Today's Thought - November

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November 1

Listening and Sharing

"I've found that many of my painful experiences with others are the result of past memories," stated a friend.

"Often I'm not reacting so much to what is going on between me and another person right at the time; I'm responding to some previous wound or hurt from my past that hasn't quite healed. Let me give you an example of what I mean.

"Just the other day, a friend of mine said she needed some time to herself and didn't want to see me for a week. Well, rather than accept her statement, I was hurt. I immediately thought of a past friendship I had helped destroy by being too possessive and demanding. I thought I was making the same mistake again and that my present girl friend was trying to get rid of me, too. I felt so defeated I couldn't respond. I just sat there stunned and tried not to cry.

"My friend was uncomfortable with my change in attitude, but since I wasn't able to communicate what I was feeling, she left feeling at loose ends, too."

"Thank goodness I had enough sense to call her and share my unsettling feelings a day or two after that experience. I found my friend wasn't rejecting me at all. She really did need some time to herself."

Today I will not allow past, painful memories to cripple my current relationships. When I am hurt or confused, I will talk out my feelings and reactions before I make harsh criticisms or assume another's motives.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

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November 2

A man who has committed a mistake and doesn't correct it is committing another mistake.
--Confucius

Step Ten tells us that when we are wrong, we must "promptly" admit it. We aren't used to admitting our mistakes. We defend ourselves or blame others. This is called denial.

Denial is bad for two reasons. First, it keeps us from learning from our mistakes, so we keep making them. Second, we don't listen to others, so we close off ourselves and become lonely.

What a relief it is to admit our wrongs! We don't have to keep trying to do things the hard way. We can learn new ways to think and act that will work better for us. We can let other people be our teachers.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me out of denial, so I can see the changes I need to make.

Action for the Day

Today, if I disagree with someone, I'll promptly admit it when I'm wrong. If I'm right, I'll be gentle. I don't have to prove anything.

You are reading from the book:

Keep It Simple by Anonymous

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November 3

Sometimes it seems I've spent my life trying to live up to others' expectations of me, and failing. I never thought much about pleasing myself. That would have been "selfish."
--JoAnn Reed

We can feel burdened, inadequate, and overwhelmed by expectations, even when they are our own. More often, however, the problem originates from outside ourselves. Before we got into the program, we may have been easily caught in the trap of other people's expectations because we didn't know who we really were. Now that we are in recovery, the Fourth Step offers us an opportunity to understand ourselves better, which in turn helps us to set out own goals. No longer must someone else's goals guilt us into action.

Getting to know real freedom from the expectations of others is a two-step process. First we need to see clearly which expectations are ours and which belong to someone else. Then we need to turn to our Higher Power for help in fulfilling our own expectations, and only our own.

Before taking any action today I will pause to make certain I am fulfilling my expectations not someone else's. God will help me with this task.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

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November 4


Cultivating Authenticity

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.

The idea that we can choose authenticity makes most of us feel both hopeful and exhausted. We feel hopeful because being real is something we value. We feel exhausted because most of us know that choosing authenticity is a huge undertaking.

Choosing authenticity means

* Cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable;
* Exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and
* Nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.

Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving – even when it's hard, even when we're wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we're afraid to let ourselves feel it.

Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy and gratitude into our lives.

You are reading from the book:

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

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November 5

A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit.
--D. Elton Trueblood

Our lives are enriched by the contributions of those who lived before us. Many men and women gave more than they ever took from society, and now we enjoy the rewards. Some people were fired with a spirit to beautify the world and planted trees that will live for 200 years. Others wrote music that speaks to us from another generation, and others established a government that guides our principles of justice. They gave so much because they knew they were a part of their community and the world.

Most of us cannot make the great contributions that will make us famous, but we enrich our lives when we contribute freely to improving our community and the world. We do that when we simply say hello to our neighbor, when we serve on a volunteer cleanup committee for a local park, and when we do Twelfth Step work in the program. We too have beautified and contributed to the world, and that gives us a feeling of peace and self respect.

Today, I will appreciate all that comes freely to me from others, and I will give what I can to make the world a better place.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

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November 6

The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope.
--Samuel Johnson

A truly powerful force in the universe is that of optimism. Optimism lies at the root of our mental and physical health. Feelings of hope can stimulate the body’s immune system and inspire recovery from a critical illness.

Optimism expresses itself in the persistence and resilience of living things. A child learning to walk repeatedly falls down and picks himself up until he stands erect. A decade after the eruption of Mount St. Helens destroyed the local ecology, life had reestablished itself on this volcano with amazing abundance and rapidity. And despite its hostile environment, a sole dandelion miraculously pushed itself up through a crack in the concrete. That dandelion was optimistic that it could and would survive.

In the long run, the forces of love and life always triumph over those of fear and death. No matter how challenging the obstacles or difficult the tests, there is always cause for optimism.

You are reading from the book:

Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch

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November 7

Opportunity may knock only once,
But temptation leans on the doorbell.
--Anonymous

We have an opportunity. We've made getting out of debt a priority in our lives. Just having this desire gives us the opportunity. For this, we are grateful.

It's all too easy, however, to slip into our old ways of thinking and behaving. Our old spending patterns are all too fresh in our mind. We remember to take this opportunity – this juncture in our lives – to learn and to grow. If we're tempted to return to our old ways, we're going backward.

Today I will remember that my old thinking and behaviors are a part of my history, not my future.

You are reading from the book:

Letting Go of Debt by Karen Casanova

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November 8

Love, and love alone, is capable of giving thee a happier life.
--Ludwig van Beethoven

We are making a response to life's every waking moment; our attitudes formulate the tenor of our responses. When the sun warms our bodies and the flowers tease our nostrils, it may be easy to love everyone and smile. When we have a negative attitude, we may snarl and all too quickly criticize innocent bystanders, as well as friends and family. All we need is to make a simple decision to look with love as far as our eyes can see.

When our hearts are God-centered and filled with love and laughter, we'll find no experience too difficult to handle. No problem will evade its solution for long.

An attitude of love promises us gratitude in abundance. We'll never doubt that all is well when love is at our center.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

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November 9

I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure - try to please everybody.
--Herbert Bayard Swope

Principles are rules or codes of conduct we set for ourselves; like being honest, striving to be on time, and taking responsibility for bills and expenses. It is up to us to abide by these principles.

When we compromise a principle for someone else's benefit, we jeopardize the strength of that principle and its importance to us. If we want to be honest, then lying to cover up another's actions compromises that principle. If we want to be on time and someone makes demands that cause us to arrive late, we have compromised ourselves and let someone else's desire dominate.

We need to set certain standards for ourselves and abide by them, even if another person will not be pleased. To let principles trump over the demands and desires of another is a victory for our inner peace. If we are true to ourselves, we will learn we can count on ourselves no matter what.

Is anyone making demands upon my principles? Help me be true to myself and not make compromises I will regret.

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

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November 10

I haven't won yet but I haven't lost, either.
--Dennis C.

A favorite saying in sports is, "It isn't losing to get knocked down. Losing is staying down."

In life, as in sports, that idea makes great sense. Like "Let go and let God," or "Let it begin with me," it is a saying that reminds us of an important underlying principle. In this case the principle is that battles aren't wars, but rather a series of campaigns. No one wins every time out, or can expect to. And some battles aren't worth fighting anyway.

Fighting a battle isn't hell – our unrealistic expectations are. When we strike out against some old attitude or behavior, we have to realize we're in for the long haul. When the enemy is some aspect of ourselves, we are up against a formidable opponent that won't give up easily. We have to expect that there will be many battles – and not a few defeats. The winner is the one who perseveres longest.

Only continued effort wins the war; we can't lose if we don't quit.

Today, I pray for persistence in the face of many defeats. I ask my Higher Power for courage to keep at it.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

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November 11

It is impossible that anything should be produced if there were nothing existing before.
--Aristotle

Everything comes from something. All the organic compounds in our world come from four elements: carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, and nitrogen. From these simple ingredients have developed the marvelous chains of self-replicating proteins that fill the planet with jungles, gardens, farms, the swarming life of the sea, and four billion people.

Each of us contains all human possibilities within ourselves. Nothing that we do comes from nowhere; we all have the capacity for great goodness as well as great selfishness and blindness. The choice, at every moment, is ours. What will we use out of our formidable repertoire of responses?

Most of us have a pattern of response that we are comfortable with. Our habitual behavior saves us from the discomfort of always having to make a choice. But in exchange for comfort, we give up a little bit of our spontaneity. Every once in a while, it's good for us to become aware of what our habits are, and what determines our usual behavior.

Today I'll take myself off automatic pilot and navigate the whole course in person.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

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November 12

Life is like a library owned by an author. In it are a few books, which he wrote himself, but most of them were written for him.
--Harry Emerson Fosdick

In our minds there are multitudes of stored memories, knowledge, and skills. Some of these are the results of living and learning, but most are information given to us by others. Our family, friends, co-workers, teachers, and children are the greatest sources for our storehouses of information.

Most of our learning comes from others. Teachers give us much in the way of facts. Our family instructs us in morals. Friends show us different personalities and lifestyles. Our children reflect what we've taught them and give us their views of the world.

All the information we have is valuable to our growth and maturity. Every person we meet, each place we visit, and everything we try contributes to our library of knowledge and experience. At times we may borrow from what is on our shelves, but we must keep our shelves stocked with fresh material. Each night we can write a new volume based on the day's experiences.

I have more valuable contributions to make to my library of knowledge and experience.

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

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November 13

Keeping my mind active through good, intellectual discussions is important to me. Talking over golf scores doesn't take us very far.
--Louise Jerome

Small talk is what engages us much of the time. There's nothing shameful about that. Many of the individuals we're in the company of are strangers to us. Inconsequential discussions seem safer then. Yet, keeping our minds active through thoughtful discussions about the world expands our knowledge and awareness. This exercises our minds in important ways. Just as muscles atrophy when unused, so do minds.

Many people shy away from in-depth discussions. Maybe we frequently do that, too. Oftentimes it's because we feel inadequate to others. Maybe we assume they are better educated. Fears of inadequacy are familiar to most of us. Will we ever learn that we are and always have been all that we've needed to be?

One of the good things about growing older, for some of us at least, is that we realize most worries don't materialize; most situations aren't as serious as we anticipated, and most people are more approachable than they first appear to be. Taking risks to share our thoughts gets easier the more we practice it. Let's not shy away from this today.

I'll dare to share my opinions today. A good discussion can energize me.

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

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November 14

It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.
--Unknown

If it is hard to adjust to our age, how much harder it must be to realize we can't even run our own life with any degree of competence. Until we get used to that idea, we will keep having living troubles. Accepting our incompetence doesn't have to take forever, though. The Third Step is a shortcut that requires no action, only a decision.

Once the decision is made to turn our will and our life over to the care of God, things begin to happen. We are likely to find ourselves being drawn to spiritual people. Maybe we'll read a book or hear something as simple as the lyrics of a song that speak to us in a special way. God is acting on our decision. And we find ourselves a great deal happier in God's care than our own.

I'm getting used to the idea that God does a better job of running my life than I do.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

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November 15

This Mouse must give up one of the Mouse ways of seeing things in order that he may grow.
--Hyemeyohsts Storm

There is an American Indian tale of a mouse who heard a roaring in his ears and set out to discover what it was. He encountered many animals who helped him on his way. Finally, the mouse had a chance to offer help to another. He gave away his eyes to help two other animals.

Without his sight, defenseless, he waited for the end. Soon he heard the sound eagles make when they dive for their prey. The next thing the mouse knew, he was flying. He could see all the splendor around him. Then he heard a voice say, "You have a new name. You are Eagle."

Like the mouse, we also feel something inside us we'd like to explore. That secret, like all others, has its answer hidden deep within us, yet right under our very nose. Often, we merely have to give up our eyes and see in a different way. When we do this, we are rewarded with a new kind of vision, one that lets us discover our true potential.

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

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November 16

Sharing our experiences heightens our joy and lessens out pain.

Not letting other people know what's troubling us causes the problem to trouble us even more. "Secrets keep us stuck," say the wise ones on our journey.

Sharing what's on our mind with a friend or sponsor gives that person an opportunity to help us develop a better perspective. On the other hand, staying isolated with our worries exaggerates them.

Staying isolated with our joys isn't helpful either. It minimizes them, thus cheating us out of feeling their full thrill. We deserve joy in our lives – lots of it – because we will have our full measure of pain. Perhaps we fear others will criticize us for being braggarts if we sing forth our joy. But our real friends will sing right along with us. Our joys are deserved; they offset our trials. Telling others about both will let all our experiences count for something.

I will remain open to my friends today, sharing both my worries and my joys.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

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November 17

Commitment

As we walk through life, there are many things and people we may lose, or lose out on, if we are unwilling to commit. We need to make a commitment for relationships to grow beyond the dating stage, to have the home or apartment we want, the job we want, or the car we desire.

We must commit, on deep levels, to careers - to goals - to family, friends, and recovery. Trying something will not enable us to succeed. Committing ourselves will. Yet, we need never commit before we are ready.

Sometimes, our fear of commitment is telling us something. We may not want to commit to a particular relationship, purchase, or career. Other times, it is a matter of our fears working their way out. Wait, then. Wait until the issue becomes clear.

Trust yourself. Ask your Higher Power to remove your fear of commitment. Ask God to remove your blocks to commitment. Ask God for guidance.

We need to be able to commit, but we need never commit until we are ready.

God, guide me in making my commitments. Give me the courage to make those that are right for me, the wisdom to not commit to that which does not feel right, and the patience to wait until I know.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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November 18

Making prompt amends is the fresh air of each new day.
--Sandra Little

Today brings us a new hill to climb and a new view from the top. Taking time to reflect about our daily journeys is a challenging adventure in self-discovery. Looking down, we see our past trials and difficulties as lessons to learn from. Letting go of old baggage as we end our day will give us a bright window to open onto tomorrow.

Completing a daily inventory creates a good foundation for living peacefully. Honestly acknowledging the things we have done or said to hurt ourselves or others enables us to say, "I'm sorry" and to begin each day with a clean slate and a peaceful heart. As we empty ourselves of regret by making amends to ourselves and others, we make room for the love and comfort of our Higher Power.

Today help me take inventory and make amends where I need to.

You are reading from the book:

Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous

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November 19

Being patient

Over time, we get what we want out of this program. If we seek a better way of life, for example, we will develop it. If we want to diminish our pain, we will find relief. If we want love, we will learn how to give it and receive it.

Over time, our lives can improve a great deal through the Twelve Step program. Thus, our job is to keep coming to meetings and working the Steps.

Can I do what I need to do to get what I want?

Higher Power, help me to be
Patient with myself, the program,
And the process of change.

You are reading from the book:

Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous

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November 20

Going Easy

Go easy. You may have to push forward, but you don't have to push so hard. Go in gentleness, go in peace.

Do not be in so much of a hurry. At no day, no hour, no time are you required to do more than you can do in peace. Frantic behaviors and urgency are not the foundation for our new way of life.

Do not be in too much of a hurry to begin. Begin, but do not force the beginning if it is not time. Beginnings will arrive soon enough.

Enjoy and relish middles, the heart of the matter.

Do not be in too much of a hurry to finish. You may be almost done, but enjoy the final moments. Give yourself fully to those moments so that you may give and get all there is.

Let the pace flow naturally. Move forward. Start. Keep moving forward. Do it gently, though. Do it in peace. Cherish each moment.

Today, God, help me focus on a peaceful pace rather than a harried one. I will keep moving forward gently, not frantically. Help me let go of my need to be anxious, upset, and harried. Help me replace it with a need to be at peace and in harmony.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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November 21

Ask, and ye shall receive.
--John 16:24

Somewhere in our past life, we may have picked up the idea that it's not all right to ask for help, that asking for help would be a sign of weakness. Recovery calls for some basic changes in our thinking, and when we feel vulnerable is the best time to reach out and ask for help from our Higher Power, from our program, and from our friends in recovery. It's hard for us, at first. We may be afraid of rejection, or of being laughed at for not knowing all the answers. But once we've taken the risk and openly asked for help, we realize our fears are a part of the past, and we can leave them behind us.

In asking for help, we acknowledge that we can't do it all by ourselves. We surrender once again to powerlessness. And we give others the joy and satisfaction of helping us.

Today if I'm feeling I'm on a "solo-fight," help me to reach out and find support just by asking.

You are reading from the book:

Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous

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November 22

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
--Woody Allen

If our introduction to religion and God was filled with threats of punishment and hell it would make perfect sense for us not to want to believe in something so scary. Even though we may have been taught that God is love, we may not have witnessed a lot of God's love in action.

All we are asked to do in recovery is to believe in a Higher Power. That could mean God, or it could simply mean the sober people who are helping us to recover. Our Higher Power is there, watching over us, ready to be seen in any way we are willing and able to see.

Today let me decide for me what kind of God I believe in.

You are reading from the book:

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

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November 23

With Laughter

O God, as the day returns and brings us the silly
Rounds of irritating duties, help me perform
Them with laughter and a kind face.
Let cheerfulness overflow in my work;
Give me joy during my business all this day;
Bring me to my resting bed tired and content
And grant me the gift of sleep.

--Adapted from writing by Robert Louis Stevenson

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

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November 24

We will sabotage ourselves if we don't believe we deserve success.

Maybe we could try a different approach - stop torturing ourselves for the things we have done wrong and then try forgiveness instead. We can make amends by doing service work – a way of keeping that self-sabotaging guilt at bay.

Sometimes people don't know how to directly ask for forgiveness, but their behaviors will tell us that's what they're saying. Whenever somebody asks for forgiveness, whenever we have a list of resentments, whenever we've done something wrong, it's a good time to start making things right.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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November 25

When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, compared to what?
--Sydney J. Harris

We've probably heard all the negative quotations about life. There was also probably a time when we believed them all. Based on the state of our lives at the time, it was probably no surprise that life was difficult and brutal.

Certainly there are many things in life that are harsh and cruel; we see such things in the paper every day. But there are some very wonderful things, too. It's just that we've been conditioned to believe the horrors instead of the wonders.

Today may have been a long, tiring, boring day. But that doesn't mean all days are long, tiring, and boring. There's much good in life that we can see if we let ourselves. We can get off our life-is-difficult soapbox and hear the humor, see the smiles, and feel the caring. Life may be difficult at times, but it is also quite fulfilling.

I need to feel that life is good. Tonight I will consider what event happened today that I can feel good about.

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

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November 26

I would be honest, for there are those who trust me.
--Howard Arnold Walter

Some of those around us seem to see only the good in us. They trust and respect us, even when we ourselves may not feel we deserve it.

A young girl once talked about her grandfather. She said, "He was the only person in my life who saw the good in me." She mentioned that she sought to please her grandfather and not disappoint the trust which he placed in her. He brought out the best in her because of the way that he looked at her. Each of us can be like this grandfather by focusing on the good in other people. We can use our spiritual eyes to see love, honesty, trustworthiness, and unselfishness in the heart of another. As we look for the good, we are doing our part to help create it.

Do I see the good in those around me right now?

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

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November 27

Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you.
--Madeline Bridges

Sometimes we feel lazy or bored, and then we don't do our best work. Perhaps we are daydreaming instead of listening closely to what a friend is trying to tell us. When we are not really paying attention to our activities or the people around us, we'll likely miss out on something important because we do receive in equal measure what we give. And this truth works in every aspect of our lives.

When we treat our friends, our families, even people we don't know well with kindness, we'll experience kindness in return. Our own actions and attitudes toward others are what we can expect from others as well.

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

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November 28

Gratitude

Sometimes in life, things happen too fast. We barely solve one problem when two new problems surface. We're feeling great in the morning, but we're submerged in misery by nightfall.

Every day we face interruptions, delays, changes, and challenges. We face personality conflicts and disappointments. Often when we're feeling overwhelmed, we can't see the lessons in these experiences.

One simple concept can get us through the most stressful of times. It's called gratitude. We learn to say thank you for these problems and feelings. Thank you for the way things are. I don't like this experience, but thank you anyway.

Force gratitude until it becomes habitual. Gratitude helps us stop trying to control outcomes. It is the key that unlocks positive energy in our life. It is the alchemy that turns problems into blessings, and the unexpected into gifts.

Today, I will be grateful. I will start the process of turning today's pain into tomorrow's joy.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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November 29

Reflection for the Day

Now that I know I can't use bottled courage, I seek and pray for 24-hour courage to change the things I can. Obviously, this isn't the kind of courage that will make me a strong and brave person for life, able to handle any and all situations courageously. Rather, what I need is a persistent and intelligent courage, continuing each day into the next one - but doing today only what can be done today and avoiding all fear and worry with regard to the final result. What does courage mean to me today?

Today I Pray

May I tackle only those things which I have a chance of changing. And change must start with me, a day at a time. May I know that acceptance often is a form of courage. I pray not for super-bravery, but just for persistence to meet what life brings to me without being overcome by it.

Today I Will Remember

Courage is meeting a day at a time.

You are reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

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November 30

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.
--Anne Frank

Newcomer

I get upset and discouraged about what's in the news. So much of it is about violence and tragedy, lying and competition. What's going on our there is so different from what I see at meetings. I wish that everyone had what we have.

Sponsor

Sometimes it does seem as if the world "out there" is on a binge of some kind. And addictions themselves, of all kinds, are still widespread and causing considerable damage. But what about the healing, the taking of responsibility, the turning around of lives? News of recovery, changes in consciousness, spiritual growth, and service is not what sells papers, but it is a real and vital part of what's happening in the world. Twelve Step recovery has been around for less than a century, but its healing principles have entered the awareness and lives of millions of people around the world.

When we think about what our individual lives were like before recovery and what fundamental changes we've been able to make in a short time, it gives us hope and a sense of what's possible.

Today, I'm blessed with hope. I let change begin with me.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin