of life. Every resource of courage, understanding, and will had failed. the next condition was the admission from the very dpths of being that defeat was utter and absolute. the third condition was an appeal to a higher power for help. It did not matter what form or channel this higher power was, more importantly seemed the appeal. Utter defeat, the complete mission of helplessness and the appeal. These were the essential things. The bearer of this message was Ebby with whom Bill shared the common experience of alcoholism and who'd related this same form of transformation on a more gradual basis than Bill had just experienced himself.

Received from a good friend in NA.

[MajestyJo]

Why don't I leave?

This is probably one of the easiest questions for me to came along in a while.

Simple I don't leave because I love him.

Yes he may be an addict and had his problems but he is trying very hard to recover.

But being an addict is not the only thing he is.

He is strong.
He is handsome (great penetrating hazel eyes to die for)
He is a good provider.
He is a good father.
He is a good husband & lover.
He is a confidant.
He gives comfort.
He will go out of his way for me.
He is complex and thought provoking.
He has his quirks , just as I have mine.
He accepts me for who I am.
He is undemanding of me.
He loves me right back.

But the main reason I stay he is my friend and my soulmate, and I love him.

This is a post by a friend in response to a newcomer who asked the question "Why can't I leave him." I didn't leave because I thought my son needed a father. I later came to realize my son didn't like him much and grew to hate him as my ex-husband's disease escalated into abuse. Most times it was directed at me, but it got to a stage there was going to be a fist-a-cuff and that wasn't an option, so I kicked him out of the apartment. He complained when I spent money on food, it was beer money. When he left I had 50 cents in my purse and a half jar of peanut butter. There never seemed to be a right time to ask him to leave, so I did it and trust God to provide. I shared with my friend who was a bartender at the Royal Canadian Legion. Her husband who was past-president of the Legion came to me and gave me a $50. cheque to see me through until I could get hold of Mother's Allowance on Monday. I tried to be a buffer between him and my son. My son had a lot of anger as a result of that marriage that last 7 years.

I had a lot of anger as a result of the marriage too, a lot of mental and emotional abuse and then it became physical. No woman should stay in that kind of relationship, you deserve better. He killed all the love I had for him. The same thing happened with my first marriage, along with the fact that he was running around with other women and then felt the need to introduce me to them. He was not their the night our son was born, and he moved out when our son was two months old to move in with one of his women. I know that I loved him but the pain was too much and had to do a lot of healing by applying the Steps, then at 15 years sober, I went to sexual assault counselling. My first husband was the first person to rape me. I felt that it was my fault because I wasn't a good wife or woman. I didn't know I had the right to say no to my husband. It was a role I had to play. So many old tapes got in the way, and thanks to the program, I was able to heal and find myself.

[MajestyJo]

Don't intellectualize, don't question how it works. Just know it does and don't question it with Who, Why, and Wheres?

Don't intellectualize, just accept. The program works if you work for it.

Take the body and the mind will follow!

When I find myself 'wanting' something, I need to examine 'Why' and ask myself if it is self-will or my God's Will. My God meets my needs, He/She even supplies my wants and desires if they are for my Romper Room. When I get needy I get greedy and childish and want what is good for me, without thought of anyone else.

Will - Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Step 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Willing - Willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. BB, p. 12

If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps. BB, p. 58

Willing to grow along spiritual lines. BB, p. 60

Willing to make amends. BB, p. 76

Willing to place spiritual growth first. 12x12, p. 114

Willing to take advice and accept direction. 12x12, p. 59

It works, if I work for it. So many people say, "They are only suggestions." Well there are some darn well betters or you will pick up, which can be anything other than your drug of choice and you feel like there is nothing wrong because it isn't your drug of choice.

The 12 Steps are applicable to all parts of my life. In order to recovery, I had to look at my pill addiction, my alcoholism, my codependency, my relationships, my eating disorder, and my addiction to busy and the computer.

I had to look at my life and see how I was looking outside of myself to make me feel better. Recovery is an inside job. For so many years, I questioned myself. I had to go within and find myself. I had to go within and work on what was there, rather than what I thought was there or wanted to be there.

I had to work on my character defects, behaviors and habits, as well as heal from my addiction(s). It was about getting honest about my dis-ease, opening my mind to new things, and willing to do what ever it takes to maintain my sobriety.

The program works if you work it.

http://angelwinks.net/images/thoughtpod/thoughtpod1068.jpg

[MajestyJo]

The program works if you work for it. The program works if you work for the program. Service has always been a big part of my recovery,

One of my medication cards yesterday:

New Beginnings:- A clear slate is now encounter presented to you as you now encounter fresh opportunities and novel experiences.

Sometimes we cling to old routines because they are familiar. I only get out of a day what I put into it.

Are you willing to put your life into the Care of God?

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-dogs/0107.gif

[MajestyJo]

0nce Y0u L0se Sum0ne... ♥

It's Never The Exactly The Same Pers0n Who Comes Back....! :'(

SMS2 Text


I felt so different from the person that came through the doors of recovery, I didn't think anyone would recognize me. A member of my group said, 'Just because you change the color of your hair doesn't mean I can't recognize you. Another person said, "Do you ever keep track of the number of times yo u change your hair style and color."

I was searching for me and I recognize that I was focusing on the outside. I came into the program a red head, went back to my original color, a brunette and my son suggested I go blonde.

I did not recognize myself, I got lost along the way. I had to get out of the way, work the program, and allow the changes to happen. I was generally the last to notice.

They say fake it until you make it. Not one of my favourite sayings, but in truth it does work. I kept coming and didn't have to come back.

http://www.whats-your-sign.com/images/NativeAmericanBearSymbolMeanings.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Bible Verses About Trusting God - Read scriptures about the importance of believing in and trusting God even though we can not see him. Read biblical answers to questions about God, like "who is God?", "what is God really like?", "why can't we see God?" and many more.

Use our Bible verses by topic page to quickly find scriptures about popular topics.


1 Peter 2:1-5
Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. As you come to him, the living Stone--rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him-- you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Jeremiah 17:5
This is what the LORD says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD.


The God of your understanding is with you always, if you question your life, then you are questioning your God. Faith opens the door.

[MajestyJo]

What Are the Symptoms of Alcohol Abuse?

The following symptoms are associated with alcohol abuse:

Temporary blackouts or memory loss.
Recurrent arguments or fights with family members or friends as well as irritability, depression, or mood swings.
Continuing use of alcohol to relax, to cheer up, to sleep, to deal with problems, or to feel "normal."
Headache, anxiety, insomnia, nausea, or other unpleasant symptoms when you stop drinking.
Flushed skin and broken capillaries on the face; a husky voice; trembling hands; bloody or black/tarry stools or vomitingblood; chronic diarrhea; and drinking alone, in the mornings, or in secret; these symptoms are specifically associated with alcoholism.

Keep in mind that alcohol abuse is different from alcohol dependence.

With abuse, a person uses alcohol in excess but may not have regular cravings, a need to use daily, or withdrawal symptoms during sudden stoppage. The person may often have heavy alcohol binge episodes separated by periods of not drinking.
If a person is dependent on alcohol, he or she needs to drink regularly or even daily and drink more and more to get the same effects. The person also experiences withdrawal symptoms if he or she stops drinking and wants to quit drinking alcohol but can't.

Call Your Doctor About Alcohol Dependence If:

You have any of the symptoms listed in the description section and are unable to stop drinking on your own. You need medical intervention to treat alcoholism. You may also be susceptible to ailments such as alcoholic hepatitis, ulcers, cirrhosis, and heart disease.
You drink regularly and experience chronic or periodic depression. You may be at risk of suicide.
You have tried to stop drinking and experienced withdrawal symptoms such as headache, anxiety, insomnia, nausea, or delirium tremens (DTs). You need medical attention by a doctor or a treatment center.

Ask yourself, "Do I have a problem?"

C -- You tried but failed to Cut down your drinking
A -- You are Annoyed by criticism from others about drinking
G -- You feel Guilt about consequences of drinking (such as loss of job or relationship)
E -- You've needed a drink or Eye-opener to steady your nerves or treat a hangover

If you answered "yes" to two or more of these questions, you could have a problem with alcohol.

Reviewed by: Jennifer Robinson, MD on March 01, 2015.

[MajestyJo]

Balance Within

So much of the time, I believe,
we have much more room for activity and doing in our lives,
but in some way convince ourselves we're just too busy.
Too busy to talk with a friend,
too busy to plant flowers,
too busy to try something that we've always wanted to do.
The list goes on and on.

But the truth is that when we are imbalanced
by not honoring what is best for us as individuals,
even the most sedentary lifestyle can seem stressful.
It doesn't have to be that way though.
At this time of new beginnings,
perhaps it is time to have a renewed look at your dreams and aspirations.

Determine what you wish to do,
and what elements may be missing in your life
that would give you the sense of balance and fullness once enjoyed.
It is these things,
sometimes very small,
that will give you the sense of happiness if any can.
Choose well to know your dreams!

unknown

Do you have balance in your life? It has always been a challenge for me.

[MajestyJo]

How are you sabotaging yourself?

"If you play it safe in life you've decided that you don't want to grow any more."

-- Shirley Hufstedler

How are you sabotaging your potential for change?

We unconsciously use defence mechanisms to shield us from situations we perceive to be scary or painful. A part of you may want to grow and change, but another part may be resisting because change always moves you into new territory in your thinking and emotions.

If you find you are getting anxious, fearful, angry, frustrated, dismissive or unmotivated, then defence mechanisms are at work. Watch for them and know them to be signs of fear that wants to hold you back. Then courageously move through them.

"I have never been contained except I made the prison."

-- Mary Evans

From Higher Awareness - used with permission

Especially love the last quote. I was a prisoner of my own mind. As I told the girls when I volunteered to do meetings for AA, NA, and Al-Anon and do one on ones for AA and NA, "I didn't need iron bars, I was in my own self-imposed prison."

Just like this Santa, going no where fast!

Are you your own worst enemy?

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-christmas/0076.gif

[MajestyJo]

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ0TeoI18DjEWyQj4iLlA_8z6jrWxKxK GwlwwcAOl5cE9_uT636

It is a long-time dream which has finally come true. As I learn, I hope to enhance it, but for the moment, the basics are there.

www.harmonyandpeace.i8.com/

A woman in Michigan helped me build this several years ago, when I was clueless about sites and the internet, and she guided me by talking to me on Instant Messenger on MSN. My old sites that were on MSN and Multiply are all gone. I am still clueless and don't know how to add to the site or to change anything that is there.

Do you have peace and harmony in your life?

[MajestyJo]

May 2004

“When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn’t.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 53

This reminds me of the phrase, “Are you an alcoholic?” “I think I might be just a little bit.” The both statements are the same as saying I think I am a little bit pregnant. Either you are or you are not. I had to find my own truth, and although I was in denial, there was something within me that kept me coming to the rooms of recovery for two years until I had reach total acceptance, and I know it wasn’t me.

When I looked back over my life, some force was working in my life keeping me alive and to the doors of recovery, because I qualified twenty years before I got here. Some are sicker than others. When I took an honest look at my life I realized God didn’t go away, I did!

God works in my life today. He utilizes people, places and things to show me a better way of living and to help me in my journey.

God still is in my life. With the pain and health issues in my life today, I would have been long gone if it wasn't for God in my life. I see so many people with the same issues who are on heavy medication and totally isolated and into self and I want to tell them, get a 12 Step Program. You know me you qualify for Al-Anon, even if you feel you don't qualify as an alcoholic or an addict.

I identified so much with ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics), and I was so grateful that I went to AA first, or I might have died in my disease because of my denial.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/ps-santa/0004.gif

[MajestyJo]

How are you feeling today?

F.I.N.E. Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. The one I like is "...and enjoying it."

Getting in touch with my emotions was difficult. I had shoved them down all of my life. I hadn't felt them, so how could I identify them. I had trouble putting a name on them. What I thought was anger, often turned out to be resentment, hurt, rejection, abandonment, and a lot of other things that my sponsor help me to identify. They said I had to feel them in order to let me go, so I found that I had to pray for the willingness to be willing to not stuff my feelings with other substances than my drug(s) of choice, people, places, and things.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-bears-love-texts/0051.gif

[MajestyJo]

Let me tell you my story about the two doors. I think I posted this on the AEB site so some of you may have seen it before.

One door with a room full of CHIT behind it and all you will find in this room is CHIT. If you put your hands in it, even dig right up to your elbows, jump right into it or even wallow in it all you will ever find is CHIT Next to the door there are 12 steps and you can take the 12 steps and leave the CHIT behind.

There is a new door with many gifts called sobriety. Anytime you want to, you can go down the stairs and you can wallow in the CHIT; But you can always take the steps again and get out of the CHIT. In the new room there are many gifts for having worked the steps; They are yours for the taking as long as you remember to use the steps.

Firefly

=======================================

There was a little boy who was the worlds greatest optimist. He could find the good in anyone and anything. Not wanting him to be hurt as he got older, his parents thought they would teach him a life lesson. It was his birthday and they got a whole truck load of horse manure and dumped it into his room.
When they opened the door for him, he jumped right in digging with both hands. When they asked him what he was doing, he said, "With all this manure, I know there has to be a pony in here somewhere."
We can choose to see the dark side, or we can choose to see the light side. We can choose to be happy, or we can choose to be miserable.

Wolf

=======================================

People say to me, well I have done the steps!

I remember asking "What happens when I get to Step Twelve?" I was told, "Start again at Step One! You should have grown as a result of working the steps, so you will have a new perception of yourself and your life, so if you want to keep growing and changing, keep working the step!"

Self-honesty doesn't happen overnight, and it is only through working the steps that I was able to get "REAL" and remove the layers that block my vision and kept me in a world of illusion and denial.

This is just as true today as when I posted this on another site and as it was in early recovery. Pain has always been a big trigger for me. I suffer from chronic pain all the time as a result of my five types of arthritis. Pain is why I used in the first place. At first it was emotional pain, then it became mental, then physical.

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ6CzKW-qhP_teA6aLxfj4fz-e_LDiW4frO3qljCoW2NwJsrBib3g

Thank God the program still works.

[MajestyJo]

Today's thought is:
How will you dream if you don't sleep?
How will you hear yourself?
~Michael Dorris~

Sleep is a wonderful gift in our lives. For eight hours, we rest our bodies. We let the thoughts, feelings, and events of our lives tumble through our sleeping minds as they sort themselves through our dreams.

But dreams are not always happy. Some of us are afraid to sleep. Our dreams scare us. We may dream about using again or about bad things that happened. But we shouldn't let our dreams fool us. They are not reality. They are just feelings, thoughts, and memories working themselves out. In early recovery, there are a lot of things to sort out.

We create the reality of our lives by the choices we make when we are awake: how much we trust in our Higher Power, how we care of ourselves, how we treat others, how we work our program.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me listen to the messages of my dreams. Help me understand that my dreams will get better as my life gets better.

Today's Action

I will listen to my dreams. What is my mind working out in my sleep? If I remember my dreams, I will talk about them with my wide-awake friends.


You are reading from the book:


God Grant Me... by Anonymous

Copyright 2005 by Hazelden Foundation.

I was told that it wasn't so much what you saw in a dream, but what you were feeling. Often our dreams speak to us, and a using dream is a warning that you are heading toward relapse and it was time to get back to basics. Ask yourself, what have I stopped doing, what do I need to add to my program? What is no longer working for me and what do I need to change?

http://www.angelwinks.ca/images/anangel11.gif

[MajestyJo]

Recovery is a bit like school.



There is more to staying clean than mere abstinence, as any

recovering addict can tell you. We have to take an active role in our

recovery in order to succeed in the long run.



Not only that, but recovery is a learning experience. Period. When we

first get clean, we have no idea about how to live life clean. We

don't know how to play by the rules anymore. So recovery is all about

learning. We learn how to get through tricky situations without

relapsing. We learn how to have fun again without using. We learn how

to reach out and connect with others in recovery in order to stay

strong. And so on. It's all one big learning experience.



So how do we know what kind of progress we're making in our recovery?

Let's just check out our recovery report card.



You'll notice that "Math" and "History" are not on this report card

The subjects in the school of recovery are a bit different, of

course.



And what is most interesting about the school of recovery is that

most people get a bit mixed up. They think, for example, that one of

the subjects might be "serenity," or even "maintaining abstinence."

These are outcomes of a successful learning experience, but they are

not the lesson itself.



So what are the lessons? The answer to this would vary depending on

what program you are following. I would argue that any decent program

will have the following three "subjects" at a bare minimum:



1) Caring for yourself - This has to become a priority. Low self

esteem plagues struggling addicts and it becomes

necessary to repair it in order to maintain recovery. Without doing

so, the temptation to relapse will be too great.



If you were in recovery school, the category of "caring for self"

would be more than just one subject or one class..it would be an

entire curriculum; something you could major in at college. We need

to start caring for ourselves on a whole number of different levels.

This is the holistic approach to recovery and well being.



It's pretty easy to tell if you are struggling in this area, because

your progress here will be a reflection of how you feel about

yourself. When I first got clean , I needed to do some work

in this area. It took time to rebuild my self-worth. It took time for

me to start treating myself with respect (for example, by quitting

smoking).



2) Networking with others - Especially important in early recovery,

in order to build support systems that will get you through the tough

times. Perhaps you've fallen out of touch with others in recovery

lately, and your grades have slipped a bit in this class? In that

case, find a way to reach out and reconnect.



3) Push for person growth - Again, the subject of personal growth

could not possibly be covered with just a single class in school. It

would more likely be an entire series of courses, spanning topics

such as:



* Knowing your triggers and slippery situations

* Overcoming self-pity and resentment

* Learning to forgive and let go of anger

* Fitness and nutrition

* Quitting smoking

* Emotional balance

* Social skills and support



I would equate personal growth with doing your homework. If you don't

get active with this subject and really push yourself, it's unlikely

that you will make any significant progress. I also think that

personal growth mirrors the homework concept because it might seem to

be irrelevant to your recovery (just like kids might think some

homework is pointless), but pursuing personal growth indirectly helps

you to stay clean in the long run.



What does your report card look like?

So now that you've seen the general subjects, what does your report

card look like? Do you need to spend more time studying, or have you

aced your recovery?

Author Unknown


Found this on another site, gave me some food for thought, how about you?

Al-Anon. I qualify for AA and NA, and yet I had 3-33 reasons to go to Al-Anon, when I was going to meetings. Now I am online, it is 3-333.

[MajestyJo]

Think a new thought

http://i667.photobucket.com/albums/vv36/MajestyJo/270-1.gif

Think a new thought, and the whole world changes in front of your eyes. Adopt a new perspective, and you enter a new reality.
What seems to be out there is precisely your perception and interpretation of what's out there. And as such, you can truly make it whatever you choose.

At your core is a purpose that provides an endless source of energy. It is new and bright and sparkling in every moment.

Seek to know the truth of that purpose, and notice how it feels so very right. Let it be the lens through which you see all else.

Know where you are coming from, and you will know where to go. Know where to go, and you will be there.

-- Ralph Marston

Look at the whole picture, what do you see?

[MajestyJo]

Sobriety is soundness of mind.

I have to work on my soundness of mind daily.

That means my emotional sobriety. I haven't had a drink in 24 years. That means I am sober.

Do you have emotional hangovers from the day before?

Do you lay your emotions to rest when you go to bed at night or do you pick them up when you get up in the morning?

What do you do with your emotions? Do you acknowledge them? Do you ignore them? Perhaps you pick up a cigarette or decide you are hungry?

Are you feeling comfortable being with yourself or are you feeling a little antsy? Do you need to pick up a book or turn the TV on? Do the normal programs no longer satisfy your mind and your normal routine not fill up your mind. Is something leaking into your mind that you don't want there that you are wanting to avoid? Just maybe you should look at it, perhaps it is a sign.

Maybe your God is giving you a little nudge.

I thought these sites were closed (The Five As and Soundness of Mind). I have been telling everyone they were. The format is changed, and I am not sure if I can respond to anythings posted here, but I felt led here tonight, so there must have been a very good reason.

http://www.angelwinks.ca/images/angelblowingkisses2.gif

[MajestyJo]

Ain't it the truth!?

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 166 years ago?

California became a state.
The State had no electricity.
The State had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like California is today, except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.

Received with thanks from my friend Daryl.



This reminds me of all the old tapes and thou shall nots that I grew up with. Those things you didn't mention, talk about or let on that you knew anything about.

Those feeling you didn't act on and stuffed. Those actions you wanted to take, but didn't because it wasn't considered "proper."

What is reality? How can it be real if it is not mentioned or acknowledged?

The lack of emotion and showing that you cared. I was not huggable when I came into recovery. I use to say, "I don't do hugs." Today, I ask, "Do you do hugs?" I feel like I brought the hug to AA. That may be an ego thing, but there weren't very many of them going around when I got here several twenty-four hours ago.

As they say in NA, "Hugs not drugs!" What ever your drug of choice may be. (Work, food, gambling, computer, relationships, alcohol, drugs, exercise, religion, etc......) My drug of choice was always more.

Some people say, "Well it wasn't my drug of choice." I find that when I become addicted to something, it can lead me back to that drug of choice. I also have found that my drug of choice is no longer working for me, so I have to add more, be it a different alcoholic beverage or I start a pill, pot, or food maintenance program.

[MajestyJo]

Did you pick up a Recovery Tool in today?

Tools of Sobriety (Soundness of Mind) Something we all need, no matter what fellowship we belong to.

Monday, September 22, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

Kindness and intelligence don't always deliver us from the pitfalls and traps.

—Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

Being human means we'll have hard times along with pleasant ones. Whether with friends, at school, or at home, we'll find reasons for sadness or anger as easily as for laughter. In every part of our lives, we're offered just what we need for growth.

Being the best we know how to be doesn't mean we'll escape confusion or pain. Through the troubling times we learn to trust in a Higher Power; we learn patience; we learn to let go and let God decide outcomes. The troubling times offer us growth and serenity, our keys to happiness.

What hidden gifts will I find in today's troubles?

Some of many more posted on the site:


90 TOOLS FOR SOBRIETY



1 ) Stay away from that first drink, taking the 1st step daily.

2 ) Attend AA, or the fellowship of your choice, regularly and get involved.

3 ) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME.

4 ) Use the 24 Hour plan.

5 ) Turn your "dis-ease" to a sense of ease. Picture yourself as "recovered."

6 ) Do first things first.

7 ) Don't become too tired.

8 ) Eat at regular hours.

9 ) Use the telephone. (not just after the fact but during too.).

10) Be active - don't just sit around. Idle time will kill you.

11) Use the Serenity Prayer.

12) Change old routines and patterns.

13) Don't become too hungry.

14) Avoid loneliness.

15) Practice control of your anger.

16) Air your resentments.

17) Be willing to help whenever needed.

18) Be good to yourself, you deserve it.

19) Easy does it.

20) Get out of the "IF ONLY" trap.

21) Remind yourself HOW IT WAS. Your last drunk, the feelings etc. Picture better alternatives.

22) Be aware of your emotions. Reason about them.

23) Help another in his/her recovery, extend your hand, listen.

24) Try to turn your life and your will over to your Higher Power.

25) Avoid all mood-altering drugs, read labels on all medicines.

26) Turn loose of old ideas.

27) Avoid drinking situations/occasions.

28) Replace old drinking buddies with new AA buddies.

29) Read the Big Book.

30) Try not to be dependent on another (sick relationships). Be independent or inter-dependent.

31) Be grateful, and when you're not, make a GRATITUDE list.

32) Get off the "Pity Pot"...the only thing you'll get is a ring

around your bottom if you don't.

33) Seek knowledgeable help when troubled and or otherwise.

34) Face it! You are in control of your destiny.

35) Try the 12 and 12, not just 1 and 12 or 1, 12 and 13!

36) Let go and Let God.

37) Use the "God box." (Write down your worries and problems. Put them in the God box. Once you've done so, you can no longer think about them for that day. Use God's answers: yes, no, or wait, I have something better in store for you. Don't forget to say thanks.

38) Find courage to change through the example of others who have.

39) Don't try to test your will power. When in doubt, DON'T. (Or don't, yet.)

40) Live TODAY, not YESTERDAY, not TOMORROW - projection is planning

the results before anything even happens.

41) Avoid emotional involvements the first year - you end up putting

the other person first and lose sight of "your" program.

42) Remember, YOU ARE NOT YOUR DIS-EASE. So, take it easy on yourself.

43) Rejoice in the manageability of your new life.

44) Be humble--Humility is not in thinking of yourself more, but in

thinking more of yourself less often. Watch the ego.

45) Share your experience, strength and hope as much as possible and as creatively as possible.

46) Cherish your recovery.

47) Dump your garbage regularly - GIGO = Garbage In Garbage Out.

48) Get plenty of "restful" sleep.

49) Stay sober for you - not someone else - otherwise it won't work.

50) Practice rigorous honesty with yourself and others.

51) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME, not 10 years in one day!

55) Make no major decisions the first year.

56) Get a sponsor and use him/her.

57) Know that no matter what your problems, someone's had them before.

Don't be afraid to share, as a problem shared is one 1/2 solved.

58) Strive for progress not perfection.

59) When in doubt ask questions. The only stupid question is the one

not asked.

60) Use prayer and meditation.

61) Maintain a balance: spiritual, physical, emotional and mental.

62) Don't use other substances as a maintenance program.

63) Learn to take spot check inventories.

64) Watch out for the RED FLAGS ... things that give excuses for poor

behavior and inevitable relapse.

65) Know that its okay to be human ... just don't drink over it.

66) Be kind to yourself; it's about time, don't you think?

67) Don't take yourself so seriously - take the dis-ease seriously!

68) Know that whatever it is that's causing pain - it shall pass.

69) Stay as far away from the DRY DRUNK SYNDROME as humanly possible.

70) Don't give away more than you can afford oo, your sobriety comes

first and must be the number 1 priority. Protect it at all costs.

71) Take down those bricks from the wall around you; you'll be able to

see the daylight better. Let people know who you are.

72) Get a home group and attend it regularly.

73) Know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming

train, but actually a ray of hope. Drop the negativity.

74) Know that you are not alone, that's why the "We" is in the steps.

75) Be willing to go to any lengths to stay and be sober.

76) Know that no matter how bleak and dark your past may be, your

future is clean, bright and clear if you don't drink today.

77) Stay out of your own way.

78) Don't be in a hurry--remember "TIME = Things I Must Earn".

79) Watch the EGO. "EGO = Ease God Out".

80) Protect your sobriety at all costs. Keep the light on you.

81) Learn to listen, not just hear. Be open-minded and nonjudgmental.

82) Know that if your insides match your outsides, everyone looks good.

83) If the rest of the world looks bad, check yourself out first.

84) Gratitude is in the attitude.

85) When all else fails ... punt! Up the number of meetings!!!

86) Remember FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL!

87) If they knew better, they'd do better. Think about letting things go.

88) Handle what you can and leave the rest, don't overtax yourself.

You can only accomplish so much in a given 24 hours.

89) Honesty and consistency are key factors in recovery.

90) Let the little kid in you out - learn how to laugh from the gut.

-adapted from ideas by Bob

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Melody Beattie ©

Self Care

I dont precisely know what you need to do to take care of yourself. But I know you can figure it out.
--Beyond Codependency

Rest when youre tired.

Take a drink of cold water when youre thirsty.

Call a friend when youre lonely.

Ask God to help when you feel overwhelmed.

Many of us have learned how to deprive and neglect ourselves. Many of us have learned to push ourselves hard, when the problem is that were already pushed too hard.

Many of us are afraid the work wont get done if we rest when were tired. The work will get done; it will be done better than work that emerges from tiredness of soul and spirit. Nurtured, nourished people, who love themselves and care for themselves, are the delight of the Universe.

They are well timed, efficient, and Divinely led.

Today, I will practice loving self-care.

This reminds me of my sister and my brother-in-law. She didn't go to the doctor until her diabetes was out of control. He went in the hospital on Monday with an appendix that had perforated. They are so busy minding other people's business and not taking care of themselves. They always seem to put other people first. not in a healthy way, but when they focus on others they don't have to look at themselves and their relationship.

My sister especially likes assuming the martyr and victim role, in the present and blames her past relationship on others, especially our mother. I am so grateful for the program that it gave me the freedom to let go and take care of myself.

So grateful that I could identify with ACoA, it was like looking in a mirror. I went to AA for my denial and it took me a long time to get honest and admit to the fact that I qualified for both fellowships. As they say, that is H.O.W. HOW IT WORKS. Me getting honest with me, keeping an open mind, and willing to change and look at all areas of my life in order to recover.

Do I do the do things for my recovery. I have to 'have it' in order to give it away. How can I give away what I don't have?

[MajestyJo]

Today's thought is:

Reflection for the Day

The Program is a road, not a resting place. Before we came to The Program -- and, for some of us, many times afterward -- most of us looked for answers to our living problems in religion, philosophy, psychology, self-help groups, and so on. Invariably, these fields held forth the goals that were precisely what we wanted; they offered freedom, calm, confidence and joy. But there was one major loophole: They never gave us a workable method of getting there. They never told us how to get from where we were to where we were supposed to be. Do I truly believe that I can find everything that I need and really want through the Twelve Steps?

Today I Pray

May I know that, once through the Twelve Steps, I am not on a plane surface. For life is not a flat field, but a slope upward. And those flights of steps must be taken over and over and remembered. May I be sure that once I have made them totally familiar to me, they will take me anywhere I want to go.

Today I Will Remember

The Steps are a road, not a resting place.

Reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

So many people don't seem to realize that once you get to Step "Whatever" the journey isn't over, it is a process. It doesn't stop at Step Twelve. It doesn't stop at Step Three because we don't want to do a Step Four. It doesn't end at Step Four because we don't want to tell a living soul. It doesn't stop at Steps Six because I know my defects, I am suppose to find a willingness and a desire to let them go. I can't stop without doing an amend to myself, my God, my friends and family.

Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve are maintenance steps. You have to do the others to be able to have something to maintain. They are steps to be worked, just in today. As we get honest, as we heal, as we grow, the process goes on, and the road continues. We may make some detours along the way, but God willing, we will get back on the road and follow a path to recovery.


May I continue to have the willingness to take the Steps and apply them to my life in today.

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[MajestyJo]

I was told that when you it a rough patch, get back to basics, Step One. What did you do when you first came into recovery? Go to meetings, call your sponsor, read the literature, pick up the phone call a friend or a family member. Get out of self and help someone else.

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Do you believe in angels?

May you continue to grow in the Fellowship of the Spirit. May the White Light of Love shone on you each day and bring you health, happiness, and prosperity.

This angel picture will change daily. Come to visit each day and receive the blessings that are given to you by your Earthly and Guardian Angels.

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[MajestyJo]

If you had to pick one of the 12 steps that helped change your life for the better, which one would it be?


For me the Steps are about living today, I don't have to take them off the shelf, they are a part of me and tools to help me with life and it makes itself known, one moment at a time.

Several years ago a person asked me if I worked the Steps in today, and my response was "some days, all 12!" As I grew in awareness, I was able to apply them to a higher degree of effectiveness than I did when I was new in recovery.

As I heard someone say today, I am person in progress and I don't have be perfect, just make it my higher aim.


This was posted on another site in 2005. It is hard to believe that it is 11 years later, and I still think the same thing.

Without one step, I set myself up for recovery. Only choosing the one I want, keeps me in danger of relapsing. The following is a post made by a friend and used with her permission.

[MajestyJo]

Picking just one Step ummm that's tough for me they are ALL important. Some days it's the 1,2,3 waltz somedays its all the steps. Just narrowing it down to one for me is almost impossible. Each step has given me different values and different strengths.

One gave me the knowledge of just how little I control and just how crazy I am.

Two reminded me there is a God and He can help.

Three let me know I can make decisions, and that each persons belief system is, or could be different from my own.

Four made me take a good long look at myself the good. bad, and the ugly.

Five I had to share myself with God and another person

Six Finding the willingness to ask God for help

Seven Asking God for help

Eight Listing all the persons in my life who I hurt

Nine Saying I am sorry

Ten looking at myself daily to see if I am on the right track

Eleven Staying in touch with God DAILY

Twelve working the program in everything I do

For me there is no separating these steps. Yes I may have the need to work one particular step more than another but they all build one upon another. And without a foundation the house would come tumbling down.

Just my humble opinion but I think we each work the steps we need at any given moment according to where we are in our recovery and our lives.

Lildee

The Steps mean different things to different people. It is also a disease of perception. As a friend of mind said, "Put it on the shelf until you find someone who needs it and you can pass it on. Sometimes it is easy to give advice, but hard still to listen to yourself and apply your own words to your life. As I like to say, knowing the words mean nothing if you don't take them off the page or the post and apply them to your life. It is a living program and the 12 Steps guide me to a new way of life.

[MajestyJo]

Sing your own song

"Since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of time, you are incomparable."

-- Brenda Ueland

Great forces are directing you to conform to the patterns of your society. You have DNA that has been handed down from generation to generation, coding repeated behaviour patterns into your being. You have archetypal energies setting the standards for how you behave as a man or a woman, as husband or wife, as father or mother .... You are immersed in consensual reality, whereby the world around you reflects societal understanding of how life has been and is to be.

At the same time, you have an even greater force within you inspiring you to wake up and recognize the reality of who you are. This force, the creative power underlying the entire universe, is urging you to create brand new standards of reality.

The status quo is blind to our creative power. Create a brand new world for yourself, one that meets your deepest needs, and you will help raise the quality of consciousness of the entire world.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

-- Gandhi

Why are you here? Open to more meaning and fulfillment by exploring your life purpose.

Higher Awareness - used with permission

Not sure these are based on 12 Step Recovery. A member asked for meditation that was spiritual in nature and not religious, something she could relate to.

We can not balance ourselves to the world and the people around us. All we can do is balance ourselves, be centered and connect to what I call my Higher Self, the part of me that connects to my God.

Don't think the world around us in today is what it is suppose to be and is a good example of goodness. We need to detach from that in order to find peace. Goodness is there if we choose to look for it. So much of it is covered up and losing it's importance in the great scheme of things in today, which seems to be 'more' and all based on the almighty dollar instead of an Almighty God.

Do you have a song to sing?

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[MajestyJo]

DAILY OM

Meeting Of The Minds
Fragments Of The Self

Sometimes it feels as if we have many different people living inside of us, expressing themselves in voices that seem distinct from one another. There is the inner child with its wants and needs, the angry voice that expresses its opinion and probably several more as well. With all these different parts of ourselves express differing desires and needs and opinions, we may begin to feel as if we have no clarity. It is difficult to know which voices to pay attention to and which ones to ignore or dismiss. Even if we manage to move forward amidst the confusion, doubts and concerns may linger in our psyches simply because they have not been fully expressed and examined. As a result, we may have trouble being at peace with the decisions we do make.

One way to handle this dilemma is to consciously make time for a meeting of the minds within our psyche. This can be done as a guided meditation or as a journaling exercise. In both we can summon the many fragments that make up the whole of who we are and give them each a chance to speak. This can be a helpful tool in the face of a decision we need to make, and it can also be a fruitful path to take in the interest of self-exploration and self-care. When we gather the many fragments of our psyche together, the health and power of the whole is greatly increased.

We can imagine a roundtable in which we gather all the various representatives of our being, allowing them to name themselves and giving them a chance to speak. We allow each one to weigh in, fully expressing the perspective they represent, and we listen without comment. As we listen, we may be amazed at the wisdom and energy stored in these fragments of our self. This gathering brings the fragmented pieces of our psyche into a closer relationship, enabling us to move forward as a unified whole.

What do you think?

When I came into recovery, I was very fragmented. I was a broken being that had lost herself and had lived her life through others and every time I picked up a substance or a man, I lost a piece of myself. The greated gift that recovery has given me is myself. To become whole and one with my God, myself, and with those around me.

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[MajestyJo]

The Language of Letting Go

Affirmations

One of our choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think - using our mental energy positively.

Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial. If we don't like something, we respect our own opinion. If we spot a problem, we're honest about it. if something isn't working out, we accept reality. But we don't dwell on the negative parts of our experience.

Whatever we give energy to, we empower.

There is magic in empowering the good, because whatever we empower grows bigger. One way to empower the good is through affirmations: simple positive statements we make to ourselves: I love myself... I'm good enough... My life is good...I'm glad I'm alive today... What I want and need is coming to me... I can...

Our choice in recovery is not whether to use affirmations. We've been affirming thoughts and beliefs since we were old enough to speak. The choice in recovery is what we want to affirm.

Today, I will empower the good in myself, others, and life. I'm willing to release, or let go of, negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. I will choose what I want to affirm, and I will make it good.

©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

It is my belief that we often overlook a lesson by ignoring the negative. A lesson can be learned and I believe that a negative can be changed into a positive. Nothing is all positive or all negative. There is negative to be found in the positive too if we are honest and truly look at ourselves.

For me, it isn't reality to only look at the parts of ourselves that we like, they can be few and far between, it is about looking at the parts of ourselves we don't like and affirming ourselves and changing them according to our God's Will, and with His help, we can change and become a person we can love and learn to like. The like is the hard part. I know I am loved, but not always liked.

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[MajestyJo]

“Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”

In the past, being right was my priority! That was when I was married and that was 30 years ago.

Sometimes I feel it is important to stand up for what I believe in. I would be unhappy if I devalued who I am and what I believe in and yet, I don't have to argue to the extent that I invade someone else's space, disrespect someone else as a person, or judge somone by what they believe and think my way is the only way.

It is again about agreeing to disagree. That makes me happy.

Happiness is a choice. A few years ago someone said to me, "You are not happy." I had to look at it and saw it was from their perspective. It might not have been always Hip, Hip, Hurrah! Yet just being able to be in the moment and enjoy it for what it is, makes me happy in today.

An attitude of gratitude goes along way to my happiness in today. As they say, compromise is a good thing. We not only need to learn to give, we need to learn to receive.

Don't want my happiness at the expense of others. It depends on what I need to do to maintain my happiness. I don't want to be abused and disrespected as a person, it is about setting boundaries, often lately, it has been about negotiating them.

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[Chrissy from Barrie]

Hi jo, just wondering if you know the WIN acronym. I am trying to remember it but having a problem doing so. Thanks :21:

[bluidkiti]

What I Need
What's Important Now
Wants, Interests, & Needs

[MajestyJo]

Welcome Chrissy, thank you for signing in and sharing. I hope you will continue to do so.
Thanks Tammy for answering, because I didn't know.

I come from your neck of the woods. I worked in Barrie many moons ago.

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