Step Four Study

[MajestyJo]

If I am unable to change the present state of affairs, am I willing to take the measures necessary to shape my life to conditions as they are? Questions like these, more of which will come to mind easily in each individual case, will help turn up the root causes. But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.


When I read this, my thought was "all of the above." God and I are still working on this. It certainly isn't like it use to be, and I have come a long way. The biggest growth I think is in the area of control, yet there is a part of me that still thinks that I know what is best for the whole, not always willing to conceed to the point that it is my truth not that of all concerned.

One thing I learned several years ago is that I don't balance myself to what is around me but center and balance myself and I can better deal with what is around me. I can be me and walk my talk. I can set boundaries and detach. I can express myself and communicate how I feel and how the other person's actions make me feel. I no longer rely on others and look outside of myself. My source of strength comes from my Higher Power. Yet I can ask for help from others and receive help from others which was difficult for me to do.

I do not have the relationship I would like with my family. It is not hostile. There just isn't the communication and closeness that I would like and yet I accepted along time ago, I wasn' a part of their lives for many years, so why should I expect them to make room for me now. The slogan Live and Let Live helps me with this. They are normal busy people living their own life and I have to continue living mine and when we can get together, appreciate it for what it is in the moment.

I have my home group and my bridge family. I know that I am never alone, all I have to do is go to a meeting, pick up the phone and call a friend or a member of the fellowship(s).

I have learned that things are what they are as a result of decisions made, (mine or someone else's) and are all subject to change. I don't have to like it. I do need to accept it though in order to move through and beyond.

To be continued...