captpaulge
10-13-2013, 04:57 AM
My name is Paul and I am an alcoholic. I am so grateful to know this and have a small understanding what it means.
I let fear become a road block many times in my life. I 'd face a challenge, fearing failure, or having to endure pain, bewilderment, or loss of control, I would not step forward. Not having to face the guilt or shame because I was afraid I took a drink, then another, and still another. The 1st said drinking was OK, the second started to ease the shame and the rest made my world like dream land.
If I wasn't sober, I would not have thought buying a boat and moving to West Africa was something I could do. In the US I was Peter Pan during the summer, being the boat captain, that every other guy dreamed of being. And then spending the next ten months scrambling for HANDY MAN JOBS to get by. I was successful but not satisfied. There had to be something more fulfilling.
Many times I thought of the next step but ran away because of fear.
This time I actively searched for a boat. Did not settle for the 1st I saw. I bought a trailer. Shopped smartly for fishing equipment. Although at times spent money like a drunk. But hey I'm getting better at this.
I made arrangements to have the boat shipped and sent my life's earnings off on the back of a person's truck that I did not know.
I rented a house in Liberia, packed my bags, and left my wife, house, and life behind to create a new one.
If I wasn't sober this would not be possible.
I practice the 1st and 12th steps all the time. I am a drunk and I want to help other drunks achieve sobriety.
:smiley:
I let fear become a road block many times in my life. I 'd face a challenge, fearing failure, or having to endure pain, bewilderment, or loss of control, I would not step forward. Not having to face the guilt or shame because I was afraid I took a drink, then another, and still another. The 1st said drinking was OK, the second started to ease the shame and the rest made my world like dream land.
If I wasn't sober, I would not have thought buying a boat and moving to West Africa was something I could do. In the US I was Peter Pan during the summer, being the boat captain, that every other guy dreamed of being. And then spending the next ten months scrambling for HANDY MAN JOBS to get by. I was successful but not satisfied. There had to be something more fulfilling.
Many times I thought of the next step but ran away because of fear.
This time I actively searched for a boat. Did not settle for the 1st I saw. I bought a trailer. Shopped smartly for fishing equipment. Although at times spent money like a drunk. But hey I'm getting better at this.
I made arrangements to have the boat shipped and sent my life's earnings off on the back of a person's truck that I did not know.
I rented a house in Liberia, packed my bags, and left my wife, house, and life behind to create a new one.
If I wasn't sober this would not be possible.
I practice the 1st and 12th steps all the time. I am a drunk and I want to help other drunks achieve sobriety.
:smiley: