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November 28

Step by Step

” …(W)e launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.
“Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, Ch 5 (“How It Works”), pp 64-5.

Today, the “vigorous action” of the Fourth Step cannot and should not be done in one sitting. In our impatience and zeal to get get sober, we risk skirting the depth of some steps, and the Fourth is vulnerable. Without depth and absolute honesty, and neglecting to come to terms with some issues identified in our Fourth, the benefit and effectiveness of subsequent steps may be less than what they could and should be. I am required to submit to Step Four and honestly assess both my character defects and attributes. But I should not expect that I can honestly compile a thorough list in one attempt, particularly when identifying the “causes and conditions” of which alcohol was “but a symptom.” After all, those defects will likely still be there tomorrow if I need a break today from the “vigorous action” that the Fourth requires. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

SAYING “NO”

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

~ William James ~

One of our common goals in recovery is balance, a feeling of being centered. If we lean too far in one direction, we lose our balance and fall over. We can't please everyone. We can't be everything to everybody. There is a balance the Program teaches us between selfishness and selflessness.

We need to be careful to organize our time and set priorities. We can't sponsor everyone, be at every meeting, or volunteer for every service opportunity. Recovery is not a race to see who can do the most. Easy Does It. We need to learn and practice what are called "refusal skills." We need to learn when to say no. We have the right to refuse requests, to slow down and take time out, to take care of ourselves.

I let myself get too stressed out when I'm not careful in scheduling my time.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Like all young men, I set out to be a genius, but mercifully laughter intervened.

~ Laurence Durrell ~

Self-centeredness is a remnant from our immature past. In that remnant is our inclination to take ourselves too seriously. When we can laugh at our mistakes rather than be ashamed of them, we have come a long way. When we can shed the burden of “specialness,” our load is remarkably lighter. When we can let another person’s sarcasm reflect back on him rather than allow it into our core, our relationships are simpler and easier. When we can simply participate rather than needing to be the top dog, we have a lot more fun. When we can accept compliments with gratitude and be a humble winner, we like ourselves better.

In our manhood we strive to achieve, not so that we are better than everyone else, but so that we can fulfill our potential. We want to be the best person we can be, not the best person in our group. We aren’t driven to overcome our shame by being perfect. We accept our imperfection as part of universal human nature and accept that we are all more alike than we are different. Competition can be fun; it doesn’t have to put our self-esteem on the line.

Today I will laugh at myself and take joy in being human.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

God’s will never takes me where his grace will not sustain me.

~ Ruth Humlecker ~

Letting go of our own will in favor of fulfilling God’s is certainly in our best interests. However, it is not always easy to do. We often cling tenaciously to a dream gone sour or a relationship long since dead because of our fear of the unknown. Although a good lesson comes from our past lives—we clearly see that God’s plan would have been better for us than our own—perhaps the best lesson comes from our recovering lives today. We didn’t get here all by ourselves, and God didn’t help us find this program only to abandon us. We are in God’s care now and always.

Believing that we will survive every experience, no matter how inadequate or frightened we feel, will come as we develop trust. Acting as if we believe that God is in charge will carry us until the belief becomes solid faith. And it will. We have been promised that. God’s grace will see to it.

I will trust my life to God today. Again and again I will turn my life over and believe that all is well.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I am no longer avoiding my problems

In the past I had a ready solution to any upset or problem—I'd get high. It seemed to work, at least for a while. But instead of teaching me how to face problems, it taught me how to avoid them.

To begin changing this old way of coping, I got clean and sober. In recovery I am now learning new coping skills, such as reaching out for help, going to support group, and journaling. Although the skills still feel tentative and unfamiliar, I no longer feel helpless. I now have some choices. And when I have choices, I have less fear and more strength.

Today I will practice a new skill on an old problem.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

Remember having a best friend when we were little? We could talk for hours about nothing and everything. Our friend knew our innermost secrets and loved us no matter what we did.

Somewhere between our youth and our alcoholism we lost that simple part of life: a friendship based on sincerity, sharing tears, and laughing together late into the night. True friendship has been lost to us lately, but now we have a chance to find it again. We will find it in the fellowship of a recovery group. They are sincere in their desire to help because they have all reached out for a caring hand before we did.

Our new friends see us as no others could. They concentrate not on our defects, but on our strengths. They share our pain as well as our joy in the progress we are making. They offer encouragement and enlightenment. They offer forgiveness and hope and life.

Today let me grateful for my new friends.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour.

~ Robert Louis Stevenson ~

Very rarely do things work out in the way you want them to. Each day has imperfections, glitches, and snafus. Some days work out better than others, but one thing is for certain: there is no perfect day.

The same holds true in your recovery. If you set your expectations too high or expect everything to flow smoothly, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Just as there is no perfect day, there is no perfect way in which to work through your recovery. You can expect to make mistakes, to fall short of your desires, and to face challenges.

Life is made up of chaos, but if you cannot accept chaos in your recovery, then you may find yourself constantly disappointed. Set the bar too high, and you may fall short. Set it too low, and you may find the slow pace of change frustrating. Rather than expect your recovery to go a certain way, let go of your need to control people, places, and things and simply let your recovery—and your life—unfold.

I will start my day with no expectations for how things will turn out. Instead, I will go with the flow and adapt as much as I need to.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

Selfishness always aims at creating around it an absolute uniformity of type. Unselfishness recognizes infinite variety of type as a delightful thing, accepts it, acquiesces in it, enjoys it.

~ Oscar Wilde ~

If we think of those who take care of themselves as selfish, we need to look at our definition of selfish. If we want to stay up late and talk and another person doesn't, who is selfish? The person who is tired and wants to sleep, or the one who insists he or she stay up?

Stating a limitation is not selfish; we are taking care of our needs and being honest. Selfishness is when we insist we have our way at the expense of another's needs. Selfishness is dishonest, because it doesn't honor the truth expressed by another.

To be unselfish, we first must be able to listen to others. After we learn to listen, we need to accept what is expressed. And to be truly unselfish, we must be able to enjoy the difference in others. When we can delight in the variety of people around us, we have achieved true unselfishness.

Can I accept the differences in others? I can begin by listening to others and learning just how different we all are.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Being an individual

Because we work the same Steps everyone else in the program works and associate with other people in similar circumstances, we may sometimes question our individuality and the uniqueness of our personalities.

Personality is what we wish others to see in us. It’s an impression and reflects our desire for recognition. It’s important to remember that each of us is unique and has a talent waiting to be expressed. Individuality is the expression of our unique gift—it’s what our soul longs for.

Our program teaches us to use our individuality. It’s not necessary to worry about personality when we are meeting life’s conditions as an individual driven by our Higher Power. Personality comes naturally, and is noticeably uncontrived, when we express our individuality.

Am I a true individual?

Higher Power, help me get past my personality so I may meet you face to face, as an individual bearing no false fronts.

Today I will express my individuality by

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

Open your eyes! The world is still intact.

~ PAUL CLAUDEL ~

Newcomer

Someone who entered recovery close to the time I did stopped coming to meetings about a month ago. I've just learned that she has relapsed. I called her once, but she said she was busy and never called back. I'm surprised at how betrayed and unsafe I feel. I hardly even know her.

Sponsor

Like you, when someone has a relapse, I feel deeply shaken. Another human life is at stake. Someone who was on my path, whose presence served as solace and example, has left. He or she may never come back. I'm powerless over another person's decision and over what time will bring. My desire to rescue comes up, and I know I have to let that go—no one can rescue us from addiction. Then I go through feelings of betrayal: how could he or she have abandoned me like this? What if everyone else decides to drop out? Where will I be then? Mixed with this feeling is one of anger: she's getting to have her drug of choice again! I want it too, and I'm furious that I can't have it. After the anger, fear, grief, and loss, I may feel something like gratitude. I understand how deep my own commitment to recovery is, how much I need and want it.

Today, I choose recovery again, for one more day.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

Knowledge is of great value and nothing of value is acquired without price. Wisdom is even more to be desired than knowledge, which can be but an accumulation of facts. Humility is greater than wisdom for there is no real wisdom without humility. The wise are humbled by the knowledge of the limitations of their knowledge.

No man is born with these characteristics, they are born of the vicissitudes of life. Sorrow, despair, and failure are their breeding grounds.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Patience for My Family

God, give me patience for my family members,
For their criticism and unkind words,
For their loud outbursts and often drunken ways.
Remind me of their kind words and support,
Their sober moments of tenderness and love.
Allow me to find the good that each of them possesses.
They are my family, and I love them unconditionally.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

FOOL'S GOLD

In mining country one comes across a valueless substance that is so like gold ore that inexperienced people cannot always tell the difference. This is called Fool's Gold, and many a young prospector has wasted much time and hard work before discovering that he has been deceived by the spurious article. Old timers used to say to the tenderfoot: "When you think you have found gold you probably have not; but when you do find it, you will know it for certain."

So it is with the prospectors on the mountain range that we call life. There are many kinds of fools' gold to be found, but when you meet the genuine article you will have no doubt in your mind. The true gold will give you a sense of peace and poise, a sense of freedom and power because you will no longer be in bondage to passing material things. It will set you free from much of the tyranny of time and space beliefs. The true gold is that sense of the Presence of God with us, to obtain which is the object of this life.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights . . . (James 1:17).

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Press Out

I want to tell you not to move into that world where you’re alone with yourself and your mantra and your fitness program or whatever it is that you might use to try to control the world by closing it out…I’m just telling you to live in it, to look at it, to witness it….Take chances, make your own work, take pride in it. Seize the moment.

~ Joan Didion, giving a commencement address ~

While working out at a health club, I was fascinated by how deeply the patrons insulated themselves with buffers to social interaction. One woman was riding an exercise bicycle, listening to a Walkman through earphones, and reading a magazine. In another section, the music was so loud that it was difficult to carry on a normal conversation, and everywhere, television sets were blaring news at a high volume. There was very little incentive, invitation, or possibility to reach out to connect or communicate with others.

While health and fitness are worthy endeavors, we must be careful not to use them to escape from life. Do you medicate your pain with a particular habit? If so, what is it?

In one of my seminars, the participants generated a long list of ways we attempt to escape from our challenges, including drinking, using drugs, smoking, anxious eating, unconscious sex, workaholism, busy-ness, relationship dramas, exercise, watching TV, whirlwind social activities, computer obsession, sports fanaticism, soap operas, romance novels, and religious fanaticism. While many of these activities are innocent when used for joy or play, they can hurt us if we hide in them at the expense of dealing with the issues that we face.

Begin to tell the truth about where you are hurting, and confront your pain. You will gain so much energy, strength, and peace through your fearless quest that you will become a true master. You will find that the discomfort you attempted to escape contains the key to your healing when you face it.

Give me the strength to bring forth my true aliveness.

I am empowered by life. I master challenges by facing them with love and courage.