"Freedom to change seems to come after acceptance of ourselves." NA Basic Text. p. 56


Fear and denial are the opposites of acceptance. None of us are perfect, even in our own eyes; all of us have certain traits that, given the chance, we would like to change. We sometimes become overwhelmed when contemplating how far short we fall of our ideals, so overwhelmed that we fear there's no chance of becoming the people we'd like to be. That's when our defence mechanism of denial kicks in, taking us to the opposite exreme: nothing about ourselves needs changing, we tell ourselves, so why worry? Neither extreme gives us the freedom to change.

Whether we are long-time NA members or new to recovery, the freedom to change is acquired by working the Twelve Steps. When we admit our powerlesness and the unmanageability of our lives, we counteract the lie that says we don't have to change. In coming to believe that a Power greater than we are can help us, we lose our fear that we are damaged beyond repair; we come to believe we can change. We turn ourselves over to the care of the God of our understanding and tap the strength we need to make a thorough, honest examination of ourselves. We admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being what we've found. We accept the good and the bad in ourselves; with this acceptance, we become free to change.

Just for today: I want to change. By working the steps, I will counter fear and denial and find the acceptance need to change.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

For many years I looked at life through rose-coloured glasses. If I didn't see it, it wasn't there. I certainly wasn't willing to look at myself, so it was much easier to put the blinders on, and exist in life with tunnel vision. When I got jolted into reality, I had to ask myself, "Am I really that bad?" The answer was, "Yes! You are!" It was only then that I was able to reach out and ask for help. Before I quit smoking and had an honest desire to do so, I would say to my sponsor, friend and my aunt, "If you are going to pray for me, do so quietly, so I don't hear you; because when I hear, it just adds to my attitude, don't tell me, don't show me, don't say I can,t - WATCH ME!"

Recovery for me has been a change in attitude. Getting rid of the denial of who I was, what I had become, and being open to change.

I can't make the change until I can find the acceptance....

"Our newly found faith serves as a firm foundation for courage in the future."

Basic Text, p. 93


This reminded my of how important it was to me to build a foundation of support on which to build on and see me through the rough times. I had sponsors, co-sponsors, spiritual advisors and counselors along with them members of the fellowship.

I had a belief in the Fellowship and well as the God who I came to believe in.

Someone recently said to me: "Don't forget the Power!"

What is your Source! What is your foundation! What works for you?

My journey has been one of personal enlightenment along the way. It comes from many sources and yet I believe it is one God who governs all.

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Was just sharing with a member tonight of how we need to build a relationship with our God, our sponsor, and with ourselves, before we get into a relationship with another. How can we tell someone what we need, if we don't know ourselves.

I almost died from playing the blame game. I continued that game relationship after relationship, and the last guy got all the sins of those who had gone before him, because I didn't know how to grieve, forgive, and let go.

As the Al-Anon slogan says, "Let it begin with me." It isn't about the other person, it is about me and living clean and sober myself.

I can hide and not look at my own program, if I hide in others. It is good to do service, but I need to top myself up each day. I can't give away what I don't have.

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This is a quote from an old post made four years ago on relapse.

It is amazing how a light can go on when you read or hear someone else's wisdom. They just seem to put into words what I am thinking or trying to say but in words that are clear and bring a new spiritual awareness.

Relapse happens with the thinking long before I pick up a substance that takes me out of the reality of today. Thankfully for me it hasn't been a drug or a drink, and yet I can pick up things that lead to that same old soul sickness and way of thinking.

I can't give away what I don't have. I can't share on recovery if I am still not recovering. What I did 25 years ago, 8 months ago or even 16 days ago, won't keep me sober (soundness of mind) in today.

Today I don't feel shame in who I am. There are days I feel shame for others but that is none of my business and is something I have to detach from.

How many times I have thought "I am embarrassed for them!"

"If they could only see themselves, would they continue...."

I am powerless and when I don't accept that my life becomes unmanageable. When I think I am the power, my life becomes unmanageable; and it isn't until I surrender and get honest, that I can restore that manageability. When I surrender, I am empowered to help myself which brings me back to being God-centered instead of Self-centered.

Learned to trust my God by the little things in life. When I added them all up, they became big things. My God working in my life, doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.

Not all fears have gone, but over the years I have overcome a lot of them, like fear of storms, bridges, grates, saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing. I have had major healing within myself, so how can I not believe.

Catching my blessings one by one.

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Posted as Caressa in 2010

Progress not perfection, doesn't mean I should be still accepting old ways after being in the program for so many years. I was one of the really sick ones, so I did have a lot of work to do. It does take daily maintenance though and that is where Steps 10, 11, & 12 come in. Practice these principles in all our affairs, the principles we learned doing the first 9 Steps.

Say progress not perfection, doesn't mean I have to do things perfectly, but what I do in today should be much better than when I came into recovery. I can beat myself up in falling short in my expectations let alone all the mistakes I have made to get to where I am in today.

Maybe my perception is off. It is a disease of perception. I try to make apoint of asking for it to be healed if I find it a little bit out of kilter.

The Swan means grace. But for the grace of God, I would not be here in today.

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Like this, I think of the word we use to see a lot of a few years ago, "participaction." I have to taken an active part in my life. I can't just sit there and let the world pass me by.

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This reminds me I didn't get this way overnight, even in recovery, never mind before recovery, so I can't expect to heal and get better overnight. This is not a quick fix program. It is a one day at a time program. Just because I worked on something before, doesn't mean it can't come back again, and I have to work on it again. It might not be the same, hopefully we will have grown enough to have new enlightenment.

Something I posted on another site in 2011.

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There is a hymn that says, "Without Him, I can do nothing." That is so true in my life. Some days I don't do nothing, and I know He is saying, "That is OK."

When I got to the doors of AA, I felt like I had finally found a place that I could call home, even though I didn't think I qualified. I thought if I told them I was an alcoholic, they would let me stay and I could find out what it was they had, and I could get a little bit of what they had for myself.

I brought the body, and the mind followed. I knew I was an addict, but don't put that alcoholic label on me. In today, I know I didn't have a drinking problem, I had a thinking problem. I used alcohol like I used everything else. It doesn't what you call me, I can't use safely, no matter what substance I pick up.

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The skunk means respect. How little we respected ourselves. Respect has to be earned. It took a while.

I know that when I make it to a meeting, I will always feel better afterward, no matter how yucky I felt before I went there. Meetings helpp in more ways than one. You will be surprised what you hear. Sometimes words that are echoing around in your own head.

I know that I will be recharged spiritually.

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It is important for me to remember that I am as powerless over my son's addiction as I am over my own. It is only when I surrender that I am empowered to do what I need to do on a daily basis for my recovery.

It is hard to laugh when we are caught up in the chaos in our lives. Detaching from it and not taking it on or just decide to take a time out to enjoy life and put trouble on a back burner for a short time, to take time for yourself. I was told by a friend on FB to lighten up. ;)

A good recovery reminder, resentments kill, they lead to relapse. To use is to die. We don't pray for others to heal them, we pray to change our thinking, to let go of our anger, and find that peaceful place within, that a resentment can invade.

Acceptance is not submission means much the same as my favorite saying in today, "Surrender doesn't mean giving up, it means giving over." Accepting what is, knowing it is subject to change.

A good recovery reminder, resentments kill, they lead to relapse. To use is to die. We don't pray for others to heal them, we pray to change our thinking, to let go of our anger, and find that peaceful place within, that a resentment can invade.

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Like this concept. A prayer to last all day long. Maybe a blanket order, saying to God, "This is what I need, just in case You have forgotten." TeeHee! Doesn't sound like a lot of faith.

It is good to live in concordance to what we pray for, and yet they say, "Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it.

So glad this is a one day at a time program. Progress not perfection. A program of practice, practice, practice.

Many times when we are hurting, we reach for other things, for me it was food. My eating disorder was generally ruled by my emotions. How often I felt like I was hitting back. I got so I didn't care about me, and thanks to the program, I was able to turn that around.

Sobriety for me is soundness of mind. Until I have some form of acceptance, I stay stuck in my recovery, the program doesn`t work for me without it. Someone argued with me many years ago about acceptance not in the first 164 pages so it isn`t required to stay sober and I was misleading people. Not sure if the person was right or wrong, I just know for me that I not only need to accept my alcoholism, but I had to accept that I needed a program of recovery.

This is why I have to work on my emotional sobriety (soundness of mind) daily.

Have a friend who once said to me. I wish I could heal scars, but I can't. I said that is because they run deep, and are often rooted to emotions as well as the physical. The surface may seem small, but what lies underneath the scar can be a lot of pain and suffering, often compounded interest, especially if we tend to internalize things and not bring them out into the moment. We need to bring things out of the darkness into the light in order to heal.

My drug of choice is but a symptom of my disease. The problem is me. A drug is a drug.

This reminds me of a saying my mom had. "I am sick in bed with my feet hanging out the window." It certainly doesn't make sense, but does bring a smile. In today, I am sure that she had Fibromyalgia the same as I have, although it was diagnosed back then, over 60 years ago. It doesn't always get recognition in today.

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My sponsor called it a holiday. Shut off the phone, don't answer the door, and eat what you like to eat, do a meditation, and do what you like to do, be it a craft, hobbie, or watching your favorite shows on TV.

Love the thought, "Rest is repair." We often need to take a time out to check on where we are at in our program. Often our program needs tweaking and adjusting in order to grow and change. I can't rest on my laurels. This is a one day at a time program. What I did yesterday, won't keep me sober in today. It gives me hope for a better tomorrow, if I continue to do the do things, in order to recover. Even if something is new and changed in recovery, it doesn't mean it is right for me in today. Life happens, and we change as we travel this recovery road.

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We limited our God by our narrow outlook on life and our tunnel vision.

Freedom of choice, what a wonderful gift. I can choose to be miserable, sit in my 'stuff' or I can choose to feel grateful for lessons learned and the experiences of recovery. When I turn things over to my HP, He will give me the strength and courage to walk through what ever comes my way. When I am mixed up about my feelings, I can call my sponsor, my spiritual advisor, my clergyman, my fellow fellowship members, and/or family.

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The person that was 26 years ago is no more. So grateful for the gifts of recovery. When someone comes to mind, I try to make an effort to connect with them. Sometimes, all I can do is say a prayer for them.

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Accepting ourselves is a long process. I will never forget the woman who told me, "God doesn't make no junk." Whenever I found myself beating myself up, her words would come to mind.

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This reminds me of the meditation I had a few years back that said, "Your female side is languishing. My masculine side is my survivor side. It was in the forefront and I was out of balance. I had to pray and ask for an attitude adjustment.

Many times I have had to give myself permission to do something, because it was a recovery need, not something that I was using to hide and detach from reality.

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Rent-A-Sponsor Rerun
 

This may appear as a joke, yet in fact, it is too close to the truth.

In today, I don't need to call my sponsor that often. When we do connect, we have a good natter.

In early recovery, my sponsor let me go because I was so sick that because of her own health, she felt like she couldn't be there for me. She later took me back under her wing.

Without a sponsor, I don't think I would have stayed sober in early recovery. She was a lifeline. The top of a long list of people who were there for me. I had a strong network of support. The sad thing is that I have detached from a lot of them, for the most part, it is due to my health, and me not getting out to meetings.

At different times in my recovery, I have had an AA sponsor, a co-sponsor, and a spiritual adviser. Because I needed outside help, I had a NA sponsor and an Al-Anon sponsor. As a result of doing service, I also had a service sponsor, who later became an AA sponsor.

*Remember, it's better to look good than to feel good!
*Why save your ass at the cost of losing your face?

I can remember trying to feel good on the outside because I felt so badly in the inside.

A long-timer once said, "No sense in asking you, you are always feeling good." I thought I had done something wrong. I did feel good. Each day was a gift and my sponsor(s) were a part of that goodness.

Grateful for the sponsor I had over the years.

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Really like this. Before recovery, I couldn't trust that inner voice, it was generally my disease talking and I was at dis-ease because I didn't know. In recovery, I learned to trust my Higher Self. As my sponsor said, "If you are doubting yourself, you are doubting your Higher Power if you have done Step Three, and made a decision to put your life into the Care of your God.

Today, I will go forward with love and gratitude, even if I don't
feel like it.

When you step into love, you step out of fear. It's impossible
to be in both at the same time. Try it. See for yourself.
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Today, I will let go of my fears about trusting myself. I am
willing to make decisions, no matter what the outcome may be.

The past does not dictate the future. Be willing to make
mistakes, and open to learning from them.
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Prayer, having faith that my God can overcome my fears.

Meditation, listening for the Good Orderly Direction that I need to live clean and sober.

My God doing for me, what I can't do for myself.

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My life was full of fear. It was really awesome to see them drop away and have them disappear, become manageable, and overcome by the trust I had in the program. I saw it working in others, and learn to trust that it could work for me too.

I was immobilized by my fears, isolated my soul until I could find a Power greater than myself to help me overcome them.

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Like this, it is about accepting what is in the moment, even if I don't like it. If I think of all the worst case scenarios, I attract them to me. What I put out is returned to me. If I think negative, I will get negative in return. If I think positive, then positive will be given to me.

Expectations can be real dampers on our parade. We tend to project them onto others as well as onto ourselves. When we or they don't measure up, we feel less than.

Like it says, we are on a Spiritual journey. We travel it one step at a time. Some days we need all 12.

I needed to learn to live the Traditions too.

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A good reminder, of that space between something ending and something new beginning, is called the state of being. Either the door hasn't been revealed yet or I haven't complete closed the door on the past and haven't cut off all times to something I need to let go of.

So often the pain we feel is a result of our own making, because we have problems letting go and stepping forward into something new. As I read earlier, I have to take a risk and take the next step forward. My God generally has greater plans than I ever thought possible.

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